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Loading ...Corvino: Scared in California
If the election were held tomorrow, it’s quite likely that gays would lose marriage in California.
That’s California, our most populous state, home of San Francisco and Nancy Pelosi and the liberal Hollywood elite. What progressive California giveth, progressive California may taketh away.It surprises (and frankly, depresses) me how few gay people know or care what’s happening. Here’s the quick version: in May, the California Supreme Court declared the state’s ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional. Prior to the decision, California had domestic partnership legislation granting nearly all of the statewide legal incidents of marriage. But the Court held that denying marriage to gay and lesbian couples deprived them of a fundamental right and constituted wrongful discrimination.
Gays began legally marrying in June, making California the second state (after Massachusetts) to support marriage equality.
Meanwhile, opponents collected enough signatures for a November ballot initiative to amend the constitution so that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” (The amendment would leave domestic partnerships intact, but it would make it impossible for California to recognize same-sex marriages from Massachusetts or elsewhere.)
For several months we seemed poised to win. That changed in the last few weeks, with recent polls showing us losing 47-42%.
Why the shift? One reason is that we’re being out-fundraised and outspent, and the opposition’s advertising is effective. Recent figures posted by the Los Angeles Times show our opponents raising $26.1 million to our $21.8. A substantial chunk of the opposition’s money has come from out of state, 40% of it from Mormons.
You read that last line correctly: 40% of the financial support for one-man-one-woman marriage in California is coming from members of a church that little over a century ago was pro-polygamy (and still has many polygamist offshoots). 40% of the support is coming from a religious denomination that makes up less than 2% of the U.S. population.
What’s even more shocking are some of the individual reports about donors. The Sacramento Bee tells the story of Pam and Rick Patterson, who live with their five children in a modest three-bedroom home in Folsom. They withdrew $50,000 from their savings and donated it to Yes on 8. Pam says that it wasn’t an easy decision, “But it was a clear decision, one that had so much potential to benefit our children and their children.”
Or consider David Nielson, a retired insurance executive from Auburn. He and his wife Susan donated $35,000. They plan to forgo vacations for the next several years and make other sacrifices to cover their donation, “because some causes are worth fighting for.”
If I didn’t know better, I would think that California had just made same-sex marriage mandatory.
And this is what’s both baffling and frustrating. We gays have a direct and palpable stake in the outcome of this referendum. Yet few of us (myself included) are willing to make the kinds of sacrifices made by the Nielsons and the Pattersons—people whose marriage was, is, and will remain heterosexual regardless of what happens. They are free to choose so-called “traditional marriage” if it suits them. So what are they so afraid of?
I think the gay-rights movement’s failure to grapple with this question is another important reason why we may lose. We frame our arguments in terms of rights and liberty, forgetting that some people want the liberty to live without exposure to certain ways of life. They want a world where no one sees marriage for gays as an option—not their government, not their neighbors, and definitely not their children.
They want that world badly, badly enough to sacrifice for it.
In a democratic society, they are free to want that simpler world, and to spend money to get it, and to vote in favor of it. We are free to fight back. But that fight must include thoughtful responses to their concerns. It is not enough to assert our rights, especially when the documents embodying those rights can be amended by popular vote.
We need to make a positive moral case to our opponents. We need to show them that our lives are good, that our relationships are healthy, that our happiness is compatible with theirs. We need to show them that marriage is good for gays, and that what’s good for gays is good for society.
We need to tell them the story of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, the first same-sex couple to marry in California, a couple who were together for 56 years until Del Martin’s death in August at the age of 87. We need to tell them: these are the kind of people you are trying to take marriage away from.
I wouldn’t put my money on winning over the Pattersons and the Nielsons. But there are undecided voters who share their concerns—concerns about the world their children will inherit. We need to make the case to them. We need to raise money to communicate that case. And we need to do it fast.
[For more about the campaign or to donate, go to http://www.noonprop8.com/]
John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit.
For over fifteen years he has traveled the country speaking on homosexuality and ethics. His writing has been featured in regional and national periodicals, at the online Independent Gay Forum [http://www.indegayforum.org/staff/show/92.html], and in numerous scholarly anthologies. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.
For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.
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Catch John Corvino as he lectures on gay rights and debates same-sex marriage with Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family:
October 21: Valencia College (Orlando, FL) (DEBATE) West Campus at 1 pm in 5-111; East Campus at 6 pm in 5-112
October 22: Siena Heights University (Adrian, MI) 9 pm Ledwidge Building
October 23: Western Michigan University (Kalamazoo) 7:30 pm Kirsch Auditorium
October 30: Canisius College (DEBATE) (Buffalo NY) 7 pm Regis Conference Room
Excellent article, John, as always. My input here is what a folly of joy will either or both of the Pattersons and the Nielson would be if one or more of their children say, “Mommy, Daddy, I’m gay!” And later on they say. “Mommy, daddy, I met this man/woman,we are in love and we want to get married!” OH how I would love to that fly on the wall!
I have advocated this argument so many times and the “best” answer I got… from my very own brother… “I’ll deal with it when it happens!” Total, total denial!
I brought your point up in my speech class once. I said if everyone in this classroom has just one child, then the likeliness is that 2 of them will be gay. So don’t be embarrassed to tell your child that you fought against their rights and acceptance into the world. I don’t know if it made any impact on my fellow classmates, but I think it is a powerful point to make.
I don’t think its a question of funding or of positive press at all. All the money in the world won’t change the minds of ignorant straiggots. They just don’t care.
Yes, I read about the LDS families who are digging deep to keep marriage opposite sex. The part of me that is mean is saying “good, they obviously are too stupid to have any money” but the part of me that is in touch with reality sees that they are freaked out by the social change that will no longer give them a corner on “normalcy”. Yes, gays and lesbians will be just as normal as them and no longer relegated to the fringe of perversion. They hate it hate it hate it. I’m giving as much as I can, phone banking and even writing personal letters to my Yes neighbors asking them to change their positions/take down their signs but it’s hard to complete with a donation that is the equivalent to 1000 30 second ads. SHIT!
Let’s us do Del Martin and Phyllis Lyons proud and let the 2,000,000 California GLBTs put away aside their fun and pleasure just long enough to push Prop 8 out into the Pacific Ocean where it belongs! Only 30,000 people contributing to Equality California ad push to expose the vicious lies of the far radical right defaming gay marriage and the gay community!!!! When 60,000 people are contributing to Prop 8’s ads full of lies and evil propaganda?
GLBT Californians and their straight allies are very numerous and together with straight allies (like the generous straight actor Brad Pitt and his 100,000 dollar contribution and gay singer’s TR Knight’s 50,000 dollars as well added in)…….. But with so many, many ordinary GLBT folks and ordinary straight folks, hundreds of thousands of donations of as much as each person is able to give even it means a few less lattes, movies, parties and vacations here and there,(that sacrifice only temporary) and contributed to 3 weeks of a coninual running of Equality California’s ad compaign until only November 4th, that expose the unmitigated lies about gay marriage spewed out nonstop by the ad campaigns funded by the enemies of marriage equality, the tide could still be turned in our favor. The public must be educated ASAP by non-stop progay marriage ads about the lies and distortions about it, but there are only 19 days left until Nov 4th. The enemies CAN OUT-SPEND the gay side by millions of dollars more. But only because the gay side isn’t contributing and isn’t realizing the power of numbers of Caifornia’s GLBT to give this situation a swift kick in the ass and to turn it around with their dollar right now.
Philanthropist Steve Bing has teemed up with Equality California and they have tossed this challenge out to GLBT Californians and their straight allies….Mr. Bing will match all donations to Equality California until MIDNIGHT THIS SUNDAY THE 19TH UP TO 1 million dollars. Means 2 million potential dollars, if 1 million from comes in from contributors to EQCA, then 1 million comes in from Steve Bing to match it. Simply as that.
Let’s stop the whining, the partying, all the reasons why it can’t done, skip temporarily a few dinners, lattes, movies to cement an opportunity to keep disncrimination out of the constitution out one of America’s most populous, infuential, territorially speaking one of America’s biggest states.
California has the one of America’s largest GLBT communities and with many straight allies who would gladly join in to help stop Prop 8 at the polls AND WITH SO PEOPLE THERE IS THE POTENTIAL TO AIR TO THE CALIFORNIA PUBLIC OUR AD CAMPAIGN NONSTOP FOR 19 DAYS GIVING OUR SIDE OF THE GAY MARRIAGE ISSUE AND TO EXPOSE THE LIES AND DISTORTIONS OF THE PROPONENTS OF PROP 8.
PLEASE TAKE UP STEVE BING’S MILLION DOLLAR MATCHING FUNDS CHALLENGE UNTIL MIDNIGHT THIS SUNDAY THE 19TH AND PLEASE GET EQUALITY CALIFORNIA WITH MR. BING’S VERY GENEROUS HELP THE 2 MILLION DOLLARS EQCA CAN IMMEDIATELY PUT TO USE TO RUN THESE PROGAY MARRIAGE ADS NONSTOP AS LONG AS IT CAN. Even if you don’t want gay marriage for yourself, do you want to let down thousands of California couples who realized what hopefully won’t turn out to be a narrow window of opportunity they might never have again in their lives with the possibility of our enemis next moving to get thousand of gay marriage invalidated,
You don’t want that to happen to your gay married friends, neighbors, relatives, coworkers, people who maybe were kind to you at time in your lives.
Maybe you are in a California gay marriage yourself.
Please don’t let these people down, plese stand with them and please contribute your time and money to Equality California, maybe working its phone banks about asking voters to not vote for Prop 8 and maybe contributing to their ad campaign urging CA voters not to vote for Prop 8.
From today’s Washington Post: California gay marriage fundraiser reaches for stars
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Battling to save the right to same-sex marriage in what is expected to be a close state vote next month, California gay rights backers are turning to Hollywood celebrities for help at a major fundraiser. Actress and singer Barbra Streisand is expected at the event on Tuesday and singers Melissa Etheridge and Mary J. Blige will perform, organizers said on Thursday.
Micca Said “What a folly of joy will either or both of the Pattersons and the Nielson would be if one or more of their children say, “Mommy, Daddy, I’m gay!”
I say: what a folly of joy if Pattersons and Nielsons wake up on Novemeber 5th and discover that they have wasted their money.
I don’t think the “Obama-Effect” which is something no one feels comfortable talking about can be discounted here. Obama is bringing more black people to the voting booth, and black people are statistically more likely to be opposed to gay rights.
We need to win for all our COMMUNITIES Health. The GLMA just came out with their report, scientifically supported that shows that communities (states, countries) that support same-sex marriage are HEALTHIER. The denial of marriage rights to same sex couples is a form of discrimination that perpetuates stigma and contributes to stress. Minority stress is associated with a variety of physical and mental health problems. The denial of marriage rights to same sex couples is often based on stereotypes and assumptions that have been proven false.
Marriage is associated with multiple mental and physical health benefits.
* Marriage is also associated with many tangible and intangible benefits that support psychological health, including access to healthcare through a spouse.
* Other kinds of legal recognition of same-sex relationship do not provide the full range of benefits provided by marriage.
Millions of children are currently being raised by same-sex couples. Their health and well-being are at risk because of the lack of legal and insurance protections that are granted automatically through marriage. They benefit when their families are respected and afforded legal protections.
* Many older gay and lesbian people are in long-term committed relationships.
* Without legal recognition, older lesbians and gay men will face additional stressors related to their finances which have the potential to worsen their physical and mental health.
Of course, most of those against same-sex marriage, as you say are selfish egoists who do not look to the overall good or even to EQUAL RIGHTS. If there is anyway we can do that by STORIES… FAMILY STORIES… perhaps we can win a few over.
Isn’t it ironic that the followers of a religion that has suffered acts of intolerance are now practicing acts of intolerance themselves. What’s up with that?
Sasha,
LDS members tithe and they give to their church. This is part of being a member of this powerful, wealthy and influential church. Many LDS members are known to be straight-arrow married people raising kids and often successful business people able to give money. Not exactly stupid people or lacking in money. Maybe antigay, but not entirely lacking in good valuss, like being oriented and devoted to raising kids and to family (something even gays are discovering and liking raising kids with a devoted and committed life partner) and being successful Their church has officially quit polygamy but members are expected to tithe, to be heterosexual and to abstain from drinking alcohol.
Some of the ex-Mormons ex-communicated for being gay I have read still at least retain the tradition of sbstaining from alcohol.
A good movie that I watch again and again at home on DVD is Latter Days.
Straight actor Steven Sandvoss who plays this 19 something yeer-old blond-haired Mormon missionary Elder Davis who has a deeply buried homosexual orientation not known to his family and maybe not initially to himself, who is sent on a mission from plain, conservative Idaho to colorful LA and gay party boy Christian (Les Ramsey) who is always hooking up with another different man for sex. He finds himself looking at 4 young Mormom missionaries, moving into an apartment across the walk from his.
Gay party boy Christian is also a waiter at this fine restauratn where he tells his fellow staff members about the missionaries and immediately the staff is already placing bets on his being able to hook-up with a Mormon missionary and “convert” one of “them”. He recognized one of the guys (Elder Davis) on his way to his lodging riding in a car past Christian’s restaurant when Christian had just finished serving a meal and for a long instant Christian and DAvis are looking at each other and then the next day Christian finds himself meeting up with Davis as he and his missionary companions were moving in.
Once the bet that Christian can’t “convert” a missionary was placed, he finds himself hopelessly in love with Davis after he learns from Davis the hard way deeper values than the skin-deep beauty of a party boy, such as really cariong for another person and not just using them and throwing them away as he would have with Davis until Davis of the deeply and carefully homosexuality secret found out that Christian’s plan for him was just another hook-up duh just like what Elder Davis first name Aaron witnessed through the blinds late at night of men coming to Christian’s door.
Aaron’s rejection of Christian when found himself duh, turning just another one of Christian’s tricks with “it not having to mean anything” “yes it does” goes Aaron was a sea-change with Christian discovering the hard way that there was more to life than his shallow existance. Amd Aaron learned the hard way to accept who he was. A young gay man in love with Christian. He learned that God is a part of one’s life but that there is also another dimension of falling in love with another man causing him to eventually come back and look for Christian in LA after he was kicked out for being gay back home in Idaho.
A great movie. One that reveals the deeper values all around of what it is to love someone and to be committed and true to that person regardless of the original background of the person.
No, I am not looking for a Mormon missionary to fall in love with and I am never going to join LDS. And of course this is just a movie, but one with question from the character Aaron to the character Christian like tell me one thing, something, something that deep-down you really believe in, causing Christian to not stop being gay but to really think about and to examine his life. The Mormons are so not my cup of tea, and I always turn them away from my doorstep, but they are the inspiration for this gay movie that I watch often and one gets me to think just what is it I want from life, to be of service to others, to help the less fortunate with others from my own church and to one day find a man who will wow me and whom I can truly devote my life to.
“Latter Days” is the name of the movie in a way it is maybe hokey or strange to some but to others it about the beauty and magic of falling in love with someone in the oddest way when you had thought for years it was not possible to find that someone to fall in love with.
MORGAN — I really like your recap of Latter Days. One of my favorite lines is when Jacqueline Bisset says (and I can’t quote exact) that if Aarons’ church doesn’t like whiskey or gays, she’s not going to join because she can’t imagine Heaven without either.
I am a straight woman, member of MCC and was told by a resident (Nazarene) where I live “I hope you have a fun party in H—”. My thought was that I’d rather spend eternity in H— with my gay friends than five minutes in Heaven with her.
Isn’t it possible for the supreme court in California to do something about prop 8 if it did pass?
How can the constitution be amended to discriminate against gay marriages when the supreme court has already ruled such discrimination cannot be allowed?
Doesn’t the constitution have to be changed in another way first regarding rights and protections to make prop 8 compatible with it?
The Supreme court of California has already said any attempt to remove the marriage rights from californians will be overruled. The constitution enshrines rights, not take them away. Let them spend their money!
As for the No on 8 campaign; Their commercials are ridiculous. They have missed the mark so handily that the scare tactics of the Pro 8 people are seemingly gaining steam.
Where are the commercials showing couple after couple recently married – we’ve had well over 11,00 – that will erase the fear? Instead, what do we get? A stumbling Bride at a heterosexual wedding? OMG!
You want to know why this issue stands a chance of losing? Because No on 8 hired a bunch of dimwits to create the commercials.
Fear works, folks. Want to hit back: Make a commercial showing where the slippery slope of robbing rights leads to. Show the heretical Moron Church’s ridiculous origins. Joseph smith had 33 wives!!!!
Where are the commercials attacking out-of-state financing by polygamists. Where are the commercials attacking the Pedophiles of the Catholic Church which is also financing this mess. How about the individual donors, with their own hate-agenda. Folks, THEY made US the enemy. Not the reverse.
Kick them harder than they are kicking us. You don’t sweet kiss Hypocrites and expect to win.
Too bad that California is not like Massachusetts where you can’t just vote on a bunch of OK petitions to put something in the state constitution. In Massachusetts, the opponents of gay marriage had to get their petitions and then get them OKed and then the legislature has to vote on the petitions in two different legislative sessions and then go to the voters if passed the second time by the legislature. The amendment was passed the first session and but did not survive the second session.
so looks like gay marriage is secure in Massachusetts.
But it needs to survive in Connecticut where it was just OKed. And not have the entire constitution rewritten (yes in CT to make a change requires rewriting the entire document) at huge cost in the process. Then in Arizona, antigay marriage amendment to be written into the state constitution if voted yes by voters there. I am just concentrating on Florida and California, both geographically large and populous important and influential states at opposite ends of the country. And Both states with large numbers of gays.
Look in California the petitions were OKed after a challenge to them and then off to the voters.
In Florida a constitutional amendment is not possible unless approved by 60% of the voters and there needs to be first a certain high number of OKed petitions in that stste before going to the voters. Poll shows that 55% of Florida voters are likely to vote yes. Not enough but at 5% margin less than 60% still is too close to 60% for comfort prompting Florida’s Fairness for All group to I wsa told by them to need to send volunteers knocking on doors throughout Florida to ask people to vote no on 2 which seeks to ban gay marriage in Florida’s state constitution.
With 4 states facing antigay marriage amendments, and a desperate need to both get and keep the GOP out of the White House, this November 4th is going to be a true cliffhanger of an election year throughout the USA.