As the New York state Senate mulls same sex marriage rights,  a few of the bill’s foes are getting phone calls from poet Maya Angelou. The writer of such books as I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, is joining other glitterati, former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue and actress Cynthia Nixon, to press the Legislature to vote for gay marriage.

Angelou, with the assistance of Empire State Pride Agenda (have you given them any cash?), called state Senator Shirley L. Huntley. An opponent of same sex marriage, Huntley thought the call was a joke. However, once she got on the phone her doubts faded away.

Angelou decided to get involved for a simple reason. Love is complicated enough without the vagaries of the state.

“To love someone takes a lot of courage,” she said. “So how much more is one challenged when the love is of the same sex and the laws say, ‘I forbid you from loving this person’?”

Huntley is still unconvinced but she and Angelou ended their conversation on a cordial note (a rarity in a debate when emotions can run a little high).

Now before any of you start complaining  about same sex marriage advocates wasting time and resources courting the famous, state Senator Tom Duane, will hold a press conference tomorrow with gay and lesbian couples discussing how marriage inequality impacts their lives. We’ll cover the press conference on Tuesday.

“I have a secret to tell you,” she told the cheering crowd. “Last month, my girlfriend Christine and I got engaged. And I have a beautiful ring to prove it.”

Nixon went on to call for the right for same-sex couples to get married in New York State, and talked about how Christine is a stay-at-home mom to their children, but has no legal right to them if Nixon dies (the children’s father and Nixon’s former husband, Danny Mozes, is also very involved in parenting them).

Nixon with Marinoni and their children

The rally was organized to encourage the New York State legislature to pass marriage equality legislation before the current session ends on June 20.

After talking about the financial benefits of same-sex marriage to the State of New York, Nixon directed her remarks to the majority of people who oppose gay marriage not for religious reasons, but just because they “haven’t caught up with us yet.”

“Now the main argument I hear against legalizing same-sex marriage is that in some way this will forever alter and mar traditional marriage, and what I want to know is: How? How will my girlfriend and I getting married have any affect on you and your wife, or you and your husband sitting at home? I also hear that the right to legal same-sex marriage is seen as an attack on traditional marriage, and I want to say that you are not the ones being attacked, we are.

“And please believe I’m not being flippant when I say this: The right to marry is about us, it is not about you, any more than the fight for integration was about white people, or a women’s right to vote was about men. It is only about you to the extent that you have to live with yourself knowing that you are depriving a significant portion of the population their basic civil rights.”

Nixon’s Sex and the City co-star Kristin Davis was on stage with Nixon to lend her support, and there were performances, speeches and appearances by actors Audra McDonald, Ana Ortiz, Cheyenne Jackson and David Hyde Piece, as well as New York City Council Member Christine Quinn, State Senator Tom Duane, State Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell, and Gov. David Paterson.

Nixon at the rally with Kristin Davis and Gov. Paterson

Nixon is an outspoken advocate for several issues, including gay rights. She recently came under fire from the religious right for supporting Planned Parenthood, and she has spent a good deal of time raising awareness about breast cancer over the last several years (she is a breast cancer survivor).

Professionally, Nixon is busy playing the lead in the Broadway play Distracted, and preparing to reprise her role of Miranda in a sequel to the hugely popular Sex and the City movie.

Watch Nixon’s speech at Broadway.tv

The protest against equal marriage was organized by Hispanic clergy opposed to gay marriage and led by state Sen. Ruben Diaz, a Pentecostal minister.

“We’re here to say to the governor: Mr. Governor, look at the people that are here, these are the people who say we don’t believe in marriage between a man and a man and a woman and a woman,” Díaz told the crowd.

Other pastors offered prayers, including Rev. Miguel A. Rivera who said a prayer for the governor, calling him not only “physically blind, but spiritually blind.”

As the crowd dispersed, supporters of same-sex marriage began lining the streets.

Paterson originally did not plan on attending the pro-gay marriage rally, but a spokesperson said he changed his mind after seeing the crowd that attended the earlier protest.

He was joined by New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and a number of celebrities including “Sex and the City” star Cynthia Nixon who announced her engagement to longtime partner Christine Marinoni.

“My name is David Paterson,” the governor told the cheering crowd, “and I came here today seeking justice,” the governor told a cheering crowd of same-sex marriage supporters.

“Let New York lead the country in making the dreams and wishes come true for people who want to get married.”

Last week the state Assembly passed a same-sex marriage equality bill 89 – 52. But its success in the Senate is doubtful.

There are a scant 18 days left in the session, and the bill is reportedly about 6 votes shy of passage. No Senate Republicans have voiced their support for the measure and up to four Democrats are expected to vote against it.

Coverage of this decision has, however, largely overlooked an important point: the boys in fact have two committed, loving parents in their home, only one of whom is now legal. Gill has been fostering the four- and eight-year-old boys with his partner of eight years, whom the court documents call Tom Roe, Sr. Roe’s biological son (now 13 years old) was already in their home. According to the court ruling:

“John and James refer to Petitioner and Roe as ‘papi’ and ‘daddy’ respectively. . . . John and James are closely bonded to Tom Roe, Jr., and their extended family. The boys consider Petitioner and Roe’s parents, brothers and sisters their grandparents, uncles and aunts. The extended family sends the boys gifts for their birthdays and the holidays. Roe’s mother, who lives in Tampa, visits the family regularly.”

The two men decided to pursue an adoption of the foster children only for Gill, though, figuring it would be even harder to get a ruling in favor of a joint adoption by two men. The men plan to try for a second-parent adoption at a later date. (It is unclear if Roe’s biological son has another legal parent, or if Gill would pursue a second-parent adoption of him as well.)

Progress is often incremental, of course. Pursuing a single adoption was most likely the right strategic move. What this case reveals, however, are the many layers of restrictions that still bind LGBT citizens. For every bit of progress, there is more to be made.

Some might argue that if the two men were married, they could have jointly adopted the boys. That may be true, but we must be careful not to extend this thinking too far. Marriage equality is not always the solution to securing same-sex parenting rights.

It is easy to blur the lines between parental rights and marriage, however. Sex and the City actor Cynthia Nixon fell into this trap two weeks ago on Larry King Live (11/14/08) when she spoke out in favor of marriage equality.

Nixon, who has two children from a previous, opposite-sex relationship, said that if she got hit by a truck, her partner Christine Marinoni would have no legal rights to the children, even though she (Marinoni) is currently their stay-at-home mom. Nixon claimed that if she and Marinoni were married, Marinoni would have legal rights as their stepparent.

The fact is, though, that Nixon and the children’s biological father are the legal parents. Even for a married, opposite-sex couple, the stepparent would have no legal rights unless the non-custodial biological parent had given up his rights and allowed the stepparent to adopt the children. Nixon, her ex, and Marinoni could do this even now.

Nixon and Marinoni’s marriage alone would not give Marinoni any legal standing in relation to the children if Nixon died.

Note, too, that Nixon and her male ex never married–but he is still recognized as a  parent. (Thanks to LGBT family law expert Nancy Polikoff for confirming my analysis here.)

At the moment, too, marriage is not sufficient to provide widespread recognition to both same-sex parents in many places. If a married or civil unioned same-sex couple has a child in a state where their relationship is recognized, both members of the couple can be listed as parents on the birth certificate. States that do not recognize the adults’ relationship might not honor that birth certificate, however. LGBT legal organizations such as GLAD thus recommend that even married same-sex parents do a second-parent adoption or get a court order of parentage, which all jurisdictions should recognize.

Broader recognition of same-sex marriages (or civil unions equivalent in all but name) would alleviate this problem. Still, opposite-sex parents are not required to marry in order to gain parental rights. It seems unfair to require same-sex parents to do the same. Canada, which allows same-sex couples to marry, but also gives common-law partners almost identical rights as married couples, might be on the right track here, as Polikoff points out.

Many besides Nixon have argued for marriage equality because of the parenting rights it conveys. This connection is true only in a subset of cases, as we have seen. At other times marriage is neither necessary nor sufficient. It may be desired for other reasons, though, not least of which is to give one’s children a sense of equality.

Marriage rights are important, therefore, but they are not a panacea.

We need to keep reminding ourselves, our allies, and the public that there is more to LGBT rights than that, a message that risks being lost in all the post-election hoopla about the marriage props. The fact that we scored a win for parental rights last week in a state that just passed an anti-marriage amendment should remind us, too, that in many places we will gain parental rights first. (I won’t even get into hate crimes and employment discrimination here.)

We do not know, of course, whether the Florida ruling will stand up to appeal, or if Tom Roe will ever be a legal parent to his sons. If it does stand, it would still remain to be seen whether the increasing number of same-sex parents and their children would shift public opinion on marriage equality. Not right away, perhaps; but I’d like to think it would be a start.

Marriage equality and parenting rights may not be identical, but they will each help the other succeed.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian, a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents. She is not a lawyer, and nothing in the above article should be taken as legal advice. Her column exploring the intersection of politics and parenting appears every other Thursday at 365gay.com.