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Loading ...Corvino: 5 strategies to win gay marriage
Proposition 8 passed, revoking marriage rights for gays and lesbians in California and setting back the gay-rights movement throughout the country.
So did similar bans in Florida and Arizona, not to mention an Arkansas ban on adoption or foster parenting by unmarried couples. Supporters of the latter ban—written expressly to thwart “the gay agenda”—apparently believe that it is better for children to languish in state care than to have loving gay parents.With the pressure of the election behind us, we can step back and talk about long-term strategy. What must we do to convince majorities that our love is just as worthy as theirs?
Some will complain that we shouldn’t have to convince them. In an ideal world, that would be true. In the real world, it’s useless whining. Let’s face it: complaining that we shouldn’t have to fight for fundamental rights never helped anyone secure their fundamental rights.
Here are my top five strategic suggestions as we move forward.
1. Tell our stories. A striking feature of the various anti-amendment campaigns was the invisibility of those they were supposed to help: gay people. I’m grateful for straight people who support our rights. But straight people can’t directly illustrate the palpable ways in which our families matter to us.
For every time the “Yes on 8” campaign showed that little girl telling her mom how she learned in school about two princes who got married, I wish “No on 8” would have shown a little girl asking her mom why Aunt Ellen and Aunt Portia can’t get married. Or a little boy asking his two adoptive dads—who sacrifice to make his life better—why they can’t get married.
I’m guessing that focus groups showed that images of actual gays turn off swing voters (which, if true, would be further evidence of the stigma we still face). I’m skeptical about focus-groups—focus groups, after all, gave us New Coke.
But whatever was true for the campaign, it’s time now for the long view. Over time, people tend to be more pro-gay the more they know actual gay people.
2. Cut the vague talk about “rights” and “discrimination.” It’s wrong to take away rights, right? Well, sure—but we need to be more specific than that.
Gay-rights opponents cleverly granted the premise that it’s wrong to take away rights, and then argued (falsely, but effectively) that marriage equality meant taking away THEIR rights, specifically their parental and religious rights, or that gay adoption interfered with a child’s right to a mother and father.
It’s not enough, therefore, merely to demand “rights” or to oppose “discrimination.” We need to flesh out why these rights matter and why this particular discrimination is harmful and wrong. That requires talking about the moral value of our relationships—and not just talking about it, but showing it (see #1).
3. Use words like “bigot” and “hate” sparingly. There is no doubt that some of our opponents are hateful bigots. (I’ve got the mail to prove it.) But 5.7 million California voters?
No. Most of those who voted yes are people you’d recognize as your coworkers, your neighbors, your grandma. Misinformed? Absolutely. Shortsighted? Without a doubt. But generally not hateful.
Furthermore, as a strategic matter, labeling widespread religious and parental concerns as “hateful” doesn’t typically convert those who harbor them.
4. Don’t let opponents hide behind religion. 83% of weekly churchgoers voted in favor of Prop. 8, and they contributed a large percentage of the $36 million raised to promote it. 90% of self-identified atheists and agnostics voted against it.
To be sure, there were progressive religious organizations and individuals who strongly opposed the amendment. We should continue to harness their enthusiasm: God, after all, can be invoked by all sides of the political spectrum. But we should also recognize the dangers inherent in accepting beliefs “on faith.”
In my view, America is due for a healthy dose of religious skepticism, as well as a vigorous conversation about what religious freedom means and why.
5. Patience, yes; complacency, never. Time is on our side. California marriage-equality opponents drew 61% of the vote in 2000 but only 52% this year. Voters under 30 heavily opposed Prop. 8.
Meanwhile, ordinary gay and lesbian citizens are motivated like they haven’t been in some time. They are peacefully demonstrating outside churches and city halls; they are donating time and money; they are coming out to friends, neighbors, and co-workers.
Ironically, opponents’ efforts to “protect children” from learning about gay people has not only catapulted us to the front of the news, it has increased our determination to make our everyday presence known.
We need to do that for our own dignity. But we also need to do it for those children, who deserve an equal chance at “happily ever after” regardless of their sexual orientation. Keep fighting the good fight.
John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit.
For over fifteen years he has traveled the country speaking on homosexuality and ethics. His writing has been featured in regional and national periodicals, at the online Independent Gay Forum, and in numerous scholarly anthologies. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.
For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.
It becomes more and more difficult to call the people who willing vote against our equality anything other than hateful bigots. Im tired of hearing people hide behind their religion to mask their bigotry. They are hypocrites, plain and simple. They have no right to enforce their religious views on me or any other American. Not to mention the hypocrisy of people who will drone on and on about the Bible, and that the bible says Homosexuality is an abomination, yet that same Bible says it’s an abomination to eat lobster and shrimp. That same Bible says that a slave should obey his master. Slaveowners used the Bible to justify slavery for generations in America; just as religious bigots are using the Bible to deny our equality today. Call it for what it is: HATRED.
“But 5.7 million California voters? No. Most of those who voted yes are people you’d recognize as your coworkers, your neighbors, your grandma.”
Yes, that many people can be bigoted, regardless if they are grandmas or coworkers. That doesn’t mean they are hateful or mean spirited though. It is being intolerant of gay marriage to ban it, i.e. bigoted.
It has to be about telling the story that gay families are members of the community, your brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, your friends, etc. Not us vs. THEM–those weird freaks in the big city. Strategically, I wonder if it is better to force the issue to the point where all single people are being discriminated against such as they are in Arkansas so it is no longer a gay-straight issue, but a big-tent issue. There is also the push to ban straight divorce, which makes a lot of sense too in terms of preventing children form being raised outside of traditional marriages.
right on, james.
i want to elaborate on (1) above. I think it is vital to tell our stories, but to take it beyond marriage. i want to push the story of the teenager questioning his sexuality. Bombarded by heteronormative images, ideals and roles from his family, his friends and from society, i want to tell the inner anguish and war that many gay children and teenagers go through. I want to tell my own narrative, that if I had seen gays in the public square who were a part of society (i don’t need us to be like everyone else – we’re not – but i do need us to be equal), I might not have taken so long to come to terms with my personal identity. I want to tell the story of the child who grows up with his gay dads and who, through turns out to be straight, understands nothing but equality for all sexual orientations. I want to tell the story of the teen beat up at school for being gay who has to see his gay breteren “beaten up” by conservatives and the religious right year adter year, election after election, and who feels complete despair because he sees that society treats him, and everyone like him, like a second class citizen.
These are the stories. These are what’s real. I don’t want to be married. I want what marriage for everyone who wants it will bring to the gay community.
I very much like John’s point, “Ironically, opponents’ efforts to “protect children” from learning about gay people has not only catapulted us to the front of the news, it has increased our determination to make our everyday presence known.”
Let’s stay visable for a very long time.
Classic Corvino…a plea for reason, calm, and coming to the center. It has a place.
But, this was religious bigotry plain and simple. Were all the voters hating bigots? Maybe not, but the bigotry of their church, which they fan with their donations, was clear in this issue.
We do need a healthy dose of religous skepticism. Backing away from claims of bigotry gives them a pass and won’t further the healthy skepticism.
Religion IS bigotry! Religion says follow my way, all other ways are wrong. How can you be more bigoted than that?..against thought, against ideas and against people who are different.
I’m really tired of our movement appeassing religion. We need to attack it and we need to attack its bigotry.
A coworker just told me I would need training before advocating, I’m so angry and so willing to be in your face about your bigotry. Sorry, I had no training when I called my Catholic state rep during our struggle here in Mass and told him HIS religious bigotry had no place in his secular job to advocate for me, his constituent. I told him his church shamed me as a citizen of this country and his adherence to its bigoted stances embarrassed me to have him as my rep.
You know what? He agreed…he changed his mind. He thanked me publicly at a MassEquality event and went on to work to change other’s minds (our state house being a direct extension of the holy see…we have to fight RCC crap daily here–today its the RCC prodded reps trying to shut down midnight madness retail events because they don’t promote family values!!!).
I’m not backing down and I refuse to be an appeasser like 70% of our movement seems comfortable with.
I should rephrase…70% of our movements leadership. Look at the protestors, they are not backing down and I’m so proud of them all.
Maybe its time for new leadership. HRC says one of its top goals is religious outreach. My top goal is religious decimation. I have pledged to give my life’s energy to ending religion.
Will you all stand up with me or let these bigots convince our leaders to continue to soft peddle our rights?
Being a man of color, who is gay and having the diverse upbringing that I have had, to the things I have seen it is important to be centered and focused. I hope we do not get to of course, or feel we are in a “fight”. The path to what will free us” will” happen , but together and as “one”. It seems “all” groups should come together who really promote liberty, freedom and equality. We really should not be seperate. I am very proud to live in an era, where people are wanting to take action, use their voices and bodies for peace, without fighting or violence. To be able to get things done again in this world “together”. To be direct, centered and focuse, they cannot get push “us” into the darkness because to much “light” has now been shinning. If all the groups who have seperate agendas for one common goal to not come together, we might be struggling for a while…but I feel that someone will realize this. People will know change “IS” going to happen.
I have lived OUTSIDE the gay ghetto of a large American city exactly twice in my adult life … once for a year in Dallas, TX (for grad school), and once for seven years in Orange County, CA (for a job). I will NEVER do that again. Texas in particular was the most TERRIFYING experience of my life.
Let me hasten to add that I’m a very ordinary-looking 64-year-old gay man. I came out before Gay Lib, so I learned early how to “pass.”
All these calls to “come out” (and I have) can mean the loss of job, home, and LIFE in small towns and rural areas, especially in the Deep South, where the strength of the anti-gay forces lies.
Yes, today, in 2008, “coming out” can still get us killed. And I’m not convinced that passage of a Federal Hate Crimes and/or Employment Anti-Discrimination laws would make that much difference.
I live on the outskirts of the gay ghetto in San Diego; I wouldn’t DREAM of driving east of I-805 after dark, especially with Obama and “No On Prop H8″ bumper stickers on my truck. Out east are the ignorant rednecks, the militia nuts, the survivalists, the KKK, and every OTHER vile brand of über-conservative white supremacists and Reich Wing religious fanatics imaginable. East San Diego County is a hotbed of hate … check it out on Southern Poverty Law Center’s national map of hate groups.
I can’t see *them* LISTENING to our stories. Nor do I think education, warm fuzzies, and “dialogue” will reach them.
Despite the polls, I think about 98% of voters had already made up their mind about Prop H8 BEFORE the TV ad blitz, just as they’d already decided for whom they were going to vote for President.
As long as the black community is as preacher-ridden as it is, and as long as they deny the existence of bisexual black men on the “down-low,” outreach isn’t going to reach them either … ditto the Latino community, with its “macho” myth than only the penetratee in gay male sex is gay, and its equally priest-ridden culture …
Well, just forget about it.
Spend your time, money, and effort on the courts and the best pit-bull lawyers (with or without lipstick) that money can buy. I think we will have to wait for my generation to die off before we succeed at the ballot box … and we shouldn’t HAVE to.
Neither should we have to, as Dr. Corvino says, “… convince majorities that our love is just as worthy as theirs.” Our rights SHOULD be guaranteed by the State and Federal Constitutions. Beyond that, it’s nobody’s damn business!
Religion is the intellectual shackles of the weak mind.
Oh, and Mormon bois, stay off my front porch. I have a dildo, and I know how to use it!
Bud Burgoon-Clark
San Diego CA USA
2nd Class citizen, thanks to
PAGAN FERTILITY CULTS!
Corvino said: “there were progressive religious organizations and individuals who strongly opposed the amendment. We should continue to harness their enthusiasm”
I agree. And I say that in spite of the fact that most gays are deeply alienated from religion, especially Christianity, with good reason. For 2000 years, Christianity has intentionally and culpably made itself an enemy of gays.
But this situation creates an unusual problem for the gay rights movement. While other civil rights movements have been able to count on the backing of important religious forces, the gay rights movement has been opposed by all but a small number of progressive churches. In America, which is saturated with religion, and where religion is held in the highest regard, and where sexual behavior outside of the “norm” is the focus of moral issues, that’s a serious liability. It explains to a large degree why our struggle has been such a difficult uphill battle.
I’m not suggesting that more gays should become religious. I’m only suggesting that progressive religious organizations can be very effective allies in countering the attacks from right-wing churches and in moving public opinion to our side. We should welcome their help and work closely with them on our issues.
EXACTLY, do you know how many times I emailed the EQCA campaign and said WHERE ARE THE STORIES? WHERE ARE THE STORIES? Your child idea is better than mine, I am still mad, because of the hypocrisy. Over 85% of children in this country are NOT RAISED by two het parents NOW. Time, well, time wasn’t on Del Martins side, she’d better get to keep her marriage.
These are all well and good. But much more important is to explain why gay marriage is sound public policy, why it is good for everyone. The point of marriage is to promote social stability. By preventing gay marriage, the right wing promotes transient, unstable relationships in our community. Jim Crow laws were only overturned when whites joined the civil rights movement; and they only did so when it became clear that racism hurts all of society, not just the Black community.Racism prevented millions from reaching their potential; racism costs society. Anti-gay laws hurt and cost society too. You can argue all you want about fairness and love, but the rejoinder will always be that it isn’t fair to denigrate right-wing, traditional beliefs. Arguing about fairness and love is our weakest argument.
Reason is certainly the way to approach reasonable people. However, the evidence should be clear to anyone with a mere moiety of his marbles that we are not dealing with reasonable people. Being reasonable has done nothing more than confirm to the conservatives that we are weak according to their own standards. I think reason has been given a more than fair chance; it’s time for another approach.
I think a number of you are missing Corvino’s main point: if we label our opponents as bigots, we are creating an “us” versus “them” dichotomy which does not give those on the “them” side an opportunity to become more informed and perhaps change their stance. In fact, calling them bigots will likely lock them into their opposition against equality for LGBT people.
Reaching out to those who don’t agree with you is going to be very challenging, but it has to be done. We can’t fight “hatred” with hatred of our own. Lashing out will not help. Being visible will. Talking to “the other” will.
i am deeply sadden by all of this my partner and i live in texas and are getting married next year on dec 31 2009.we will cont. to fight for gay rights even if it takes us till the day we die to see gay marraige legalized in this country.are marrage my not be legal but to us its real.she will adopt my son and we will have more children and there is not a damn things this close minded biggots can to about it.we are people too we have feelings we have goals and deams just like everyone else.i know that the gay communtiy will have to fight but in the end we will come out on top.We will have our rights. freedom doesnt come without a fight so keep hoe alive we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.we will preveil.lots of love to all who are fighting for the cause.
I liked the article a lot. It lined up nicely with what worked in MA. (Sometimes I wonder if you guys across the nation really understood how close we came to losing marriage here. It was down to a few votes, and we were behind in the count a few weeks before the vote in the legislature.) I also agree with what Craig said.
I wanted to respond to this….
>I think reason has been given a more than fair chance; it’s time for another approach.
It isn’t about reason. It’s about calmly telling our stories, in their various contexts, over and over and over again, until heterosexuals can see past our differences and connect emotionally with our similarities.
Recent neurological studies have shown that, when emotion runs high (especially negative emotion), people take on a very narrow focus, think less, and can absorb much less new information. For example, if a mugger jumps out at you and flashes a knife, you don’t want to get distracted or take a time out to learn something new; you hyperfocus on the danger and work from your “fight or flight” response.
At the heart of Corvino’s approach is calm, consistent story telling. Over time, the stories seem more and more familiar, and less and less frightening. We have to contribute to an air of calm (”ordinariness,” if you will), so that heterosexuals can emotionally calm down and “think straight” (pun intended) about this important issue.