My relationship ended on a Sunday. On Monday, I got a call from my best friend.

“I think it’s time you do something you’ve been talking about doing for a long time,” she said. ‘I think you need to get a tattoo.”

She was right. I had been talking about getting a tattoo for years. It was one of those, “man, you know I really want to do it, but I’m just so not the kind of person to do THAT” sort of thing, a bravery for other people, not for me.

“Let’s do it together,” she said. “I want another one. Figure out what you want, then we’ll go and do it.”

The sticking point: what to get permanently scrawled on my body. I spent a few days mulling over the options, and after rejecting a ton of them, the perfect solution revealed itself.

The bull from Picasso’s “Guernica.”

Why the bull? I’m a playwright, and the “Guernica” was at the center of my first play. I’m also a Taurus. And the bull is, in some scholarship, considered the representation of the artist. And the image always felt to me like resilience, fortitude, steely determination.

So, now Picasso’s bull sits on my upper left arm, and I’m one of the inked masses. It’s a gesture I’m proud of, a bravery for other people that I’ve claimed for myself. And the tattoo certainly separates the wheat from the chaff: handsome gentlemen who recognize the image’s origin get a second look and the ones who ask if it’s a tattoo of my dog don’t.

(Someone really asked that. A dog with horns? Seriously?)

I thought my friend was just being impulsive when she first recommended the tattoo, but now that I have it, now that I can look down and see it sitting there looking brave and resilient, I realize she knew exactly what she was doing (and she always does, damn her and prescience.)

Change comes, and it moves swiftly and decisively. One day something is, and the next day it isn’t. And we don’t have much choice in the matter. What we do have control over, what we can dictate, is how we handle that change, what we do with it, what we shape it into.

Change can scar or it can mark. And we decide which it will do.

Scars are ugly, irregular, unshapely and coarse. Marks, like tattoos, are thoughtful, beautiful, purposeful.

I don’t want to read another story about a southern gay bar raided by policemen, men forced to the ground, called faggots, sent to hospitals or just humiliated. I don’t want to read another news brief about a domestic partnership law or a marriage equality bill being fiercely opposed by people claiming to care about “the sanctity of marriage.” I don’t want to hear about another hate crime, another 11-year old boy killing himself because kids called him gay at school while no teacher did anything about it, another man of faith saying homosexuals should die, another spiteful diatribe by the Maggie Gallaghers of the world, another Prop. 8.

I don’t want to, but I will. Because sadly, that’s what change looks like for our community at this moment in our history. And we have a choice: it can scar us or it can mark us.

History has already scarred us enough, no?

So in the face of ugly change, we should craft something beautiful. Make calls. Write letters. Attend demonstrations. Join groups. Go to Washington for the National March and meet the 365Gay gang at the meet-up. Come out. Organize. Blog. Shout.

Do.

Turn change into something you can live with for the rest of your life, etched out on your body in ink.

When my tattoo artist was putting together the rendering of the bull for my tattoo, he asked how closely I’d like to adhere to the original image.

“I mean, you want the balls and all?” he said.

After a moment’s consideration, I answered, “Yeah. Balls and all.”

There are worse ways to live your life, yes?

The past few weeks have been exhilerating for all of us in the LGBT community who pay attention to politics. The exhileration hasn’t all been from positive sources– disappointments like the DOJ’s memo on DOMA, President Obama’s lackluster federal employee rights order, and the DNC’s callous handling of gay outrage have hit hard– but it has been exhileration. The LGBT community has been talking about policy and politics, people are paying attention, and apathy seem less cool (and less widespread) than it did a few weeks or a month ago.

I’m not being naive. In order to force real change, we’re going to need sustained outrage, sustained protest, sustained attention. And that’s tough to generate.

But getting results, however small, helps.

And the Department of Justice inviting LGBT legal groups to a meeting to start discussions on an upcoming case that challenges the constitutionality of DOMA? That’s a direct result of the community’s outrage to the first DOMA memo, and it’s an important result.

It is anticipated that the groups invited by the DOJ include Lambda Legal and GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders). The case they’re discussing directly challenges Section 3 of DOMA, which states that for the purposes of federal law “the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife.” Given the relatively slow progress on repealing DOMA legislatively, a legitimate legal challenge to Section 3 of DOMA could be an important development. Including smart, pro-equality legal minds in the discussions is progress for the Department of Justice. So kudos to all who applied pressure after the first disastrous DOMA memo. Let’s keep it up.

In the fight against workplace discrimination, Vincenz said, “we were supposed to look employable.”

The dress code won’t be the only thing that has changed when Vincenz, 71, returns to Philadelphia this weekend for the National Equality Rally. The event planned for Sunday is being billed as the first national demonstration since 2000 for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights and the first to be held outside Washington.

“We are at the tipping point of the GLBT civil rights movement,” said Malcolm Lazin, executive director of the Philadelphia-based Equality Forum, which is sponsoring the event. “This is a movement that will not let up.”

Supporters will have much to cheer. Nine years ago – before the last march on the National Mall in Washington – Vermont had just passed the country’s first civil-unions law. Today, gays can marry in Vermont, Connecticut, Iowa and Massachusetts; bills are pending in several other states.

But gay rights advocates also say there is much work to do. Demonstrators will call for same-sex marriage equality nationwide; for including transgendered individuals in federal anti-discrimination and hate crime laws; and for repealing the Defense of Marriage Act and the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.

Organizers plan a march circling the blocks around Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, followed by a one-hour rally.

“It is important for our community to come together to celebrate our lives and our accomplishments as well as to push for further inclusion in the nation’s promises of liberty and equality for everyone,” said Jennifer Manion, director of student services for the gay community at Connecticut College.

The symbolism of Philadelphia, where all men were declared created equal, was just as powerful to Vincenz and Frank Kameny, who organized the first “Annual Reminder Day Picket” for gay rights on July 4, 1965, at Independence Hall.

Kameny, a World War II combat veteran, said he lost his job with the U.S. Army’s map service in 1957 because he is gay. The pickets were designed “to remind the public that there’s still one large group of people who are not having their rights protected, and are still being subject to prejudice and discrimination without remedy,” he said.

Activists demanded an end to anti-gay bias in federal civil service employment and the removal of homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental disorders, among other issues.

The first picket was held four years before the landmark Stonewall riots in New York, considered the birth of the gay rights movement. It drew between 25 and 40 people, according to Kameny and Vincenz. By the time the fifth one was held in 1969, just as Stonewall was ending, about 150 people attended.

Today’s gay rights rallies, which can draw tens of thousands, involve issues “we never would have conceived back then,” Kameny said.

Now 83 and living in Washington, Kameny will return on Sunday to the site of the “annual reminders,” which are now commemorated by a state historical marker.

By any measure, the gay rights movement has achieved “remarkable success” in the 40 years since Stonewall, Manion said. But those victories mask deeper-rooted problems with homophobia, especially as experienced by adolescents too young to benefit from same-sex marriage or job anti-bias laws, she said.

“Young people … are still subject to the beliefs and whims of their parents,” Manion said. “All the stigmas are still the same.”

Vincenz, though, said she is optimistic about the future. She looks forward to visiting Philadelphia for the march and rally – while wearing a pair of “nice slacks.”

“I just feel ecstatic about the younger generation and what they’re doing,” Vincenz said. “There’s a groundswell of people who finally feel empowered, that they can make a difference.”

Ensley made the remarks in a letter to Michael Steele, the new Chair of the Republican Party, urging him to ignore an AFTAH call to abandon his belief the GOP needs to be a “big tent” that includes gays.

After its trouncing at the polls in November, the party has been searching for a new beginning. Steele has said the GOP needs to have a broader base.

In a February 12 letter to Steele, AFTAH president Peter LaBarbera said the party needs to concentrate on its “grassroots pro-family conservative GOP base.”

AFTAH on its Web site said it “is encouraging Republicans and pro-family citizens nationwide to contact Steele and the RNC to urge them not to sell out the conservative GOP platform by courting an organization [Log Cabin Republicans] that works to undermine tradition marriage and supports anti-religious, pro-homosexual special-rights legislation.”

Ensley’s response to Steele drew more wrath from from LaBarbera.

“I would expect an apology from the Republican Party of Georgia,” LaBarbera said. “And actually I would hope that the Republican Party of Georgia would issue some [sort of] formal statement or take some formal action against Mr. Ensley.”

So far, Steele has not commented on either LaBarbera’s or Ensley’s remarks.

In addition to being the head of the Georgia Log Cabin Republicans, Ensley is the Chair of the 57th District of the Fulton County Republican Party and a board member of Georgia Equality.

I thought I’d take a minute to explain the purpose behind Day Without a Gay (although David Craig has his own personal story that explains why he came up with this idea).

Simply put: The LGBTQ Community contributes $700 Billion per year to the U.S. economy. When you put that into perspective, that’s the same amount as the economic bailout package.

Our community could be, in a sense, the economic bailout… so we’re good enough to put billions a year into the system, but not good enough to be afforded the same rights as everyone else who contributes to that system?

This is ONE of the THREE things Day Without a Gay is all about.

1. An economic boycott for 1 day. On December 10th: International Human Rights Day. Do not use your phone, do not turn on the TV, do not go online, do not buy ANYTHING. Take it one step further if you wish: take $80 out of your bank account and keep it in your pocket all day. We are taxpaying citizens who are asking for the same rights as every other tax paying US citizen.
2. A day of VOLUNTEERING. That’s right. Don’t sit in your house with all your lights off staring at the wall. Let’s get out there and show this world just how much our community has to offer.

There are many ways to volunteer: Go to a soup kitchen, talk at a local school, work at a retirement center, collect food for the LGBTQ Food Drive, or work with your local LGBTQ organization to get marriage equality petition signatures in your area. Join The Impact is teaming up with the Courage Campaign to gather 1 Million Signatures to repeal Prop 8. These are just a few ideas.
3. A day of VISIBILITY. We are asking that people call of work for this event. This is a great way to show just how many of us there are.

Now here’s the IMPORTANT thing to note: there are still many states that do not have sexual identity inclusive ENDA laws. In other words, in many states, an employer can still fire an employee for being gay. Consider your situation both economically and personally before calling off work.

There are MANY WAYS to show visibility on December 10th. If you cannot call off work, we ask that you show up to work wearing a White Knot, but don’t forget to PACK YOUR LUNCH and refrain from that tempting coffee run.

So Join us in making an impact in many ways on December 10th. Let’s show the nation just how expansive our impact can be – how we give to the economy, and how we can all come together and give to our local communities. View the PRESS RELEASE here.

To quote Prop 8 the Musical “There’s Money to be Made.” How are we going to pay for the economic bailout? Why not allow the LGBTQ community to join in Civil Marriage? Could you imagine how much we would spend on weddings?!

Well let’s find out how much won’t be spent on Dec. 10th.

Organizers called on the next U.S. president to take significant steps toward creating a national plan to end AIDS within 100 days of taking office. Oxford, where the march ends,  is the site for the first Presidential Debate between Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama.

The march is part of Stand Against AIDS. Eight auto caravans of HIV/AIDS activists from across the country will also convene in Oxford Sept. 23-26 to raise awareness for the need for increased funding and research to end AIDS. The 10-day march recreates the historic 1966 “Walk Against Fear” that mobilized the black vote.

“All these excuses today are no more. We aren’t going to accept them anymore,” said marcher Eric Bailey,  who has been HIV positive for seven years, to WAPT television.

In Mississippi, there are 600 new HIV cases each year. In 2006, more than 14,000 people nationwide died from AIDS.

“I consider this to be the most important thing since the Martin Luther King assassination,” civil rights activist James Meredith said at the onset of the march.

In 1962, Meredith became the first African-American student admitted to Ole Miss. Federal marshals had to escort him to his classes. He graduated in 1963 with a political science degree.

Meredith helped organize the march.

“This issue on AIDS, particularly in Mississippi, has to do only with the issue of the poor,” Meredith told WLBT television.

The Stand Against AIDS is being spearheaded by the Campaign to End AIDS, a national network of people living with HIV/AIDS. It is made up of a diverse cross-section of people – African American, Latino and white; gay and straight; and male and female.

The twin events were sponsored by Marriage Equality USA and Marriage Equality New York.

In 2006, the New York Court of Appeals, the state’s highest court, ruled that same-sex couples do not have a constitutional right to marry. The court said that the issue, however, could be taken up by the Legislature.

A bill that would allow same-sex couples to marry in New York passed the Democrat-controlled Assembly last year, but Republicans who control the Senate have refused to consider the legislation.

New York Gov. David Paterson earlier this year issued an executive order recognizing the marriages of same-sex couples who were married in states and countries where same-sex marriages are legal. A challenge by Republicans was thrown out in court.

“There is nothing better we can do to help the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community than to win back the state Senate,” NY City Council President Christine Quinn (D), a lesbian, told the marchers.

In California, same-sex marriage has been legal since May, but marchers in San Francisco were drawing attention to Proposition 8, a ballot measure that would end same-sex marriage in the state.

In May, the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage and conservative groups began a ballot measure to amend the state constitution to bar same-sex unions.

The battle over same-sex marriage began in 2004, when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Thousands of gay and lesbian couples were married before the California Supreme Court declared Newsom had acted illegally and nullified the marriages that resulted.

The debate over same-sex marriage in the state then moved to the courts, finally ending with the high court ruling.

Recent public opinion polls suggest that the proposed amendment to block same-sex marriage in California is in trouble.

(Sydney, Australia) A court struck down a new law Tuesday that banned people from annoying participants of a Roman Catholic youth festival in Australia that the pope plans to attend, ruling that the law restricted free speech.

The ruling handed down on the opening day of the six-day World Youth Day festival paves the way for activists to hand out condoms and coat hangers – symbolizing abortions – to pilgrims in a demonstration planned for Saturday.

Three federal court judges ruled that the law was invalid under Australia’s constitution because they limited freedom of speech. The new regulations had made behavior that caused annoyance or inconvenience to festival participants punishable by fines up $5,300.

The legal challenge was brought by two activists from the NoPope Coalition, a group of gay rights and secular activists. The coalition is planning a rally on Saturday at which activists said they would wear T-shirts condemning Pope Benedict XVI and hand out condoms and coat hangers to pilgrims taking part in a procession through Sydney.

“We now have a lot more confidence to take to the streets to condemn Pope Benedict’s policies against condom use, against contraception, against homosexuality,” said Rachel Evans, one of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit. “We are glad that the court has ruled that we do have the freedom of expression to communicate our political views on Saturday.”

The New South Wales state government introduced the regulations for July only, saying they were the same sort of powers authorities normally have to quell potential trouble at big sporting events.

Sydney Archbishop Cardinal George Pell said the church had not asked for the special rules, and had no problem with the right to protest legally.

Pope Benedict XVI is in Sydney for World Youth Day, which officials say has attracted more than 200,000 pilgrims from around the world. The pontiff does not have any public events until Thursday, when he tours Sydney Harbor and delivers a major address. The festival culminates with a papal Mass on Sunday.

(Sydney, Australia) Thousands of pilgrims converged on Sydney as it braced Friday for the weekend arrival of the pope and the start of World Youth Day, the biggest event held in Australia since the 2000 Olympics.

After five years of planning, the massive Roman Catholic festival will finally kick off Tuesday and run through Sunday, attracting more than 200,000 pilgrims to Sydney.

Nuns decked out in habits and brightly-colored World Youth Day backpacks strolled through the city, as event organizers worked frantically to keep up with the ever-expanding flocks of faithful and Sydney residents steeled themselves for traffic nightmares.

Pope Benedict XVI will arrive Sunday and rest for a few days before leading a series of prayer gatherings and meetings on Thursday. He will then take a boat trip on Sydney Harbor, followed by a welcome ceremony and papal motorcade through downtown.

Tens of thousands are expected to participate in a walking pilgrimage across Sydney’s famed Harbor Bridge, which links the north and south portions of the city and offers a sweeping view of the harbor and opera house. Other events include a re-enactment of the 12 stations of the cross in various parts of the city and a “sleep out under the stars,” during which pilgrims will spend the final night of festivities sleeping outdoors at a racetrack. The following morning, the event will conclude with a papal mass, expected to draw hundreds of thousands.

An electronic clock outside St. Mary’s Cathedral in downtown Sydney ticked down the days remaining before the festival’s start, while a giant welcome tent across the street swarmed with pilgrims taking a break from the chilly day to mull over stacks of World Youth Day sweatshirts, hats and scarves for sale.

Odile DeGrandmaison, who traveled to Australia from Normandy, France, for the festival, wandered through the tent with her 15-year-old daughter Astrid, checking out the obligatory Australian souvenirs: tiny stuffed koalas, boomerangs, Ugg boots. Pausing to contemplate the pope’s looming arrival, she began to weep.

“It’s important to hear the good word,” she said as an equally tearful Astrid gave her a comforting hug. “It’s good to feel that we’re all together.”

Heather Wilkinson spent Friday morning sitting on the docks of Darling Harbor with members of her church youth group from Canada, drinking in the view of the deep blue water shimmering in the sunlight. Like many pilgrims, she hoped to spend some of her time in Australia checking out the sights and bonding with other international visitors.

The 20-year-old attended the World Youth Day event in Germany in 2005, and found it deeply moving. She hoped to recapture some of that emotion with the pope’s arrival in Sydney. “It’s one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in my life,” she said.

Despite the pilgrims’ excitement, the festival has attracted a fair amount of controversy. The NoToPope Coalition, made up of gay rights, student and atheist groups, is planning a July 19 march to protest what it calls the pope’s homophobic and antiquated ideas. The Church bans the use of condoms and other forms of artificial birth control and the coalition planned to distribute condoms to young pilgrims in response.

A new law that gives authorities the power to order anyone to stop behavior considered “annoying” toward the pilgrims was panned by critics as a form of censorship and drew a protest by the coalition on Wednesday. Anyone who doesn’t comply with the regulations could face a fine of $5,300. Police and the New South Wales state government say they are a necessary security measure, but libertarians and rights activists disagree.

Earlier this week, Australia’s top Roman Catholic cleric, Cardinal George Pell, said he expected the pope to express regret for sexual abuse by church officials, as he did earlier this year in the United States.

But in an ill-timed twist, Pell agreed on Thursday to reopen the investigation into a 25-year-old sexual abuse case, after nearly a week of media reports that questioned his earlier handling of the alleged victim’s complaint.