The rate of suicide by gays and lesbians is higher than that of the general population. Military gay personnel are still subject to those same problems as the rest of the homosexual population, but gays and lesbians have fewer opportunities to deal with these problems. While overseas or home, “don’t ask don’t tell” greatly harms the ability of a soldier to get the care he needs.

I am now a “veteran,”  home after a year in the desert. We have been the guinea pigs for a new attempt by the military to focus on the mental health and well- being of soldiers as we reintegrate back into the civilized world. This “yellow ribbon” program is part in response to the tragic truth of the number of suicides committed by our soldiers – all too often our young men and women.

When I first arrived home, we were corralled into a small room with a circle of chairs. A high ranking officer – a mental health counselor – led the group meeting. We were there to listen to each other’s problems and the problems that we expected to encounter as we began to take up our place as father, mother, child, sibling, employee, employer and sometimes lover.

There was no confidentiality in the setting. The same people I spent the entire year hiding my sexual orientation from sat around me expecting to hear my problems. There is no way I could be honest even now, when the military acknowledges that being honest is the best way to ensure a soldiers well-being.

More recently, I was again forced into a similar group setting. This time the room was set up like a classroom and there were two group leaders – a man and a woman – one of whom was a veteran. The veteran, the man, tried to get us to spew out our feelings and our troubles by commenting on how his experiences affected him.

He mentioned how hard it was being a black man in the military many years ago, when others weren’t welcoming. He also shared that this warm welcome was something he thought women must have gone through. I was reminded of what it was like being in the military under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) – but I digress.

Many of the people in the room commented, rather passionately, that they would not be open to speaking in front of their fellow soldiers. They didn’t want to be mocked and ridiculed. I sat quietly in the shadows. How would I begin to discuss my issues? Not only would I be subject to mockery and ridicule – I’d also be fired.

This is another obvious reason to remove DADT. There is not near enough support for the far right to ban all homosexuals from military service. I don’t believe there ever will be. But  the military has the responsibility to take into account the mental health and well-being of all its personnel and it can’t with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in place.

In this push to battle the military’s high suicide rate, no soldier should be left behind.

 

Michael Duffy was a soldier stationed in Iraq.