“The technical aspects of making a family is just the small part,” says Dr. Miriam Colbert Ehrenberg, executive director of the Institute for Human Identity (IHI), a New York City-based psychotherapy and training institute.

IHI, which specializes in affirmative mental health services for the LGBTQ community and other stigmatized groups, has just begun its second year of “Family Q” workshops for LGBTQ parents and prospective parents. The organization received a five-year grant from the New York State Department of Health to offer the program at no charge, including free follow-up counseling if desired. They hope attendees will come away better able to handle the emotional part of being LGBTQ parents.

Dr. Ehrenberg says many LGBTQ parents and prospective parents “don’t have enough questions” about parenting. They ask about practical issues such as how to conceive, find a surrogate, or adopt, she explains, “but they don’t stop to consider the emotional ramifications.” Similarly, many seminars elsewhere for LGBTQ parents focus on the mechanics and legal issues rather than the psychological aspects of parenthood.

Dr. Ehrenberg feels IHI is in an ideal position to address the psychological side. The organization has trained hundreds of psychotherapists about LGBTQ issues. Its founder, Dr. Charles Silverstein, helped lead the charge in 1973 to have the American Psychiatric Association remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. He established IHI as a not-for-profit therapy center soon thereafter.

“We have tried to construct workshops based on our own experiences and those of our clients who come to us for therapy,” Dr. Ehrenberg explains, “and our knowledge of general issues of child and adolescent development.”

The workshops, which will run on the third Wednesday of every month from October 2009 through May 2010, will address topics such as answering children’s queries about sperm donors or birth parents, coming out of the closet after having children, and how to talk about sex when children begin to ask the inevitable questions.

Most straight parents, Dr. Ehrenberg observes, either don’t have to deal with these questions or can refer to any number of books that explain to children where they came from.

Family Q sessions will also cover some of the negative situations LGBTQ parents may encounter, including harassment at school, rejection by neighbors or relatives, and breaking up when parents don’t have equal legal or biological claims to the children.

The presenters are all mental health professionals with extensive clinical backgrounds. They are also, importantly, all LGBTQ parents who have lived through many of the above experiences themselves.

Developmental psychologist Dr. Elizabeth O’Connor says her March workshop, “What Will the Neighbors Think?” will explore what she feels is the most common concern gay and lesbian parents have when they’re thinking about raising children: are the kids going to get harassed or ostracized because of their parents?

She says there is no guarantee this won’t happen, but adds, “There’s no guarantee they won’t get teased about wearing glasses or losing the baseball game or anything else.”

Also, she says, research has shown that even though children of LGBTQ parents may hear some unkind remarks, “generally speaking, kids [of LGBTQ parents] report they don’t get teased any more than other kids do, that it’s not this huge problem for most of our kids. That’s kind of a relief for parents to hear.”

O’Connor and her partner, Dr. Suzanne M. Johnson, another developmental psychologist and Family Q presenter, are the authors of For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy and Proud and The Gay Baby Boom: The Psychology of Gay Parenthood. O’Connor says, however, that workshop attendees will get something they cannot get from reading books. “I think it’s very helpful just to sit in a room with other people who are going through the same thing that you are,” she explains. “Even if you don’t see these people again, just knowing that they’re out there, that you’re part of a community, I think is a real benefit to parents.”

Practicing psychologist Dr. Adam Benson, who will be conducting the December workshop, “Heather Has Two Daddies” with his partner Graham Parker, wants to reach out to the community of gay fathers. He says many gay dads still struggle with gender stereotypes about what it means to be a father.

“In one of the studies that I completed,” he says, “the gay fathers that had children [through an opposite-sex marriage] would often say that they allowed their spouse to have full custody simply because they thought that the best place for a child is with their mother.”

In his workshop, he hopes to challenge the idea that an involved male parent is simply playing “Mr. Mom,” which still implies that the female parenting role is the touchstone. “Very often, if we’re not aware how the gender stereotypes play a role in what we say or how we act with our children,” he explains, “we’re less likely to be as present as we can with them.”

Michael, a dad who attended several of last year’s workshops, says he plans to return. Last year, he was just coming out to his then-wife and two children. (He asked that his last name not be used so that his teens may control when to come out about their father to friends.) He says he appreciated not only the guidance from professionals, but also the help from other participants, many of whom were already out but not yet parents.

“It’s not the parenting part for me,” he told them, “it’s the gay stuff.” He gave others advice on parenting issues, and in turn learned from them about coming out and being gay. “It was a positive experience for me as a gay man and a parent,” he reflects. “I feel like going back and reporting on how it went.”

Dr. Ehrenberg says she would like even more parents and prospective parents to have the chance to benefit from Family Q. She hopes to continue the program even beyond the five-year grant, and perhaps expand it nationwide, starting with other cities such as Boston and San Francisco.

She expects it will evolve to include additional topics as well, and asserts, “We are ready, willing, and eager to add new workshops as the ideas come out, and as we’re stimulated to do so.”

For a complete list of Family Q workshops, or to make a reservation for any workshop, visit the IHI Web site or contact them at ihi-lgbt@juno.com or 212-243-2830.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian, a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.