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Loading ...Corvino: Gay rights beyond California
I received a lot of responses to my last column, mostly from people who hated it.
At the time I wrote it, I had two half-baked column ideas and multiple deadlines pressing. In principle I would still defend either:Column-idea one was a lighthearted look at a march I had participated in. I reserve the right to poke fun at the community of which I’ve been an active part for two decades—especially now, when a sense of humor is needed to carry us through the fight ahead.
Column-idea two was about how, while people were looking at California and getting outraged about Prop. 8, they should look at the rest of the country (and the world) and get even more outraged. It was also a critique of some of the coasto-centrism of the gay-rights movement (more on that in a moment).
Unfortunately, the hasty combination of the two ideas resulted in a clumsy piece that struck many as saying, “California’s not so bad, let’s have a drink.” That was not my intention, and I’m sorry if the column suggested it.
California is important for precisely the reasons I stated in that column: “it’s an egregious injustice to have minority rights taken away by a majority vote” and “California progress (or lack thereof) has a profound effect on the rest of the nation.”
I wouldn’t have marched—or have dedicated six of my last eight columns to Prop. 8-related issues—if I thought otherwise.
And I do know something about injustice. I’ve been physically attacked for being gay—in New York, where I grew up, when I was 21. I’ve been harassed by a Texas State Trooper for kissing another man—and filed a successful complaint against him. Voters in my current home state revoked the domestic-partner benefits offered by my employer—just one of many examples of how California is NOT the first place where straight voters have taken away gay people’s rights.
Rhetorically, however, it is virtually impossible to say, “This is bad, BUT…” without people doubting your commitment to “This is bad.” So let me repeat: what happened in California is bad—very bad. Period. End of thought. New topic.
For several years I’ve noticed a kind of myopia from certain elements of the GLBT community—especially on the coasts. “We’ve won this war, John—gayness is a largely a non-issue. Sure, there are some stragglers in the South and the Midwest, but they’ll catch up soon enough. In the meantime, trying to engage them just dignifies their bigotry. It’s time for you to accept that we’re living in a post-gay society.”
Prop. 8 stung so much, in part, because it proves that we are not there yet.
So do Florida, and Arizona, and Arkansas, and over two dozen other states with amendments as bad as, or worse than, California’s. Only Massachusetts and Connecticut have marriage equality, and even there our marriages lack federal recognition.
Yet somehow, despite this vast land of inequality, we’ve supposedly “won the war” and are living in a “post-gay society.”
Except that we’re not. And so when the marches are over—the placards dismantled, the cute t-shirts washed, folded, and put away—there’s work to be done. Those of us in the “flyover states” can help.
We can help, as we did, with our donations. But more important, we can help with our insight.
You see, we understand very well that we’re not there yet. Most of us live and work among people for whom gayness is still very much an issue. We know how to talk to those people, because we do it daily.
That could have been useful in California. Amid the Monday-morning quarterbacking about the “No on 8” campaign, two themes stand out. One, which I’ve stressed before, is the failure to tell our stories. The other is complacency, and in particular, the failure to engage skeptical voters.
One of the more interesting intramural criticisms I’ve received—not just of my last column, but of my work generally—is that I’m an “apologist.” Critics toss the term as if it were an insult. But an apologist is precisely what I aim to be.
An apologist, in the traditional sense of the term, is not someone who says “I’m sorry”—something you’ll never find me doing with respect to gayness.
An apologist is someone who explains things to a skeptical audience. An apology (apologia), in this sense, is not a retraction, but a vigorous defense.
That’s something I’ve been doing for nearly two decades, and something I intend to keep doing. Because—as Prop. 8 harshly reminds us—even in California we are not there yet.
John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit.
For over 15 years he has traveled the country speaking on homosexuality and ethics. His writing has been featured in regional and national periodicals, at the online Independent Gay Forum, and in numerous scholarly anthologies. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.
For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.
Morgan: Cut the unity crap. You’re either on board or you drown. AFTER you have won a few rights, then be understanding and tolerant by all means. Until then, darling, kill politically or be killed politically.
I will never understand those who say that marriage equality should be the least of concerns for gay people.
What the hell are we fighting for then?, if not to love openly and without discrimination people of our same gender. I get the importance of ENDA and DADT but those who fail to see the immediate beneficial trickle down effect for all of us marriage equality would have truly can’t see the forest for the trees. We as individuals are not hated per se, some people even like the stereotypical flaming queens that work as their hairdressers or the butch lesbian security guards that protect their residences. While it is true that some of us face discrimination due to our outwardly expressions some of us don’t because we are indistinguishable from our hetero peers until we want to couple, then all of us from the flamboyant queers to the gym bunnies are brought to a lower social level by the will of the heterosexual majority that’s reflected on the laws of our government.
Some commenters have asked what issues the LGBT community should prioritize, and others have complained that marriage equality is the wrong issue to tackle ahead of others.
But here’s the thing, folks.
Instead of asking what issue is most important and best for the largest total number of LGBT people, we need to ask, what issue resonates most with our straight allies and the general public, much of which is vaguely supportive of our rights?
Marriage is that issue.
I didn’t think it was the best issue to fight for. I questioned Gavin Newsom’s choice to make it an issue in 2004.
But when the CA Supreme Court ruled as it did in May, my then domestic partner and I decided to wed on June 17th, the first day we could do so.
And when we did marry, I finally saw how profound it was that a representative of my county’s government certified our marriage.
The response from our straight friends and relatives was overwhelming.
Their shock, anger and disappointment over the Prop 8 vote was actually more profound than mine. For I know that the CA court already ruled that my right to civil marriage is not one that can be overturned by popular vote.
Marriage equality is important because marriage is so important to the straight majority.
And it’s a foundational right from which inevitably flows rights of adoption, of inheritance, etc.
Yes we need ENDA.
But sometimes when a door opens you just need to blow right through it, even if it wasn’t the door you were planning on opening.
Ardently pro-life Corvino, you have no clue how dastardly every liberal member of the gay community will treat you…
In most cases gay men will excoriate you worse than any anti-gay man will when hey realize your history in the gay-pro-life movement.
So stop hiding your post and stand UP and be counted.
Trying to accommodate ANYONE that refuses to believe you can be different and yet, still equal challenges not the straight community alone, but also the gay community given its irrational and craven jettison of the trans commmunity during ENDA and the complete racist language used against the black community following the enactment of Prop 8…
We need the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) passed. I think that’s the linchpin for equal protections under the law and will enable “full faith and credit” to hold sway. Our current state by state strategies are creating a colorful patchwork of marriage and marriage-like protections, but in the end, this quilt will need to be tied together with Federal legislation. Let’s keep our eye on that big prize.
John:
I didn’t read your column so I can’t say I loved it or hated it, but I know you are right when you say that some people out here (especially here in SF) are “coasto-centric”.
Here’s where I get to say my “these-young-people-today” old fogey speech: I experienced (first hand) Harvey Milk’s assassination, the White Night Riots and various humiliations here and across the country. I’ve been to countries that still have bars that look more like old speakeasies. As far as I know, Bangkok still has bevies of “bar boys” and “off boys” with numbers pinned to them sitting in special sections at the various bars.
Yes, we have a very, very long way to go. And along that way, we’re going to meet more bigots and Christofascists. (A new one has emerged – Rick Warren- very “hip” and very powerful). We’ll also have to deal with Islamofascists and every other kind of religious bigotry you can name.
Sigh.
But it’s all worth it!
I agree completely with it’s too soon to push for marriage the general public isnt ready for that and will fight it till the end.My partner and I live in Pennsylvania which is a collection of rural areas for the most part and people are just not ready to call it marriage BUT are ready to accept civil unions (there’s a lot in a name for them i guess)while i love my gay community i think we need to take a step back and fight for something that’s achieveable like ENDA and doing away with DOMA and DADT as well as civil unions with FULL federal rights our president elect has already said he will fight for those rights for us which is much more than we have heard in many yrs.and it is ACHIEVEABLE for ALL areas not just a state here and there. we were married in Mass. but once we cross the state line we are not married lets fight for something that will not get us or our friends from other countries like Canada a cheap “divorce”as soon as we cross state lines and borders
“This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.”
(Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech delivered August 28, 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC)
Two THOUSAND years is long enough to wait for our equal rights, don’t you think?
Bud Burgoon-Clark
2nd class citizen 2008 years after the birth of Jesus Christ, who preached equality and freedom, and 232 years after the founding of the Republic which said “all [men] [!] are created equal.”
Not all of us want to couple. And not all of us want to get married to our partners. Our society discriminates against even straight unmarried people. So some don’t see marriage as part of the solution, but part of the problem.
What will happen to the gays that don’t want to participate in marriage? I’m concerned about that even though I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and do want to get a legally recognized marriage.
How exactly will gays living in states where they can be fired for being gay be able to plan a wedding without telling their employer?
And gays in the military who want to marry their partners, well they’d have a tough time not breaking DADT since when you’re legally married that pretty much is you know…part of your record.
The reality is, even with marriage equality some of us would not be able to actually get married openly.
I don’t believe a defensive or apologetic posture will get us our rights. We should indeed act as though we live in a “post-gay” society. That is, by my definition, it means that we are assumed to have equal human rights. The onus must be on the other side to provide the explanation for their position. Imagaine if the onus was put on women to prove and defend their right to equality, or the same for African Americans. No, we must operate on the presumption of entitlement and deservedness. That is the only way we will achieve real human equality.
We (gays and lesbians) are dangerous. We are everything else, as well, just like oh, say, other real, ordinary people. But if we would just sit down and shut up and fold our hands carefully and non-threateningly in our laps and hold our mouths just right, we would (probably) be granted equal rights (someday) and responsibilities (sooner.)
dessert, you have not learned your history. We have gained absolutely nothing by folding our hands in our laps and sitting quietly. Every right that every gay man and woman now holds is a result of men and women willing to stand proud and not back down. I have said for years that it is a responsibility of gay men and women to be out of the closet. It’s oh so much easier to discriminate on someone that is sitting there quietly. When it’s your son, daughter, brother, sister, co-worker or neighbor; it’s much more difficult.
Sorry desert, we’ve come to far to step back into the closet.
I think desert bat was being sarcastic.
desert bat may have been being sarcastic, but to a limited extent he has a point. The battle for equality is not going to be won by marching or protesting. Yes, marching and protesting helps – it brings the issues faced by the gay community to the attention of the majority – but ultimately it won’t be what wins the battle for equality.
I firmly believe that the majority of people in society are not biased against gays. The vast majority of people I encounter on a day to day basis don’t care about my sexuality. The bigots who are blocking our access to equality are just as much a minority as we are, but with two advantages – power and ambivalence.
The bigots have both religious and political power behind them. They occupy and/or influence the politicians in a position to make a difference, and they have the religious “authority” to support their position. However, it is not this power that affords them the ability to deny the gay community equality, it is the ambivalence of the majority.
I believe that most people are not opposed to gay equality, but rather they simply don’t care enough about the issue to take action. If they did, those politicians who stand in the way of gay rights would be faced with a simple choice – get out of the way or kiss goodbye to their political career.
The fight for gay rights, for equal rights, is not a battle against the right-wing loonies who want to impose Biblical law on society, but rather it is a fight against ambivalence. It is a battle to get the indifferent majority to see why this is an issue that matters, and why they should support our fight for equality.
Unfortunately, while protests and marches bring this matter to the attention of the public, it does nothing to combat ambivalence. If anything, it enforces it.
I want change now, but change isn’t something that can happen overnight. It’s something we have to accept will happen over time. Prop 8 is a setback. It is one of many setbacks on the road ahead. We should not, however, be fighting against it, but rather fighting to help people understand why they are so wrong for allowing it to happen.
Education, patience and respect are the key to finding equality, and to some extent that does involve sitting on our hands…and picking the right battles to fight.
And Rob H’s comments are completely why I did not see desert bat’s comments as satire.
When we have people thinking as Rob H does, we have to be vocal to speak out against that opinion. The attitude that Rob H espouses are exactly the same as those that expect us to sit back and do hair or musicals. Sorry, it’s just not going to happen.
Let the loonies on the Left and the Right fight with each other. Gays are like the majority of people in this great country. We are firmly in the center. As more and more people see that we are not the crazies on the Left, we will gain more and more. But, we can ot do that by not fighting our battles. No one respects a wimp and no one remembers a loser. I choose to be neither.