Celebrity gossip is not the first place I go for news, but sometimes the human experience is necessary to help us understand political reality. And what better group of people to watch than those circling the exciting world of Hollywood?

So when the news hit yesterday that Rosie O’Donnell and wife Kelli Carpenter have split, I couldn’t help but think about how the fight for gay marriage often ignores the very real rights we haven’t got when it comes to gay divorce.

It’s one thing to say that a loving committed relationship needs the institutional and social support marriage provides, but when two people split after years together, the law really becomes central to their survival.

If you are a same-sex couple resident in Montana and you take a vacation to Toronto to get married you have a legal piece of paper (though not recognized in your home state) and the affirmation (though not from your own country) of your love and commitment.

But what if you decide, years later, that – like half of the American population – you are no longer in love with each other?

As a resident of Montana, you cannot get a divorce in Toronto. Toronto, like most states with the exception of Nevada and a few others, has a year-long residency requirement for a divorce. In Montana, your relationship was never legally any different from two roommates. And so, you must complete a divorce, with all its entanglements and difficulties, without the assistance of the law.

Things are very different for straight couples.

Family law protects individuals in a lasting relationship from economic exploitation and destitution after a split. When one half of the relationship has not worked, but contributed to the lifestyle of the other half, the law orders spousal support. When one half of the couple has lived in a house owned by the other half for a long period of time, the property is considered a marital home and both individuals may lay claim to it. There are rules about how to deal with the financial burden of children, the shared financial liabilities of the relationship and the shared assets.

Rosie and Kelli are in the midst of a pretty normal problem. It is so normal, entire legal schemes exist to assist with the process of separation. But these legal protections, like so many others, leave LGBT people out.

So, here’s to the fight for gay marriage. But let us not also forget the fight for gay divorce. It is when we are at our most vulnerable that we require the protection of law.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott said he’d appeal the ruling, which he labeled an attempt to strike down the ban approved by voters in 2005.

“The laws and constitution of the State of Texas define marriage as an institution involving one man and one woman,” Abbott said in a written statement. “Today’s ruling purports to strike down that constitutional definition – despite the fact that it was recently adopted by 75 percent of Texas voters.”

Abbott has argued that because the state doesn’t recognize gay marriage, its courts can’t dissolve one through divorce.

District Judge Tena Callahan’s ruled Thursday, however, that the court “has jurisdiction to hear a suit for divorce filed by persons legally married in another jurisdiction.”

Jennifer Pizer, marriage project director for the New York-based gay rights group Lambda Legal, said it is too early to predict the ultimate implications of the lawsuit, in which neither man is identified.

But Cathy Adams, president of the conservative Texas Eagle Forum, characterized the decision as a judicial overreach.

“Judicial activism is what they’re after, and it sounds as if they found someone in Dallas to participate in their endeavor,” she said. “The people of Texas have spoken very strongly in opposition to same-sex marriage.”

Peter Schulte, an attorney for the man who filed for divorce, told The Dallas Morning News that he and his client are “ecstatic” over the court’s ruling. Schulte said the decision was a surprise, and that he hoped to have the judge sign a divorce order in a few weeks.

Gov. Rick Perry said state lawmakers and voters have repeatedly affirmed marriage as being between a man and a woman.

“I believe the ruling is flawed and should be appealed,” Perry said.

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, R-Texas, said she also supports Abbott’s decision to appeal. Hutchison, who is challenging Perry in the GOP gubernatorial primary, said she has “consistently voted to preserve the sanctity of marriage and as governor I will continue to defend traditional marriage.”

A phone message left by The Associated Press at court offices for Callahan was not immediately returned late Thursday. Callahan’s ruling was first reported in The Dallas Morning News.

Pizer predicted an eventual end to bans on gay marriage in Texas and across the country.

“Most people do recognize that, eventually, American law will treat gays and lesbians the same as every other American,” she said. “What we don’t know is how may chapters that story will be.”

What Mortimer didn’t anticipate was falling in love – and then getting divorced less than two years after taking her wedding vows.

“I discovered after we got married that my husband had been divorced four times,” said Mortimer, as she finished a noontime burger while sitting at the bar at the Ocean View, a local party spot and Mortimer’s place of employment.

“I was his No. 5. He didn’t understand why I got so upset.”

Divorce is as common in the Florida Keys as fresh grouper and cold beer. Census statistics released this week show that Monroe County – which includes the cluster of 1,700 islands floating off South Florida – has the second-highest proportion of divorced residents. A little more than 18 percent of the people living in Monroe County are divorced, second only to Indiana’s Wayne County, which had 19 percent. Nationwide, 10.7 percent of people over 15 are divorced.

Three of the top 10 counties the divorced call home are in Florida – rural Putnam County in Northeast Florida and urban Pinellas County on the Gulf Coast are the other two. Indiana had a total of three counties in the top 10 as well. Along with Wayne County, Floyd and Madison counties made the list.

Newly released census figures show that while the number of unmarried people continued its 10-year climb, the ranks of married people in the United States rose by nearly 6 million last year, bucking a decade-long decline. The number of divorced people rose, but only slightly.

Among the other marriage- and divorce-related findings from the census data:

- The number of unmarried people climbed to about one-third of all Americans over 15.

- Oklahoma has the highest rate of people who have been married three times or more.

- Utah and Idaho tied for the youngest median bride age, at 23.5 years old.

Residents of Wayne County, Ind., don’t see why their home should be the divorce capital of America. The water tower in Richmond, Ind., the county’s largest city, welcomes visitors to “A Great All-American City.”

“It just doesn’t make all that much sense,” said Michael Jackson, an associate professor of psychology at Earlham College, a private university in Richmond. “We find it really questionable. It just sounds funny.”

Indiana is one of a handful of states that don’t track divorce statistics. So it’s hard to tell if the percentage is caused by a large number of divorces or a large number of young single people moving out of the county to attend college, or if it’s just a statistical anomaly.

Divorce counselors say the economy could be partly to blame for adding more stress to marriages. Indiana has been hit hard by the collapse of the auto and manufacturing industries. Wayne County had an average annual unemployment rate of 6.8 percent in 2008 – when the census data was collected – a rate above the state average at the time but still below many other areas of the state and country.

Tom Amyx, who owns a deli along Richmond’s main street, said bad financial times shouldn’t be a reason for married couples to split. He just celebrated his 40th wedding anniversary with his wife, Sherry, and says couples should tough out hard times. He said attitudes have changed about marriage, with some younger people considering it a less-than-permanent relationship that they can escape if they aren’t happy.

“It’s not ever about the other person anymore; it’s about me, me, me,” he said. “People need to make a commitment and stick to the commitment. It’s not just a promise – it’s a covenant. That’s a very serious thing.”

Amyx, who has lived in several other states, sees no reason Wayne County would top the list.

“We don’t have that many people in the county,” he said, “but evidently they get around.”

Some folks in the Florida Keys are quick to say that it’s not that people are actually divorcing in droves there – it’s that divorced people come to the area to start new lives.

“The Keys are a great place to hide,” said Mortimer, who is 60. When asked from what, she said: “Child support. Alimony.”

A guy sitting next to Mortimer at the Ocean View bar finished his martini in a plastic cup. His chuckle nearly drowned out the Creedence Clearwater Revival song playing on the radio.

“The IRS. The CIA. Family,” he said.

Others say that the party lifestyle – and a high cost of living – stresses families to the breaking point.

“This is a place of escape. A place of hedonistic abandon,” said Dr. Fred Covan, a Key West therapist. “We have a condition here, we say people get Key Wasted. People come down here and do really, really stupid stuff.”

Alcohol was named as a frequent culprit. People in Nevada, which at 14 percent had the highest divorce rate of any state, gave similar reasons.

Frank Lin, a divorce attorney whose firm, Lin & Associates, uses the phone number 702-DIVORCE, said Nevada laws, a 24/7 Sin City environment rich in temptation and other marriage hurdles probably combine to lead to more divorces.

“One of our clients was a bartender at the Palms and he started seeing a cocktail waitress at the Playboy Club. When I go to work, I don’t have cocktail waitresses in high heels showing cleavage,” Lin said. “He does – that’s part of sort of his daily environment.”

The most popular ad campaign in recent years promoting Las Vegas to tourists is “What happens here, stays here,” and several party planners sell special divorce parties, offering the recently unmarried a guys’ or girls’ night out on the town.

But casino and nightclub employees aren’t the only ones feeling marriage pressures, Lin said, because the rest of Las Vegas works a 24-hour cycle, too. Affairs aren’t the only reason people get divorced here, he said.

“If both parties work 9-to-5 jobs, you see each other. But if one party works 9-to-5 and the other party works swing or graveyard, it’s not an environment conducive to a marriage,” Lin said.

Nevada’s laws make it easier to get divorced compared with other states. Couples need only live in the Silver State six weeks before their marriage can be dissolved, while other states require longer residency and a cooling-off period.

Key West divorce lawyer Jiulio Margalli has noticed another trend among couples who are divorcing on the island paradise.

“What we have now is people getting divorced and fighting over who is going to take over the debt. Who’s going to be saddled with the $800K mortgage that neither one could pay?” he said. “It used to be that we saw people get divorced and fight over the home. Now it’s, ‘Oh, my God, not only are we getting divorced, our credit is going down the tubes and we’re going into foreclosure.’”

Regardless of the cause, having nearly 20 percent of the population divorced is cause for concern, said Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.

“It’s basically a social and environmental toxin,” Wilcox said of divorce.

I’m not so into talking about marriage these days. So much marriage, so little time and now the new numbers out of Maine are looking more and more dismal. In fact, for those readers nervous about the fact that the anti-gay lobby in Maine is outspending the LGBT effort 2 to 1, can link through here to help.

But today, we also learned that an Indiana court has refused to divorce a lesbian couple married in Toronto, living in South Bend. The commissioner, in a cute perversion of logic, signed the divorce papers because he felt that a policy prohibiting gay marriage would support granting gay divorce.

The idea, that one less gay marriage in Indiana is a good thing, was rejected by the courts who rightly pointed out that you have to recognize the marriage to grant the divorce. Too bad really, because fighting for gay marriage through the “back door” of divorce is a smart strategy. This time, the judge didn’t fall for the trick.

All of this is to say that today is a day to do something for gay marriage….or divorce. It’s the same fight and sometimes getting all riled up about love feels counter-intuitive on a gloomy Friday.

So, here’s to divorce rights too.

The divorced dad spent thousands of dollars fighting an unusual ban imposed by a county judge in 2007 that kept the three minors from having any contact with his gay friends or partners.

He felt unfairly scrutinized every moment he spent with the kids, though he never was looking to make a statement. He just wanted to spend a day with his kids and his partner, Jose Sanchez – together.

This Father’s Day, he finally did.

“It’s a fairy tale ending,” he told The Associated Press after the Georgia Supreme Court overturned the ban.

The ban stemmed from the bitter divorce between Mongerson and his ex-wife, Sandy, who were married for almost 20 years and had four children. Mongerson said the marriage ended when his wife discovered he was gay in November 2005, but he would not elaborate.

The dispute played out the next few years in court, as Sandy’s attorney claimed he had several affairs with other men and subjected the kids to an array of “wholly inappropriate conduct” during a trip to Arkansas.

The arguments helped sway Fayette County Superior Court Judge Christopher Edwards to award Sandy Kay Ehlers Mongerson custody of the children. The judge also issued a blanket order banning Eric Mongerson from “exposing the children to his homosexual partners and friends.” A fourth child is an adult over 18 and had no restrictions on contact with Mongerson or his gay friends.

Edwards said in his ruling that the decision was meant to reflect “the trauma inflicted upon the children” during the Arkansas trip.

Mongerson, though, said it only made him feel like he was being targeted for coming out of the closet. For almost two years, Mongerson said he feared losing more time with his kids and walked on egg shells during their weekly four-hour visits.

He didn’t hide the fact he was gay from the kids, but they couldn’t be around his partner, Sanchez. He was afraid to invite straight friends who might be accused of being gay. And he wouldn’t dare bring his children to his place in downtown Atlanta, even though his wife once brought a boyfriend to his daughter’s concert.

“I was always afraid of the ‘What if?’” Mongerson said. “I felt isolated, alone. She could go get friends, have them watch the kids, but I could never because I was gay.”

Sanchez, fearful of somehow violating the order, would run through all sorts of scenarios.

“What if you and I are on a plane, and your kids happen to be on the plane?” he would ask incredulously. “Do I jump out?”

Mongerson, a restaurant manager who routinely works 13-hour shifts into the night, said he scrounged together more than $10,000 to challenge the judge’s decree, partly by wracking up debt on his credit cards.

In court arguments in January, attorneys Hannibal Heredia and Kimberli Reagin contended the judge had no evidence that exposing the children to Mongerson’s gay friends would damage them.

Last Monday, the Georgia Supreme Court unanimously agreed. Justice Robert Benham wrote in the scathing 10-page ruling that the trial court abused its discretion without evidence of harm to the children. He concluded it “flies in the face of our public policy that encourages divorced parents to participate in the raising of their children.”

The decision was quickly applauded by gay rights advocates who say the judge’s order was rooted in decades-old misconceptions about gays and lesbians. Jeff Graham of Georgia Equality called the top court’s decision a dose of “common sense and fair mindedness.”

Sandy Mongerson’s attorney, Lance McMillian, said the mother does not plan to appeal.

“My client is interested in putting it behind her,” he said. “Other than that, we don’t have anything to say about it.”

As news of the court’s ruling filtered down to Mongerson on Monday morning, he picked up the phone and called his partner. It didn’t take long to work out their schedule for Father’s Day, when they’d finally go out for that ice cream.

“I cry at commercials – he cries before commercials come on,” Sanchez said. “He’s very emotional. He said, ‘Happy Father’s Day. You get to meet my children.’”

(Atlanta) The Georgia Supreme Court on Monday tossed out a trial judge’s order that banned children in a divorce case from having any contact with their father’s gay and lesbian friends and partners, and added strong language calling the restriction an abuse of the judge’s discretion.

The court’s unanimous opinion, written by Justice Robert Benham, concluded that the Fayette County judge’s order “flies in the face of our public policy that encourages divorced parents to participate in the raising of their children.”

It was applauded by gay rights advocates in Georgia who viewed the ruling as a commonsense answer to a decision they say was rooted in decades-old misconceptions about gays and lesbians.

The top court’s stern language seemed to surprise the father’s attorney, who said he was encouraged the justices didn’t take an easier route by simply ruling that they wouldn’t interfere with a parent’s rights.

“That’s a strong message. That was more than I expected,” said the attorney, Hannibal Heredia. “It made me feel that they wanted to have that out there — they’re putting their necks on the line.”

The ruling stems from the bitter 2007 divorce of Eric Duane Mongerson and Sandy Kay Ehlers Mongerson, who were married 21 years and had four children.

In court arguments, Sandy Mongerson’s attorney claimed the father subjected the children to an “array of violent, sexual, abusive and wholly inappropriate conduct” during a trip to Arkansas and contended the father was in a series of affairs with other men while still married.

Fayette County Superior Court Judge Christopher Edwards awarded Sandy Mongerson custody of the couple’s three minor children in the final divorce decree, and her ex-husband was granted limited visitation.

The judge also issued a blanket order banning Eric Mongerson from “exposing the children to his homosexual partners and friends.”

Edwards said in his ruling that he was not judging the father based on his sexual orientation, but that his decision was meant to reflect “the trauma inflicted upon the children” during the trip to Arkansas.

The Georgia Supreme Court, though, flatly disagreed. The 10-page ruling concluded Edwards had no evidence that the ban was needed, and that his ruling assumed the children would suffer harm from contact with gays and lesbians associated with their father.

Without such evidence, Benham wrote, “the trial court abused its discretion when it imposed such a restriction on (the) husband’s visitation rights.”

Sandy Mongerson’s attorney, Lance McMillian, said the mother does not plan to appeal.

“My client is interested in putting it behind her,” he said. “Other than that, we don’t have anything to say about it.”

Georgia’s gay rights groups, meanwhile, were more effusive. Jeff Graham of Georgia Equality praised the top court’s ruling as a dose of “common sense and fair mindedness.”

“It clearly does show that if justice is to rule in what’s in the best interest of the child, rulings based upon prejudice and bias are not in the best interest of the child,” he said.

The double Oscar winner filed the petition on April 23 in Marin County Superior Court in San Rafael, Calif., according to court papers.

The couple married in April 1996. Penn has requested joint legal and physical custody of their 18-year-old daughter, Dylan Francis, and 15-year-old son, Hopper Jack.

This isn’t the first indication of marital strife. The Penns filed for divorce in December 2007 but dismissed their petition several months later.

They attended the Academy Awards together in February. Penn, 48, won an Oscar for his role in the drama “Milk,” and neglected to thank his wife in his acceptance speech.

Calls to the couple’s representative, Mara Buxbaum, and Penn’s lawyer, Mindy Lauren Ross, were not immediately returned.

A hearing has been scheduled for Aug. 21, according to the Marin County Superior Court Web site.

Penn met Wright on the set of the 1990 Irish mob movie “State of Grace.” The famously brooding actor, who previously married and divorced first wife Madonna, seemed to find the yin to his yang in the luminous actress, whose serene demeanor tempered his macho swagger. Wright, who was married once before to former soap star Dane Witherspoon, has said Penn helped her gain confidence and stand up for herself.

Penn launched his acclaimed acting career as the stoned surfer dude Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” His other, much heavier, roles include “Dead Man Walking,” “21 Grams,” “I Am Sam,” “All the King’s Men” and “Mystic River,” for which he won a best actor Oscar in 2004.

Penn’s second trophy came after he showed surprising warmth and humor as slain gay rights leader Harvey Milk. Despite his reputation as a serious actor, he recently agreed to play Larry in the Farrelly brothers’ big-screen update of “The Three Stooges.”

He has also directed several films, including 2007’s “Into the Wild” and 1995’s “The Crossing Guard,” which co-starred Wright and Jack Nicholson.

Wright, 43, is best known for her role in “The Princess Bride” in 1987 and “Forrest Gump” in 1994 opposite Tom Hanks. Her other credits include “Beowulf,” “Breaking and Entering” and the new Russell Crowe drama “State of Play.”

McGreevey resigned in 2004 after proclaiming himself “a gay American” and saying he’d had an extramarital affair with a man. He and Matos divorced last August.

A Superior Court judge divided the marital assets, awarding Matos nearly $110,000.

In a statement Thursday, Matos says she filed a motion in March over the pension account.

McGreevey says the account is from his time as mayor of Woodbridge and predates his marriage to Matos. He says it wasn’t part of his marital estate.

His lawyer says McGreevey agreed to share it in a spirit of conciliation.

The couple have a young daughter named Jacqueline.

The case involved two women, Debra H. and Janice R., who had a civil union in Vermont and then registered their relationship under New York City’s domestic partner law.  Their son is now 5.

Court documents show that the boy was born to Janice R.  a month after the women were united in Vermont. When the relationship soured and the couple split up, Debra H. sued for visitation rights to the child.

“[The child] thinks of Debra as one of his mothers” said Lambda attorney Susan Sommer who represents her.

But Janice R.’s attorney, Sherri Eisenpress, told the court that she informed Debra H. prior to the civil union that she did not want her as a “co-parent” and would not let her adopt the boy.

In its ruling, the appeals court said that under a 1991 ruling by the Court of Appeals – New York State’s highest court – only “biological and adoptive parents” have the right to seek visitation and custody, “even though that party may have developed a long-standing, loving and nurturing relationship with the child.”

Although the 1991 ruling also involved a same-sex couple, the ruling has been applied to married and unmarried opposite-sex couples where one partner is not the birth parent.

In the case of Janice R. and Debra H., the appeals court overturned a lower court ruling that ordered a hearing to determine if Debra H.’s emotional and financial support role with the child was tantamount to being a parent.

Sommer said that the ruling ignored the “best interests of the child,” and that the case would be appealed to the Court of Appeals.

In what is believed to be the first ruling on the issue of gay divorce in the state,  a judge in Binghamton, New York has granted a divorce to a lesbian couple.

Justice Molly R. Fitzgerald based her ruling on an executive order issued last May by Gov. David Paterson recognizing the marriages of New York gay and lesbian couples who had gone outside the state to wed. The order directed state agencies to revise their policies.

Lauren Wells and Shari Weiss were married in August 2004, in Toronto Canada where same-sex marriage is legal.

But in granting the divorce, Fitzgerald did not allow a division of property.  The couple had purchased a home together prior to Paterson’s executive order.  At the time they were not entitled to sign the title with equal rights of possession. The mortgage was held by Weiss

Outside court, the women through their attorneys agreed that Wells would remain in the house for six months, after which it would be the sole property of Weiss.

In 2006, the New York Court of Appeals, the state’s highest court, ruled that same-sex couples do not have a constitutional right to marry. It said that the issue, however, could be taken up by the legislature.

Legislation that would allow same-sex couples to marry in New York State passed the Assembly in 2007 but the then-GOP controlled Senate refused to take up the bill.

The measure is expected to be reintroduced in the Assembly this year.

Gov. David Paterson (D) has said if a marriage equality bill came to his desk he would sign it.

The bill, however, is unlikely to be advanced in the Senate. State Senate Majority Leader Malcolm A. Smith (D) has said he does not have the votes.