I hadn’t seen her in something like a decade, so I darted to the side to say a quick hello. We chatted for a minute, maybe two at most.

During that time, she mentioned her husband and the fact that she had just come down to see what was happening and hadn’t even known about the march – at a conservative estimate -  183 million times.

She wasn’t a bigot. She was perfectly friendly to me and mentioned being against Prop 8. It’s just that for some reason she needed me to know she was straight.

I don’t think she really thought I was going to drag her into the march or push her up against the lamppost and ravage her or even call mutual friends and announce an incorrect position on the Kinsey scale for her.

She just needed me to know that she was straight.

I’m guessing she herself wouldn’t have been able to tell you why. She was an actress who had certainly worked with people in the LGBT community before, and I’d never known her to be anything other than accepting.

I’m guessing that if she thought about our running into each other at all later, she didn’t think of it as an uncomfortable encounter. She just, in that moment, needed me to know that she was straight.

It didn’t offend me – I told the story to my friends as a funny eye-roller when I caught up with them and that was that.

But I’d been thinking it about it again lately because I saw a similar phenomenon – with just a soupçon more discomfort – on this season’s first episode of  America’s Best Dance Crew. (Oh, go right ahead and judge.)

This season there is an openly LGBT crew called Vogue Evolution.

Vogue Evolution is Dashaun Williams, Devon Webster, Malechi Williams, Leiomy Maldonado, and Jorel Rios – four gay men and one transgender woman. They’re all veterans of the competitive “ball” scene in New York.

That’s all from the group’s bio. To someone who doesn’t know much about dance, but knows what she likes, they’re just amazing. They took the stage for the first time like the whirlwind and instantly won over the crowd.

The host and judges loved them too – but first they all needed to make sure we knew that they were straight.

Just a little wink or a nervous laugh or a moment of embarrassment to show that, while everyone admired Vogue Evolution’s dance moves, they weren’t going to be eligible to join up anytime soon. Because of congenital straightness.

I know this is a weird thing to say, but I feel like this faint whiff of prejudice is one of our next goals.

Not many bigots are going to be hit with a beam of perfect enlightenment, drop the picket sign, give Fred Phelps a wedgie and then run off to start canvassing for marriage equality.
People will move, step by step, nudge by nudge, into squirming tolerance.

And I don’t find that so very awful.

Because while the host and judges of America’s Best Dance Crew needed us to know they were straight, they were also careful to be absolutely respectful of Vogue Evolution, as dancers and as people. They weren’t using slurs or openly saying anything was wrong with being gay or transgendered; they just weren’t entirely comfortable with it yet.

The overall message was “Hey, it’s not my thing and I may not understand it, but they’re not hurting anyone, and boy, can they dance.”

They just got nervous and said the “It’s not my thing” part a little too loudly.

And that’s where we need to nudge the great swathes of Uncomfortable Middle America.

There will always be a few instant, dramatic bursts of enlightenment as people discover that children, parents, or best friends aren’t straight and suddenly realize that it doesn’t and shouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. But a big chunk of the country will need to take it step by tiny step.

A tad uneasy but unwilling to restrict someone else’s basic rights isn’t a perfect place, but it really wouldn’t be such a terrible place for the country to get to.

Because once most people are there it will be easier, as one by one they get to know us as friends or colleagues or just wildly entertaining dance crews, to take the next step, and the next.

I watched the second episode this week with a little trepidation, wondering if we would get a repeat of the first week’s discomfort.

But no. Other than a hint of an I’m-not-gay look to the audience from host Mario Lopez, everyone else had figured it out. There was nothing but open, unabashed admiration for Vogue Evolution’s eye-popping moves and amazing stage presence.

Judge Shane Sparks, perhaps the most awkwardly giggly in the first episode, had made a complete turnaround. He made a point of saying how much he’d learned about the ball scene during the past week and how happy he was as a choreographer that the mainstream was getting to see a different, exciting style. It was great to see.

A roomful of people – and who knows how many in the viewing audience – took one more step towards realizing that being LGBT is nonthreatening, natural, and sometimes really cool.

I’m looking forward to the next step.

Last week I went to see a production of Stupid Kids. You know, the John C. Russell play about four kids in a 1980s American high school that has been produced and re-produced over and over again in most major American cities since its premier in 1989. The play’s story is familiar, at least for me: a whole lot of angst in school bathrooms, falling in love with your best friend over and over again and not really understanding what is going on, writing bad poetry you contemplate showing the object of your affection only to tear it up and hide it under the bed.

The play really is cathartic. Trust me.

But what struck me about this production was the presence of four high school students in the cast. They had been added to throw a contemporary spin on the whole production. I was amazed at the opportunity these kids had. They were in high school, in a play about confronting one’s sexuality in high school. Now, there are some kids who are not troubled by the sometimes horrifying act of “coming out.”

Well, their compadres in Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach will have no such luck.

A sanitized version of Rent created for high school drama programs has been closed at the school because the principal was worried about the gay content. The general edit already took out all same-sex contact so the gay content Principal Asrani is worried about is the presence of gay characters.

Because this is a high school, free speech arguments are harder to make. And because this is a play that has already been switched out with “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown,” even a winning argument is unlikely to change things much for these students.

What saddens me is that these kinds of plays provide solace for so many kids who are struggling with their sexuality. It also helps their classmates understand what is happening to some of their friends and to sympathize with those brave enough and sorted out enough to come out early. These little things, high school plays, a lesson about Stonewall in history class, posters about gay friendly language in the halls, these are the things that actually reach the target audience and have a chance of curbing the alarming suicide rate amongst gay teens.