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Loading ...Davis: Your Guide to Mormon PDA Penalties
Last week, a gay couple was handcuffed after exchanging a hug and a kiss on the cheek while walking across a plaza owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Just in case you find yourself on Mormon property with a loved one, here’s a handy pocket guide.
Kiss on the cheek: Handcuffing
European double-cheek kiss: Leg irons
Air kiss: No penalty, but we’re watching you.
Close-mouthed kiss: Handcuffs, leg irons, Hannibal Lecter mask.
French kiss: Shackles, Lecter mask, Ball and chain. (Due to terrifying loophole possibilities, the rules note that ball and chain is NOT the kind one is married to.)
Necking: One week in jail per hickey.
“Roman hands” and/or “Russian fingers”: Six hours of answering that “So what is it you… do… anyway?” question.
Pepe LePew-style kisses up the arm: Regular handcuffing, but guard feels free to drone on and on about how the romance has gone out of his/her marriage.
Failing to leave three inches for Jesus while dancing: Stern lecture from Orrin Hatch.
Failing to leave an inch and a half for the Latter-Day Saints: One week of bedtime stories from Orrin Hatch.
Light bondage: Used to be handcuffing until they noticed the irony. New penalty is the removal of restraints.
Thanks for the info Paul from Maine but it is a little out of date. Laws concerning consensual sodomy between same sex adults were invalidated by the Supreme Court in Lawrence vs. Texas in 2003.
The portions of the law that are still enforceable is most likely concerning 14 year olds and forcable sodomy (as it should be).
Utah still in 2009 has a sodomy law on the books look at this:
76-5-403. Sodomy, Forcible sodomy
(1) A person commits sodomy when the actor engages in any sexual act with a person who is 14 years of age or older involving the genitals of one person and mouth or anus of another person, regardless of the sex of either participant.
(2) A person commits forcible sodomy when the actor commits sodomy upon another without the other’s consent.
(3) Sodomy is a class B misdemeanor. Forcible sodomy is a felony of the first degree.
Amended by Chapter 88, 1983 General Session
class B misdemeanor means up to 6 months jail and a $299 fine.
http://www.glapn.org/sodomylaws/sensibilities/utah.htm
http://www.glapn.org/sodomylaws/usa/utah/utah.htm
OK, after trying to decipher your e-mail M Peterson, you are confusing beliefs and Laws. There is no law in the US saying that 2 men can not Kiss. Sex in public, yes that’s an issue, but kissing is not against the law and just because someones religious beliefs say that it’s wrong does not give them the right to handcuff you for it. In Amercia there is a separation between Law and Religion unlike most Eastern countries which does make it a free country, but sometime this is not always self evident.
Religion and Law, can not, and must not be seen as the same thing as views have changed over the past 2000 years on many things. For a country to move out of the dark ages, they have to be separate.
i think you are going over the top on your guide. why can not gays be respectful of someone elses beliefs, in arabic countries there are laws that visitors have to abide by and penalities incured if you do not, even if you think that they are over the top. so why do you not do it in the country of the “free” under your constitution be repectful of others beliefs, i would not attend a gay wedding and assert my beliefs and make comments to it that would offend.
VERY funny! I’m going to e-mail this to a few friends.
HA! Awesome.
Sounds about right.
Used to be imprisonment, or electro-shock therapy. but the LDS Church LOVES us, remember that.
LOL!