By Moshe “hung so lo“ Rabeynu, March 23, 2009
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CHILDREN MUST BE INCULCATED AS TO THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION IN THE ATTAINMENT AND MAINTENANCE OF A HEALTHY MIND AND A HEALTHY BODY! PENT UP SEXUAL FRUSTRATION IN CHILDREN HAS NEVER BEEN HONESTLY AND ADEQUATELY DISCUSSED AND DEALT WITH IN JEWISH DISCOURSE AND DOCTRINE. MODERN LIFESTYLES AFFORD INDIVIDUALS THE PRIVACY AND HYGIENIC FACILITIES NECESSARY TO MASTURBATE IN A PRIVATE, DIGNIFIED AND SANITARY MANNER. ONE CAN WELL UNDERSTAND THE IRE THAT WAS AROUSED BY MASTURBATING INDIVIDUALS FOUR THOUSAND YEARS AGO WHEN AN ENTIRE LARGE FAMILY LIVED TOGETHER IN A TENT IN AN ARID LOCATION. NOBODY WANTED TO HAVE A WAD OF FLYING JISSUM HIT HIM IN THE EYE OR LAND IN HIS HUMUS. WATER WAS SCARCE AND ONE HAD TO WALK , SOMETIMES LONG DISTANCES, TO THE WELL TO GET IT, IF IT WAS AVAILABLE AT ALL. UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES IT WAS A CHOICE OF WATER FOR DRINKING OR WATER FOR WASHING EJACULATE OFF OF ONE’S HANDS. THIS IS WHY THE EARLY SAGES WERE SO VOCIFEROUS IN THEIR CONDEMNATION OF MASTURBATION. WE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A HORNY BUNCH AND, IF THERE WEREN’T THESE SEVERE STRICTURES AGAINST MASTURBATION AT THAT TIME, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ERRANT CUMSTAINS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THE SMELL OF FRESHLY RELEASED JISSUM WOULD HAVE WAFTED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN WITHIN THE HALLOWED HALLWAYS OF THE SACRED TEMPLE ITSELF. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. IF PARENTS TODAY STRESS THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION TO THEIR CHILDREN, THEY WILL HELP LESSEN THE OCCURRENCE OF STDs, AND UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES. SCHOLARSHIP LEVELS WOULD INCREASE DRAMATICALLY WITH THE RELEASE OF PENT UP ADOLESCENT EJACULATORY TENSION.. IF NECESSARY, PARENTS SHOULD SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN AS TO THE PROPER METHODOLOGY FOR THIS ACTIVITY AND FOLLOW UP AND MAKE SURE THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE MASTURBATING REGULARLY AT AN OPTIMUM FREQUENCY. KEEPING A MASTURBATION DIARY COULD BE A VERY USEFUL TOOL IN MAINTAINING THE PROPER SCHEDULE. EVERY PARENT SHOULD ASK HIS CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS, “DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND MASTURBATE TODAY?” OH, OF COURSE, THE CHABADNIKS AND THE FRUMNIKS WILL YELL OUT, “BUT RAMBAM SAID THIS, AND RASHI SAID THAT AND RABBI AKIVA SAID THIS, AND THAT, ABOUT THE EVILS OF MASTURBATION.” PROBABLY ALL THREE OF THEM WERE MASTURBATING WHILE THEY WERE WRITING THESE STRICTURES, ANOTHER CASE OF “DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO”. WE MUST NOT CONTINUE TO LET OTHERS DO OUR THINKING FOR US UNDER THE GUISE OF RELIGIOUS EXPERTISE. SHALOM AND ZEI GEZUNT!

They ought to be tossed in some prison, and fed bacon, pork, and ham exclusively. It would be fitting. (remember Kosher laws)

And I’ve told my wife I will never go visit Israel ( we are both Jewish, though I may well join the UU church tthis year since our Reform congregation will not ACTIVELY support gay marriage, even though the Rabbi says he will do the religious ceremony if asked. I simply said to my wife that I’d rather give the money to gay groups rather then spend it to go to israel, where the Haridim (ultra orthodox cro-magnons) seem to have forgotten whose ashes shared the smokestacks of hitler’s ovens.

Religious conservatism, be it Islamic, Christian, Jewish, or other, is the real enemy in the war we need to wage on terror and ignorance in the name of God.

I both agree and disagree with you.

I don’t consider Jerusalem Pride to be a minor thing at all; if anything, it’s proof that yes, LGBT people do exist, even in Jerusalem. (And, to a lesser extent, LGBT Jews do exist too.)

It reminds certain people (conservative people of given religions) that we exist and that we’re equal to them and deserve the same respect as they expect for themselves.)

The fact that the organizers of Jerusalem Pride have been able to keep festivities guarded and lower-key (no floats; and the most naked person is wearing jeans and a t-shirt) than elsewhere in the world also says another thing–We can be respectful and are respectful of religious people; and, indeed, some of us ourselves are religious too.

I think that’s a good and very important statement that we just can’t make many other places in the world legally.

That said, I have no clue why it’s included this article. Apparently some of the writers for 365gay think that if they’re going to do some kind of article about Israel they should take random events in Israel’s LGBT history to include as ‘background information’, whether or not they are actually related to the topic of the article.

As for the marriage issue, Israel’s situation is unique, and can hardly be compared to the States. As I said, there’s no civil marriage at all, only religious marriage. That means that lots of straight couples cannot marry in Israel either, if they fail all sorts of ridiculous religious tests, but that’s a general problem in Israeli society (and politics), not so much a “gay problem”. Those two issues are interrelated, and will have to be solved eventually together. In the meantime, same-sex couples enjoy pretty much all the benefits of married couples, including immigration rights. There’s still a long way to go before full equality, but dwelling on the incidents at the J-lem gay pride gives a very lopsided picture of the situation in Israel. It seems a bit like 365gay.com just C&P-ed whatever old articles about Israel they could find.

If you have a minute, read this, in Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Israel

The ONLY thing that Orthodox Jews, Christians, and Muslims in Jerusalem could agree on after 2000+ years(600 years less for the Muslims) was that they hated gays, and under NO circumstances would they allow a peaceful Gay Pride celebration of ANY KIND to “besmirch” the “Holy City.”

THAT had and continues to have WORLDWIDE repercussions.

Until WE GLBTQAI people can celebrate OUR faith AND our identities FREELY and without FEAR in Jerusalem, we will never be free of the bondage and error of institutional religion, be it Orthodox Judaism, Christianity, or Islam.

“NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM!” is the cry that ends the Passover celebration. May we make it ours.