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Loading ...Neff: Reaching out to Californians
“So, what’s the decision?” my brother asked a guy walking in off Castro to the Hot Cookie bakery May 26.
That day the California Supreme Court issued its ruling on Proposition 8, the voter initiative amending the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage. But that day my brother, a Californian since the late-1980s, had been showing two tourists from Florida — my partner and me — sights more rugged than the Castro.We had hiked all day at Point Reyes Natural Seashore, scoping out Steller’s jays and western bluebirds, not tuning into TV news, plugging into the Internet or even receiving cell phone communications.
And later, before hitting the Castro, we had wandered around San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury paying homage to hippie houses and marveling at the high price of hookah pipes.
We had been tuned out and out of touch for hours.
So my brother asked the Hot Cookie customer, “So, what’s the decision?”
And did he get an answer — an angry, raw, bitter, hostile response from a stranger about idiotic, bigoted, uninformed voters of California.
I understood the reply to my brother’s question, and my partner understood — we too at times have felt angry, raw, bitter and hostile.
My brother did not understand and he walked away feeling frustrated, insulted and assaulted. He was among the 48 percent of the voters in last November’s California election who did not support Prop 8 and, as he left Hot Cookie sadly nibbling on an oatmeal/chocolate chip/walnut cookie, I saw clearly how the GLBT community could lose again on same-sex marriage in November 2010.
Whether one agrees with the ruling or not, the state supreme court made it clear that if Prop 8 is going to be repealed, it will be repealed by Californians.
Given the court ruling, we can A, get more GLBT people and their allies to move to California to vote; B, get more voters to the polls; or C, change votes.
I don’t see huge numbers of GLBT people flocking to California to register for the 2010 election.
And it seems unlikely that voter turnout will climb beyond that of the 2008 election, when a record 13.7 million California voters — 79 percent of those registered — cast ballots.
That leaves option C.
And that means demeaning, insulting and attacking the voters of California will get the GLBT community nowhere other than the losing side.
So what do we do with all that understandable anger?
The day after the 6-1 California Supreme Court upholding Prop 8, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force issued a call for GLBT people to transform anger into action.
The NGLTF call was, in actuality, a fundraising appeal, but the idea of transforming anger into action resonated with me as I continued, with my brother and my partner, a too-short tour of the San Francisco area, where so much anger over so many wrongs and so much injustice was transformed into action.
We no doubt will need button-down, check-writing action to win over voters in November 2010 — lots of cash to finance commercials to reach the masses and to counter the onslaught of donations from the religious right sectors.
But as I toured San Francisco last week and as I thought also of the approaching 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, checkbook activism seemed less than satisfying — not at all a useful vehicle for burning off anger and a rather uninspired effort to court voters.
We need to transform anger into action in peaceful protests, sit-ins and freedom marches such as the 1960s-style freedom to marry weekend march from Selma to Fresno, where voters approved Prop 8 by wide margins.
We need to enlist in the Courage Campaign and encourage more Camp Courage events to teach volunteers to walk door to door and to make phone calls for the cause.
And, you know, if we happen to be hanging out at the Hot Cookie in the Castro when strangers seek to engage us in a discussion on same-sex marriage, we need to take simple, positive action: Say, “Brother, want to share a cookie?” and then, over a snickerdoodle, we need to inform and advocate, not insult and attack.
“an angry, raw, bitter, hostile response from a stranger about idiotic, bigoted, uninformed voters of California”?
You’re tut-tutting someone in the Castro (SF’s gay epicenter) for going on a rant about hateful anti-gay bigots? That’s not the way to persuade people to change their minds! you scold.
WTF? This was the Castro! That Hot Cookie customer felt safe to express his anger because he (or she?) didn’t figure he was in hostile territory – as maybe he was all the years of his childhood or when he’s “home” for the holidays or when he visits the Central Valley and knows he can’t be seen holding his lover’s hand.
It’s too bad your brother brought his easily bruised feelings to a place it was inappropriate for them to be on a particularly volatile day. I guess he didn’t have the insight to say, “Well, I would be angry too if my family were being shat on.” But shouldn’t he have, accompanied by his lesbian sister?
In an article on the Meet in the Middle protest in Fresno a reporter quoted a passerby saying his daughter was lesbian but he voted for Prop 8 because he consulted his heart in the voting booth and it told him, you can’t go against your pastor. Yes, even if it means going against your family.
Stop with the wagging finger, Lisa. It’s disrespectful.
well I’ve about had it…at 48yrs old..Im sick of the blatnat Injustice in America…it’s sickening. Liberty & Justice for ALL my ass….they are EMPTY MEANINGLESS WORDS…they mean NOTHING to me as a Gay American. If I weren’t a Gentle soul at heart,and a non-violent person – I could easily see myself losing it.
California:
Passing a budget: a two thirds majority.
Amending the constitution: a simple majority.
Denying the rights of an entire class of citizens: Shameless!
There should be no more ballot measures in California. It is a waste of the time and efforts of our community. Please support the east coast states where equality is a possibility. Boycott California if you can. I live here but I wouldn’t buy produce or anything from these bigots. Wine? Try Spain. Whatever, please, lets not throw any more money down the rat hole of California. Also, any young GBLT couples, I heard the governor of Massachusetts say they would welcome young and innovative people to that state. Vote with your feet.
“We need to transform anger into action in peaceful protests, sit-ins and freedom marches such as the 1960s-style freedom to marry weekend march from Selma to Fresno, where voters approved Prop 8 by wide margins.”
I fail to see how this is going to change any minds. These types of events are usually regarded with scorn and derision by those on the other side of the issue as well as disinterested passersby.
This is the best argument for supporting the federal lawsuit.
this article is a joke, right? we’re not really being shamed, yet again, for feeling rage? omg
I’d rather wait longer for gay marriage to happen due to principles of human equality than a majority vote.
I have to admit that I find it pretty darn sad that a small minority of people have to win the hearts, minds AND votes of the majority in order to achieve marriage equality. Our gay rights opponents have been fighting against us on various issues every day for the past 35 years. Anyone remember the Briggs Initiative? What other groups of people have their legal protections or rights determined by popular vote every year or two?
Re-amending the constitution by a vote is not the only path to right this wrong. (D) The US Supreme Court will invalidate Prop 8 as a violation of the US Consitution.
Also, I don’t think the 48% on our side are so sensitive as to not know who the “idiotic bigots” are. They live in California, and they know what the other voters are like.
I disagree completely. I believe the anger is healthy. Attacking someone not so much. But, goodness save the fool who comes in my space with some comment against Gay Marriage. I will speak up.
I will use as much intellect as I can muster from my public school education but I will speak up even if it goes badly. My sincere hope is to make them feel as uncomfortable as they have made the Gay Community.
If we do not speak up, show our non-compliance to go back into the closet, these so called people you wish to convert will feel comfortable in the world(they consider their world) at the expense of Gay Americans.
I say agitate, agitate, agitate as constructively as possible but keep at it. These people deny us basic human rights for their comfort so don’t allow comfort to return. Don’t hide, hold hands, dance together and live your lives in full view. If it takes being angry to do these things then anger is a good thing.
Staying in the fight and placing the measure on the ballot should be done every year even if winning is not possible because it makes them uncomfortable. One year when hope fades, the younger generation will rise and say enough!
Until then I say stay made as hell and don’t kiss anyones behind because it is too degrading.
“And, you know, if we happen to be hanging out at the Hot Cookie in the Castro when strangers seek to engage us in a discussion on same-sex marriage, we need to take simple, positive action: Say, “Brother, want to share a cookie?” and then, over a snickerdoodle, we need to inform and advocate, not insult and attack.”
Whaddya mean WE, Lisa? Why are you laying this on everyone else on the planet besides yourself? Why don’t YOU do something about it? He’s your brother, after all. If you can’t manage to get through to him, then what makes you think he’s reachable by anyone else?
Look, we live in Oregon, but we’re very much involved in Prop 8. You see, we’ve got several Republican relatives in Beverly Hills who all voted for Prop 8, and we’re determined to bring them around. Most of these relatives came to our same-sex marriage in Portland during that brief period in 2004 when it was legal. In lieu of wedding presents we asked guests to donate to marriage equality organizations. Even though they were Bush Republicans, we thought our relatives “got it” on same-sex marriage at least. Then they turned around and voted for Prop 8. Yes, our first impulse was to launch an angry salvo at them and disown them. But we didn’t do that, because a) we really do love them despite their politics, b) they’re really quite misinformed on this issue and are more inclined to listen to us than anyone else, c) they can tell we really love each other, and d) they’re obviously really conflicted over this issue. The more Republicans that come out for same-sex marriage the better. Even though I can’t stand Dick Cheney and I think he ought to be tried for war crimes, god bless the old bastard for coming out for same-sex marriage. It may not make a hoot of difference to me, but it will make a hoot of difference to our relatives that we’re trying to win over.
Were anyone else to approach our relatives on this issue they’d probably just tune them out as “liberals”. But they can’t tune us out, we’re family. We love each other thru thick and thin.
So, don’t expect some stranger to do your job, Lisa. He’s your brother. If he’s got issues, “we” are not the people he’s going to listen to. You are.
If i had a brother that voted against marriage equality…i wouldnt have a brother anymore. How could he vote against you and your partner. And how could you still put up with him!!
Perhaps if we’re good little gays we’ll get rewarded with equality. Bite me.
“We need to transform anger into action in peaceful protests, sit-ins and freedom marches such as the 1960s-style freedom to marry weekend march from Selma to Fresno, where voters approved Prop 8 by wide margins.”
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Can you please kindly withdraw your brain from whatever 60’s LSD induced haze it is in and join us in the real world in this time and place, 2009 California, USA, Planet Earth? Street activism may have its place, but this isn’t one of them. This will take door-to-door effort and advertising. Standing in a circle holding hands and singing kumbya won’t be effective at anything other than stroking the egos of whoever organized the damn thing, which is NOT our target audience. Get a grip.