November 21st, 2009
 

365 Gay: Opinion

Besen: Words that kill

, columnist, 365gay.com

It’s been a heady couple of weeks for gay activists ­ and it keeps getting
better. There were twin marriage victories in the unlikely states of Vermont
and Iowa ­ doubling the number of places where gay people can get hitched.
If that wasn’t enough, the New York Times reports that New York Gov. David Paterson will unveil plans this week to introduce marriage equality
legislation.

On New York City’s Upper West Side, The Jewish Alliance for Change presented a benefit concert on Monday evening for marriage equality that featured a stunning array of stars. I spoke at the event and followed Linda Lavin ­ who played the lead in the television show Alice.  It was exhilarating to be among the Broadway glitz and glamour. Most important, the event encapsulated what the movement has worked decades to achieve: broad mainstream support and cultural acceptance.

Unfortunately, while our movement bathed in the well-deserved spotlight, not everyone felt its warm glow. There are still gay people ­particularly of school age ­ who feel the cool sting of homophobia. They are teased, harassed, humiliated and beaten on a daily basis. They enter the schoolyard in sheer terror ­as if it were a prison yard ruled by fearsome gangs.

Teachers ­- who are supposed to be in charge – act no better than prison guards, indifferent to the pain and suffering. The cries of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students often fall on deaf ears. It is a living Hell and one that too often ends in tragedy.

In 1998, I remember an effeminate male student in high school who was teased mercilessly. He was assaulted verbally and physically ­ and it got so bad he had to drop out. Teachers who allowed bullies to ruin his life curtailed his right to an education.

Thanks to groups like the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN)
much has changed. There are many openly gay GLBT students who have uneventful ­ if not enjoyable ­ high school experiences.

Still, if a student ends up in the wrong school ­ it might as well be 1988 (or even 1958). One such student is Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover. He was an 11-year-old boy who was taunted by bullies who repeatedly called him gay. On April 6, he hung himself in his Springfield, Mass. home.

It is heartbreaking to hear Sirdeaner Walker, Carl¹s mother, talk about her
son’s death. She did everything in her power to alert the school and they
failed to intervene.

“I have been homeless, but Carl made it through,” Walker told ABC News. “I
was a victim of domestic violence, and we made it through. The one thing we
couldn’t get through was public school.”

Last week, parents in Ohio sued a high school after their son, who did not
claim to be gay, shot himself after bullies clobbered him with anti-gay
epithets. This problem is as pervasive as it is perverse. It is an open
secret and offhandedly dismissed, as “boys will be boys.” Of course, this
response comes from the boys actually throwing the slurs and punches and not
the victims and their families.

Equally tragic is that this problem is not considered a major story in the
mainstream media. We are treated to countless hours of babbling baloney and
blithering buffoonery ­ but the preventable suicide by an 11-year-old boy is
considered an afterthought.

In my view, this tragedy should be on the front page of every newspaper in
the nation. Satellite trucks should be parked in front of Ms. Walker’s home
to address a serious issue that affects far more people than stories about
the latest star in rehab.

On Friday, April 17, students across the nation will participate in GLSEN’s
13th annual National Day of Silence, where they will take a one-day vow of
silence to shine a light on anti-gay bullying.  More than 8,000 schools are
expected to participate in this incredible show of solidarity.

Now, if the media will just end its “century of silence” and elevate this
issue, we might see less eleven year olds committing suicide.


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  • Eddie89 Said: April 16th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
    • The problem today is that some bullies are coming to school with handguns.

      So, advising the victims to stand up to the bullies and have some self worth may get you dead.

      Think about Lawrence “Larry” King.

  • shawn Said: April 16th, 2009 at 10:11 am
    • Oh I dunno about that John. Sure wish I could’ve gone to an all GAY school! Probably could’ve wound up learning a whole lot more than I did. It’s always better strictly growing up around those of your OWN kind. There’s always time for indulging in “diversity” when you go off to college or vocational school. The early years of education should be peaceful and serene. We NEED our own school system! At least K thru 12th grade! Let the breeders go terrorize their OWN kind. LOL! The VAST majority of them grow up to be nothing but social terrorists anyway. If given the choice my future son WILL be attending a gay ONLY school! Nuff said on THAT topic!!

  • Jonathan Said: April 16th, 2009 at 9:42 am
    • Shawn,

      Yes and No

      Gay only schools are a good temporary solution but we don’t get the pleasure of living life with people who see eye to eye on every subject and kids need to learn how to deal with that.

  • shawn Said: April 16th, 2009 at 5:39 am
    • Yet another PRIME example of why we need GAY schools for GAY students ONLY!!! Anyone here still think that’s a bad idea now?????

  • Glenn I Said: April 16th, 2009 at 1:13 am
    • I had the worst attendance record in grade school. My mother allowed me to stay home (sent “Glenn was sick” notes to make it official) because she saw what hell I was going through in school. I had to transfer between grade schools in the same small town — fortunately the town was large enough to have a second school for me to flee to. There is good work being done by good people to recognize and prevent bullying, but a lot more needs to be done.

  • mike Said: April 16th, 2009 at 1:08 am
    • Good article Wayne. Teachers need the support of their school, principal, superintendent, and community to remove bullies. I’ve been a teacher and I know teachers often don’t get support for controlling students.

      Mostly my concern with your article is that you’re preaching to the choir here. Are you able to get your writings in some mainstream web, mag, or newspaper? Thanks. Good work.

  • Corey Said: April 15th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
    • It seems like we are all cut out for a challenge from the day we are born. Only the strong survive. I was a senior at a rural Georgia high school in 04, might as well have been 88 though. I was completely out, the art club/dramaclub kids as well as the stoners, goths and even a few ROTC kids were cool with me. There were dangerous skinheads though, and I mean these guys were the real deal, 14/88 tatoos and all. I was threatened and assaulted by their leader, this big burly guy. I ended up not graduating due to stress. I’d just not do anything in class thinking there is no point since my haters had degraded me so much.

  • Jonathan Said: April 15th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
    • I got teased as a kid. Some of it was Gay stuff, some it wasn’t. I didn’t kill myself. I had a sense of self worth instilled by my parents. I also wasn’t afraid to fight back and was told to by my family.

      Mind you, I didn’t grow up in a particularly “Gay friendly” household. It also wasn’t completely homophobic and hateful.

      The total responsibility does not fall fully on schools or anyone else. I’m really believe homelife plays a huge part in how a child responds to all things outside the home.

      That said, schools take these kids into their care for 8 or more hours a day. During that time they have a responsibility to be sure they are safe and free from constant harrassment.

  • Robert Goodman, M.S. Said: April 15th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
    • According to the CDC, each year approximately 4,000 young people under the age of 24 commit suicide. Moreover, a number of studies assert that 30% of all youth suicides are GLBT. This means that 3 to 4 GLBT youth commit suicide EACH DAY! This is outrageous and should be national, front page news. The fact that it isn’t is very telling. I work with a group called GLIDE (Gay and Lesbians Initiating Dialog for Equality) that goes into schools and organizations with the mission of ending homophobia through education. Whatever we do, I encourage everyone to do SOMETHING on a regular basis to end this suffering. Many of our youth are desperately looking to us for help.

  • Maree B. Said: April 15th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
    • It matters not, michaelInDallas, whether these kids are gay or not. The really sad truth is that gay bashing is so rampamnt and so socially acceptable in our culture that harrassing and, in some cases, killing the perceived “social deviant” has become commonplace and ‘not such a big deal.’ Let me say, that as a teacher who knows very well that some of my students and families are LGBT, there is no recruitment factor that creates this reality. People are diverse and each person, regardless of how they identify themselves, deserves to live with respect and regard in our society. I find your comment somewhat disturbing.

  • George Said: April 15th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
    • Excellent article, Wayne. While I wish you could have also mentioned the “Esquire” magazine outrage — it illustrated how gay-hating abuse is still socially acceptable to some.

      Tangent: Peter LaBarbera’s referring to the Mr. T British Snickers ad (which Wayne rightfully notes promotes contempt of effeminacy) as “hilarious” confirms for me that LaBarbera’s into *contempt,* not “love,” of homosexuals.

      Keep up the great work, Wayne.

  • Lyndon Evans Said: April 15th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
  • Chad Said: April 15th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
    • As far as the media goes, they are certainly dropping the ball on reporting these crimes. However, I did see a report on CNN last night by Anderson Cooper regarding the 11-yr. old’s suicide hanging. He even brought a guest on to discuss sexuality and bullying in schools.

      The problem is that these stories don’t get nearly as much attention as the President’s new dog. Such a pathetic commentary on our current state of journalism.

  • TigerTzu Said: April 15th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
    • When teachers and other school officials are charged with criminal conduct for being accessories to self-murder, then they will care. When school bullies are arrested and charged with hate crimes, then they will care about the consequences of their words. Until then, it will be business as usual.

  • michaelnDallas Said: April 15th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
    • the sad truth is that some of these kids aren’t gay they are merely labeled that by the bullies. Talk about recruiting people! These bullies take heterosexual kids and make them believe they are something they are not!

 
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