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Loading ...Corvino: Scared in California
If the election were held tomorrow, it’s quite likely that gays would lose marriage in California.
That’s California, our most populous state, home of San Francisco and Nancy Pelosi and the liberal Hollywood elite. What progressive California giveth, progressive California may taketh away.It surprises (and frankly, depresses) me how few gay people know or care what’s happening. Here’s the quick version: in May, the California Supreme Court declared the state’s ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional. Prior to the decision, California had domestic partnership legislation granting nearly all of the statewide legal incidents of marriage. But the Court held that denying marriage to gay and lesbian couples deprived them of a fundamental right and constituted wrongful discrimination.
Gays began legally marrying in June, making California the second state (after Massachusetts) to support marriage equality.
Meanwhile, opponents collected enough signatures for a November ballot initiative to amend the constitution so that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” (The amendment would leave domestic partnerships intact, but it would make it impossible for California to recognize same-sex marriages from Massachusetts or elsewhere.)
For several months we seemed poised to win. That changed in the last few weeks, with recent polls showing us losing 47-42%.
Why the shift? One reason is that we’re being out-fundraised and outspent, and the opposition’s advertising is effective. Recent figures posted by the Los Angeles Times show our opponents raising $26.1 million to our $21.8. A substantial chunk of the opposition’s money has come from out of state, 40% of it from Mormons.
You read that last line correctly: 40% of the financial support for one-man-one-woman marriage in California is coming from members of a church that little over a century ago was pro-polygamy (and still has many polygamist offshoots). 40% of the support is coming from a religious denomination that makes up less than 2% of the U.S. population.
What’s even more shocking are some of the individual reports about donors. The Sacramento Bee tells the story of Pam and Rick Patterson, who live with their five children in a modest three-bedroom home in Folsom. They withdrew $50,000 from their savings and donated it to Yes on 8. Pam says that it wasn’t an easy decision, “But it was a clear decision, one that had so much potential to benefit our children and their children.”
Or consider David Nielson, a retired insurance executive from Auburn. He and his wife Susan donated $35,000. They plan to forgo vacations for the next several years and make other sacrifices to cover their donation, “because some causes are worth fighting for.”
If I didn’t know better, I would think that California had just made same-sex marriage mandatory.
And this is what’s both baffling and frustrating. We gays have a direct and palpable stake in the outcome of this referendum. Yet few of us (myself included) are willing to make the kinds of sacrifices made by the Nielsons and the Pattersons—people whose marriage was, is, and will remain heterosexual regardless of what happens. They are free to choose so-called “traditional marriage” if it suits them. So what are they so afraid of?
I think the gay-rights movement’s failure to grapple with this question is another important reason why we may lose. We frame our arguments in terms of rights and liberty, forgetting that some people want the liberty to live without exposure to certain ways of life. They want a world where no one sees marriage for gays as an option—not their government, not their neighbors, and definitely not their children.
They want that world badly, badly enough to sacrifice for it.
In a democratic society, they are free to want that simpler world, and to spend money to get it, and to vote in favor of it. We are free to fight back. But that fight must include thoughtful responses to their concerns. It is not enough to assert our rights, especially when the documents embodying those rights can be amended by popular vote.
We need to make a positive moral case to our opponents. We need to show them that our lives are good, that our relationships are healthy, that our happiness is compatible with theirs. We need to show them that marriage is good for gays, and that what’s good for gays is good for society.
We need to tell them the story of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, the first same-sex couple to marry in California, a couple who were together for 56 years until Del Martin’s death in August at the age of 87. We need to tell them: these are the kind of people you are trying to take marriage away from.
I wouldn’t put my money on winning over the Pattersons and the Nielsons. But there are undecided voters who share their concerns—concerns about the world their children will inherit. We need to make the case to them. We need to raise money to communicate that case. And we need to do it fast.
[For more about the campaign or to donate, go to http://www.noonprop8.com/]
John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit.
For over fifteen years he has traveled the country speaking on homosexuality and ethics. His writing has been featured in regional and national periodicals, at the online Independent Gay Forum [http://www.indegayforum.org/staff/show/92.html], and in numerous scholarly anthologies. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.
For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.
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Catch John Corvino as he lectures on gay rights and debates same-sex marriage with Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family:
October 21: Valencia College (Orlando, FL) (DEBATE) West Campus at 1 pm in 5-111; East Campus at 6 pm in 5-112
October 22: Siena Heights University (Adrian, MI) 9 pm Ledwidge Building
October 23: Western Michigan University (Kalamazoo) 7:30 pm Kirsch Auditorium
October 30: Canisius College (DEBATE) (Buffalo NY) 7 pm Regis Conference Room
A major reason why Yes on 8 supporters are so energized and so willing to sacrifice is evident in the Yes on 8 TV ads. In the ads, a little girl says to her mother that she learned today that she can marry a princess. In response, the mother looks at her daughter with deep concern.
What’s the subliminal message? That if children learn that gays can marry, your children can become gay.
The hidden premise behind the ads is that being gay is a choice. Therefore, your precious children are vulnerable if they think that gay marriage is an option for them.
It doesn’t matter that the implications of the ads are absurd, irrational and unfounded. As long as a large number of Americans believe that being gay is a choice and that children are vulnerable to becoming gay, the bigots will play to that myth.
i donated to No on 8 on principal, but honestly didn’t want to because they’re not spending their money well.
i’ve been getting a bunch of political flyers in the mail that say Vote for Obama! and right next to his picture it says Vote YES on prop 8.
this mail is paid for by the yes on 8 people, and the implication is that Obama supports prop 8. i’ve gotten at least a dozen of these this past week alone. meanwhile, how many No on 8 flyers have i gotten? ZERO!
they’re doing a horrible job getting the word out, in my opinion, and we’re going to loose because of it. and they can blame lack of funds all they want, but they’re not spending what they have wisely and their tv ads aren’t very good.
the end result, is that sadly, prop 8 will pass, just wait and see. whoever’s running the No on 8 campaign needs to do a much better job and stop whining about lack of funds. they have plenty. they just need to do a better job using what they have.
i have a suggestion why dont we vote out tax exemptions for right wing religious organazations so they dont have enough money to bother everyone else,and put it to good use since they oblisously cant
Incredible. I am amazed that people like the Pattersons and the Nielsons would put themselves into debt to fight for something that has nothing to do with them. It’s illogical and speaks VOLUMES about just exactly what they’re against…and it has nothing to do with right or wrong. It’s like a sickness or an obsession…they just don’t want homosexuals to have equal rights.
The sad part about all of this is all of that money that was raised on both sides could have gone to helping people in Calif who REALLY NEED HELP.
You know what, I hope those for Prop 8 send ALL of their money and assets toward passing it and they all go broke, hungry and homeless. Same-sex marriages won’t be legal but they’ll be on the street without a pot to piss in.
And the Supreme Court will more than likely overturn the ruling, hopefully, because it is unconstitutional. But they’ll still be out on the street.
Hey Everybody – I’m a native California girl living in the Seattle area with my wife (married in Canada last year). I can’t believe you Californians are not contributing every last dime you have to fight this constitutional amendment that would forever relegate you to the status of the lowest of the low. I’ve just contributed $50 to Equality California’s No on 8 campaign and I have NO money – just social security. If I can live on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a month, then so can you. Give up smoking, or lattes, or fancy jeans, or drinks for a week – anything! – and send the extra money to No on 8 to fight this disgusting discrimination. Stand up and be proud of who you are, stand up for your friends, neighbors, family, kids, and say I am here and I will stay here and I am equal to you. We’re all pulling for you, California, all of us. Everybody, send in some money to get this horrible, bigoted legislation defeated. Do it!
This year, including Social security and part time earnings, my wife and I will earn about $45k.
And while we are quite well off in terms of financial assets, I have contributed $30k to the No on 8 campaign. Money I normally would have given to our children and grandchildren, to try to help set them up for retirement, college etc..
This is not only about marriage. It is about delivering a message of equality and respect for gay people, who replace Blacks and Jews as victims of hatred and discrimination at the hands of right wing religions. Groups who are so bereft of decency and meaning, and whose true god is the god of greed for money and power. Of course they have to always have someone to hate. In the 1930’s, their hatred for the Jews gave Hitler the lever in heavily catholic Germany (he was catholic Austrian) to gain total control. And give us WWII. And the church, as a legal ‘city-state’ at the end of the war gave visa’s to many ex nazis, allowing them to migrate to Argentina and other south American countries. Nice gang.
Conservative religion is generally not at all about God, it is about power over civilizations. And one would think that the Mormons, who suffered severely due to their own religion would be helping gays, but now I hope all realize how religion can become totally corrupt as it seeks it’s power. Or the orthodox Jews (I’m nominally Jewish, but ready to join the liberal UU church) who oppose gay marriage, conveniently forgetting how their ancestors shared hitler’s crematoriums with the gays of germany.
So get your pocket books out, damn it. And any gay person who votes for McCain, and 4 more years of the relgious freaks running our nation – well you ought to be ashamed of yourself no end. Over the last 4 years McCain has gone from being a decent, maverick republican, to falling more and more under the control of the totally corrupt gang that controls the republican party and it’s puppet Bush.
Obama may not be perfect, but having someone who knows what discrimination really means will be an enormous step forward for gay people. As well as the final repudiation of the right wing christians, especially southern baptists and some of the independent non-denominational churches who were behind slavery and segregation, again all in the name of a corrupt God, and leaders whose only goal was money and job security and the “power rush” of controlling segments of society. Of which one of history’s worst examples – well I mentioned that monstrosities name earlier.
It’s understandable that many of us feel a great deal of anger towards the Mormons, Catholics, and Evangelicals who are heavily funding the anti-equality amendments in California, Arizona, and Florida. (Not to mention all the other battles and fundraising on our backs for the past 30 years.)
However, we are never going to win them over by calling them bigots and all sorts of other nasty names. Doing that only makes us look bad and drags us down to their level. All that anger only poisons our own souls. The harder we fight them, the harder they will fight us back.
We will never win them over, just as they will never get us all to convert to heterosexuality, as they would like.
But we CAN render them a minority, and therefore less harmful to us. There are vast numbers of people in the middle who are also turned off by religious extremists, but who haven’t yet become supporters and allies. These are the people who don’t really care about this issue one way or the other.
We will win the vast sea of people in the middle over by being more open in our daily lives – and I mean really talking about our lives, not just “they know I’m gay.” Almost every straight person, even those who are pro-gay, don’t really understand what they get with a marriage license that we don’t. They just don’t get it. They don’t see the injustice because they never suffer it. So we need to tell them.
If we can win the middle over, we have won for good. Once people are on board for fairness and equality, they rarely turn back.
However, this will take a few more years. Our battle for the next 18 days is to get a few more people to vote No in California, Arizona, and Florida. So give now!
Gays and our backers ought to have organized and gone door-to-door for equality, as I’m sure many are for Barack Obama, the guy who doesn’t even back our equal civil rights.
As for the damned Mormons– and Catholics and Evangelicals– we must seize every opportunity to define them as bigots who want a world in which they are free to discriminate. They need to be isolated, not treated with respect, as persons with whom we have polite disagreements. A lot of these folks are dangerous, at a minimum tools of Christian dominionist extremists who want to substitute the Old Testament for the Constitution.
Where are the rich gay personalities… they can easily shell out hundred of thousands of money? Also, the community can surely donate 10.00 or more. If we loss which can possibly happen because we can not reach other voters due to lack of money and we can’t sacrifice any amount… think about it when you drink your beer when you’re in the bar or as you wear your branded clothings. This is very very SAD.
Billionaire Steve Bing will double your contribution to NoOnProp8.com up until Sunday evening. Please, please, please send any contribution you can.
I just want the same rights to my partner as anyone else. The right to petition my partner from another country, the right to have insurance for my partner, the right of estate planning for me and my partner without my blood family taking it from him, the right to comemorate him being my one and only partner.
The vast majority of us are NOT interested in getting married. Equal Rights notwithstanding, we have no plans to marry. Marriage is a dying institution anyway. Way over 50% of all hetro marriages end in divorce and financial disaster. Gays are no different.
We gays are wasting valuable resources and time fighting for this right. We have so many more important equal rights issues we need to fight for.
If you wonder what drives the fanaticism and the irrational attacks against gay marriage described in Corvino’s article, you might find that the following online book, which is a free download, explains a lot.
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/ – The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer, Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, University of Manitoba
Chapter Headings:
* Who Are the Authoritarian Followers?
* The Roots of Authoritarian Aggression, and Authoritarianism Itself
* How Authoritarian Followers Think
* Authoritarian Followers and Religious Fundamentalism
* Authoritarian Leaders
* Authoritarianism and Politics
* What’s To Be Done?
You can’t apply logic to religion. It doesn’t work. Here’s why the Mormons are so fanatical on marriage: God has a wife, usually referred to as “Mrs. God.” They live on the Planet Kobol. Whenever they have sexual intercourse, a new soul is born. ANYONE, Mormon or non-Mormon, who doesn’t marry someone of the opposite sex and produce children can’t enter the seventh (highest) level of heaven. So people who remain single or childless, and GLBT people CAN’T go to heaven (in their view). That’s why they feverishly baptize and marry the dead (!) in their temples: to save the souls of those who died before the TRUE FAITH was revealed to Joseph Smith via gold plates and rose-colored glasses.
The magic underpants came later, I think.
Bud Clark
San Diego CA USA
I disagree completely that we have to consider the feelings of homophobes. We have good, bad and so-so people among our ranks, the same as other folks. What our “leaders” forget is that we don’t have to change ourselves in order to gain acceptance. I’m sorry, but nobody ever won civil rights at the ballot box — they were won in court. The majority always supports the moral status quo simply because they are largely incapable of considering alternatives. So sure, we should try not to be defeated on Prop 8 but not despair if we are: what we must do is vote for Obama because the next president will pick several members to the Supreme Court and I’d rather they not resemble the likes of Scalia and Thomas.