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Loading ...Neff: Reaching out to Californians
“So, what’s the decision?” my brother asked a guy walking in off Castro to the Hot Cookie bakery May 26.
That day the California Supreme Court issued its ruling on Proposition 8, the voter initiative amending the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage. But that day my brother, a Californian since the late-1980s, had been showing two tourists from Florida — my partner and me — sights more rugged than the Castro.We had hiked all day at Point Reyes Natural Seashore, scoping out Steller’s jays and western bluebirds, not tuning into TV news, plugging into the Internet or even receiving cell phone communications.
And later, before hitting the Castro, we had wandered around San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury paying homage to hippie houses and marveling at the high price of hookah pipes.
We had been tuned out and out of touch for hours.
So my brother asked the Hot Cookie customer, “So, what’s the decision?”
And did he get an answer — an angry, raw, bitter, hostile response from a stranger about idiotic, bigoted, uninformed voters of California.
I understood the reply to my brother’s question, and my partner understood — we too at times have felt angry, raw, bitter and hostile.
My brother did not understand and he walked away feeling frustrated, insulted and assaulted. He was among the 48 percent of the voters in last November’s California election who did not support Prop 8 and, as he left Hot Cookie sadly nibbling on an oatmeal/chocolate chip/walnut cookie, I saw clearly how the GLBT community could lose again on same-sex marriage in November 2010.
Whether one agrees with the ruling or not, the state supreme court made it clear that if Prop 8 is going to be repealed, it will be repealed by Californians.
Given the court ruling, we can A, get more GLBT people and their allies to move to California to vote; B, get more voters to the polls; or C, change votes.
I don’t see huge numbers of GLBT people flocking to California to register for the 2010 election.
And it seems unlikely that voter turnout will climb beyond that of the 2008 election, when a record 13.7 million California voters — 79 percent of those registered — cast ballots.
That leaves option C.
And that means demeaning, insulting and attacking the voters of California will get the GLBT community nowhere other than the losing side.
So what do we do with all that understandable anger?
The day after the 6-1 California Supreme Court upholding Prop 8, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force issued a call for GLBT people to transform anger into action.
The NGLTF call was, in actuality, a fundraising appeal, but the idea of transforming anger into action resonated with me as I continued, with my brother and my partner, a too-short tour of the San Francisco area, where so much anger over so many wrongs and so much injustice was transformed into action.
We no doubt will need button-down, check-writing action to win over voters in November 2010 — lots of cash to finance commercials to reach the masses and to counter the onslaught of donations from the religious right sectors.
But as I toured San Francisco last week and as I thought also of the approaching 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, checkbook activism seemed less than satisfying — not at all a useful vehicle for burning off anger and a rather uninspired effort to court voters.
We need to transform anger into action in peaceful protests, sit-ins and freedom marches such as the 1960s-style freedom to marry weekend march from Selma to Fresno, where voters approved Prop 8 by wide margins.
We need to enlist in the Courage Campaign and encourage more Camp Courage events to teach volunteers to walk door to door and to make phone calls for the cause.
And, you know, if we happen to be hanging out at the Hot Cookie in the Castro when strangers seek to engage us in a discussion on same-sex marriage, we need to take simple, positive action: Say, “Brother, want to share a cookie?” and then, over a snickerdoodle, we need to inform and advocate, not insult and attack.
Carlos, would you have us punish 100% of the California population for a vote that was so close that the difference could be counted on one hand? I am a native Californian in my 40’s. I was born and raised here, and even during my years here great strides have been made. We are far to close to equality to cut our losses and boycott an entire state. Boycotting the entire state will also not garner understanding or sympathy for our cause in upcoming elections.
We need to show voters that we are people first, human beings that deserve equal rights, ot just “those people.” I am out at work and all my friends and coworkers just love my husband. They see us as a normal couple who just happens to be of the same sex. We don’t have an agenda, nor are we extremely political, but if someone asks how we feel about marriage, I simply point out all the benefits it would supply to us. Many people don’t know any better than to believe it when they’re told that Domestic Partnerships in California have ALL the same benefits of marriage, which is simply not true. Education and understand is the way to go, in my opinion.
Your opinion piece articulates part of the problem. We can’t even get our own families to support us! That is why Cleve Jones’ proposed march on DC on Oct. 11 is so important!
Even though my marriage was spared by the court’s decision, I was heartbroken and angry by it all. And I had a right to be!
Some days I use my anger to power me through intimidating moments when I have to “come out” to near strangers and educate them. Some days are so rough that my anger only manages to get me through marking my gay money. Every little bit helps.
Don’t scold people for being angry.
It was your brother’s job to tell the angry customer that he voted against Prop 8, and to be respectful of the pain and frustration the customer was feeling. And it was your job as a visitor to realize many of us in this state put heart and soul into protecting our right to marry, and have every right to our anger now and every right to needing to vent it that day.
You forgot option “D”
That should be eliminate confusing and poorly worded referendums.
It is entirely possible that people did not understand the referendum and made it possible for people to sign something that they didn’t mean to sign.
I know it took me about a month of constant reading to figure what the referendum really was for (or against).
You probably lost at least 5-10 percent of the people because of this.
I do sympathize with you and I hope that all Californians will come to see the error of their ways.
He was among the 48 percent of the voters in last November’s California election who did not support Prop 8 and, as he left Hot Cookie sadly nibbling on an oatmeal/chocolate chip/walnut cookie, I saw clearly how the GLBT community could lose again on same-sex marriage in November 2010.
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Linda Said: June 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 am
If i had a brother that voted against marriage equality…i wouldnt have a brother anymore. How could he vote against you and your partner. And how could you still put up with him!!
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Re-read. Her brother voted against prop 8.
And that’s exactly the problem. Making the assumption without the facts. Lash out at someone without know what they actually think or feel. Or even worse, not listening to them before making a judgment. Isn’t that what the opposition does?
Anger is justified. Anger without reason is a waste
I disagree. Your argument is based off the belief that you can change someone opinion with a one-on-one heart-to-heart conversation. While, that might work in some cases it will not work for most of the people who voted against equality. Why you ask? Because many of the people that don’t want to give us true equality believe they are right because it is not their belief, but a supernatural father figures belief and they are just following orders. When it comes to that group of people talking is useless.
Marriage equality is under attack
What do we do?
Stand up, fight back!
There is a lot more to gain with civil discourse and civil disobedience than a bitch slap, people. How can you think otherwise? With the attitudes here, California is a lost cause. We’re dealing with a mature issue and we ought to deal with it maturely.
Once again, Ms. Neff;
A great, big hug and thank you—
Dr. Peter
“Given the court ruling, we can A, get more GLBT people and their allies to move to California to vote; B, get more voters to the polls; or C, change votes.”
You forgot choice D, MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA. My partner and are doing just that right now. Granted two people won’t make a difference, but it’s another $40K in taxes the state won’t be getting from us. At this point, I can’t WAIT to watch California go bankrupt, especially since those who will bear the brunt of it are those who voted overwhelmingly for Prop 8 (hint, it’s not the wealthy). In the meantime, we’ve stopped all donations to any charities other than the SPCA. The way I feel right now, the entire state can go to hell.
You gloss over the fact that she says her brother voted against Prop 8 and attack him and suggest he be disowned? Seems like some of you are proving her point.
The only thing I want to clarify here is that my brother did not vote for Prop 8. He voted against it. Please re-read the line: “He was among the 48 percent of the voters in last November’s California election who did not support Prop 8.” Lisa Neff
Lisa,
I understand the sentiment behind your words. Anger without action will achieve nothing. However, you seem to be belittling those people who are justifiably angry about this. Bollocks to transforming anger into action. People need to be angry. They SHOULD be angry. And when they get angry enough that anger will motivate them to take action. The anger should not be transformed – it should be embraced, used and communicated.
Like you, I believe in peaceful protest, but there is a lot that can be done without resorting to violence, and ridiculous ideas like going on a stroll in the sunshine with a few placards isn’t going to cut it. Those people who didn’t get off their backsides and vote last time need to be motivated to do so now. Those who voted for Prop 8 need to be shamed into either not voting or changing their vote. And those who voted against Prop 8 need to be motivated to vote again.
When it comes to winning this battle the only underhand tactic is violence against others. Everything else is fair game. And bollocks to “transforming” anger into action, any action should be MOTIVATED by a just and appropriate sense of outrage.
Isaac
Peeps,
Re-read, her brother voted against prop 8 not for it. He’s on our side.
However he should expect people to be pissed off when their basic rights were just snapped away from them, I sure dam well would be.
“My brother did not understand and he walked away feeling frustrated, insulted and assaulted. He was among the 48 percent of the voters in last November’s California election who did not support Prop 8″