I want to protest in the streets, but I have to take my son to a birthday party.

Many LGBT parents, I suspect, are facing similar choices as the community erupts over Prop 8 and the other anti-LGBT measures of the past election. Our children’s immediate needs may often win out, especially when we know there are thousands of others within the LGBT community who will be rallying anyway.

We would be remiss, however, to think that the fight for LGBT rights will succeed without the visibility and participation of LGBT parents. One major mistake the No On 8 campaign made was to eliminate LGBT parents from its ads, when the other side focused squarely on children and schools. No On 8 chose to reach out to straight parents with ads that featured other straight parents, and one in which the California Superintendent of Schools assured parents that Prop 8 “has nothing to do with schools.”

While the last was correct from a curriculum standpoint, it made it sound like no person or influence from the LGBT community would ever come near a school. It hid the existence of the 52,000 children being raised by 26,100 same-sex couples in California, not to mention the children being raised by the nearly 73,000 single LGB parents. (Numbers from the Williams Institute of UCLA, using data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2005/2006 American Community Survey.)

The result? Sixty-four percent of voters with children under 18 voted for Prop 8, according to CNN exit polls. Among married voters with children, the yes votes rose to 68 percent. Only 44 percent of voters without children (and 45 percent of those married without children) voted for Prop 8.

The grassroots fever that is now sweeping the LGBT community may shift some opinions here. LGBT parents are marching alongside other members of the LGBT community in cities across the country, with rainbow-covered strollers and kids decked out in “I love my two mommies” t-shirts. We are showing people that being pro-LGBT does not mean being anti-children.

It is heartwarming to think of LGBT parents and children marching arm in arm in front of a capitol building, united in pride and committed to making a difference. The truth is, though, that any number of reasons, practical and emotional, can get in the way of joining these burgeoning uprisings. Sometimes there are school plays, soccer practice, and doctor’s appointments. It may seem silly to priortize them over civil rights, but all are part of the grand scheme of family negotiation and scheduling. The decisions may be more complicated than they appear, as any parent can tell you.

As parents, too, we must first and foremost protect our children physically and emotionally. We may not want to expose them to the vitriolic catcalls and placards of anti-LGBT forces if we don’t think they are ready to handle them.

Even without that danger, we must find where the boundary lies between making our families visible and forcing our children to be more out about their families than they feel comfortable with. Abigail Garner, an advocate for children of LGBT parents, explains in her book Families Like Mine that while LGBT parents have usually had practice coming out and dealing with people’s reactions, “What no longer feels like a big deal to them can feel insurmountable to children who have not yet developed the skills or understanding to deflect ridicule and advocate for themselves.” She continues, “Parents and their children will often have different ideas about when to be out and when to be more discreet. It is an ongoing struggle to anticipate and adjust to these differences, especially since parents have full control over this issue for the first few years of their children’s lives.”

What can parents do, then, to be sensitive to our children’s needs and yet remain visible as LGBT families in order to create change?

Above all, we must talk with our children about LGBT issues and civil rights in ways that take into account their own maturity and their environment. Children in California, for example, might need this knowledge sooner in order to make sense of the anti-LGBT rhetoric that has been rampant in their state since the Prop 8 fight began.

If we decide not to take our kids to rallies or if they’d rather be home playing Guitar Hero, we can still wear t-shirts that proclaim our parenthood. We can also skip the rallies entirely and dedicate the same amount of time to another volunteer effort, whether it be helping a local LGBT organization with its outreach, writing a letter to the editor of the local paper, or reading And Tango Makes Three to the children’s group at our religious congregation. Sometimes, being an active PTA member can do more to change minds about our families than more specific LGBT action.

Yes, becoming a parent can make it more difficult to be an activist. At the same time, our children give us one of the strongest reasons to keep fighting for equality. It may take a little creativity to find ways of doing so that fit with our children’s needs and schedules, but many of us wouldn’t even have our families if it wasn’t for a bit of creative thinking.

I believe LGBT parents will be–have to be–a significant force in the future of our movement. If we sometimes opt to watch our youngest perform as a snowflake in the school holiday pageant instead of going to a rally, though, that’s just proving we’re good parents. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (www.mombian.com), a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents. Her column exploring the intersection of politics and parenting will appear every other Thursday at 365gay.com.