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Loading ...Corvino: 5 strategies to win gay marriage
Proposition 8 passed, revoking marriage rights for gays and lesbians in California and setting back the gay-rights movement throughout the country.
So did similar bans in Florida and Arizona, not to mention an Arkansas ban on adoption or foster parenting by unmarried couples. Supporters of the latter ban—written expressly to thwart “the gay agenda”—apparently believe that it is better for children to languish in state care than to have loving gay parents.With the pressure of the election behind us, we can step back and talk about long-term strategy. What must we do to convince majorities that our love is just as worthy as theirs?
Some will complain that we shouldn’t have to convince them. In an ideal world, that would be true. In the real world, it’s useless whining. Let’s face it: complaining that we shouldn’t have to fight for fundamental rights never helped anyone secure their fundamental rights.
Here are my top five strategic suggestions as we move forward.
1. Tell our stories. A striking feature of the various anti-amendment campaigns was the invisibility of those they were supposed to help: gay people. I’m grateful for straight people who support our rights. But straight people can’t directly illustrate the palpable ways in which our families matter to us.
For every time the “Yes on 8” campaign showed that little girl telling her mom how she learned in school about two princes who got married, I wish “No on 8” would have shown a little girl asking her mom why Aunt Ellen and Aunt Portia can’t get married. Or a little boy asking his two adoptive dads—who sacrifice to make his life better—why they can’t get married.
I’m guessing that focus groups showed that images of actual gays turn off swing voters (which, if true, would be further evidence of the stigma we still face). I’m skeptical about focus-groups—focus groups, after all, gave us New Coke.
But whatever was true for the campaign, it’s time now for the long view. Over time, people tend to be more pro-gay the more they know actual gay people.
2. Cut the vague talk about “rights” and “discrimination.” It’s wrong to take away rights, right? Well, sure—but we need to be more specific than that.
Gay-rights opponents cleverly granted the premise that it’s wrong to take away rights, and then argued (falsely, but effectively) that marriage equality meant taking away THEIR rights, specifically their parental and religious rights, or that gay adoption interfered with a child’s right to a mother and father.
It’s not enough, therefore, merely to demand “rights” or to oppose “discrimination.” We need to flesh out why these rights matter and why this particular discrimination is harmful and wrong. That requires talking about the moral value of our relationships—and not just talking about it, but showing it (see #1).
3. Use words like “bigot” and “hate” sparingly. There is no doubt that some of our opponents are hateful bigots. (I’ve got the mail to prove it.) But 5.7 million California voters?
No. Most of those who voted yes are people you’d recognize as your coworkers, your neighbors, your grandma. Misinformed? Absolutely. Shortsighted? Without a doubt. But generally not hateful.
Furthermore, as a strategic matter, labeling widespread religious and parental concerns as “hateful” doesn’t typically convert those who harbor them.
4. Don’t let opponents hide behind religion. 83% of weekly churchgoers voted in favor of Prop. 8, and they contributed a large percentage of the $36 million raised to promote it. 90% of self-identified atheists and agnostics voted against it.
To be sure, there were progressive religious organizations and individuals who strongly opposed the amendment. We should continue to harness their enthusiasm: God, after all, can be invoked by all sides of the political spectrum. But we should also recognize the dangers inherent in accepting beliefs “on faith.”
In my view, America is due for a healthy dose of religious skepticism, as well as a vigorous conversation about what religious freedom means and why.
5. Patience, yes; complacency, never. Time is on our side. California marriage-equality opponents drew 61% of the vote in 2000 but only 52% this year. Voters under 30 heavily opposed Prop. 8.
Meanwhile, ordinary gay and lesbian citizens are motivated like they haven’t been in some time. They are peacefully demonstrating outside churches and city halls; they are donating time and money; they are coming out to friends, neighbors, and co-workers.
Ironically, opponents’ efforts to “protect children” from learning about gay people has not only catapulted us to the front of the news, it has increased our determination to make our everyday presence known.
We need to do that for our own dignity. But we also need to do it for those children, who deserve an equal chance at “happily ever after” regardless of their sexual orientation. Keep fighting the good fight.
John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit.
For over fifteen years he has traveled the country speaking on homosexuality and ethics. His writing has been featured in regional and national periodicals, at the online Independent Gay Forum, and in numerous scholarly anthologies. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.
For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.
I think it’s time we tried a new approach: educate people on the difference between civil and religious marriage. The US is one of the few countries that lumps the two together, and it has hurt us by making religion our enemy, instead of making religious arguments irrelevant. People have to learn that the civil benefits of marriage are different from the religious benefits, and that it’s good for society to reward civil unions by giving them benefits.
We do have to stand up for our rights this is true. We also however need to be careful not to fuel the hate of those against us if so we are just like them. We have to focus on love and equal rights for all. Dr. King stated that “injustice anywere is a threat to justice everywhere”. I am hurting brothers and sisters and I know you are too but lets not pass on this hurt lets turn it into forgiveness and love. Continue to protest, write, tell your store even go to court but lets not be like the ones that hurt us. With much love!
your suggestions are crap!
You HAD gay marriage… and lost it, thru apathy, laziness and arrogance!
Articles such as this should have happened BEFORE the elelction!
1) I think we need to do a better job of showing gay families. Especially gay children. Children are affected when their parents can’t get married. There are increased costs to accomplish things that a simple marriage certificate can give. There are complications with health insurance, taxes are higher, medical decisions for children becomes complicated, and security is a crapshoot in the unfortunate event of a split up. All these things mean that the children in gay headed families do not have the same benefits and security as children in straight families. People need to know that if this is for the protection of children, then we need to allow gay people to marry.
2) We need to frame this like abortion. We will never get some people to like or even approve of gay marriage. But there is this mindset that if you don’t like it, you automatically should try to stop it. A lot of people don’t like abortion and they never will, I am one of them. But I would never try to stop someone from getting one. Not because I approve, but because its none of my business.
I think we can get the votes of people who don’t necessarily approve of gay marriage if they see it as an issue of privacy and benefit to children.
For strategy, how about matching some of our opponent’s techniques? For example, in San Francisco, predominantly Chinese districts voted 65% in favor of Prop 8 in part because of full page ads in Chinese language publications. Our side didn’t match that. Hispanics are 35% of the population, it’s crucial that we reach them with Spanish language radio spots. We didn’t do that. We had buy in from the NAACP and other African American organizations, so why weren’t they featured in our television ads?
Instead of one upping religious arguments with Bible quotes, stick to the common ground of America’s equality under the law that unites everyone. As long as civil rights are subject to a popularity contest, you never win votes with negative messages.
One of my favorite YouTube spots:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtUlJel4RR8
In order for the equality of human rights to be the law of the land, we all must contribte money to the cause. I have never received a request for a donation for the good cause. WHY NOT ?
I would contribte money, but to where, to who ? If we all (gay people) put our money where our mouths are, we would have the cash needed to put the churches down and human rights up.
bobby in Beaverton Said:
“Those following the guidance of their churches in opposing marriage equality strongly believe being gay is a choice. This is a fundamental element underpinning their logic.”
And what they seem to forget it that they CHOSE their religion, and they then think (perhaps “are told to think”) that they have a “superior moral position” because of their choice. Well, that is NOT true. IF religion is a choice, then my chioice of religion (my gay-ness) is just as valid, except I did nto choose to be gay. God, if their is one, made me that way, from my Mother’s womb. Moreover, I have many gay relatives, both dead and alive. It runs in my family, and therefore must have a genetic component.
ALSO, PLEASE, TELL YOUR RELIGIOUS FRIENDS AND RELATIVES THAT THEIR CHOICE TO BE RELIGIOUS DOES NOT GIVE THEM A “SUPERIOR MORAL POSITION”. FURTHER, it is simply a personal choice for their OWN PERSONAL LIFE, and they do NOT get to push their mistaken beliefs, goals and ideals onto others in this society.
That is why a court will strick down a BAD ELECTION OUTCOME like the recent outcomes.
And you can bet your life that those who choose to be religious will never change their minds about what they think is bad, evil or disgusting. And I will never change my mind about how evil and nasty they are acting towards me, and our community.
I completely agree with Dave Wimberly.
I’m with you.
Like so many postings here I have felt a lot of anger in the last week. At a social gathering of my condo association this past week I actually overheard straight white people make remarks such as, “my minister has told us to accept Obama, after all he is the new president.” Following up with that there was a lot of speculation on how Obama might be the anti-Christ described in Book of Revelations. And then they topped it off with how us gays can’t accept defeat of Prop 8. All my neighbors know I and my partner are gay. We take every opportunity to share our lives with them, and they claim to even love us! And they are so happy we moved to their complex. But I have always known that if my rights were ever voted on (e.g. marriage,discrimination and hate laws) they would most likely vote against us. We have had to live with this kind of pain all our lives. Like most LGBT people we simply can’t move to some city or town that is more gay friendly. So we put up with it, and hope by our example that we are constant reminder that LGBT people exist and have lives just like everyone else. We try to change one person’s mind at a time. I have to believe the LGBT community will win our rights eventually. But most likely a win will come from the U.S. Supreme Court. The bottom line is that we are all very discouraged because Prop 8 passed. Remember there were other amendment measures in Arizona and Florida also. We all just thought if California can’t pull it off for us, there goes the rest of the nation. I don’t want to believe that. So let us put the racism and bigotry comments aside, and work towards change in every way possible in our communities. If not for us, for the LGBT generations behind us.
A see a change here Mr Covino. I’m impressed. This is almost militant compared to some of your earlier writings. I do, however, strongly disagree with #3. We cannot let bigotry and hate be removed from the conversation. It only benefits the ignorant and hateful and puts us on the defensive in terms of telling our story on their terms. Hate and bigotry are the foundation that supports things like yes on 8 votes. Calling it out where we see it is wholly beneficial to our message and the ongoing fight for rights.
I think our willingness to be visible is making more impact than we realize. Your suggestions though logical, particularly about being specific with our arguments, are not as inspiring as the visability factor.
Larry King and Oprah are discussion gay marriage today on their shows and I believe this is because of the courage many gays and gay supporters showed in protesting and being visible.
I worry that too much logic is simply not moving enough but a balance between the logic and visibility factor could be most powerful.
Bud…dude, you effin’ ROCK! I like your anger, I like you layin’ it out there, I like you reminding the unaware people that life in a small town is planets away from West Hollywood or DC or any other gay place.
Something I remember about the civil rights movement…when the Black Panthers appeared, the Establishment decided it was better to give the NAACP what it wanted (at least on paper) than risk the rise of a militant black group.
As the Dixie Chicks said, I’m not ready to make nice. I’m willing to focus, and right now my specific focus is on stripping the Mormon church of its Federal tax exemption. I don’t care as much about it actually coming to pass as I care about making them squirm.
To me, part of the conflict I feel over the Prop 8 vote is that this should be a time to make sure our country affords the same rights TO ALL, and that we make sure that ALL Americans have the opportunity to advance themselves. The black churches are testing my focus on that. If a non-black person challenges the black church as the de facto official voice of Black America…watch out, you’re a racist. I can follow the belief in equality that my parents taught me, and I can get screwed, or I can become a bitter racist and blame anybody black for being denied my civil rights. But that’s not productive, so I have to suck it up and stick to what I know is the true path–and I don’t especially like having to indulge the ongoing victimhood party that some (SOME, meaning NOT ALL, not by any measure) blacks do very much enjoy.
So there it is…I’m not really sure what to do to contribute to getting pinheaded god-squadders out of my civil rights, but I know that stepping on somebody else, or blaming somebody because of their skin color, that’s no solution. A black man’s, or an Asian woman’s rights–those are my rights too. That’s all I want, nothing more and nothing less.
Nice in theory, Dr. Corvino, but I put it to you, Dr. Corvino that convincing people comes after, not before, the courts affirm that equal protection and due process are not subject to majority approval. I grew up in the 50s and 60s and I can tell you, the broad-based acceptance that Black Americans enjoy today (limited as it is in some respects) came AFTER the Supreme Court and, later, Congress and the President determined that segregation was wrong as a matter of law. Once we have it clear that due process and equal protection mean exactly what the words say they mean, the people who have difficulty accepting the fact that we’re human beings too will have plenty of time to be “convinced.”
Three things that strike me:
1. Those following the guidance of their churches in opposing marriage equality strongly believe being gay is a choice. This is a fundamental element underpinning their logic. When they come to realize God made us who we are, it becomes much more complicated. We must disabuse them of this false belief as a first step.
2. The organized No campaign put us back in the closet thanks to “focus groups.” We cannot allow that again. It’s proven that our progress is directly due to being out, open and honest–and visible. Remember the principle of de-sensitization–repeated exposure to something tends to make it less frightening.
3. Our spokespeople are ignoring a fundamental tool: the history and statements of our opponents which show they believe us to be inferior beings for one reason or another. This history shows their more recent and “reasonable” “public policy” statements to be disingenuous at best. We need to directly address the issue of their belief in us as inferior, damaged, immoral beings.
Our spokespeople need to start asking our opponents face to face in the media: “Why do you feel we are inferior to you?” We need to aggressively use their clearly bigoted documented history as well as specific repudiations of their conclusions by the authors of the work they quote (reference Lou Dobbs).
It’s time to become pro-active and start leading the discussion.
I’m sick and tired of making nice to the religious whackos for the past decade. Its time for the gloves to come off and call them on it. This has more to do with hypocrisy and bigotry. Last time I read the bible, God or whoever made no reference to homosexuality neither did Jesus Christ, go figure. The only references to it are by imperfect men and found in the jewish part of the bible, the old testament. I don’t recall ever reading that it was actually God who invented marriage either, though I’m sure the hypocrites will skew everything they can to make it appear so. We now have to confront them once and for all. Why should they get so bent out of shape…its not religious marraige we’re asking for, but civil marriage that has absolutely no religious component. If their reason for marriage is procreation, and I suspect it is, then they should also bar straight couples who don’t want children and those who can’t have them. They can’t have it both ways. Time we also demanded an end to their tax-exempt status once and for all.