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Loading ...Neff: Where are the gay greeting cards?
I’m hoping for a love-is-in-the air mood on Valentine’s Day, but the Peanuts-themed card I’ve found for my true love won’t inspire the romance.
With the nearest gay-themed bookstore more than an hour away, I went to a local shop for a card. I found row after row of Valentine’s Day cards for mom, dad, brother, sister, niece, nephew, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousin, colleague, best friend, and, of course, husband and wife.But the my beloved, my dearest, my honey, my sweetie-pie cards I found for Valentine’s Day were written and drawn for him to give to her, or her to give to him. Not a card for girlfriend to girlfriend, partner to partner, or cohabitant of my dreams.
Hallmark, the nation’s largest greeting card company, issued same-sex wedding cards last year, but I have yet to see one in my area.
The card closest to avoiding a hetero-centric “I love you” message featured two penguins — the gender of one penguin, with her ample bosom and pear-shaped body, was obvious, but the other penguin seemed rather ambiguous.
But I opted instead for a Peanuts card, just in case my girlfriend could see something on the male penguin that I missed. My card depicts Linus wishing a happy Valentine’s Day — I couldn’t even find a Peppermint Patty card.
Every year I have trouble finding a Valentine’s Day card for my girlfriend. She too has trouble finding cards, which is why she makes her own — she’s more accomplished with Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop and scissors.
Wouldn’t it be nice to walk into a drug store, a supermarket or a greeting card shop outside our GLBT ghettos and find his and his and hers and hers cards? Managers could just reserve 10 percent of the all-my-love selection for gays and lesbians. That’s all I want. Segregation in the card aisle is OK.
Integration is OK too.
Why not leave the gender of the loving animal characters to the reader’s imagination? Is there really a reason in a greeting card to distinguish dogs as male and female, with the female dolled up in rouge and curlers and the male running about in a necktie? Why must the two skunks frolicking on a card be dressed like Barbie and Ken dolls? And why must one goldfish snuggling in the bowl be sporting a moustache and the other wearing lipstick?
Really, I’d like to see more integration of GLBT lives and passions all around, especially this time of year.
Turn on the television set this week and you’ll see any number of programs celebrating Valentine’s Day — from talk shows to dramas to investigative reports to sitcoms. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has made great strides in encouraging the TV industry in bringing gays out of the closet and into programming, but so much this week will ignore us, or marginalize us.
And call up the American Film Institute’s list of the top 100 love stories — “AFI’s 100 Years … 100 Passions.” Sure, “Casablanca” and “Gone with the Wind” deserve the top spots. But is there no film depicting a gay or lesbian romance worthy of being named to this list? There’s not a film with gay or lesbian lovers who generate more heat or more romance than Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger in “Jerry Maguire”? The gayest movies on the list are “A Star is Born” and “Pillow Talk.”
Open up your local daily newspaper this week and you will likely find Valentine’s Day-themed features in the news section, the style section, the entertainment section, the food section, maybe even the auto section and classifieds section if an editor can come up with an angle. And what percentage of them will profile or even quote someone in a same-sex relationship? Consider yourself fortunate if you find mention of the Freedom to Marry campaign.
Next Valentine’s Day, I hope to find greater celebration of same-sex love and romance. The age of “the love that dare not speak its name” is ancient and over. Everyone knows its name, and a majority of people seem comfortable with it — so why not generators of products and programs?
Alas, this year I’ve got my Peanuts card for my girlfriend. There’s Linus on the cover in his striped shirt and shorts, saying, “Felicitations and salutations on this beloved occasion,” and inside, “In other words, happy heart day,” along with my signature, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Love Lisa.”
Try the above website for GLBT Valentines Cards.
Lisa, I hear you on the heterosexist Valentine’s Day cards. But hey, if you know someone with two moms… let me know. My spouse and I created a set of four, same-sex, female cards.
Well, that’s what I absolutely crave for Valentine’s Day: an over-priced slice of processed tree with someone’s idea of a romantic picture and or saying in. How thoughtful. How personal. What happened to buying your mate his/her favourite (live plant) (flowers)? cooking a fabulous dinner and sharing a candlelit evening in with the object of your passion? even just a kiss and a heart-felt ‘I love you’?? If you need some kind of reminder to hang on your wall, get a picture of the two of you taken eating the dinner you cooked. Who bloody-well needs hallmark?
I see that a lot of people are acting a bit holier than thou on the issue of mass-produced cards. OK, maybe you have a lot of time to make lots of cards or perhaps you don’t give out that many cards, but not all of us are like that.
As for same-sex cards, yes, I make the cards I give to my partner too, but you guys do realize that there are lots of same-sex marriages, commitment ceremonies, etc. going on all the time, right? And that those gay individuals have friends and family who want to give them cards, right? Are you seriously suggesting people just shut up, ignore the homophobia that this represents, and spend lots of time making cards for their gay family and friends even if they don’t have that much free time?
I agree that it is hard to find greeting cards for your partner…We owned a small retail card and gift store at one point, and actually carried the 10% line, and other lines that we found appropriate. We even had a section catering to the LGBT community…unfortunately the LGBT community did not support our business and consequently we had to close our doors, the majority of our business was from the cool straight community…things won’t change until the LGBT community supports each other…and that means supporting the LGBT businesses…and quit complaining about not having a card on valentines day…that is a business opportunity, start your own business making greeting cards, and see what you can do to make the changes you want.
>> “But is there no film depicting a gay or lesbian romance worthy of being named to this list?”
Want an honest answer?
No.
Look what we have, girlfriend. JEFFREY? A TOUCH OF PINK? I mean, truly, let’s get real: when it comes to big time films about gays and lesbians, we have little but tripe. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is about the closest we’ve ever come, but even it pales when we have to have the mandatory “they got what they deserved” ending. Films about gay and lesbian relationships are usually thin and borderline god-awful, so sorry but no, none of them deserve that slot.
As for gay greeting cards… well, y’know, it’s the same problem. They’re by and large pretty dreadful, with the stock images of hunky guys and some lame copy. For a community with so much so-called imagination, we can be pretty relentlessly predictable when we put our minds to it.
So if you need to send your girlfriend something, make one yourself. It’ll have a lot more meaning than something you stopped by WalMart and bought for a few bucks.
I hear all all of this bs about how the “gay issue” is so over. But this sure is an instance of how it so isn’t. I’d expect to find a few cute Vakentune’s Day cards from disquietingly cute to hilarilously funny to choose from. And I would not expect to go out of my way to buy one! So ot over!
Two points I’d like to make before I offer my own thoughts on this situation. First, the day the only thing the gay community has to worry about is finding appropriate Valentine’s cards is the day I’ll consider our battle for equality won. There are much more important issues to be concerned with, so the lack of a suitable card seems more than a little trivial to me.
Second, as has already been said, a personally produced card or note will always mean a lot more. You don’t have to be a great poet or artist – no matter how rough it is it will mean a lot to the person you love.
That said, in the UK we don’t seem to have this problem, perhaps for the first time in my living memory. I took a look at Valentine’s cards and saw plenty of gay and lesbian themed and friendly cards. I say “themed” and “friendly” because there were some that were specifically for him to give to him, and her to give to her, and then there were some that were gender neutral.
Though I fully intend to make my partner a card this year, as I have most years since we got together, I did buy one simply because it had a picture of a panda on the front, and he loves pandas. And what is the message on the front? “To My Soul Mate”. I think that works.
As for the wider issue here, we’ve got to face facts – gays and lesbians are in the minority, and as such it is ALWAYS going to be harder to find products created specifically for us outside of gay shops or gay areas. Even when our battle for equality is won, many card shops will continue to stock those cards they can guarantee they will sell most of – those for straight people. That’s business, I’m afraid. Stores are interested in profit, and straight people are their core custom base come this time of year.
I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but it is how it is and always will be. We’re a minority group, and that means our needs will always take second place. As long as our rights don’t take second place, I can live with that for now.
If it’s any consolation, I can rarely find appropriate cards for anyone, not just gay people. For example, my father married his current wife when I was 28 and they live 1000 miles away from me. Thus it feels rather awkward that a typical Hallmark card for stepmother contains a message that implies that the stepmother has always “been there” (doubtless assuming it was a childhood divorce/remarriage on Dad’s part). For that matter, most Dad-oriented cards are much more smarmy than anything I really want to give the man.
Now, that said, I do agree that if nothing else it is a case of vendor neglect to not have ANY LGBT cards available. This does often annoy me, if only because it means that I must get to a specialty store to buy a gay-centric card. So if I feel slighted by Hallmark it’s mostly because I feel that they clearly don’t value me as a customer and aren’t marketing product geared towards me.
Lisa makes a point and maybe we need to be asking the stores why there isn’t a product that we want to buy. They have no idea they are missing sales if you don’t speak up.
However, its a point that needs not be made. Chances are we write down a note on stationary much more often than the straights do. It is considered the polite way to correspond. I was always told pre printed cards are tacky and that “good” families don’t engage in such lazy correspondence.
People “of letters” have always been respected and considered at the top of the socio-economic scale and “proper” ladies to this day still have writing desks as do men who want to be perceived as professional and well educated.
Keeping up a hand written correspondence is something I haven’t lived up to very well but I do when it matters and I never buy pre-printed cards (except perhaps a picture or something on the outside). When I get one, usually with the tacky addition of my name inserted within the “poem” or just “To Dave” at the top of it, I always politely think kindly of the person who thought enough to send it to me but what I put in my memory bank is “not enough to actually write me a note”.
My partner and I recently purchased a house from a prolific catholic family and we aquired all the contents as part of the deal. We have kept boxes upon boxes of stationary (most from the Crane surplus sale, being that we live a few miles from where all that money is printed) and have been using them. Good that none of it was personalized. Most from the 50’s they are quite amusing and we think a great way to recycle.
But I’m not writing on any of the few boxes of Picasso stationary…all of them adorned with his nude line drawings and just too interesting for me to ruin with my chicken scratch.
Mick, we are in agreement there.
I think that personally done cards are much more meaningful for a loved one.
Yes, generic cards are ok for the general birthday, etc. but if you really want to say something caring, do you really want your words crafted by Hallmark?
Really? Lack of greeting cards for a made up holiday? How about taking five minutes to write a nice note and send some flowers (purchased from a gay owned business?) instead of fretting that there are no schmaltzy mass produced cards?
Look I know that everyone likes to raise a ruckus over every slight against gays; perceived or real… but a greeting card disparity? If we were a large enough segment of the card buying public, I suppose. But c’mon, on our best day in the vast majority of markets, we’re an infinitesimally small segment of the buying public and probably best served by specialty stores. (p.s. there are various places to secure gay oriented cards online.)
I happen to be a twin… but very rarely find any cards at hallmark from one twin to another. Should I pen an letter to the Hallmark Corp demanding they devote a sections to twins?
I guess all I’m saying…to no one in particular as this is a silly comments section…let’s save the righteous indignation for the real issues.
I found the perfect card for my Valentine in a Dollar Store. I picked the one that was “for him” … interrupting the gay for the hetro! He knows who its from! Perhaps you can find one similar “for her”
Lisa,
You wrote that you went to a local shop to look for a greeting card. Do you mean you went to a local Hallmark store or just a regular shop that also sells greeting cards? I think the ‘controversial’ cards are supposed to be available at actual Hallmark stores, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they weren’t sold elsewhere. Gotta stop the evil demons from leaping out of the card and going after the children, don’t ya know.
Oh, and 10%? While I get your reason for picking that percentage, I’d go for even a handful of cards at this point. It’d sure be nice to be able to just pick up a card instead of having to create one from scratch. Not that I dislike doing such crafts. I’m a stereotypical gay man in that sense. But still, I’d much rather put more effort into the gift, meal, celebration, or message in the card than the making of the card itself.
screw Hallmark…they’re located in Homophobic Kansas,and TOO expensive anywaY!