At 57th Street, a small group of Irish American gays and lesbians staged a quiet protest.  But among the hundreds of thousands who lined the streets they were virtually invisible.

The city’s highest ranking gay politician, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, boycotted the parade again this year.

Quinn was at the White House where President Barack Obama welcomed the Prime Minister of Ireland.

Last year, Quinn missed the parade to attend David Paterson’s swearing in as the new governor. The year before she was in Ireland where gays marched openly in the parade in Dublin.

Before leaving for Washington, Quinn said she hoped to talk with the President about LGBT issues.

As she did before last year’s parade, Quinn attempted to set up a meeting between the Hibernians and gay representatives and again this year the conservative Catholic men’s group ignored the invitation.

The Hibernians claim the parade is a private, religious procession in order to to justify keeping LGBT groups out.

In the early 1990s, the parade committee used the argument to defeat a discrimination claim brought by the NYC Human Rights Commission. 

A federal judge ruled that the organization could bar the gay group on the grounds of religious freedom. 

The New York parade is the nation’s largest St. Patrick’s Day Parade, but gays are also rejected at marches in other cities, including Boston.

Appearing at a news conference with the bill’s author, state Sen. Mark Leno, and several of Milk’s contemporaries who were featured in the movie “Milk,” Penn said he did not want to insult the intelligence of a fellow actor by expecting Schwarzenegger to veto the measure again.

“I would never assume such ignorance as for him to not have revised his (position),” Penn said, staring into a bank of TV cameras at a cafe that shares the name of Milk’s favorite opera, “Tosca.” “I have too much respect for him to be able to do that.”

Leno’s bill would require Schwarzenegger, who starred in the “Terminator” movies and other blockbusters, to establish May 22 of each year as a “day of significance.” Unlike an official holiday, Harvey Milk Day would not give state workers the day off, but schools would be encouraged to conduct lessons on the late San Francisco supervisor’s life and legacy.

Milk was an outspoken gay rights advocate at a time when coming out carried substantial personal and professional risks. He was assassinated along with Mayor George Moscone by another city supervisor in 1978.

After last year’s measure passed both houses of the Legislature, conservative groups lobbied Schwarzenegger to veto it, saying they objected to having gay issues taught in schools.

In his September veto message, the governor said that while he respected the bill’s intent, he thought Milk’s “contributions should continue to be recognized at the local level by those who were most impacted by his contributions.”

Spokeswoman Rachel Cameron said Schwarzenegger has not taken a position on the revived legislation and would not until it reaches his desk. Leno estimated that would happen by the end of August.

Penn said that based on the biographical research he did to portray Milk, he thought the late leader’s story of self-acceptance and sacrifice carried valuable lessons.

“I trust that Gov. Schwarzenegger is an increasingly reasonable man and that he understands that passing on prejudices … that surround this issue and so many others is poisonous to future generations,” Penn said.

With the nearest gay-themed bookstore more than an hour away, I went to a local shop for a card. I found row after row of Valentine’s Day cards for mom, dad, brother, sister, niece, nephew, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousin, colleague, best friend, and, of course, husband and wife.

But the my beloved, my dearest, my honey, my sweetie-pie cards I found for Valentine’s Day were written and drawn for him to give to her, or her to give to him. Not a card for girlfriend to girlfriend, partner to partner, or cohabitant of my dreams.

Hallmark, the nation’s largest greeting card company, issued same-sex wedding cards last year, but I have yet to see one in my area.

The card closest to avoiding a hetero-centric “I love you” message featured two penguins — the gender of one penguin, with her ample bosom and pear-shaped body, was obvious, but the other penguin seemed rather ambiguous.

But I opted instead for a Peanuts card, just in case my girlfriend could see something on the male penguin that I missed. My card depicts Linus wishing a happy Valentine’s Day — I couldn’t even find a Peppermint Patty card.

Every year I have trouble finding a Valentine’s Day card for my girlfriend. She too has trouble finding cards, which is why she makes her own — she’s more accomplished with Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop and scissors.

Wouldn’t it be nice to walk into a drug store, a supermarket or a greeting card shop outside our GLBT ghettos and find his and his and hers and hers cards? Managers could just reserve 10 percent of the all-my-love selection for gays and lesbians. That’s all I want. Segregation in the card aisle is OK.

Integration is OK too.

Why not leave the gender of the loving animal characters to the reader’s imagination? Is there really a reason in a greeting card to distinguish dogs as male and female, with the female dolled up in rouge and curlers and the male running about in a necktie? Why must the two skunks frolicking on a card be dressed like Barbie and Ken dolls? And why must one goldfish snuggling in the bowl be sporting a moustache and the other wearing lipstick?

Really, I’d like to see more integration of GLBT lives and passions all around, especially this time of year.

Turn on the television set this week and you’ll see any number of programs celebrating Valentine’s Day — from talk shows to dramas to investigative reports to sitcoms. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has made great strides in encouraging the TV industry in bringing gays out of the closet and into programming, but so much this week will ignore us, or marginalize us.

And call up the American Film Institute’s list of the top 100 love stories — “AFI’s 100 Years … 100 Passions.” Sure, “Casablanca” and “Gone with the Wind” deserve the top spots. But is there no film depicting a gay or lesbian romance worthy of being named to this list? There’s not a film with gay or lesbian lovers who generate more heat or more romance than Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger in “Jerry Maguire”? The gayest movies on the list are “A Star is Born” and “Pillow Talk.”

Open up your local daily newspaper this week and you will likely find Valentine’s Day-themed features in the news section, the style section, the entertainment section, the food section, maybe even the auto section and classifieds section if an editor can come up with an angle. And what percentage of them will profile or even quote someone in a same-sex relationship? Consider yourself fortunate if you find mention of the Freedom to Marry campaign.

Next Valentine’s Day, I hope to find greater celebration of same-sex love and romance. The age of “the love that dare not speak its name” is ancient and over. Everyone knows its name, and a majority of people seem comfortable with it — so why not generators of products and programs?

Alas, this year I’ve got my Peanuts card for my girlfriend. There’s Linus on the cover in his striped shirt and shorts, saying, “Felicitations and salutations on this beloved occasion,” and inside, “In other words, happy heart day,” along with my signature, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Love Lisa.”

Tis also the season, though, to take time to reflect on the past year and upcoming New Year, the time to reach out to help others who might be in need, and, for some of us, the season to connect with the religious part of ourselves. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, or Bodhi Day, you can find services where you don’t have to worry about being turned away because of your sexual identity.

Thankfully, we are living in a country during a time where you can find an LGBT or LGBT-friendly religious institution during the holidays – or any time of year. So don’t be left out in the cold. Whether you are reconnecting with a religious affiliation from childhood or just curious about a religion that may or may not be familiar to you, there is a warm group waiting to welcome you.

The Metropolitan Community Church, is the “world’s first church group with a primary, positive ministry to gays, lesbians, bisexual, and transgender persons.”

MCC has a presence in just about every continent. Thousands flock to this lively organization, which began in 1968, to connect or reconnect with their Christian practice. Reverend Nancy L. Wilson, moderator of Metropolitan Community Churches, says, “this Christmas season, more than 250 local MCC congregations located in 28 countries will offer holiday programs and services ranging from children’s programs and special sermons to candlelight services, special concerts, Christmas pageants, social events, and programs to provide food, clothing and gifts to those struggling in today’s difficult economy.”

For those of you who celebrate with latkes and dreidels, the World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews is a great resource to get your bearings on where you can safely and queerly celebrate Hanukkah this year.

Started in 1974, the organization now boasts 50 chapters in 14 states. The World Congress pledges that “our vision is an environment where Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Jews worldwide can enjoy free and fulfilling lives.” Check the World Congress site to find local services near you.

Kwanzaa, the annual African American celebration of family, community, and culture, is not just for heteros. With the theme, “to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves,” the 21st annual LGBT Community Kwanzaa will be held at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Services Center in Manhattan’s West Village Dec. 27.

Co-hosted by more than a dozen queer, minority organizations, this event promises to be a lively and well attended. The program includes a full day of activities, starting with an African Market and ending with Karamu, the community feast.

Western Buddhists are known for being especially tolerant of sexual diversity. In fact, that’s what makes Buddhism so appealing for many formerly Jewish, Christian, and otherwise LGBT folk.

The Gay Buddhist Fellowship in San Francisco and Queer Dharma in New York City are two LGBT-specific Buddhist organizations that you can join. Soka Gakkai International (SGI) is not an LGBT Buddhist organization, but they are known to be very diverse and inclusive.

While there is no official Buddhist holiday at the end of December, (Bodhi Day, or the day that commemorates the Buddha’s enlightenment, is often celebrated in December, but the date varies depending on the lineage), the Buddhist Sanghas, or centers, offer regular sessions where you can meet like-minded religious folks in a safe atmosphere throughout the holiday season and any other time during the year.

Al Fatiha is an LGBT Islamic organization that “promotes the progressive Islamic notions of peace, equality and justice. We envision a world that is free from prejudice, injustice and discrimination, where all people are fully embraced and accepted into their faith, their families and their communities.”

The organization is a non-profit NGO, founded in 1998. Al Fatiha now runs seven chapters, all of which are in the United States. The organization is extremely politically active, participating in everything from asylum support and HIV/AIDS work to interfaith outreach and education and advocacy. They also hold retreats and conferences in conjunction with Families of Color Network, a project of the national office of PFLAG.

Believe it or not, there is even an organization called A Common Bond, which is a worldwide support network for GLBT former and current Jehovah’s Witnesses, with chapters in Atlanta, New York, San Francisco, Honolulu, Mississippi, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Arkansas, New Hampshire, Palm Springs and Texas.

Jesse Dean, communications director of ABC, said, “we seek to move beyond the intolerance displayed by Jehovah’s Witnesses in matters of sexuality and religion and kindly implore the “Society” to focus instead, on open theological discussion.” While typically Jehovah Witnesses do not celebrate holidays, the organization did hold a gathering on December 7th and, “some begin to celebrate holidays and start individual traditions while others are uncomfortable in celebrating holidays. We provide non-judgmental support to any personal decisions in this regard,” offered Dean.

All the other sailors were going to a special room to film video messages to their sweethearts. But not Quillian. She didn’t record a message.

She couldn’t.

Because her partner is a woman.

Quillian and her partner Jenny Kopsstein are just two of the thousands of gay couples affected by Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The policy, which forbids disclosure of a gay identity while serving in the military, is challenging under the best of circumstances – but during the holidays it becomes particularly dire.

“The holidays bring up memories, expectations,” said Trey Malicoat, a therapist who has worked with servicemembers.

“There are more parties, more activities, there’s a financial drain. For gay soldiers, there’s the added burden of not being able to talk about home, about where he or she would like to be, about the person who has the most significance in his or her life.”

Malicoat says that this added burden can bring anxiety, depression and an increased sense of isolation to servicemembers who already feel isolated.

This is true even for military members who are serving in the U.S. and can go home at the end of the day.

“Even while I’m here stateside at lunch, people are talking about what presents they’re going to buy their wife or girlfriend – I’m part of the group but I can’t be part of the discussion,” said Elizabeth, an officer in the Army.

Elizabeth married her partner in Massachusetts a year ago (they’ve been together seven years), but they still need to keep their relationship a secret.

“It’s very difficult to abide by the policy and not talk about what’s really going on in your life and at the same time try to connect with your fellow servicemembers. And you are supposed to connect pretty deeply, because we are supposed to put our lives on the line for each other,” Elizabeth said.

She added that she thinks that the secrecy does a disservice to straight military members, “99 percent of whom would just roll with it and be OK.”

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