Andrew Sullivan needs no support from me. And from what little I know about the man he would be dismissive of it. Sully has a habit of calling anyone who disagrees with him as either unthinking or a wannabe destroyer of American life (remember how ballistic he went when anyone questioned the Iraq War?). With that said, please pay attention to  an email sent to him yesterday.

Sullivan has been hammering away at the White House for its lack of action on DADT. Yes there are moments when his pen can go over the top (heck, even he will cop to that), but giving President Obama grief for not doing enough on DADT is honorable work. Even Obama admitted as much when he spoke to HRC Saturday night. Well according to an emailer, Sullivan’s stand on the matter is “embarrassing”  because the White House has more pressing issues.

This is a position worth discussing, but the emailer (called from here on in as smug straight person, SSP) isn’t concerned about conversation. Instead he just wants to say what a fag Sullivan is.

“Geez, you’re a princess. Gay people account for what? 9% of the population? That much? Heterosexual sex is the ability to replicate consciousness. All wonders of the universe are created by the union of sperm and egg. The sperm and the egg have created everything.”

Not the “straight coupling is so transcendent” line! I wonder does the emailer have this same thought when his wife goes down on him before she takes their kids to school? Or maybe when he’s begging to do her in the booty? Could be this thought passes his mind when he is lusting over some television tart. Nothing against straight sex but let’s be fair here: when they go at it, most heterosexuals are not looking to “replicate consciousness.”

While opposite sex atteraction is a union of the gods, gay love is…wait for it….”a cross” and SSP wants Sullivan to bear his silently and recognize how his gayness keeps him away from the higher love of his straight peers. I’m assuming that search for the ethereal  is why Gov. Mark Sanford went to Argentina so many times.

Oh, but SSP is not done. He has one more flourish.

“Go suck a dick, and suck it up, sweetheart.”

There it is. That straight conceit. The card too many heterosexuals play when they need to put us in our place for our uppity behavior. Take care of their churches, serve in the military, teach their children, clean their houses, show compassion to their sick and dying, pay taxes, entertain them, be their neighbors, but no sounds about rights or our relationships. Just suck dick. That’s all we are good for.

REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT

AT HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN DINNER

Walter E. Convention Center

Washington, D.C.

8:10 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT:  Thank you, everybody.  Please, you’re making me blush.  (Laughter.)

AUDIENCE MEMBER:  We love you, Barack!

THE PRESIDENT:  I love you back.  (Applause.)

To Joe Solmonese, who’s doing an outstanding job on behalf of HRC.  (Applause.)  To my great friend and supporter, Terry Bean, co-founder of HRC.  (Applause.)  Representative Patrick Kennedy.  (Applause.)  David Huebner, the Ambassador-designee to New Zealand and Samoa.  (Applause.)  John Berry, our Director of OPM, who’s doing a great job.  (Applause.)  Nancy Sutley, Chairman of Council on Environmental Quality.  (Applause.)  Fred Hochberg, Chairman of Export-Import Bank.  (Applause.)   And my dear friend, Tipper Gore, who’s in the house.  (Applause.)

Thank you so much, all of you.  It is a privilege to be here tonight to open for Lady GaGa.  (Applause.)  I’ve made it.  (Laughter.)  I want to thank the Human Rights Campaign for inviting me to speak and for the work you do every day in pursuit of equality on behalf of the millions of people in this country who work hard in their jobs and care deeply about their families — and who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.  (Applause.)

For nearly 30 years, you’ve advocated on behalf of those without a voice.  That’s not easy.  For despite the real gains that we’ve made, there’s still laws to change and there’s still hearts to open.  There are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors, even loved ones — good and decent people — who hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes; who fail to see your families like their families; who would deny you the rights most Americans take for granted.  And that’s painful and it’s heartbreaking.  (Applause.)  And yet you continue, leading by the force of the arguments you make, and by the power of the example that you set in your own lives — as parents and friends, as PTA members and church members, as advocates and leaders in your communities.  And you’re making a difference.

That’s the story of the movement for fairness and equality, and not just for those who are gay, but for all those in our history who’ve been denied the rights and responsibilities of citizenship — (applause) — for all who’ve been told that the full blessings and opportunities of this country were closed to them.  It’s the story of progress sought by those with little influence or power; by men and women who brought about change through quiet, personal acts of compassion — and defiance — wherever and whenever they could.

It’s the story of the Stonewall protests, when a group of citizens — (applause) — when a group of citizens with few options, and fewer supporters stood up against discrimination and helped to inspire a movement.  It’s the story of an epidemic that decimated a community — and the gay men and women who came to support one another and save one another; who continue to fight this scourge; and who have demonstrated before the world that different kinds of families can show the same compassion in a time of need.  (Applause.)  And it’s the story of the Human Rights Campaign and the fights you’ve fought for nearly 30 years: helping to elect candidates who share your values; standing against those who would enshrine discrimination into our Constitution; advocating on behalf of those living with HIV/AIDS; and fighting for progress in our capital and across America.  (Applause.)

This story, this fight continue now.  And I’m here with a simple message:  I’m here with you in that fight.  (Applause.)  For even as we face extraordinary challenges as a nation, we cannot — and we will not — put aside issues of basic equality. I greatly appreciate the support I’ve received from many in this room.  I also appreciate that many of you don’t believe progress has come fast enough.  I want to be honest about that, because it’s important to be honest among friends.

Now, I’ve said this before, I’ll repeat it again — it’s not for me to tell you to be patient, any more than it was for others to counsel patience to African Americans petitioning for equal rights half a century ago.  (Applause.)  But I will say this:  We have made progress and we will make more.  And I think it’s important to remember that there is not a single issue that my administration deals with on a daily basis that does not touch on the lives of the LGBT community.  (Applause.)  We all have a stake in reviving this economy.  We all have a stake in putting people back to work.  We all have a stake in improving our schools and achieving quality, affordable health care.  We all have a stake in meeting the difficult challenges we face in Iraq and Afghanistan.  (Applause.)

For while some may wish to define you solely by your sexual orientation or gender identity alone, you know — and I know — that none of us wants to be defined by just one part of what makes us whole.  (Applause.)  You’re also parents worried about your children’s futures.  You’re spouses who fear that you or the person you love will lose a job.  You’re workers worried about the rising cost of health insurance.  You’re soldiers.  You are neighbors.  You are friends.  And, most importantly, you are Americans who care deeply about this country and its future.  (Applause.)

So I know you want me working on jobs and the economy and all the other issues that we’re dealing with.  But my commitment to you is unwavering even as we wrestle with these enormous problems.  And while progress may be taking longer than you’d like as a result of all that we face — and that’s the truth — do not doubt the direction we are heading and the destination we will reach.  (Applause.)

My expectation is that when you look back on these years, you will see a time in which we put a stop to discrimination against gays and lesbians — whether in the office or on the battlefield.  (Applause.)  You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman.  (Applause.)  You will see a nation that’s valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union — a union in which gay Americans are an important part.  I am committed to these goals.  And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them.

And there’s no more poignant or painful reminder of how important it is that we do so than the loss experienced by Dennis and Judy Shepard, whose son Matthew was stolen in a terrible act of violence 11 years ago.  In May, I met with Judy — who’s here tonight with her husband — I met her in the Oval Office, and I promised her that we were going to pass an inclusive hate crimes bill — a bill named for her son.  (Applause.)

This struggle has been long.  Time and again we faced opposition.  Time and again, the measure was defeated or delayed. But the Shepards never gave up.  (Applause.)  They turned tragedy into an unshakeable commitment.  (Applause.)  Countless activists and organizers never gave up.  You held vigils, you spoke out, year after year, Congress after Congress.  The House passed the bill again this week.  (Applause.)  And I can announce that after more than a decade, this bill is set to pass and I will sign it into law.  (Applause.)

It’s a testament to the decade-long struggle of Judy and Dennis, who tonight will receive a tribute named for somebody who inspired so many of us — named for Senator Ted Kennedy, who fought tirelessly for this legislation.  (Applause.)  And it’s a testament to the Human Rights Campaign and those who organized and advocated.  And it’s a testament to Matthew and to others who’ve been the victims of attacks not just meant to break bones, but to break spirits — not meant just to inflict harm, but to instill fear.  Together, we will have moved closer to that day when no one has to be afraid to be gay in America.  (Applause.) When no one has to fear walking down the street holding the hand of the person they love.  (Applause.)

But we know there’s far more work to do.  We’re pushing hard to pass an inclusive employee non-discrimination bill.  (Applause.)  For the first time ever, an administration official testified in Congress in favor of this law.  Nobody in America should be fired because they’re gay, despite doing a great job and meeting their responsibilities.  It’s not fair.  It’s not right.  We’re going to put a stop to it.  (Applause.)  And it’s for this reason that if any of my nominees are attacked not for what they believe but for who they are, I will not waver in my support, because I will not waver in my commitment to ending discrimination in all its forms.  (Applause.)

We are reinvigorating our response to HIV/AIDS here at home and around the world.  (Applause.)  We’re working closely with the Congress to renew the Ryan White program and I look forward to signing it into law in the very near future.  (Applause.)  We are rescinding the discriminatory ban on entry to the United States based on HIV status.  (Applause.)  The regulatory process to enact this important change is already underway.  And we also know that HIV/AIDS continues to be a public health threat in many communities, including right here in the District of Columbia.  Jeffrey Crowley, the Director of the Office of National AIDS Policy, recently held a forum in Washington, D.C., and is holding forums across the country, to seek input as we craft a national strategy to address this crisis.

We are moving ahead on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.  (Applause.)  We should not be punishing patriotic Americans who have stepped forward to serve this country.  We should be celebrating their willingness to show such courage and selflessness on behalf of their fellow citizens, especially when we’re fighting two wars.  (Applause.)

We cannot afford to cut from our ranks people with the critical skills we need to fight any more than we can afford — for our military’s integrity — to force those willing to do so into careers encumbered and compromised by having to live a lie. So I’m working with the Pentagon, its leadership, and the members of the House and Senate on ending this policy.  Legislation has been introduced in the House to make this happen.  I will end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  That’s my commitment to you.  (Applause.)

It is no secret that issues of great concern to gays and lesbians are ones that raise a great deal of emotion in this country.  And it’s no secret that progress has been incredibly difficult — we can see that with the time and dedication it took to pass hate crimes legislation.  But these issues also go to the heart of who we are as a people.  Are we a nation that can transcend old attitudes and worn divides?  Can we embrace our differences and look to the hopes and dreams that we share?  Will we uphold the ideals on which this nation was founded:  that all of us are equal, that all of us deserve the same opportunity to live our lives freely and pursue our chance at happiness?  I believe we can; I believe we will.  (Applause.)

And that is why — that’s why I support ensuring that committed gay couples have the same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country.  (Applause.)  I believe strongly in stopping laws designed to take rights away and passing laws that extend equal rights to gay couples.  I’ve required all agencies in the federal government to extend as many federal benefits as possible to LGBT families as the current law allows.  And I’ve called on Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefits and Obligations Act.  (Applause.)  And we must all stand together against divisive and deceptive efforts to feed people’s lingering fears for political and ideological gain.

For the struggle waged by the Human Rights Campaign is about more than any policy we can enshrine into law.  It’s about our capacity to love and commit to one another.  It’s about whether or not we value as a society that love and commitment.  It’s about our common humanity and our willingness to walk in someone else’s shoes:  to imagine losing a job not because of your performance at work but because of your relationship at home; to imagine worrying about a spouse in the hospital, with the added fear that you’ll have to produce a legal document just to comfort the person you love — (applause) — to imagine the pain of losing a partner of decades and then discovering that the law treats you like a stranger.  (Applause.)

If we are honest with ourselves we’ll admit that there are too many who do not yet know in their lives or feel in their hearts the urgency of this struggle.  That’s why I continue to speak about the importance of equality for LGBT families — and not just in front of gay audiences.  That’s why Michelle and I have invited LGBT families to the White House to participate in events like the Easter Egg Roll — because we want to send a message.  (Applause.)  And that’s why it’s so important that you continue to speak out, that you continue to set an example, that you continue to pressure leaders — including me — and to make the case all across America.  (Applause.)

So, tonight I’m hopeful — because of the activism I see in this room, because of the compassion I’ve seen all across America, and because of the progress we have made throughout our history, including the history of the movement for LGBT equality.

Soon after the protests at Stonewall 40 years ago, the phone rang in the home of a soft-spoken elementary school teacher named Jeanne Manford.  It was 1:00 in the morning, and it was the police.  Now, her son, Morty, had been at the Stonewall the night of the raids.  Ever since, he had felt within him a new sense of purpose.  So when the officer told Jeanne that her son had been arrested, which was happening often to gay protesters, she was not entirely caught off guard.  And then the officer added one more thing, “And you know, he’s homosexual.”  (Laughter.)  Well, that police officer sure was surprised when Jeanne responded, “Yes, I know.  Why are you bothering him?”  (Applause.)

And not long after, Jeanne would be marching side-by-side with her son through the streets of New York.  She carried a sign that stated her support.  People cheered.  Young men and women ran up to her, kissed her, and asked her to talk to their parents.  And this gave Jeanne and Morty an idea.

And so, after that march on the anniversary of the Stonewall protests, amidst the violence and the vitriol of a difficult time for our nation, Jeanne and her husband Jules — two parents who loved their son deeply — formed a group to support other parents and, in turn, to support their children, as well.  At the first meeting Jeanne held, in 1973, about 20 people showed up.  But slowly, interest grew.  Morty’s life, tragically, was cut short by AIDS.  But the cause endured.  Today, the organization they founded for parents, families, and friends of lesbians and gays  — (applause) — has more than 200,000 members and supporters, and has made a difference for countless families across America. And Jeanne would later say, “I considered myself such a traditional person.  I didn’t even cross the street against the light.”  (Laughter.)  “But I wasn’t going to let anybody walk over Morty.”  (Applause.)

That’s the story of America:  of ordinary citizens organizing, agitating and advocating for change; of hope stronger than hate; of love more powerful than any insult or injury; of Americans fighting to build for themselves and their families a nation in which no one is a second-class citizen, in which no one is denied their basic rights, in which all of us are free to live and love as we see fit.  (Applause.)

Tonight, somewhere in America, a young person, let’s say a young man, will struggle to fall to sleep, wrestling alone with a secret he’s held as long as he can remember.  Soon, perhaps, he will decide it’s time to let that secret out.  What happens next depends on him, his family, as well as his friends and his teachers and his community.  But it also depends on us — on the kind of society we engender, the kind of future we build.

I believe the future is bright for that young person.  For while there will be setbacks and bumps along the road, the truth is that our common ideals are a force far stronger than any division that some might sow.  These ideals, when voiced by generations of citizens, are what made it possible for me to stand here today.  (Applause.)  These ideals are what made it possible for the people in this room to live freely and openly when for most of history that would have been inconceivable.  That’s the promise of America, HRC.  That’s the promise we’re called to fulfill.  (Applause.)  Day by day, law by law, changing mind by mind, that is the promise we are fulfilling.

Thank you for the work you’re doing.  God bless you.  God bless America.  (Applause.)

“I will end ‘don’t ask-don’t tell,’” Obama said Saturday night to a standing ovation from the crowd of about 3,000 at the annual dinner of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay civil rights advocacy group. He offered no timetable or specifics and he acknowledged some may be growing impatient.

“I appreciate that many of you don’t believe progress has come fast enough,” Obama said. “Do not doubt the direction we are heading and the destination we will reach.”

Some advocates said they already have heard Obama’s promises and now they want a timeline. Cleve Jones, a pioneer activist and creator of the AIDS Memorial Quilt, said Obama delivered a brilliant speech, but added “it lacked the answer to our most pressing question, which is when.”

“He repeated his promises that he’s made to us before, but he did not indicate when he would accomplish these goals and we’ve been waiting for a while now,” said Jones, national co-chair of a major gay-rights rally scheduled for Sunday on the National Mall.

Aubrey Sarvis, executive director of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network said he was encouraged to hear Obama’s pledge but added “an opportunity was missed tonight.” He said his group “was disappointed the president did not lay out a timeline and specifics for repeal.”

Obama also called on Congress to repeal the Defense Of Marriage Act, which limits how state, local and federal bodies can recognize partnerships and determine benefits. He also called for a law to extend benefits to domestic partners.

He expressed strong support for the HRC agenda of ending discrimination against gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people but stopped short of laying out a detailed plan for how to get there.

“My expectation is that when you look back on these years you will look back and see a time when we put a stop against discrimination … whether in the office or the battlefield,” Obama said.

Obama’s political energies are focused on many issues, including managing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the economic crisis and his ambitious plan to reform the health care system.

The HRC holds out hope of seeing more action.

“We have never had a stronger ally in the White House. Never,” Joe Solmonese, the group’s president, said at the dinner before the president spoke.

(Washington) The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, announced today that President Barack Obama will deliver the keynote address at the 13th Annual National Dinner on Saturday, October 10th, in Washington, D.C.

U.S. Rep. Patrick Kennedy will also present the first-ever Edward M. Kennedy National Leadership Award to Judy and Dennis Shepard.  The award is named in honor of the late Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA), a champion in the fight for LGBT equality.

“We are honored to share this night with President Obama, who has called upon our nation to embrace LGBT people as brothers and sisters,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese.  “It is fitting that he will speak to our community on the night that we pay tribute to his friend and mentor Senator Edward Kennedy, who knew that as president, Barack Obama would take on the unfinished business of this nation – equal rights for the LGBT community, and for every person who believes in liberty and justice for all.”

The event will begin at 7 p.m. at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center in Washington, D.C.

The dinner is sold out. Read the NYTimes story on the speech.

The report, “Degrees of Equality: A National Study Examining Workplace Climate for LGBT Employees,” found that, despite significant advances in employment policies at major U.S. corporations, a majority of LGBT workers continue to experience a range of negative consequences because of their sexual orientation and gender identity.  Younger workers are even more likely to hide their LGBT identity – only 5 percent of LGBT employees ages 18 to 24 say they are totally open at work, compared to more than 20 percent in older age cohorts.

The report is available for download at www.DegreesOfEquality.org.

“Overall attitudes towards LGBT people have come a long way, but we can’t forget that people still struggle at work and that this has a profound impact on LGBT workers’ careers,” said Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign Foundation.  “Degrees of Equality helps us bridge the gap between policy and practice to fully understand LGBT workers’ experiences.  The more we understand the workplace, the more we can help usher it to a place where all employees can thrive.”

The study examined why workers chose to disclose their LGBT identity or not, how these issues arise in the workplace, the impact they have for businesses and what can be done to improve productivity and retention.  In recent years, businesses have engaged in sustained efforts to implement policies aimed at creating safe and productive workplaces for talented LGBT employees.  The number of companies that receive top ratings on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation Corporate Equality Index, for example, rose from just 13 in 2002 to 305 in the 2010 report released last week.

Nevertheless, significant numbers of LGBT employees continue to experience a negative workplace climate that affects productivity, retention and professional relationships.  At least once in the past year, 42 percent of LGBT employees report lying about their personal lives, 27 percent have felt distracted, 21 percent have job searched and 13 percent have stayed home from work as a result of working in an environment that is not always accepting of LGBT people.

As reasons for hiding their identities, 39 percent fear losing connections, 28 percent fear not being considered for advancement, 17 percent fear getting fired and more than one in ten (13 percent) fear for their personal safety.  Transgender workers are much more likely than other groups to report fearing for their personal safety – 40 percent compared to 20 percent of gay men.

And 42 percent of transgender workers feared getting fired if they revealed their LGBT identity, compared to 22 percent of gay men.

An employee’s sexual orientation or gender identity are often unavoidable in casual, non-work related conversations.  These conversations occur frequently and are an essential component to building productive work relationships.

At least once per week, 89 percent of LGBT employees say conversations about social lives, 80 percent confront conversations involving spouses, relationships and dating at least once per week and 50 percent say the topic of sex arises at least once a week.  These conversations are the most likely to make LGBT employees feel uncomfortable: fewer than half feel very comfortable talking about any of these topics.

Derogatory comments and jokes still happen at work and are a major indicator that it is unsafe to be open about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity at work.  A total of 58 percent of LGBT workers say someone at work makes a joke or derogatory comment about LGBT people at least once in a while.

Similarly, jokes and derogatory comments about other minority groups are equally indicative of a negative climate.  About two-thirds (62 percent) of LGBT employees say negative comments about minority groups are made at least once in a while at work.

Even with inclusive employment policies, significant numbers of employees report negative consequences of an unwelcoming environment for LGBT employees.  Moreover, the vast majority of LGBT workers do not report instances when they hear an anti-LGBT remark to HR or management.  On average, 67 percent ignore it or let it go, 9 percent raise the issue with a supervisor and only 5 percent go to HR.

“We’ve found that inclusive non-discrimination policies and equal benefits are the essential first step toward cultivating a productive and engaged LGBT employee, but they are not the last step,” said Daryl Herrschaft, director of the Workplace Project.  “By understanding how LGBT identity surfaces and unfolds in the workplace, we will be better able to turn policy into practice and address opportunities to improve productivity and retention of LGBT employees.”

The study is the cornerstone of a new project that will provide employers with a climate assessment tool and toolkits for improving their workplaces.

The HRC Foundation conducted 14 focus groups to examine current LGBT workplace experiences and identify key elements of workplace climate. Since there is no uniform LGBT experience, the diversity of the working LGBT community was accounted for by conducting focus groups around race, ethnicity and gender, among other sub-groupings.  In addition, the HRC Foundation commissioned the largest national survey of LGBT workplace experiences to date, administered to 761 LGBT workers from across the country.  Finally, in-depth interviews supplemented the research.

From HRC (with slight editing):

(Washington) The Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, issued the following statement on today’s historic decision by the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America’s (ELCA) to lift its ban on noncelibate lesbian and gay pastors and to allow for those in committed same-sex relationships to serve as ministers.  This vote passed 559-541 following an earlier precedent declaring that congregations “that choose to do so [may] recognize, support and hold publicly accountable, lifelong, monogamous, same-gender relationships.”  In addition, on Wednesday, a 2/3 majority voted to approve a social statement on human sexuality to acknowledge without judgment the wide variety of views within the ELCA regarding lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender inclusion.

“By allowing for same-sex couples in committed relationships to serve their call to ministry and by creating policies that respects LGBT people in their congregations, ELCA is modeling for other religious communities what it means to be a faith community that honors all of God’s children,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese.  “This is a joyous day for the LGBT Lutheran’s who no longer have to choose between their spirituality and their sexuality.”

“The Holy Spirit has moved powerfully in the community called the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, working through the courageous advocacy of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and our allies,” said Harry Knox, Director for HRC’s Religion and Faith Program. “Thanks be to God for our colleagues at Lutherans Concerned and all of the Goodsoil coalition!  The ELCA has studied, prayed and listened to the witness of its LGBT sisters and brothers, and has come to consensus in community. This decision reflects the best of Lutheran tradition.”

Konrady had travelled to Omaha as a volunteer for the Human Rights Campaign. She had been walking along the parade route passing out stickers when she saw Crilly’s float. The man had a rainbow colored wagon with a banner on it saying “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord.”

Konrady was attacked after she threw several stickers with the HRC emblematic equal sign on them into Crilly’s float.

“He had me in a head lock and I was kind of flailing,” she said. “I’m a pacifist through and through, but this dude just attacked me.”

Crilly was arrested for assault following the incident. As news spread of the event, parade goers flocked to the HRC’s booth, which signed up 159 new members following Konrady’s attack.

“I want you to know: You have our support,” Obama told members of the core Democratic constituency as he and first lady Michelle Obama hosted a cocktail-and-appetizer reception in the East Room for gay pride month. It’s been some four decades since the police raid on New York City’s gay Stonewall Inn that spurred gay rights activism across the country.

As activists work to change minds and change laws, Obama added: “I will not only be your friend, I will continue to be an ally and a champion and a president who fights with you and for you.”

Since Obama took office in January, some activists have complained that Obama has not followed through on his campaign promises on issues they hold dear and has not championed their causes from the White House, including ending the ban on gays in the military.

Obama pleaded for patience.

“I know many in this room don’t believe that progress has come fast enough. And I understand that,” Obama said. But he added: “I expect and hope to be judged not by words, not by promises I’ve made, but by promises that my administration keeps.”

By the time he leaves office, the president said, “I think you guys will have pretty good feelings about the Obama administration.”

The crowd erupted in cheers.

He noted that he has issued a presidential memorandum expanding some federal benefits to same-sex partners. Critics have noted that it doesn’t include health benefits or pension guarantees.

Obama also reminded the audience that he has called on Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which limits how state, local and federal bodies can recognize partnerships and determine benefits. Still, he added: “We have a duty to uphold existing law, but I believe we must do so in a way that does not exacerbate existing divides.”

He said that does not mean he doesn’t back a repeal of the law.

Obama also said the administration is working to pass an employee nondiscrimination bill and a hate crimes bill that includes protections for gays and lesbian, and he said it’s committed to rescinding a ban on entry to the United States based on HIV status.

Obama reiterated his support for repealing the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that allows gays and lesbians to serve in the military as long as they don’t disclose their sexual orientation or act on it. He said he doesn’t believe the policy makes the United State more secure, and he said his administration is working with Congress to develop a plan that will end the practice legislatively in a way that ensures the new policy works in the long term.

In a statement, Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese said,  “President Obama’s remarks today were welcomed and appreciated and, as he stated, it is the actions to advance equality — not simply the words — that will be the true marker by which this White House will be judged.  

“On the eve of this weekend’s 40th anniversary of Stonewall, the president has yet again reiterated his support for most of the critical federal issues facing millions of LGBT Americans. We must continue the hard work of turning that support into the passage of actual laws. We look forward to working with President Obama and his administration to advance equality, and we pledge to be good-faith partners throughout the many battles that lie ahead of us.”

“We can wait for the president to try to move members of Congress, or we can redouble our efforts and get about doing that work ourselves,” Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, said Thursday.

The two most contentious proposals on the activists’ agenda – both backed by Obama during his election campaign – would extend federal recognition to same-sex partnerships and repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that bars gays from serving openly in the military.

The president says he wants to work with Congress to achieve both goals, but many gay-rights activists contend he is moving too slowly and hesitantly. The frustration was eased only slightly, if at all, when Obama signed a memorandum Wednesday extending limited benefits to the same-sex partners of gay federal employees.

“The atmospherics were fine, but the substance was zero,” Ethan Geto, a New York-based activist and political consultant, said of the signing ceremony.

Obama’s problem with the gay community, Geto said, stems largely from the high expectations raised by his campaign rhetoric.

“He said the gay-rights agenda would be a priority for his administration – and he received an enormous amount of support from the community,” Geto said. “Now people are beginning to really question his commitment. … Gay donors are running away in droves.”

Evan Wolfson of Freedom to Marry, which campaigns nationally for gay marriage rights, said he remains optimistic over the long term because the American public “is ready for change.”

“What we need now is leadership from the president, Congress and state officials to deliver that change,” he said. “I’m frustrated and disappointed that the administration has not yet delivered on the vision we share for a more equal America.”

Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., the longest serving of the three openly gay members of Congress, said many activists placed unrealistic expectations on Obama and underestimated the need to lobby Congress relentlessly in the style of the National Rifle Association.

“It’s not that Obama doesn’t want to do it, but you need the votes,” Frank said. “You can’t complain about the president until you’ve called your senator.”

Leaders of some national gay-rights organizations acknowledged Frank’s point.

“We’re working hard to secure the needed votes,” said Rea Carey of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. “All these issues will take work on the part of Congress as well as the president.”

The gay-rights bill closest to a vote in Congress would expand the federal hate-crimes law to cover anti-gay violence. It has passed the House and is awaiting a Senate vote, but Solmonese said its backers are proceeding cautiously, wary of possible Republican maneuvers to derail it.

Later this year, action is possible on a bill that would outlaw workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

There’s no timetable, however, for the pending bill to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Obama says he wants to build support for the change among military commanders before urging Congress to move ahead.

Gay-rights leaders concede that Obama has his hands full with wars, recession, health care reform and other challenges, but they nonetheless feel slighted – compared to other liberal constituencies – by a president who, during the campaign, said he would be a “fierce advocate” for gay rights.

“Show us you are indeed that fierce advocate,” said Jody Huckaby, executive director of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

Huckaby said he was particularly dismayed last week when Obama’s Justice Department defended the Defense of Marriage Act, which allows states to reject other states’ legal gay marriages and prohibits federal recognition of any same-sex partnerships. As candidate, Obama promised to repeal the act.

On the other hand, some conservative activists continue to decry Obama’s commitment to a “radical homosexual agenda” and have launched protests against some of the gays appointed to administration jobs. The prime target at the moment is Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network, who has been named to oversee the Education Department’s Office of Safe & Drug Free Schools.

Shannon Minter, legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, said the responsibility for inaction on gay-rights priorities lies with both Obama and Congress.

“It’s shocking to realize we still live a country where gay and lesbian people can’t serve openly in the military, have no federal protections in the private workplace, and same-sex couples are entitled to no benefits under federal law,” Minter said.

“There’s so much anger in our community. We expect the president and Congress to move forward.”

President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

I have had the privilege of meeting you on several occasions, when visiting the White House in my capacity as president of the Human Rights Campaign, a civil rights organization representing millions of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people across this country. You have welcomed me to the White House to express my community’s views on health care, employment discrimination, hate violence, the need for diversity on the bench, and other pressing issues. Last week, when your administration filed a brief defending the constitutionality of the so-called “Defense of Marriage Act,” I realized that although I and other LGBT leaders have introduced ourselves to you as policy makers, we clearly have not been heard, and seen, as what we also are: human beings whose lives, loves, and families are equal to yours. I know this because this brief would not have seen the light of day if someone in your administration who truly recognized our humanity and equality had weighed in with you.

So on behalf of my organization and millions of LGBT people who are smarting in the aftermath of reading that brief, allow me to reintroduce us. You might have heard of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon. They waited 55 years for the state of California to recognize their legal right to marry. When the California Supreme Court at last recognized that right, the octogenarians became the first couple to marry. Del died after the couple had been legally married for only two months. And about two months later, their fellow Californians voted for Proposition 8.

Across this country, same-sex couples are living the same lives that Phyllis and Del so powerfully represent, and the same lives as you and your wife and daughters. In over 99% of U.S. counties, we are raising children and trying to save for their educations; we are committing to each other emotionally and financially. We are paying taxes, serving on the PTA, struggling to balance work and family, struggling to pass our values on to our children—through church, extended family, and community. Knowing us for who we are—people and families whose needs and contributions are no different from anyone else’s—destroys the arguments set forth in the government’s brief in Smelt. As you read the rest of what I have to say, please judge the brief’s arguments with this standard: would this argument hold water if you acknowledge that Del and Phyllis have contributed as much to their community as their straight neighbors, and that their family is as worthy of respect as your own?

Reading the brief, one is told again and again that same-sex couples are so unlike different-sex couples that unequal treatment makes sense. But the government doesn’t say what makes us different, or unequal, only that our marriages are “new.” The fact that same-sex couples were denied equal rights until recently does not justify denying them now.

For example, the brief seems to adopt the well-worn argument that excluding same-sex couples from basic protections is somehow good for other married people:
Because all 50 States recognize hetero-sexual marriage, it was reasonable and rational for Congress to maintain its longstanding policy of fostering this traditional and universally- recognized form of marriage.

The government does not state why denying us basic protections promotes anyone else’s marriage, nor why, while our heterosexual neighbors’ marriages should be promoted, our own must be discouraged. In other words, the brief does not even attempt to explain how DOMA is related to any interest, but rather accepts that it is constitutional to attempt to legislate our families out of existence.

The brief characterizes DOMA as “neutral:”
[DOMA amounts to] a cautious policy of federal neutrality towards a new form of marriage.

DOMA is not “neutral” to a federal employee serving in your administration who is denied equal compensation because she cannot cover her same-sex spouse in her health plan. When a woman must choose between her job and caring for her spouse because they are not covered by the FMLA, DOMA is not “neutral.” DOMA is not a “neutral” policy to the thousands of bi-national same-sex couples who have to choose between family and country because they are considered strangers under our immigration laws. It is not a “neutral” policy toward the minor child of a same-sex couple, who is denied thousands of dollars of surviving mother’s or father’s benefits because his parents are not “spouses” under Social Security law.

Exclusion is not neutrality.

Next, the brief indicates that denying gay people our equal rights saves money:

It is therefore permitted to maintain the unique privileges [the government] has afforded to [different-sex marriages] without immediately extending the same privileges, and scarce government resources, to new forms of marriage that States have only recently begun to recognize.

The government goes on to say that DOMA reasonably protects other taxpayers from having to subsidize families like ours. The following excerpt explains:

DOMA maintains federal policies that have long sought to promote the traditional and uniformly-recognized form of marriage, recognizes the right of each State to expand the traditional definition if it so chooses, but declines to obligate federal taxpayers in other States to subsidize a form of marriage that their own states do not recognize.

These arguments completely disregard the fact that LGBT citizens pay taxes ourselves. We contribute into Social Security equally and receive the same statement in the mail every year. But for us, several of the benefits listed in the statement are irrelevant—our spouses and children will never benefit from them. The parent who asserts that her payments into Social Security should ensure her child’s financial future should she die is not seeking a subsidy. The gay White House employee who works as hard as the person in the next office is not seeking a “subsidy” for his partner’s federal health benefits. He is earning the same compensation without receiving it. And the person who cannot even afford to insure her family because the federal government would treat her partner’s benefits as taxable income—she is not seeking a subsidy.

The government again ignores our experiences when it argues that DOMA § 2 does not impair same-sex couples’ right to move freely about our country as other families can:

DOMA does not affect “the right of a citizen of one State to enter and to leave another state, the right to be treated as a welcome visitor rather than an unfriendly alien when temporarily present in the second State.”

This example shows the fallacy of that argument: a same-sex couple and their child drives cross- country for a vacation. On the way, they are in a terrible car accident. One partner is rushed into the ICU while the other, and their child, begs to be let in to see her, presenting the signed power of attorney that they carry wherever they go. They are told that only “family” may enter, and the woman dies alone while her spouse waits outside. This family was not “welcome.”

As a matter of constitutional law, some of this brief does not even make sense:

DOMA does not discriminate against homosexuals in the provision of federal benefits…. Section 3 of DOMA does not distinguish among persons of different sexual orientations, but rather it limits federal benefits to those who have entered into the traditional form of marriage.

In other words, DOMA does not discriminate against gay people, but rather only provides federal benefits to heterosexuals.

I cannot overstate the pain that we feel as human beings and as families when we read an argument, presented in federal court, implying that our own marriages have no more constitutional standing than incestuous ones:

And the courts have widely held that certain marriages, performed elsewhere need not be given effect, because they conflicted with the public policy of the forum. See e.g., Catalano v. Catalano, 170 A.2d 726, 728-29 (Conn. 1961) (marriage of uncle to niece, though valid in Italy under its laws, was not valid in Connecticut because it contravened public policy of th[at] state.”

As an American, a civil rights advocate, and a human being, I hold this administration to a higher standard than this brief. In the course of your campaign, I became convinced—and I still want to believe—that you do, too. I have seen your administration aspire and achieve. Protecting women from employment discrimination. Insuring millions of children. Enabling stem cell research to go forward. These are powerful achievements. And they serve as evidence to me that this brief should not be good enough for you. The question is, Mr. President—do you believe that it’s good enough for us?

If we are your equals, if you recognize that our families live the same, love the same, and contribute as much as yours, then the answer must be no.

We call on you to put your principles into action and send legislation repealing DOMA to Congress.

Sincerely,

Joe Solmonese