He says he sees no major hurdles from the Obama administration implementing the policy change.

Mabus gave no timeline for when the change would take effect. He says officials first must figure out how to do it and notify Congress about the plan. Then women must complete training to serve.

Mabus says women should be able to serve throughout the Navy and the proposed change would be in keeping with that. His comments came Thursday during a visit to Northrop Grumman Corp.’s shipbuilding yard in Pascagoula.

I am now a “veteran,”  home after a year in the desert. We have been the guinea pigs for a new attempt by the military to focus on the mental health and well- being of soldiers as we reintegrate back into the civilized world. This “yellow ribbon” program is part in response to the tragic truth of the number of suicides committed by our soldiers – all too often our young men and women.

When I first arrived home, we were corralled into a small room with a circle of chairs. A high ranking officer – a mental health counselor – led the group meeting. We were there to listen to each other’s problems and the problems that we expected to encounter as we began to take up our place as father, mother, child, sibling, employee, employer and sometimes lover.

There was no confidentiality in the setting. The same people I spent the entire year hiding my sexual orientation from sat around me expecting to hear my problems. There is no way I could be honest even now, when the military acknowledges that being honest is the best way to ensure a soldiers well-being.

More recently, I was again forced into a similar group setting. This time the room was set up like a classroom and there were two group leaders – a man and a woman – one of whom was a veteran. The veteran, the man, tried to get us to spew out our feelings and our troubles by commenting on how his experiences affected him.

He mentioned how hard it was being a black man in the military many years ago, when others weren’t welcoming. He also shared that this warm welcome was something he thought women must have gone through. I was reminded of what it was like being in the military under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) – but I digress.

Many of the people in the room commented, rather passionately, that they would not be open to speaking in front of their fellow soldiers. They didn’t want to be mocked and ridiculed. I sat quietly in the shadows. How would I begin to discuss my issues? Not only would I be subject to mockery and ridicule – I’d also be fired.

This is another obvious reason to remove DADT. There is not near enough support for the far right to ban all homosexuals from military service. I don’t believe there ever will be. But  the military has the responsibility to take into account the mental health and well-being of all its personnel and it can’t with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in place.

In this push to battle the military’s high suicide rate, no soldier should be left behind.

Michael Duffy was a soldier stationed in Iraq.

Joseph Rocha, now 23, decided to leave the Navy in 2007 by telling his commander he was gay, in violation of the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. He has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder from the constant hazing while he served with military dog handlers based in Bahrain to support the Iraq war.

An internal Navy investigation into his unit found dozens of examples of hazing and sexual harassment against multiple sailors between 2005 and 2006. The result of the investigation was not clear; a copy of the report released under the Freedom of Information Act has all recommendations blacked out.

Now, a congressman who is a former admiral has asked the Navy for information about the harassment, the service’s internal investigation, and an explanation as to why the head of the military working dog unit at the time was promoted.

The Sept. 11 letter from Rep. Joe Sestak, D-Pa., to Navy Secretary Raymond Mabus followed a story about the Navy findings of abuse that was first reported by a California news organization earlier this month.

“Without a question, it heightens and makes more salient this issue,” said Rep. Joe Sestak, D-Pa. “It highlights the loss of another good individual.”

A Navy spokesman said the case and its outcomes are being reviewed.

“The incidents that occurred within the Military Working Dog Division at Naval Support Activity Bahrain do not reflect who we are as a Navy,” said Cmdr. Cappy Surette, a Navy spokesman. “The Navy is now looking into the handling of this situation more carefully.”

The Chief of Naval Operations directed Commander Navy Installations Command on Tuesday to review the actions taken after the earlier investigation and report back on Oct. 6.

“CNIC may use information from the ongoing review by Commander, Navy Region Europe, Africa, Southwest Asia, who has previously directed his staff to review the outcomes of the JAGMAN investigation,” Surette said. “Any subsequent action will be informed by the CNIC review.”

Opponents of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy say Rocha was trapped: he couldn’t report the abuse because that could reveal his sexual orientation. They say the policy also played a role in the abuse: Others in the unit repeatedly asked Rocha if he was gay – a violation of the “don’t ask” provision – because he would not avail himself of prostitutes who visited their quarters. And, in the end, Rocha’s PTSD prompted him to tell the Navy he is gay, resulting in his expulsion.

Sestak also is requesting information regarding Chief Petty Officer Michael Toussaint, who was responsible for the unit and was later promoted to senior chief.

“It would astound me if he was promoted if these allegations are true,” Sestak said in an interview. “What kind of a command climate is that?”

Toussaint has been deployed. His location could not be released and he could not be reached for comment, said Cmdr. Greg Giesen, a Navy spokesman.

Shaun Hogan of Maine, a former Bahrain colleague of Rocha’s who is now a reservist, said Rocha was treated worse than others who were hazed because Rocha was believed to be gay. Hogan said some in the unit “blatantly asked” if Rocha was gay. It was Hogan who obtained the Navy’s report and shared it with Youth Radio, an Oakland, Calif., news organization that broke the story.

“He was one in a large number of people who were abused for a variety of different reasons,” Hogan said.

Rocha graduated at the top of his class in military police training school in Texas. He received favorable performance evaluations throughout his career, Sestak noted in his letter.

But within a month of his arrival in Bahrain in 2005 to join the handlers and their dogs in seeking out hidden explosives, Rocha said he found an abusive atmosphere in which he was hazed repeatedly, even though he never spoke of his sexual orientation.

“What made my rite of passage different is that I refused to have sex with prostitutes,” Rocha said. “In doing so, I gave them reason enough for them to think I was gay and they took it upon themselves to punish me for it for two years.”

Aaron Belkin, who studies the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy as director of the Palm Center at the University of California at Santa Barbara, said while Rocha’s case is extreme, the harsh treatment is not an isolated incident.

“Research shows that you can’t prevent anti-gay abuse as long as discrimination remains official policy,” Belkin said.

Some Democratic lawmakers are pushing legislation to repeal the 1993 law. President Barack Obama pledged as a candidate to end the ban, but has not done so.

Rocha said he enlisted in the Navy in 2004 to demonstrate his commitment to earning an appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy after he wasn’t admitted to the school.

In June 2007, he was accepted at the academy prep school in Newport, R.I., where candidates can build the academic skills they need to be accepted to the four-year academy. While there, Rocha said depression resulting from his experience in Bahrain made him decide to tell school officials he was gay. He was isolated from other students for two months, then honorably discharged in October 2007.

“I was faced with the idea of being in a navy that condoned this for another decade,” Rocha said. “I wouldn’t have allowed myself to live like that anymore.”

A letter from Rocha’s doctor at the Department of Veterans Affairs in San Francisco confirms that he has been diagnosed with PTSD.

Rocha, now a student at the University of San Diego, hopes he can one day return to serve openly in the military as a Marine Corps officer.

“I’m just waiting for the policy to be repealed,” Rocha said.

Some critics worry that the rabbinate and its charismatic chief, Brig. Gen. Avichai Rontzki, are infusing a militant mix of Judaism and nationalism into a traditionally secular institution that embodies the Israeli consensus.

On the Palestinian side, Islamic hard-liners already see their war with Israel through an uncompromising religious lens, and the rabbinate’s critics warn that the Jewish state must not follow suit and risk pushing the conflict closer to a zero-sum holy war.

When Israeli soldiers massed on the Gaza border for the country’s offensive against Hamas militants six months ago, uniformed rabbis stood amid the tents and tanks, reciting prayers with the men as they prepared for battle. When the troops went into Gaza, Rontzki went in with them.

That might not have seemed unusual, but some rabbis went further, distributing pamphlets that put the conflict firmly in religious terms. One suggested a parallel between today’s Palestinians and the Philistines, the biblical foes of the Israelites.

After criticism arose, the army condemned the pamphlet and Rontzki said it was distributed without his knowledge.

But the critics say it was in line with a pattern that goes against the heterogeneous nature of Israel’s conscript army.

Although mostly Jewish, the Israel Defense Forces’ estimated 175,000 regular troops include some Muslim Arabs and immigrants from the former Soviet Union who identify as Christians. The military’s advocate-general is an Orthodox Jew, and the editor of its official magazine is openly gay. All soldiers have access to their own clergy and observe their religions’ holidays, though only Jewish chaplains wear uniforms and serve in the military rabbinate.

The army chose Rontzki “instead of a more moderate personality with the hope of avoiding the kind of problems discussed around the withdrawal from Gaza,” said Gershom Gorenberg, an Israeli historian who has studied the settler movement.

“In the process, it has given a very prominent pulpit to someone whose views on other issues are extremely controversial,” he said.

Rontzki pioneered a new arm of the rabbinate dedicated to Jewish education, dubbed the Jewish Consciousness division. During the Gaza war his staff distributed colorful pamphlets exhorting soldiers to victory, accompanied by prayers, photographs of uniformed men in prayer shawls, and a number to call with questions of religious law.

“Under Rontzki’s command, the rabbinate is giving the conflict a religious overtone, and they are also using their free access to soldiers to work toward political goals,” said Michael Sfard, an attorney for Yesh Din, an Israeli human rights group. Those goals, critics like Sfard say, include making sure the West Bank, claimed by the Palestinians as part of their future state, remains in Jewish hands for good.

Rontzki has been accused of speaking out against military service for women – he denies it – and after Bamahane, the army magazine, profiled a homosexual major, Rontzki wrote to several senior officers to protest.

Israel’s army is proud of the opportunities it provides to women and openly gay soldiers. “A senior IDF officer who believes that it would be better for women not to be drafted and that homosexual soldiers should be erased from official army publications … does not deserve to serve in his position,” the Association for Civil Rights in Israel wrote to the military chief of staff.

The military responded that Rontzki was expressing his personal opinions. It declined to let Rontzki be interviewed, but Maj. Avital Leibovich, a spokeswoman, said his actions were in line with military orders.

“The jobs of the rabbinate have not changed,” Leibovich said. “The rabbinate is not supposed to be a substitute for the commander on the ground, but to give a spiritual boost to a religious soldier who might need it.”

The rabbinate’s new approach comes at a time of rising Orthodox influence in the military’s combat units. Elite troops once came predominantly from the socialist kibbutz movement; today they are more likely to be people like Rontzki – skullcapped, seminary-educated and steeped in an ethos of national service, sacrifice and building settlements.

The military does not keep statistics on religious affiliation, but it is clear that more religious Jews are making their way up the ranks. Some estimates say a quarter of the troops now completing combat officers’ training are religious. However, skullcaps like the one worn by 57-year-old Ronzki are still rare among the top brass, which remains overwhelmingly secular.

Some Orthodox leaders and educators voice concern that serving alongside secular conscripts weakens religious conviction. One of Rontzki’s goals has been to counter that tendency.

Most in the army think Rontzki’s activist Judaism is good for morale, said Yaakov Amidror, a retired general who is Orthodox himself.

Rontzki “has pushed himself into areas the military rabbinate never went before,” Amidror said. Referring to the Gaza operation, he said, “His approach was that the spiritual guide needs to be with the flock – it can’t be that soldiers are in there and rabbis are not.”

Lt. Cmdr. Craig Jones climbed the staircase into the captain’s cabin, with its porthole overlooking the sea and its matched pictures of Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh. The captain paused in a conversation with his executive officer and took a seat. Jones looked him in the eye and told him he would never again listen to the captain bash gay servicemen.

It was January 2000, and the captain had just announced that gays in Britain could start serving openly in the military.

“I said, ‘Look, it’s really simple. I’m gay,’” Jones said. “Whilst the changes in policy may not have had a great impact on you, they have a great impact on me.”

The assault ship’s rattled captain stuttered. There was a policy, yes – but no one had any idea what to do next. The captain asked Jones not to say anything.

Instead, he ended up saying a lot – all the way up to the British military’s highest officials.

After all, he’d had time to consider this. For years, he had led a double life.

Jones joined the navy at 1989, eager for adventure, and got his wish. He intercepted drug dealers in the Caribbean, dropped from helicopters, served in the Shatt-al-Arab waterway dividing Iraq and Iran, tracked arms into Northern Ireland.

Then, at 25, he met Adam Mason, the man who would become his partner. Suddenly, he had something to hide.

Jones and Mason set up a clandestine relationship in Brighton, a coastal community with a relaxed attitude toward gays but far from his ship’s home port in Portsmouth. Fearing he’d be betrayed by a casual remark, he told neighbors he was a truck driver for Shell.

“I had a constant fear of a knock at the door by the military police,” he said.

This was tough for an officer in the Royal Navy, where men and women spend a lot of time together and work doesn’t end at 6 p.m. The bonds extend to families, who support one another during long absences and in times of war and death.

Jones wanted to be part of that. He wanted Mason to be the first to know if anything happened to him, to be provided for in case Jones should die serving his country.

So it all welled up in him that morning in 2000 – all those years of sneaking around.

“I do remember saying to the captain that he had gay men and women on his ship and that he was bound to the same duty of care to them as everyone else,” Jones said.

But that was just the start. Jones told other officers – and made clear he didn’t mind if they shared the news. When a notice was put up for the ship’s ball, he signed up. Though the other officers and their wives welcomed them, he decided against dancing with Mason that first night.

“I thought it was appropriate to be aware of other people’s sensitivities,” Jones said.

Change came slowly. Though gays could now serve openly, few safeguards existed for those who came out. Jones worried that problems might be used as an excuse to backtrack. He met with personnel committees at the Ministry of Defense, wrote to Cabinet ministers.

And one day when he was particularly angry, he had lunch with the parents of a colleague. Jones didn’t hold back. What he didn’t realize that he was venting to Lord Armstrong of Ilminister, the former Cabinet secretary for ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

Soon after, an invitation arrived in the mail to spend a weekend at Leeds Castle – a turreted Saxon manor. The Armstrongs had a surprise guest: Lord West, the First Sea Lord, the top dog in Britain’s navy.

They bumped into each other in the hallway. Lady West grabbed Mason by the arm, questioning him about the needs of partners.

“She got it in a way that left no doubt she would use her influence,” Jones said.

Lord West promised to speak to the officer in charge of personnel. The Royal Navy began to lead. Sailors marched in the gay pride parade. Jones testified, in uniform, before the U.S. Congress. He was honored by the queen for his work in promoting diversity.

He’s left the navy now, confident others can carry on. But much had been accomplished. Britain now allows civil unions, for example, enabling partners to get many of the same rights as married couples.

From the “Berlin Wall of inequality,” Jones said, “it was the first brick to fall.”

—

Lord West, now Britain’s terrorism minister, spent more than four decades in the Royal Navy, and was commander of the HMS Ardent, a frigate which was sunk during the Falklands War.

In an interview at his office in the House of Lords, West said some of his views on gay people serving in the military were shaped by a non-commissioned officer who he served with on the Ardent.

“Probably my best NCO – a really brave chap, did brilliantly under fire, did all the right things, everything – by the time I became commander-in-chief, he’d finished his time in the Navy. And when he left, he let me know that actually, he was gay,” West said. “It really made me think about it.”

—

Mandy McBain knew what the conversation would be about when her boss told her she could bring a lawyer.

This wasn’t just a regular sit-down with a supervisor. And this wasn’t just any employer – it was the Royal Navy. What McBain’s boss asked her about was more than just an intrusion of privacy. It was a matter of law. Someone had reported her, and she had to answer.

“We didn’t have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. If you were gay, you were dismissed,” McBain says. “If I had answered yes to any of those questions, I would have been dismissed.”

So that day in the office, with another senior officer as witness, McBain denied she was in a relationship with another servicewoman – but didn’t tell them she was seeing a civilian.

“There’s no two ways about it. If I was asked today, ‘Did you lie?’ I would have to say yes,” she said.

Now, along with the anger, she feels sympathy.

“He was one of the best bosses I ever worked for,” she says. “It must have been awful for him, because we got along very well. (After) he said, ‘Right. Let’s put it behind us. Go home, have a gin and tonic, and I’ll see you tomorrow.’”

McBain knew from childhood she wanted to serve in the navy; she enlisted in 1986 at age 19. Two years later, she realized she was a lesbian and told her mom, some trusted friends – but not the navy.

“The only choice I had was to lead a double life,” she said.

She had a career she loved, but there was a cost. She had to tread carefully when she recounted for colleagues how she’d spent her free time. She didn’t get into the gay nightlife scene, worried that one of the patrons at a bar could be a military investigator.

In 2000, when the ban on gays serving in Britain’s armed forces was lifted, outwardly, little changed for McBain. There was no big announcement. But inwardly there was a sense of relief, and little by little, she started talking about her girlfriend.

Now, McBain is a lieutenant commander specializing in logistics. While she praises the armed forces – in particular, her beloved navy – McBain would like to see more people working on diversity issues. She believes the top brass understand the benefits of an inclusive military; it’s the people below them she wants to reach.

In particular, it rankles when someone tells McBain her sexuality is none of their business, “a private matter.”

“They just can’t understand me when I say, ‘What you do with your wife in the bedroom is a private matter,’” she says. “But when you go for a walk with your wife, and your child and your dog, well, I’d like to hear about that.”

The ultimate goal is simple: “I do wish for the day when being gay isn’t an issue.”

Australia

Austria

Belgium

Britain

Canada

Czech Republic

Denmark

Estonia

Finland

France

Germany

Ireland

Israel

Italy

Lithuania

Luxembourg

Netherlands

New Zealand

Norway

Slovenia

South Africa

Spain

Sweden

Switzerland

Uruguay

In the United States, more than 12,000 service members have been dismissed since 1994 because it became known they were gay. Current targets for discharge include a West Point graduate and Iraq war veteran, Army National Guard Lt. Dan Choi.

In Britain, on the other hand, uniformed gay and lesbian service members marched in the annual Pride London parade July 4. Gay Australian soldiers and sailors had their own float in Sydney’s Gay Mardi Gras parade. In Israel, the army magazine earlier this year featured two male soldiers on the cover, hugging one another.

America’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy – which prohibits gays from serving openly – is the target of intensifying opposition, and President Barack Obama says he favors lifting the ban. But he wants to win over skeptics in Congress and the Pentagon, and a fierce debate lies ahead that will inevitably touch on the experiences of allied nations that have no bans.

U.S. Rep. Patrick Murphy, D-Pa., the first Iraq war veteran elected to Congress, has just launched a campaign for a bill to repeal “don’t ask.” He observed British troops in Iraq operating smoothly with a serve-openly policy and bristles at the contention that American forces would suffer morale and recruiting problems if they followed suit.

“I take it as a personal affront to our warriors,” he said. “To say that other countries’ soldiers are professional enough to handle this and American soldiers aren’t is really a slap in the face.”

Those seeking to preserve the U.S. ban question whether the allies’ experiences have been as smooth as advertised and depict America’s military as so unique that lessons from overseas should be ignored anyway.

“We are the military leaders in the world – everybody wants to be like us,” said Brian Jones, a retired sergeant major who served in the Army Rangers. “Why in the world would we try to adjust our military model to be like them?”

With such polarized views as a backdrop, Associated Press reporters examined how the militaries of Israel, Britain and Australia have managed with serve-openly policies, and interviewed partisans on both sides of the debate in the United States about the relevance of those experiences.

—

Israel:

A nation in a constant state of combat readiness, Israel has had no restrictions on military service by gays since 1993.

Gays were permitted to serve even before then, but not in certain intelligence positions where, at the time, they were deemed possible security risks vulnerable to blackmail. Now, gays and lesbians serve in all branches of the military, including combat duty.

Maj. Yoni Schoenfeld, a gay officer who is the editor of the military magazine, Bamahane, said there was little friction in the ranks related to gay soldiers.

He served as a combat soldier and as commander of a paratrooper company, and said his sexual orientation – though known to fellow soldiers – was never an issue. Gay jokes would sometimes surface, unusually not malicious, he said, while receptiveness to gays in combat units could vary. “Those who are more feminine in their speech and appearance have a harder time fitting in.”

Schoenfeld’s magazine has reflected the evolving attitudes. In 2001, it was shut down briefly after featuring an interview with a retired colonel who had come out of the closet. Yet this year, there was no adverse reaction to the cover picture of two male soldiers embracing.

The military also provided the backdrop for the 2002 movie “Yossi & Jagger” about two Israeli combat soldiers who fall in love on the front lines. It was a hit with critics and the public, and was even screened on military bases.

—

Australia:

Back in 1992, Anita Van Der Meer was threatened with discharge from the Australian navy for being a lesbian. She denied the allegation to save her job – and later that year the military’s ban on gays and lesbians was lifted.

This spring, Van Der Meer marched proudly with more than 100 other service members in Sydney’s annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade under an Australian Defense Force banner.

Now a chief petty officer, Van Der Meer was a junior sailor in 1992 when someone reported she was engaged in a same-sex relationship.

“It was very traumatic for me,” said Van Der Meer, 41. “But I still had the cooperation of my supervisors and my peers.”

Chief Petty Officer Stuart O’Brien, who joined the navy 19 years ago, said being openly gay has not been an issue, even when working alongside U.S. military personnel in Baghdad in 2006.

“They valued the work that I did and that’s all that it comes down to at the end of the day,” O’Brien said.

The lifting of the ban was preceded by heated debate, yet the change itself was relatively uneventful.

Among opponents of the change at the time was Australia’s main veterans group, which later withdrew its objections.

The group’s president, retired Maj. Gen. Bill Crews, said concerns about lowered morale and HIV transmission on the battlefield proved ill-founded.

“I thought there’d be a continuing problem because of prejudice that exists in parts of the community,” Crews said. “I don’t see any evidence now that homosexuals are in any way discriminated against. …A homosexual can be just as effective a soldier as a heterosexual.”

—

Britain:

British policymakers had been wrestling for years with whether to scrap a long-standing ban on gays in the military – but the pivotal decision was made abroad, by the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg, France.

The court ruled in 1999 that Britain had violated the rights of four former service members who were dismissed for being gay and lesbian.

At the time, there was significant opposition to the change among military officers. There were predictions that unit cohesion would suffer and that large numbers of personnel would leave the military if gays could serve.

Lord Alan West, former head of the Royal Navy and now Britain’s terrorism minister, served before and after the ban was lifted.

“It’s much better where we are now,” West said. “For countries that don’t do that – I don’t believe it’s got anything to do with how efficient or capable their forces will be. It’s to do with other prejudices, I’m afraid.”

He added: “I think the Americans really need to make the move.”

Mandy McBain joined the Royal Navy at age 19, in 1986, at the lowest possible rank. Now a lieutenant commander, she remembers what it was like to serve when being a lesbian had to be a secret.

“It’s exhausting,” she said. “It’s quite incredible to look back and see how much time and energy I spent leading a double life.”

Military expert Amyas Godfrey of the Royal United Services Institute, a London think tank, was serving with the army in Northern Ireland when the policy changed.

“I remember our commanding officer at the time called the entire battalion together and said, ‘This is how it is going to be now. … We are not going to bully. If someone in your group says that he is gay, you treat them as normal,’” Godfrey recalled.

“And that, really, was the implementation of it. For all the years I served after that, it was never an issue.”

—

United States:

For those in the U.S. military community who oppose letting gays serve openly, there’s a widely shared sentiment that America has nothing to learn from the two dozen nations that have no bans.

“Who’s the only superpower military out there?” argued Maj. Brian Maue, a professor at the U.S. Air Force Academy, in a debate in June in Chicago. “This is hardly convincing to say, ‘Ah, the others are doing it. We should too.’”

Maue – who says he’s been speaking out on his own, not as a military spokesman – also suggested in an online forum that “an openly gay military would be the heterosexual equivalent to forcing women to constantly share bathrooms, locker rooms and bedrooms with men.”

Retired Army Lt. Col. Robert Maginnis, another supporter of the ban, contends that some field commanders in nations that allow gays to serve openly have resorted to “tacit discrimination” – excluding them from front-line units for fear that problems would surface in rugged, close-quarters living conditions.

Repealing the U.S. ban would trigger the departure of some career service members who object to homosexuality and deter some people from enlisting, said Maginnis.

Advocates of open service for gays acknowledge there would be some hitches, but predict the overall change would be smooth.

“There’s been very little trouble in the nations that lifted their ban,” said professor David Segal, director of the University of Maryland’s Center for Research on Military Organization. “My guess is there will be slightly more in the U.S. – we have a somewhat higher level of intolerance.”

However, Segal doubted the change would spur a large exodus or hamper recruitment.

“There will be some gay bashing at the unit level, and that will be a problem in the short run for NCOs and junior officers,” he said. “But they will deal with it, just as they dealt with racial integration and gender integration.”

Nathaniel Frank, a researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara’s Palm Center and author of a book on “don’t ask, don’t tell,” says his studies of allied nations suggest that lifting the ban in the U.S. would not impair overall military effectiveness.

“There will be some forms of de facto discrimination and prejudice – a policy change is not going to wipe that out of people’s hearts and minds overnight,” he said. “But more and more people in the military are seeing it doesn’t serve them to have this policy in place.”

There’s no question, Frank said, that the U.S. military is unique. But he said it should be embarrassing that “our allies can tell the truth about gay soldiers and the U.S. stands with China, Iran, North Korea among the nations that can’t.”

The key to a smooth transition, Frank added, is emphatic direction from top commanders and adoption of a code of conduct spelling out unacceptable behavior.

Dan Choi, the Army lieutenant facing dismissal, says “don’t ask” forces gays who are serving to be furtive and dishonest.

“Closeting is what causes instability,” he said. “It’s the most toxic poison.”

As for the U.S. being different from its allies, Choi agrees.

“We are exceptional – because we take the lead on things,” he said. “To me, it’s an insult to the idea of American exceptionalism to say we’re somehow scared of gays.”

Seaman August Provost of Houston was found shot multiple times Tuesday in what investigators are calling a random act unrelated to the 29-year-old’s sexuality.

“It is clear to the investigators right now that it could have been any sailor standing watch,” Navy spokesman Capt. Matt Brown told The Associated Press.

Some in the gay community had called for a hate crimes probe. Nicole Murray-Ramirez, chairman of the San Diego Human Relations Commission, said Provost’s family told her that personnel on the base had been harassing the sailor.

Earlier in the day, Democratic Rep. Bob Filner of San Diego, who chairs the House Veterans Affairs Committee, said he would call for a Defense Department probe to see if the killing was a hate crime.

The Naval Criminal Investigative Service has taken a “person of interest” into custody but had not filed any charges. Navy officials said he had made incriminating statements that tied him to the killing, though these statements did not constitute a confession.

Another sailor was questioned and released Wednesday.

Brown said Provost’s killer burned the guard shack to cover up evidence.

Brown described Provost as “a rising star in our Navy,” who entered the service in March 2008. He had completed basic training and subsequent technical schools and was beginning preparations for overseas deployment.

But he’s still willing to take money from a reliably Democratic constituency – he was sending Vice President Joe Biden to a Democratic National Committee fundraiser Thursday evening with gay and lesbian donors.

Some gay donors called for a boycott after Obama’s Justice Department, in a court filing, compared gay marriages to incest.

“I don’t think it’s an appropriate time to be raising money. No one is happy now,” said Richard Socarides, who advised former President Bill Clinton on gay issues and did not plan to attend the event. “On gay rights, the country is already in the age of Obama, but he’s governing from the Clinton era.”

Obama issued a presidential memorandum that expands some federal benefits to same-sex partners, but not health benefits or pension guarantees. He has allowed State Department employees to include their same-sex partners in certain embassy programs already available to opposite-sex spouses.

But that remains far short of his campaign rhetoric.

“At its core, this issue is about who we are as Americans,” Obama said a 2007 statement on gay issues. “It’s about whether this nation is going to live up to its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect.”

Since then, he publicly has committed himself to repealing the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that allows gays and lesbians to serve in the military as long as they don’t disclose their sexual orientation or act on it. On Jan. 9, Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs answered “yes” when asked whether the administration would end the policy. But as president, Obama hasn’t taken any concrete steps urging Congress to rescind the Clinton-era policy that even some former chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff have described as flawed.

Obama pledged during the campaign to work for repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, which limits how state, local and federal bodies can recognize partnerships and determine benefits.

In a letter sent to gay-rights groups in February 2008, the president said “I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate.”

But lawyers in his administration defended the law in a court brief. White House aides said they were only doing their jobs to back a law that is on the books.

At the time, even Democrats in his party criticized the move.

“I was profoundly disappointed by this action, particularly coming from this administration,” said Rep. Tammy Baldwin, D-Wis., the first openly gay nonincumbent to win election to Congress.

Even so, Baldwin and other high-profile gay and lesbians and their allies still planned to attend Biden’s fundraiser. The minimum donation was $1,000 and some tickets went as high as $30,400. The event was expected to draw 160 people, although the DNC was not releasing estimates on how much money the event would net, especially given some high-profile defections.

Human Rights Campaign grass-roots chief Marty Rouse, Gay and Lesbians Advocates and Defenders projects director Mary Bonauto and the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund President Chuck Wolfe all withdrew. Several other high-profile activists also did not intended to participate, hoping to pressure Obama to make good on his promises now.

The White House plans an East Room reception on Monday for gay and lesbian advocates to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Greenwich Village demonstrations at the Stonewall Tavern in New York City. The demonstrations are viewed as the start of the modern gay rights movement.

“Unless the president on Monday articulates a strong action plan, and is willing to do it with cameras rolling, it is going to go from bad to worse,” said Socarides, the Clinton adviser.

I was kicked out of my room so that the new soldiers had a place to stay.  The roommate I had as my confidant, the only person I have been open with, has already been sent away ahead of me. I no longer have someone to talk to personally about all things homosexual.  What’s even more constricting is that one of my new roommates in the tiny room they squeezed me in is a conservative Christian.  There are 3 Bibles staring me in the face and I can’t even mention something of a homosexual nature without the fear of getting lectured.

Don’t get me wrong.  This soldier is awesome and I trust him with my life.  I just don’t trust him with my career. 

 I don’t think he would accept having me as a roommate and would make it very difficult for me if I came out to him – me might even out me to the leadership.  I don’t have a reading on how my other soldier-roommate here would react.  He’s older and seems to be laid back.

I have actually come out to two soldiers in this unit during this deployment. Both of them are gone. One of them left on a medical issue a few months ago, and the other just left recently. Writing for you all has made me consider whether I over-exaggerate possible reactions of my fellow soldiers. 

Would my conservative roommate really react as negatively as I believe?  Maybe he would be worse – or not care at all.

In a time where the president of ‘change’ of ‘hope’ and of a belief that Washington won’t be ‘politics as usual’ one would think the repeal of DADT would help me answer these questions.  Unfortunately, I have no hope for this president following through with his campaign words; I can’t trust my commander-in-chief chief to look out for me. 

I can’t rely on the repeal of DADT to help me start a dialogue with my fellow soldiers unless Congress pushes through legislation that the President seems reluctant to get behind.

I have a short time left with this group of infantry soldiers before I return to my old unit – the unit that knows me best.  I wonder if I should be a little more open with these soldiers and try to open a dialogue.  Since there are only a few weeks, it might be possible to have them live with the knowledge without them feeling trapped.  If the experience ends well for me, maybe it would be a good learning experience for us all.  Then again if someone reacts badly – who knows what might happen.

I’ll let you know if I do tell anyone else and what their reaction is.   It’s kind of a fun experiment, although a bit dangerous.  Some might not consider it a loss if I lose my military job.  That and physical retaliation are my only real fears in thinking about this.  I may lose a few friends, but perhaps I shouldn’t be friends with them if they are that homophobic.