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Loading ...Open letter to an anti-gay NY state senator
11.24.2009 4:58pm EST
New York seems to have once again passed on gay marriage, though the governor has promised a vote by the end of the year.
Steven, a 365gay reader, wrote this poignant, eloquent letter to Sen. Kenneth P. LaValle, who represents the 1st district (primarily Suffolk County, Long Island.) ![SD1_Lavalle-[1]](http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/SD1_Lavalle-1.jpg "SD1_Lavalle-[1]")
Sen. LaValle
Dear Senator LaValle:
Your office has made it painfully clear to me when I called that you are against same sex marriage. I don’t understand your fears.If it is a religious issue, religion really has no place in politics. Nobody is asking that you marry someone of the same sex. I am not afraid of opposite-sex marriage. You were elected to support the community that you serve. You need to listen to all the voices in that community rather than just acting on your personal beliefs.
Marriage can’t just be about procreation. If that were the case, we should not allow folks to marry unless they’re going to have children. If they can’t physically have children, they should have to adopt children or annul their marriage.
I have been in a monogamous relationship for a few months shy of 20 years. We were married in Toronto Nov. 7, 2003. I’d like to believe that America, and New York in particular, would be more forward-thinking than any other country, but sadly that is not the case.
I am involved in the community. I take great care of my property. I’m a great neighbor, friend, relative, and employee.
I work hard. I pay taxes. I vote to pass school budgets although I don’t have children. I recently received your mailing inviting me to your ‘family day,’ although you have no desire to recognize my family.
Everyone should be allowed to be involved with any consensual partner they choose, regardless of race, color, religion or sexual orientation.Gay parents won’t make their kids gay. My folks were very, very straight. Gay kids can’t turn their siblings, friends, or schoolmates gay. There are as many homosexual firefighters, builders, athletes, police officers, and truck drivers as there are gay hairdressers, nurses, designers and decorators. [But instead of celebrating their contributions,] Society makes a great majority of folks live in shame, live in fear, live in denial and live a lie.
This is not the forum to get into how and why, but I assure you being gay is not a choice. Nobody would choose a life with so many unnecessary challenges. While I wouldn’t change my life for anything, it surely was more difficult than it had to be.
There are black politicians, most notably the president. There are women running countries. There are gay men and women serving our country by their own free will to ensure the constant freedom of these United States, yet they themselves are not free.
We’re a few months away from the year 2010. We’re living in the great state of New York. I’d like to say it’s time to accept everyone for who and what they are – and give everyone the same exact civil and legal rights – but it’s actually way beyond time.
There are issues that should be put to public vote: changing cell phone laws for drivers, building new roads, and what to use tax money for are a few examples. Who to love and live a committed life with is not an issue that should be put to a public vote. Imagine a white man not being allowed to marry a black woman, or a Catholic man not being able to marry a Jewish woman. The thought of that happening today is unconscionable. This should be as well. There should be liberty and justice and equal rights for all.
If this entire issue is about political power, that power struggle needs to be played some other way. You cannot play with people’s lives. This is America. I’ve traveled the world quite extensively and used to be much more proud of my country and sadly used to receive a great deal more respect than I have recently.
Your personal beliefs are yours. Nobody has a right to change them. But you have an obligation to ensure that I have the exact same right as every other taxpayer and American citizen. If I do not, then please figure out a way to give me a benefit that others don’t have, since you won’t give me the same rights. You can begin by doing away with my school taxes, as I don’t have children and you don’t recognize my living arrangements as a family. You can continue from there.You cannot, however, expect the same from me that you expect from everyone else without offering me the exact same privileges.
I don’t expect a reply. I didn’t receive one from my phone call last spring. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, Senator. I’d like to understand. Please ensure that I have every civil and legal right that every other New Yorker has. Nothing more. Nothing less. I assure you, the world will not spin off of its axis. In fact, it might become a friendlier, happier, more humane place to live. Thank you in advance.Respectfully,
Steven
It is interesting how social conservative and religious conservative politicians and church leaders constantly demand less government in our society and yet want government laws to restrict people’s choices on how they may live their relationships and personal lives. Marriage is a personal decision between two people and all the claims by social conservatives that it is a public decision does not change that fact. If people like Senator Lavalle and the various religious leaders opposed to marriage equality do not want to marry a person of the same sex, then that is their right, but they need to stop telling the rest of us what our choices should be on this and many other issues.
I agree with Steven. Let’s change my taxes to relate to the rights that I am denied.
Bingo Right on the target.
This Thanksgiving week, quote from G. Apuzzo: For all that we have to be thankful for this week, we could be celebrating Marriage Equality but for a handful of NYS senators who cannot put reason above religion, equality above prejudice, courage above timidity. They need to be retired.
Simply Wonderful — Bravo!!!!
yes, very well put. I have often sat back and wondered how they justify putting gay marriage for a vote. I mean, seriously. We have all kinds of people in the world pairing up that should not be paired and people having more than their fair share of children in order to get tax credits and such. There are people that get married just for benefits, but have outside relationships and those people are all accepted because of the simple fact they are male/female. But, as you say, we pay school taxes, etc…even though we may have no children, and we certainly are not allowed to adopt (here in Florida). To put our rights to a vote is such a slap in the face. I think our government needs to stand up and stop worrying what others think. It is about the citizens. As is says, but the republic..for the republic. Come out of the 1950s and step into the new age!!!
Thank you Steven. VERY WELL INDEED! I hope you do recive a reply. people like him just want the votes. instead of doing the right thing its all about being relected
Equal Treatment is the Constitutional RIGHT of every American– Gay or straight, black or white, man or woman–and this right should NEVER be determined by the popular vote.
The Constitution is meant to protect the minority from the prejudicial will of the majority, not give the many (by means of the vote) a way to take away the rights of a disenfranchised few!
Using the popular vote as a means to deny the equal rights of a minority is not Democracy! It is voter approved bigotry.
Even the LGBT community, by spending huge amounts of money fighting for our rights at the polls, unwittingly legitimizes the idea that our rights should be determined by the majority vote! It is time to change the strategy!
It is time to challenge our President, our Law Makers and Our Representatives to uphold the Constitution.
On February 28, 2008, as a Presidential candidate, Senator Obama stated: “Equality is a moral imperative…As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality…I will never compromise on my commitment to equal rights for all LGBT Americans…”
Now– as our President, he tells us that we must be patient because, in his words, “there are those who still need to be convinced”.
With all due respect, Mr. President, if the African American community’s civil rights had been determined on a state by state basis by the popular vote, there are areas in our country to this day, where segregation would be the “will of the people” because “there are those who STILL need to be convinced.”
I am not equating the African American struggle, or the women’s rights struggle, or the struggle for Religious freedom, with the LGBT struggle. Each group has historically faced it’s own unique challenges and discrimination. They are, however, comparable in one way. None should be determined by the “popular vote” and none of them were– EXCEPT the civil rights of LGBT Americans. This is unacceptable!
There is NO legal or socially moral reason to deny FULL EQUALITY to all. This denial is based on a particular religious belief–and no one’s religious interpretations should be allowed to justify denying a group their Civil and Social Rights. To do so is a blatant violation of the separation of church and state.
Mr. President, I would challenge you to show the courage of young Will Phillips. Give him back his Country’s Pledge. Show him that “Liberty and Justice for a ALL” is not a lie!
Well done Steven….
Obviously, I agree 100% with everything you said.
My only criticism is that it was a tad bit too long. These right wingers won’t spend that much time. They’d just roll their eyes after a few lines and toss it.
Perhaps a simple one liner will get their attention more… something along the lines of ‘I know where you live.’
Just follow the arguments of Perry vs Schwarzenegger (how come it couldn’t have been Brown, much easier to spell. Oh thats next year.) e.g. the Boies/Olson/Walker case.
So far Judge Walker has gotten the anti-gays to say
1)They do not have any evidence that gay marriages harm traditional ones. (Actually evidence is to the oppsite to date.)
2)They do not have any evidence that gay parenting is worse.
(Evidence is to the opposite.)
3)They cannot use the procreation defense at all, as Walker himself told them he had just married a 95 and 83 year old.
4) and soon he will have them try to describe how having 5 or so classes of ‘marriage’ in California is not discriminatory.
Goes to trial Jan 11, 2010.
Commenting on Facebook User’s comment #3.
It was never possible to use procreation as a reason to withhold the civil contract of marriage from same sex couples. No jurisdiction in the United States has a requirement to create or adopt children as a condition of receiving a marriage license.
It’s no different that getting a driver’s license. You have to pass a driving test but don’t have to own a car.
With a marriage license the only test is that you be of a certain age, not in a legally binding relationship with another person or not be closer than certain degrees of blood relationships and even the last is not identical in all jurisdictions.
Please read the following,,, our leader at the time in Canada Paul Martin addressed parliament about same-gender marriage,, This is truly what makes canada a world leader amongst most other nations,,,
“One final observation on this aspect of the issue: Religious leaders have strong views both for and against this legislation. They should express them. Certainly, many of us in this House, myself included, have a strong faith, and we value that faith and its influence on the decisions we make. But all of us have been elected to serve here as Parliamentarians. And as public legislators, we are responsible for serving all Canadians and protecting the rights of all Canadians.”
“We will be influenced by our faith but we also have an obligation to take the widest perspective — to recognize that one of the great strengths of Canada is its respect for the rights of each and every individual, to understand that we must not shrink from the need to reaffirm the rights and responsibilities of Canadians in an evolving society.”
“The second argument ventured by opponents of the bill is that government ought to hold a national referendum on this issue. I reject this – not out of a disregard for the view of the people, but because it offends the very purpose of the Charter.”
“The Charter was enshrined to ensure that the rights of minorities are not subjected, are never subjected, to the will of the majority. The rights of Canadians who belong to a minority group must always be protected by virtue of their status as citizens, regardless of their numbers. These rights must never be left vulnerable to the impulses of the majority.”
“Will you take away a right as guaranteed under the Charter? I, for one, will answer that question, Mr. Speaker. I will answer it clearly. I will say no.
The notwithstanding clause is part of the Charter of Rights. But there’s a reason that no prime minister has ever used it. For a prime minister to use the powers of his office to explicitly deny rather than affirm a right enshrined under the Charter would serve as a signal to all minorities that no longer can they look to the nation’s leader and to the nation’s Constitution for protection, for security, for the guarantee of their freedoms. We would risk becoming a country in which the defence of rights is weighed, calculated and debated based on electoral or other considerations.
That would set us back decades as a nation. It would be wrong for the minorities of this country. It would be wrong for Canada.
The Charter is a living document, the heartbeat of our Constitution. It is also a proclamation. It declares that as Canadians, we live under a progressive and inclusive set of fundamental beliefs about the value of the individual. It declares that we all are lessened when any one of us is denied a fundamental right.
For gays and lesbians, evolving social attitudes have, over the years, prompted a number of important changes in the law. Recall that, until the late 1960s, the state believed it had the right to peek into our bedrooms. Until 1977, homosexuality was still sufficient grounds for deportation. Until 1992, gay people were prohibited from serving in the military. In many parts of the country, gays and lesbians could not designate their partners as beneficiaries under employee medical and dental benefits, insurance policies or private pensions. Until very recently, people were being fired merely for being gay.
Today, we rightly see discrimination based on sexual orientation as arbitrary, inappropriate and unfair. Looking back, we can hardly believe that such rights were ever a matter for debate. It is my hope that we will ultimately see the current debate in a similar light; realizing that nothing has been lost or sacrificed by the majority in extending full rights to the minority.”
~excerpts from Prime Minister Paul Martin’s Throne Speech on February 16, 2005 when there was a rumble about revisiting the subject of same-gender marriage in Canada,,,,,,
Thank you Steven and Jaxxy. Steven for you very well thought out and intelligent letter. And you Jaxxy, for your post about our neighbors to the north.
Bravo, Jaxxy. And bravo to Paul Martin. I wish I could say that these words had been spoken by an American politician. In fact, the very spirit of this speech reminds me of what we are told about my American Forefathers. It deeply saddens me that these words WERE NOT spoken by one of my elected officials. When did Americans become so afraid of doing the right? We went from greatly outnumbered colonists willing to die for our freedoms, to bureaucrats and politicians too afraid, or too greedy, to stand up for their citizens. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be an American, and I love my country. I think it’s a great country, and it’s taken the first steps forward on many issues. As far as equal rights for its LGBT citizens, we are falling woefully behind. Our behavior regarding this issue has been shameful and wrong. The rights of a minority should NEVER be left to the whims of the majority… it spits in the eye of everything the United States is supposed to stand for… Equality, Freedom, and Justice for all. Why are we wondering if it’s a good idea to give all of our citizens equal rights? I love my country, but I’m deeply ashamed of my leaders, especially those in the Federal government. So far, they have failed to do the right thing.
we need the new york newpapers to print this on the front page. on billbords everywhere it can be read!
It needs to be read by many
That is a well written letter. Thanks for sharing. Whether it actually gets read is another issue.
One thing I like to ask these people is what makes Canadians so different from us? They’ve had marriage equality for 6 years. Why is it an issue for this senator, but not an issue for an entire country? What I notice is these people live in a very small vacuum, and they don’t want to acknowledge anything outside their own city limits.