Why?

1) To avoid another Iraq. There are so many lesbians in positions of power in the U.S. that if Greece doesn’t make friends with the LGBT community quickly, we might suddenly “find” WMDs on the Isle of Lesbos, and end up in another war in which nobody wins but Dick Cheney.

2) To cut down on lawsuits. Friendlier relations between our two countries will prevent the international courts from being deluged with counter-suits from American lesbians who are insulted at the Greeks being insulted (I hear Ellen DeGeneres is consulting her attorneys as we speak).

3) To improve lesbian dating opportunities. Statistics show that one of the best places to meet a potential partner is at work, and the Foreign Minister of Greece, Dora Bakoyannis, is pretty hot. Plus, what sounds like a better way to meet women: strolling through the Isle of Lesbos, or trolling on Match.com?

Sarah Warn is Editor in Chief of AfterEllen.com

Go back to the main story for more opinions on where we need LGBT officials.

The lawsuit was brought by three islanders from Lesbos, home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women. The island is a popular holiday destination for gay women.

The suit said hat the name of the LGBT group – Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece – “insults the identity” of the people of Lesbos.

In dismissing the case, the court said that islanders did not have sole claim to the name.

Attorneys for the three islanders said they may appeal to the European Court.

Sappho lived from the late 7th to the early 6th century B.C. and is considered one of the greatest poets of antiquity. Many of her poems, written in the first person and intended to be accompanied by music, contain passionate references to love for other women.

Very little is known of her life. According to some ancient accounts, she was an aristocrat who married a rich merchant and had a daughter with him. One tradition says that she killed herself by jumping off a cliff over an unhappy love affair.

Dimitris Lambrou one of the litigants in the case said Sappho was not gay. “But even if we assume she was, how can 250,000 people of Lesbian descent – including women – be considered homosexual?”

Lambrou also denied the suit was homophobic.

“The word lesbian has been associated with gay women for the past few decades but we have been Lesbians for thousands of years,” he said.

The plaintiffs — two women and a man — are seeking to ban a Greek gay rights group from using the word “lesbian” in its name.

Also known as Mytilini, Lesbos was the home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love among women. It is a major travel destination for gay women.

The Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece “causes confusion by using a geographic term in connection with (the group’s) special character and social action,” said Dimitris Papadelis, a lawyer representing the plaintiffs.

A spokeswoman for the group accused the plaintiffs of homophobia.

“I believe … the other party’s intentions were purely racist,” Evangelia Vlami said. “They showed that what bothers them is a specific sexual orientation.”

“What will they do next, sue the United Nations? They, too, use the term lesbian,” Vlami said.

Plaintiff Dimitris Lambrou has insisted the lawsuit “is not an aggressive act against gay women.”

Lawyers from both sides are to submit written arguments on Wednesday, and the court is expected to issue its decision in the next six months.