They were my preferred alternative to Barbie and Ken dolls.

I also played “war” with neighborhood kids using air rifles that left no wounds and slingshots that caused minor pain.

I was still quite young when I gave up those games — there was a lot of talk in my house about Vietnam, Kent State, Cambodia and no encouragement to play childhood war games or grow up to pursue a career in the Armed Forces.

The first time I heard that Bill Clinton’s big presidential campaign promise to the gay community involved a pledge to lift the ban against gays in the military I thought, this is what we want?

Then I got wise by reading about Miriam Ben-Shalom and Leonard Matlovich, an Air Force veteran I had missed on the cover of Time in 1975 proclaiming “I am a homosexual.” I met the men and women of the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Veterans of America. I studied the reports, the polls, the congressional papers on the issue. Yes, this is what we want.

That was 15 years ago, and we didn’t get what we wanted. We got a compromise of policy and legislation that mandated the firing of gay people and resulted in the discharge of 12,500 servicemembers, including 800 “mission critical” troops.

A U.S. House Armed Services Subcommittee recently held the first hearing on “don’t ask, don’t tell” since the policy was offered up 15 years ago.

In testimony before the subcommittee, Elaine Donnelly of the Center for Military Readiness complained about homosexual activists living in a “Will & Grace” world and offering misguided ideas for military order.

“We keep hearing that in the brave new ‘Will & Grace’ world, none of this matters,” Donnelly said, referring to her argument that gays in the military threaten unit cohesion and troop morale. “And yet it was only a year ago when the nation reacted with universal disapproval of Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, and 39 others who were arrested for inappropriate behavior in a public but transient place at the Minneapolis airport over a period of three months.”

I think, going back to the Craig controversy, that the nation would have reacted with disapproval if a police crackdown on public heterosexual sex — which does happen and typically is illegal — had resulted in the arrest of a U.S. senator and 39 others. I’m familiar with a few hetero-scandals of the magnitude — or bigger — than Craig-gate.

Regardless, in a way we now do have, as Donnelly said, a “Will & Grace” world — and the boys and girls who grew up in it are the soldiers of today and tomorrow.

When “don’t ask, don’t tell” was offered, today’s new military recruits were 3 years old.

Think about what they have grown up with — or what they have not grown up with — and you will know that the generation for whom “don’t ask, don’t tell” appeased is basically no longer enlisted.

Perhaps this new generation of servicemembers played with toy soldiers — little plastic green men but also women. And perhaps they too played war games in the field by their childhood homes.

But they also grew up in a place pretty different than the America of the politicians who delivered “don’t ask, don’t tell” 15 years ago.

Sure, this generation is not free of homophobia, but this is a generation that grew up with openly gay and lesbian people serving in Congress, acting in films, hosting television shows and fronting rock bands. This generation grew up in schools where students unite in gay-straight alliances and march for tolerance. This generation grew up in a country that shared a common grief over the murder of a gay college student. This generation grew up watching gays and lesbians marry on cable news, bicker on reality TV and compete in pro sports. This generation grew up with gays in the Secret Service, gays in the FBI, gays in the CIA and yes, gays in the military, such as former Marine Corps Staff Sgt. Eric Alva, the first soldier injured in the ground war in Iraq and a recipient of the Purple Heart.

Alva, testifying before the House subcommittee, told this “Will & Grace” world: “As a former Marine, I can tell you what it takes to build unit cohesion: trust.… ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ does nothing but undercut that trust and with it our nation’s security.”

And to this “Will & Grace” world Alva, explained why some gay children who play with toy soldiers grow up to be heroes: “I inherited my middle name, Fidelis, from my father and grandfather. As you know, the Marine credo, Semper Fi, is short for Semper Fidelis — ‘always faithful.’ Loyalty is literally my middle name. So I guess you could say that serving my country was my calling.”

A message for this new generation.
Neff:

It was only years after he nearly died in battle, receiving a Purple Heart for courage, that he realized he needed to speak out against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the ban on gays serving openly in the military.

“Three hours into the invasion, we had stopped to wait for orders. I went back to the Humvee to retrieve something – to this day I can’t remember what – and, as I crossed that dusty patch of desert for the third time that day, I triggered a landmine,” former Marine Staff Sgt. Eric F. Alva told the Military Personnel Subcommittee of the House Armed Services Committee.

“I was thrown through the air, landing 10 or 15 feet away,” said Alva, who served in he Marine Corps for 13 years. ”The pain was unimaginable. My fellow marines were rushing to my aid, cutting away my uniform to assess the damage and treat my wounds. I remember wondering why they weren’t removing my right boot – it wasn’t until later that I realized it was because that leg was already gone.”

Alva said that he received the Purple Heart, along with visits from the President and First Lady. “I was told I was a hero,” he recalled.

“That landmine may have put an end to my military career that day, but it didn’t put an end to my secret. That would come years later, when I realized that I had fought and nearly died to secure rights for others that I myself was not free to enjoy. I had proudly served a country that was not proud of me. More importantly, my experience disproved all the arguments against open service by gays and lesbians – I knew I had to share my story,” Alva said.

The committee also heard from U.S. Army Major General Vance Coleman (Ret.) and U.S. Navy Captain Joan E. Darrah (Ret.) who also called for an end to the ban.

But Elaine Donnelly, president of the conservative Center for Military Readiness, expressed her concern over gay men sharing a “cramped submarine” with other officers.

The remark drew laughter from some in the packed committee room.

“Equal opportunity is important, but the needs of our military must come first,” Donnelly said.

The congressional hearing was the first on the impact of DADT since it was enacted 15 years ago.

Susan Davis (D), chair of the subcommittee, has introduced legislation to repeal the ban, but it is unlikely it will come to a vote before the session ends.

Last month, former U.S. Sen. Sam Nunn (R), one of the principle lawmakers responsible for the passage in 1993 of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, said it is now time for Congress to revisit the law.

A study published by a University of California think tank earlier this month found that “allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly is unlikely to pose any significant risk to morale, good order, discipline or cohesion.”

Americans seem to agree. An ABC News/Washington Post poll released on the weekend shows that 75 percent of Americans believe LGBT people should be allowed to serve.

A similar poll taken shortly after President Bill Clinton signed the law in 1993 found that only 44 percent of Americans supported the idea of letting gays serve openly.

Under DADT two people every day are dropped from the military for being gay.

In the 15 years that DADT has been in force, more than 10,000 personnel have been discharged as a result of the policy, including 800 with skills deemed “‘mission critical,” such as pilots, combat engineers and linguists.

The number of gay men and lesbians turned away by military recruiters is unknown.

A study conducted last year for the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network concluded that the U.S. military could attract as many as 41,000 new recruits if gays and lesbians in the military were able to be open about their sexual orientation.