The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Friday that the director of the Duke Catholic Center has lodged a complaint with researchers. The Rev. Joe Vetter says the study doesn’t promote relationships.

The study asks female students over age 18 to attend the events that are similar to Tupperware parties but with erotic toys, lingerie and games. The women complete surveys about their sexual attitudes before and after the parties and get product discounts.

A spokesman for Duke said the sex-toy party project went through the peer review process. Vetter says he plans to discuss the topic at Sunday mass.

From Bernama.com:

Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1), according to an eminent practitioner of complimentary therapy.

Dr. V. M. Palaniappan said that such activities caused the body to develop friction heat which in turn, produced acid and made the body hyperacidised.

“Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection,” he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.

Homosexual sex is illegal in Malaysia, an Islamic country; sodomy can lead to 20 years in prison. In two states, the punishment is death. In 1994, the country banned any open gay or lesbian from appearing in the state-controlled media. In 2001, the Prime Minister announced it would deport any foreign diplomats learned to be gay.

He and I have been together for four years. Over time, our sexual activity  has steadily decreased to the point where now we haven’t had sex in nine months.  I’ve discussed this with him on numerous occasions. His answer is always, “Mentally, I’m just not into sex right now.”  Since we met, he’s had a lot of issues. His father’s  sudden death was hard on him, and he hasn’t worked in three years. His trying to build a business is taking much longer than we hoped.  I can’t help feeling he’s not attracted to me anymore because I’ve put on a lot of weight since we got together. But he says that’s not it, and when we do fool around, he’s physically aroused (hard to hide that!). He just doesn’t feel the desire to consummate the act. Since I’m very sexual, this lack of intimacy has put a real strain on our relationship. I’m not looking to cheat on him, but it’s very frustrating. He’s not seeing a therapist and says he’s  working on the problem in his own way. We have other issues, and our relationship has been a real emotional rollercoaster. I’m just not sure what to do.

-Asexual in Claremont, CA

Dear Asexual,

Most couples suffer from “sexual desire discrepancy,” wherein one partner has a higher sex drive than the other. Also it’s not uncommon for sexual desire to diminish over time.  These are common and normative, aspects in any relationship, but any couple needs to address them. However, few couples know how to deal with these all-too-common situations and either act out, have affairs, or split up. I’m glad to hear you haven’t taken those routes!

The more serious and primary issue is your partner. He tells you he’s not “mentally” into sex right now, but to me, it sounds like he’s not mentally into much at all-not just sex. Given his father’s death and the slow startup of his new business, he may well be clinically depressed, and immobilized by frustration. His grief and being out of work for that long must be weighing on your relationship as well. And in my opinion, your relationship is in trouble.

I’ve found that a parent’s death can often impact relationships in unexpected ways. After a mother or father dies, children often start to recognize their own mortality and go through a transition, even a life crisis such as making major and drastic life changes within their jobs, families, marriages without much thought. I’m concerned that if your partner won’t seek help and get some psychiatric and/or psychotherapeutic support, his life won’t go in a positive direction..

The promise of a commitment includes each partner’s willingness to stay active within the relationship and carry his own share of responsibilities, including being sexual and getting help when it becomes necessary. If your partner resists holding up his end of the bargain-in his case, being sexual and working-then he’s not honoring your implicit contract, even if unintentionally.

You made a good effort to communicate by asking the scary question if your weight bothers him. You ran the risk of his saying “Yes” and having your feelings hurt. Your willingness to be vulnerable is a good sign, but he needs to do the same.

You’ve waited long enough for the ability to be out and sexually active as you were meant to be-as a gay man. Now you’re with someone who’s making you wait even longer. Your weight gain might be a direct result of having to watch his own mental health issues: When one partner is depressed, how can it not affect the other partner significantly? So to get things moving in a better direction, you must be the active one-it doesn’t as if sound like he will, or even can.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you will help him find the right resources. But if he won’t take action, then you’ll be in the unfortunate position of enabling him, which isn’t good for either of you.

This is no easy situation to be in-but it’s okay to admit it! If he won’t seek help, then do get some for yourself. You might need to make some tough choices that you’d rather not, because you do love him and want to stay with him. If he realizes that you won’t simply stand by and watch him self-destruct, hopefully he’ll feel motivated to take positive steps on his own. But either way, you must take care of yourself.

Am I unique in this search?  I live alone, have no relatives and few friends-most of them straight and most of them only at work.

- Singled-In in Spartanburg

Dear Singled-In,

I want to help you become singled OUT! So many gay men tell me they want a relationship, but what they really want is a meaningful overnight relationship! They don’t consciously realize it, but their behavior says so, loud and clear. From childhood on up. Western culture is brainwashed to believe that we cannot be happy unless we can maintain a committed relationship. Well, that’s not so! Yes, it’s nice to have a partner, someone you can go through life with-if that is what you want. But it’s not for everyone. So really the first question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I really want a partner?” Really?

Your next question to consider is why you aren’t more social with other gays and lesbians, especially outside of work? What might you be avoiding or hiding from? To find a partner, you must be willing to get out and exposed to others. Dating requires this. If you stay around colleagues and straight people, you won’t find a partner as quickly, if at all.

Most gay men labor under the fallacy that our culture is interested only in attractive, successful men. The media and the magazines all promote this stereotype. In fact, even though I’m heartened to see gay men on television more and more, sometimes I think it makes things harder for us gays in managing our ordinary personal lives.  TV sitcoms and dramas tend to focus primarily on young, attractive, successful and relationship-oriented characters. Many gay viewers naturally assume that’s the norm that we too should aim for. We’re being forced into the same position as our straight counterparts-which is both good and bad.

You should stop looking to the media for an ideal of what is right for–or wrong with– you, personally. Go inside yourself and decide what it is that you want.

If you are going to find Mr. Right, you will need to market yourself. And that means becoming more social with other gay men who will either be attracted to you or know someone with whom they can fix you up.

And finally, the prejudice of ageism is a real issue that does affect everybody-gay, straight and in between. I do notice its being more prevalent among males. And given that we gay men form an all-male culture, ageism is present inevitably. Yes, it would be easy to use that as an excuse to give up! And yes, you might get a lot of grudging discouragement from people who are age-negative themselves, who accept the reality of ageism, and would warn you there is no hope. To that I say No! ! We cannot let limitations, real or imagined, block us from getting what we want. Neither should you.

One client of mine, 70 years old, gets more sexual, romantic and relational action than any 20-to-40-year-old guy I know. Because of his positive attitude, he doesn’t consider himself too old. Even more importantly, he doesn’t restrict himself to any age group or any certain “type” of guy. Read gay personal ads, and you’ll see whole shopping lists of traits men seek-or won’t accept-in a casual hookup, much less a LTR!

Plenty of young men seek older partners, attracted to the maturity and wisdom that comes from having reached 58 or even older! Investigate the online dating sites for older gay men and their admirers, or join blogs that discuss this issue-of which there are many. Google “older gay men and their admirers” to find very good sites.

I recall a greeting card featuring a model dressed as Uncle Sam, wearing an earring and eye shadow. The message inside read. “You’re a grand old fag!” Always remember that as a Gay Elder, you have much to offer to your peers as a friend, and as a partner, plenty to offer those your age and those younger than yourself.

In his petition, Sushil Kumar Kaushal said “even animals don’t indulge in such activities,” adding that allowing gay sex would help spread HIV/AIDS.

The latest development indicated that despite a recent Delhi High Court ruling, gays in India still face a long battle to gain acceptance – social and legal – in this deeply conservative country where even heterosexual sex is talked about in hushed tones.

“If such abnormality is permitted, then tomorrow people might seek permission for having sex with animals,” Kaushal said.

Gays in India are shackled by a law known as Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, which makes sex between people of the same gender punishable by up to 10 years in prison. The British colonial era law classifies gay sex as “against the order of nature.”

Gays achieved a small victory when the Delhi High Court struck down the law on July 2.

While there was no major outcry against the ruling, some conservative religious groups made it clear they would fight it. Among those was Kaushal, a Hindu astrologer, who filed the first petition with the Supreme Court. Leaders of religious groups are also contemplating filing petitions.

The Supreme Court said it will hear Kaushal’s petition on July 20 to decide whether it has merit, said Anand Grover, the lawyer for Naz Foundation, a gay rights group that filed the original petition against Section 377 eight years ago.

The Supreme Court also asked the Indian government and the Naz Foundation to appear before it to hear their views.

After listening to all parties, the court will decide whether to temporarily suspend the Delhi High Court order while Kaushal’s petition is heard. The Supreme Court ruling will be binding nationally.

While actual criminal prosecutions are rare, the law frequently has been used to harass people.

Muslim and Christian groups have also criticized the ruling with some equating homosexuality with Western culture. But rights activists say the law sanctions discrimination and marginalizes the gay community. Health experts say the law discourages safe sex and has been a hurdle in fighting HIV and AIDS. Roughly 2.5 million Indians have HIV.

The U.N. agency UNAIDS has welcomed the court ruling and said it would make it easier to reach homosexual men with programs to combat the spread of HIV.

Homosexuality is slowly gaining acceptance in some parts of India, especially in its big cities. Many bars have gay nights, and some high-profile Bollywood films have dealt with gay issues. The last two years have also seen large gay pride parades in New Delhi and other big cities such as Mumbai and Calcutta.

Still, being gay remains deeply taboo in most of the country, and many homosexuals hide their sexual orientation from friends and families.

In February, Skate Canada, the governing board of Canadian figure skating, announced that it was embarking on a campaign to change the image of men’s skating – from sometimes frilly and flamboyant to more of an emphasis on power, speed, and endurance.

The announcement was greeted negatively by some GLBT groups who saw the move as little more than thinly veiled homophobia and a slap in the face of the sport’s existing fans.

Two-time Olympic silver medalist Elvis Stojko seemed aware of the controversy when he told the Toronto Sun, “It has nothing to do with your sexual preference. It’s all about what men’s skating is – power and strength. Whether he’s gay or straight, it doesn’t matter. It’s what you’re showcasing on the ice. If you’re very lyrical and you’re really feminine and soft, well, that’s not men’s skating. That is not men’s skating, okay?” [Note: The emphasis was Stojko's.]

Elvis Stojko (right) attempts to distinguish himself
from other male Canadian figure skaters

Was Stojko right? After all, a gay man can be just as masculine and athletic as a straight one. Stojko might have been tactless, but he wasn’t being homophobic – was he?

Nigel Lythgoe, a judge on the Fox reality show So You Think You Can Dance, waded into a similar controversy a couple of weeks ago when he berated a couple of same-sex dancers – not for being gay (or so he claimed), but because he “likes to see guys be guys and girls be girls on stage,” a stance Lythgoe has frequently taken when it comes to effeminate dancers. Off camera, he told the dancers, who weren’t particularly effeminate, they were hurting the “image” of dancing in general.

And in the latest issue of Rolling Stone, in which Adam Lambert officially comes out, he tells a story about an American Idol chauffeur who told Adam he had no problem with his being gay, “because at least you’re not girly.”

Clearly, a lot of people have a problem with guys who don’t act traditionally masculine – in other words, with guys who are effeminate.

And it’s not just straight people. Two weeks ago, 18-year-old Sergio Garcia of Los Angeles made national headlines by getting himself elected Prom Queen at his high school.

Sergio Garcia, high school Prom Queen

“I feel invincible,” he said, wearing both a tuxedo and a tiara, prompting one gay blogger to write, “Methinks the lady doth be a douchebag too much.”

What is effeminacy anyway? Where does it come from? And why in the world does it seem to get everyone so very upset?

Next Page! The biological “cause” of effeminacy?

John Gechter, 22, a molecular biology senior, is suspended from Grove City College, about 50 miles north of Pittsburgh, for one year.

Gechter said he now intends to transfer to another school to complete the number of credits he needs to graduate. He said he hopes to use the credits to return to Grove City College and graduate next year.

A spokesperson for the college would confirm only that Gechter has withdrawn. 

He has not indicated where he intends to complete his studies and says he is still considering a lawsuit against the college.

Gechter earlier this week said he appeared in the online porn because he needed the money to pay his tuition and that he was suspended because of “my occupation. I was not doing anything illegal.”

The college said he was suspended because he “exhibited behavior contrary to the values” of the college.

He began is outside career when he was a sophomore, appearing in about 15 gay porn scenes under the screen name Vincent DeSalvo.

In an interview with The Allied News, he said his secret was discovered by another student who had been surfing the internet.  That student, according to Gechter, then emailed photos of a naked Gechter to other students.

Within hours, almost everyone on the campus had received the email. The following day the pictures came to the attention of college officials.

The non-denominational college says on its website “The ethical absolutes of the Ten Commandments and Christ’s moral teachings guide the effort to develop intellect and character in the classroom, chapel, and cocurricular activities.”

In 2003, the Princeton Review listing of colleges across the country listed Grove City College as the least gay-friendly campus in the country.

A prison official said the performer was being let go early for good behavior.  He still will have to wear an ankle bracelet for the duration of his sentence and obey a curfew.

Prison appears to have been good for the singer, whose real name is George O’Dowd.  When he left Edmunds Hill Prison in Suffolk on Monday he was noticeably thinn er and had a neatly trimmed beard which he grown while behind bars.

The 47 year old was sentenced in January. During the trial the court was told that O’Dowd met 29-year-old rent boy Audun Carlsen on a gay internet site and agreed to meet at the singer’s home where Carlsen was to pose for a naked photo shoot.

The two men later exchanged emails and at one point O’Dowd accused Carlsen of hacking into his computer and stealing the photos. Nevertheless, O’Dowd invited Carlsen to another photo shoot at his home.

It was a plot to exact revenge, the prosecution said, for what O’Dowd believed was theft of the original pictures.

After O’Dowd had taken several photos of Carlsen, the performer invited the younger man into his bedroom.

When Carlsen entered the room he realized a second man had joined O’Dowd. O’Dowd has refused to name the other man.

Carlsen was forced to the floor.

“Mr O’Dowd produced a set of handcuffs. They placed one end on Mr Carlsen’s right wrist and the other end was placed through a hook that was screwed to a fixture near the bed,” prosecutor Heather Norton told the court during the trial.

She said that Carlsen, “was frightened, shaking and crying. His fear increased when Mr O’Dowd returned into the room carrying with him a box.”

The box, said Norton, contained chains and leather straps.

Carlsen managed to free himself by pulling a hook the handcuffs were attached to from the wall.  He escaped through a window clad in only his underwear and called police from a local news vendor’s stand.

O’Dowd did not testify on his own behalf, but the court. In a transcript of a police interrogation O’Dowd admitted he handcuffed Carlsen but denied punching or assaulting the hustler.

The performer’s attorney suggested that bruises Carlsen had could have been due to the fact that he was HIV positive.

It was the latest brush O’Dowd has had with the law.

In 2006, a judge in New York City sentenced him to five days of community service after being convicted of filing a false police report.

The singer had called police in October 2005 with a bogus report of a burglary by a male prostitute at his lower Manhattan apartment. When police went to investigate they found cocaine inside.

He was originally charged with drug offenses but under an agreement with prosecutors he pleaded guilty to the lesser charges and worked off his sentence picking garbage.

John Katehis, 16, was ordered held without bail at an arraignment hearing in Brooklyn.

Weber’s body was found in his apartment in March. His ankles were bound, and he was stabbed about 50 times. Wounds on his hands indicate he tried to fight back, police said.

Gay porn was reportedly strewn about the Brooklyn home.

A search of files on Weber’s computer led police to Katehis who allegedly met Weber through Craigslist where Weber had placed an ad looking for “rough sex.”

Police said the teen tried to clean up after the killing, then turned on the water taps throughout the home before fleeing.

Weber worked at WABC in New York for 12 years as the on-air reporter for popular shows such as “Curtis and Kuby.” He also had worked at stations in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Denver and Pennsylvania.

According to a written statement to police following his arrest, Katehis said he accidentally stabbed Weber while the two struggled for a knife.

The statement said that Weber pulled a knife during the encounter.

The body of Nestor Estefani, 40, was found inside the home of his partner, a Hollywood, Fla. doctor who was out of town at the time.

Police said that Estefani’s throat was slashed by two men he had picked up for sex while his partner was away.

Johnny Collins, 38, is charged with first-degree murder. Keith Scruggs, 40, is facing charges of murder, armed burglary and dealing in stolen property.

According to the arrest warrant, Estefani picked up Collins and Scruggs at a Miami Shores gas station. Police say that Estefani knew Scruggs from past sexual  encounters. The warrant claimed the three men agreed to have sex and went to the home of Estefani’s partner, Dr. Cody Smith.

When they got to the home, Collins and Scruggs allegedly decided to rob it.

Estefani’s body was found August 30 in a pool of blood. The house had been ransacked.

Forensic tests on a Nintendo Wii turned up a set of fingerprints police say belong to Scruggs. His fingerprints were on police files showing he had a long history of robbery and drug convictions.

During police interrogation Scruggs allegedly said that he, Collins and Estefani had taken drugs but an argument broke out and Scruggs claimed he left the house.

But in a subsequent interview Scruggs changed his story, admitted that after they entered the house he and Collins decided to rob Estefani. Under questioning Scruggs claimed that he was on the patio having a cigarette when Collins killed Estefani.

According to the arrest warrant Scruggs claimed that Collins told him he sliced Estefani ”from ear to ear.”