The justices said Monday they will not revive a lawsuit filed by Brittany McComb of Henderson, Nev. challenging the actions of Clark County school officials. A federal appeals court ruled previously ruled against her.

During McComb’s speech at the Foothill High School graduation in 2006, officials turned off McComb’s microphone when the school valedictorian strayed from an approved text to provide a graphic account of Jesus’ crucifixion and credit God for her success in school.

The case is McComb v. Crehan, 08-1566.

When I was a teenager, this annual occurrence unnerved me. The “male interest” calendars”—think “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model of the Month”—held no appeal for me. Instead, I would nervously reach for a Chippendales calendar, hiding it behind something innocuously themed (race cars, puppies, whatever) so that I could stare admiringly at half-naked men.

As soon as I noticed anyone approaching, I would throw both calendars back on the shelf and dart out of the store.

I laugh now at the thought that I could ever find the overly pumped and coiffed 1980’s Chippendales dancers appealing. But when I see these calendars on the shelves today, I still feel a residual emotional tug. Like the underwear models in the J.C. Penney catalog (and so many other ordinary features of American life), the calendars were a painful signal: you are not like other boys.

I noticed a calendar display in a bookstore the other day just shortly after receiving an e-mail from a reader complaining that I waste too much time trying to win over straight society’s approval. “When are you going to stop seeking other people’s acceptance?” he asks.

My answer? I’ll stop seeking it once we get it.

The calendars reminded me of why. It’s not because I’m still scared that other people will know my “secret.” Today, I can walk into a bookstore and look at whatever I want. Indeed, I sometimes make a point of picking up the “female interest” calendars just to remind myself—and anyone else watching—that I can. It’s my way of saying: No, I am not like (most) other boys, and I’m okay with that. Honestly, I really don’t give a flying fig whether you give me a dirty look when I do it.

But there are plenty of boys and girls growing up who are not there yet. They still get unnerved when they see the calendars, or the catalogs, or countless other possible triggers. They still feel that nauseous shame and isolation. They have yet to learn that the feelings they dread can eventually be a source of great joy, and beauty, and comfort.

Social approval can make a huge difference in the lives of these kids, not to mention those who come after them.

This is one significant way in which LGBT people differ from most other minority groups. Whereas black children generally have black parents, Jewish children generally have Jewish parents, and so on, LGBT people can have any sort of parents—and most often have straight ones. Far from being able to take for granted our parents’ understanding of the discrimination we face, we often have to struggle for their acceptance, too.

So while their parents’ opinion on homosexuality may not directly matter to me, you can be damn sure it matters to them.

I don’t mean that they can’t go on to have happy, fulfilling, successful lives even if their parents ultimately reject them. I just mean that doing so will be harder—needlessly, sometimes tragically so.

Moreover, it’s not as if I have no stake at all in their parents’ opinion. As we’ve seen over and over, their opinion affects how they vote. And their votes make a difference to our legal rights, whether we like it or not.

Of course it isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

So I’ll stop seeking their approval when we get it, and not a moment sooner. Because their approval helps make our political struggle easier. Because it’s crucial to the lives of their kids, some of whom are LGBT. And because it’s the right thing.

***********

John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.

For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.

The strategy worked. Overruling the courts and lawmakers, voters defeated gay marriage ballot measures in California last year and in Maine this week after conservatives convinced residents that same-sex unions would become common classroom fodder without any say from parents.

The punch-to-the gut claim has emerged as the latest tool in the ever-evolving playbook of same-sex marriage opponents, and the Achilles’ heel of the gay-marriage movement. Voters seem to be swayed by the notion that gay marriage will be a corrupting force among children, even though critics blasted the message as a blatantly misleading case of fear-mongering.

“It was very effective. It’s drawing on the fears of the unknown,” said Sandy Maisel, director of the Goldfarb Center for Public Affairs and Civic Engagement at Maine’s Colby College. “There’s no evidence that it’s going to happen, but there’s very clear evidence that it’s an effective campaign tactic.”

Gay marriage opponents discovered the effectiveness of the schools message in last year’s successful effort to pass Proposition 8 to outlaw gay marriage in California.

After signing up to lead the campaign, political consultants Frank Schubert and Jeff Flint knew they had a problem: Polls were showing that residents tended to not have much of a problem with gay relationships.

With the help of focus groups, surveys and ammunition unwittingly supplied by their opponents, Schubert and Flint soon found a new way to frame the issue, by focusing on education.

It was a departure from past elections when the issue was defined in simpler terms – that marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. The various strategies have helped conservatives win 31 consecutive ballot initiatives on gay marriage.

“We bet the campaign on consequences, especially on education,” Schubert recalled in March when he and Flint were named the “public affairs team of the year” by the American Association of Political Consultants for their work in California. “Education from the beginning, while it was one of three consequences, it was the one that was the most emotionally charged and the most powerful.”

In California and Maine, gay marriage supporters countered the claims with spots featuring prominent elected officials – California’s chief of public instruction, Maine’s attorney general – who insisted that same-sex marriage had nothing to do with schools.

They also angrily denounced as deceptive the visuals the Sacramento team employed, including a Massachusetts couple who lost a lawsuit seeking parental consent before same-sex families are discussed in elementary classrooms.

But the response did not defuse the hot-button issue, advocates on both sides of the issue observe, in part because they failed to address what many parents knew to be true: Many public schools already have lessons that include references to gay families in the younger grades and confronting anti-gay discrimination for older students. Although the topics usually are broached in the context of appreciating diversity and tolerance, for some parents any discussion of gay people is too close to talking about gay sex.

“The trend that we are seeing is homosexuality is being promoted more and more in schools, and the increase in this is creating a hostile environment for kids with Christian or socially conservative viewpoints,” said Candi Cushman, education analyst for the Christian group Focus on the Family.

Cathy Renna, a public relations consultant in Washington who is married to a woman and has a 4-year-old daughter, said that equating references to gay parents with sex is “like saying that introducing someone’s mother and father to a class means you are talking about heterosexual sex.” But Renna agrees that same-sex marriage supporters need a different comeback to the kids-and-schools argument.

“This idea that gay people are coming to eat your children is a long-standing tactic of the right wing,” she said. “The response to those ads that not only has more truth, but more integrity, is that we live in a diverse world and our kids know that and it’s irresponsible for us not to talk about the world we live in in age-appropriate ways. Dismissing them as lies actually does a disservice not only to the people in our community, but to the public that knows better.”

In California, some gay rights groups want to try to repeal Proposition 8 at the ballot box next year. There has been talk about including language in the new measure that would state that nothing in it is meant to mandate the teaching of same-sex marriage in schools. Some gay rights advocates fear, though, that the wording could be used to undermine the way gay subjects are treated in schools now, said Chaz Lowe, founder of Yes! on Equality.

Melissa Murray, an assistant professor at the UC Berkeley Boalt Hall School of Law who researched the messages used in the Proposition 8 campaign, said gay marriage advocates underestimated how deeply Schubert and Flint’s carefully crafted schools message resonated with the public.

One reason it resonated so deeply is it changed the debate from one of equal rights to the equally cherished notion of individual rights, something gay activists should keep in mind as the marriage moves to other states, Murray said.

“Parents are always thinking about how do I keep unwanted influences out of my children’s lives, and it’s a lot harder to do that as a parent if that influence is the state,” Murray said. “That’s the fear they are tapping into. … and they are just going to keep repackaging it, because it works.”

But when Sturgis – an honor student, trumpet player and goalie on the school’s soccer team – wanted her senior photograph in a tuxedo used in the 2009-10 yearbook, school officials balked. Traditionally, female students dress in drapes and males wear tuxedos.

Now, the American Civil Liberties Union of Mississippi has gotten involved, issuing a demand letter to Principal Ronald Greer to publish the picture of Sturgis in the tuxedo. The ACLU says it’s giving the school until Oct. 23 to respond before pursuing court action, said Kristy L. Bennett, the ACLU’s legal director.

A secretary for Greer referred questions to Copiah County Schools Superintendent Rickey Clopton, who declined to comment on Thursday.

Sturgis said she should get to decide how she looks in the senior photo.

“I feel like I’m not important, that the school is dismissing who I am as a gay student and that they don’t even care about me. All I want is to be able to be me, and to be included in the yearbook,” Sturgis said in a statement.

Veronica Rodriguez, 47, said school officials are trying to force her daughter – who doesn’t even own a dress – to appear more feminine.

“The tux is who she is. She wears boys’ clothes. She’s athletic. She’s gay. She’s not feminine,” said Rodriguez during an interview Thursday at the ACLU office.

Rodriguez said Sturgis took her pictures over the summer instead of with the other students last year, but she used the same studio.

In August, Rodriguez said she received a letter from the school stating that only boys could wear tuxedos. Rodriguez said she met with assistant Superintendent Ronald Holloway who told her he didn’t see regulations about the issue in the student handbook.

But when she talked with Greer, she said he told her it was his “conviction” that Sturgis wouldn’t appear in the yearbook in a tuxedo.

Bennett said the teenager’s constitutional rights are being violated. Bennett said similar cases, including same-sex prom couples and girls wearing tuxedos to proms, have been successfully challenged in court in other states. ACLU officials said they were unaware of any other constitutional disputes involving gay teens at Mississippi schools.

“You can’t discriminate against somebody because they’re not masculine enough or because they’re not feminine enough. She’s making an expression of her sexual orientation through this picture and that invokes First Amendment protection,” Bennett said.

There’s no state policy that deals with the yearbook photo issue, said state Department of Education spokesman Pete Smith.

The deadline for the photo to be accepted for the yearbook was Sept. 30. But advertisements for the publication are still being taken so Sturgis has time for her photo to be included, Bennett said.

Sturgis lives with her grandparents in Wesson, a town of about 1,700 founded during the Civil War in southwest Mississippi. The town’s Web site said residents “pride ourselves on our quiet way of life.”

Forty-four states expressly ban bullying, a legislative legacy of a rash of school shootings in the late ’90s, yet few if any of those measures have identified children who excessively pick on their peers, an Associated Press review has found. And few offer any method for ensuring the policies are enforced, according to data compiled by the National Conference of State Legislatures.

The issue came to a head in April when 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera committed suicide at his Atlanta-area home after his parents say he was repeatedly tormented in school. District officials denied it, and an independent review found bullying wasn’t a factor, a conclusion his family rejects.

Regardless, Georgia’s law, among the toughest in the nation, still would not have applied: It only applies to students in grades six to 12. Herrera was a fifth-grader.

Georgia’s law has one of the largest gaps between what it requires of districts and the tools it gives them for meeting those requirements. The state doesn’t collect data specifically on bullying occurrences, despite legislation that promises to strip state funding from schools failing to take action after three instances involving a bully.

After Herrera’s death, other parents came forward to say their children had been bullied and that school officials did nothing with the complaints, rendering the state’s law useless.

“There is a systematic problem,” said Mike Wilson, who said his 12-year-old daughter was bullied for two years in the same school district where Herrera died. “The lower level employees, the teachers, the principals, are trying to keep this information suppressed at the lowest possible level.”

Only six states – Montana, Hawaii, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, North Dakota and South Dakota – and the District of Columbia lack specific laws targeting school bullying, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Most states require school districts to adopt open-ended policies to prohibit bullying and harassment.

While some direct state education officials to form model policies that school districts should mimic, they offer little to assure the policies are enforced; only a handful of states require specific data gathering meant to assure bullying is being monitored, for instance.

“The states themselves can’t micromanage a school district – but they can say to a school district, ‘Look, you have to have consequences,’” said Brenda High, whose Web site, Bully Police USA, tracks anti-bullying laws across the nation, and who advocates for strict repercussions for bullies. The Washington state-based advocate’s son, Jared, was 13 when he committed suicide in 1998 after complaining of bullying.

“It needs to be written into the law that bullying has the same consequences as assault,” she said. “The records and such need to be kept so that if the child is a chronic bully, they – after so many instances – will end up in an alternative school.”

Alaska and Georgia have particularly specific statutes. Alaska’s Department of Education and Early Development must compile annual data on bullying complaints and report it to the Legislature.

Georgia’s 10-year-old law goes a step further. It specifies that three instances of bullying is grounds for transfer to an alternative school, away from the victim. School systems not in compliance forfeit state funding, according to the law.

Despite that record-keeping provision, the Georgia Department of Education cannot say whether any child has been transferred as a result of bullying because the department only tracks the number for broader offenses, including fighting and threats, spokesman Dana Tofig said.

“If the district is not enforcing its own bullying policy, and that’s been happening repeatedly, the law says they can lose their state funding,” Tofig said.

No school has lost funding under the law, according to the department.

Some school districts say they keep track of complaints, especially those involving a single child being bullied more than once, and that they address those cases. Without a legal obligation to report such data to state officials, however, it’s unclear how any such statistics are used.

In 2007, nearly a third of students ages 12 to 18 reported having been bullied during the school year, according to data on more than 55 million students compiled annually by the National Center for Education Statistics. That’s up from as few as 1 in 10 students in the ’90s, though bullying experts point out the rising numbers may reflect more reports of bullying, not necessarily more incidents.

Many children reported teasing, spreading rumors and threats, all harder to spot and manage, school leaders say.

“One of the questions is how do you quantify bullying? It could even be as simple as a rolling of the eyes,” said Dale Davis, a spokesman for schools in DeKalb County, Ga., where Herrera committed suicide.

District officials have said since soon after the boy’s death that there was no evidence that Herrera was bullied, and that outside factors including the death of a close relative influenced him to take his life.

Herrera’s death in mid-April came barely two weeks after Sirdeaner Walker found her son Carl hanged in her Springfield, Mass., home. The 11-year-old had complained of teasing almost immediately after arriving at his new charter school, she said.

Parents in Illinois likewise pointed to bullies after three suicides there in February: a 10-year-old boy hanged himself in a restroom stall in a suburban Chicago school, an 11-year-old boy was found dead in Chatham, south of Springfield, and a father found his 11-year-old daughter hanged in a closet of their Chicago home.

Dr. Diahann Meekins Moore, associate director for psychiatric services at the Illinois Department of Children & Family Services, cautioned that it’s unclear whether bullying could be considered a primary cause in those deaths or in any suicide.

All the same, every suicide with a hint of bullying, every school rampage involving a shooter who claims to have been bullied renews the debate over whether anyone can curb what most consider a harsh and inevitable part of childhood, and if so, who bears that responsibility.

“A lot of this has to be handled in the home,” said Peter Daboul, chair of the board of trustees at New Leadership, the Massachusetts school where her son was a 6th grader.

Teachers there will receive training on spotting childhood depression and bullying, he said, “but you also have the family unit where these kids are hopefully taught the difference between right and wrong.”

Sirdeaner Walker said reminding a child that they’re loved at home is less effective when they’re being teased in the classroom.

“I can say that all the time,” Walker said. “But again, I have to send my child back to the school.”

Kyle Giard-Chase, 16, asked the Vermont Human Rights Commission on Thursday to endorse the effort. He said that before he came out last year as transgendered, he was a three-sport athlete and the co-captain of the field hockey team, a girls’ sport, at South Burlington High School.

At an away game, he said he was verbally harassed and threatened by the members of the host school’s football team for using the girls’ restroom.

“The harassment only stopped when I was reduced to tears and told them I was in fact a female,” said Kyle, now a senior.

But Kyle said it wasn’t the harassment that affected him the most.

“It was the fear and apprehension of possibly having to use the bathroom during the school day that caused me the most harm,” he said. “By eighth grade I had almost made a game out of waiting for the end of the day so I could use the bathroom at my own home.”

Gender-neutral bathrooms can be as simple as what are now considered handicapped accessible bathrooms that are in a single room, he said.

The commission expressed some sympathy toward the plight of young people whose struggles with gender identity make them uncomfortable using gender-specific bathrooms, but it didn’t take any action.

Joseph Benning, chairman of the commission’s board, told Kyle he should prepare to deal with resistance from school officials who wouldn’t have the resources to change school bathrooms.

“You’ve begun the process by opening up doors even to us, who never would have envisioned this being a problem at all,” Benning. “Once you start on that path, however, you are going to run into opposition. As you go down the road you need to be prepared for it.”

No opponents of the idea attended the meeting, although Benning said they would be welcomed at future meetings.

Kyle is working with the Burlington-based group Outright Vermont, a social service organization for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth.

“The hope is that this is the first statewide gender-neutral bathroom campaign in the country,” said Outright Executive Director Christopher Neff. “Vermont is a leader. This is another opportunity to again be the first in the nation and say we are going to make sure that all of our students, no matter who they are, are safe and protected.”

A Vermont Department of Education spokesman couldn’t find anyone to answer questions about the issue on Thursday.

Vermont was the first state in the country that allowed same sex couples to form civil unions and earlier this year the Legislature approved same-sex marriage. State law also includes the Gender Identity Nondiscrimination Act of 2007.

In a separate statement given to the board, Kyle said that he did not feel safe in gender-specific bathrooms. Throughout middle school he said he would “hold it” to avoid being harmed by others.

“This procedure of ‘holding it’ caused me to pay less attention in class, neglect my studies, and fear going to school in the morning,” he said.

He said South Burlington High School has a number of unisex bathrooms and his feelings of “fear and apprehension” dissolved.

Neff told the board the process was just beginning and they hoped the board would take a stand on the issue that young people need to feel comfortable when they are in school.

Teacher Diane Cleveland commented that the boy’s “fence swings both ways”; when he wrote a paper on Ben Franlin, Cleveland said he had a “thing for older men.” Another teacher, Walter Fison, said the boy “enjoys wearing women’s clothes.”

The settlement comes after an investigation by the Minnesota Department of Human Rights; the school district denies it violated the Minnesota Human Rights Act. Both teachers hae received “outstanding performance” awards from the district in recent years.

The resolutions say that the organization opposes the “discriminatory treatment of same-sex couples and its belief that such couples should have the same legal rights and benefits as similarly-situated heterosexual couples.” They also call for the “passage of a federal statute prohibiting federal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity and expression.” The NEA also committed itself to supporting the enactment of LGBT equality at local, state and federal levels.

The NEA falls short of asking for gay marriage – instead, it says:

“NEA does not believe that a single term must be used to designate this legally recognized “equal treatment” relationship, and recommends that each state decide for itself whether “marriage,” “civil union,” “domestic partnership,” or some other term is most appropriate based upon the cultural, social, and religious values of its citizenry.”

The National Education Association is the nation’s largest professional employee organization with over 3.2 million members. Members work at every level of education — from pre-school to university graduate programs.

Read the resolutions yourself, under “New Business Item E.”

Randi Weingarten, who is an open lesbian and led the New York teachers union since 1998, was elected president of the 1.4 million-member American Federation of Teachers last July.

The 51-year-old labor leader said recently that it’s no secret the two jobs were weighing on her. But until Wednesday, she would not confirm her intention to step down, despite rumors circulating since last week.

Effective July 31, Weingarten will devote her full time to the organization that is the most prominent national advocate for teachers, often dealing with Congress and the White House.

On Wednesday, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said Weingarten “has been a big part of many of the reforms we have implemented over the past seven years – and a big part of the incredible turnaround our schools have made.”

Repeatedly re-elected to the union presidency by wide margins, Weingarten fought to increase teacher salaries and improve training. In 2007, she negotiated a contract that gave teachers bonuses if student test scores rose.

She also has advocated smaller class sizes, linked to rebuilding and repairing schools.

As head of the 200,000-member UFT, Weingarten “has been a tireless advocate for public education in New York,” said New York Gov. David Paterson, who called her “an innovative leader, a no-nonsense reformer, a tough negotiator.”

A graduate of Cornell University and Yeshiva University’s Cardozo School of Law, she taught history at Clara Barton High School in Brooklyn from 1991 to 1997.

Weingarten then became president of the union that represents active and retired members including teachers, guidance counselors, psychologists, social workers and nurses.

The union’s executive board will select someone to fill out the remainder of her term until elections are held next spring.

Weingarten also is a vice president of the national AFL-CIO, and has served as chairwoman of the Health Insurance Plan of Greater New York and head of the Municipal Labor Committee that represents about 365,000 unionized New York employees.

“When it comes to labor leaders, Randi is the gold standard,” said Denis Hughes, president of the New York State AFL-CIO. “She knows how to bring people together, forge consensus and most importantly, get things done.”

Inside Illinois Schools: The Experiences of LGBT Students surveyed 206 Illinois students about the level of harassment they receive in school, how much they skip school for being harassed, and how their grades are affected by this harassment.

The report showed that 89 percent of Illinois LGBT students experienced verbal harassment based on sexual orientation in the past year, 43 percent said they had been physically harassed and 21 percent said they had been physically assaulted.

“While we applaud Illinois for being one of only 11 states to pass a law that explicitly protects students from bullying and harassment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, Inside Illinois Schools shows just how much work still needs to be done to make sure LGBT students in Illinois are safe in school,” GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said. “GLSEN is hopeful Illinois will continue to address this pervasive problem.”

Read the rest of the GLSEN report here.