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Loading ...Blame game over Prop 8 divides gays
11.12.2008 9:54am EST
(San Francisco, California) California’s gay-rights movement has been beset by infighting and finger-pointing since the defeat of gay marriage at the ballot box, with some activists questioning the campaign’s mild tactics, including the decision not to show same-sex couples in ads.
The movement’s leaders “were very timid. They were too soft,” said Robin Tyler, a lesbian comic who created a series of celebrity public service announcements with the slogan “Stop the Hate, No on 8″ that were rejected because they were deemed too negative. “We were lightweights on our side.”Proposition 8, a measure to stop gay marriage in California, passed with 52 percent of the vote last week in a painful defeat for gay rights activists. The ban overrode a California Supreme Court ruling last spring that allowed 18,000 same-sex couples to tie the knot over the past four months.
Some gays are complaining that their leaders failed to organize a visible and vigorous defense of same-sex marriage. In particular, they say the movement failed to counter a series of hard-hitting ads warning that the ban on gay marriage was needed to prevent children from learning about gay relationships in school.
Leaders of the campaign in favor of gay marriage say they made a strategic decision not to highlight gay newlyweds or same-sex couples with children in their ads for fear of alienating undecided heterosexual voters.
The movement’s first commercial, aired in late September, starred a couple with an adult lesbian daughter. Later ads included a fictional woman with a lesbian niece, California’s public schools chief, and Sen. Dianne Feinstein saying, “No matter how you feel about marriage, vote against discrimination.”
Geoff Kors, executive director of the gay rights group Equality California, defended the choice of advertisements.
“Lesbian and gay people were everywhere in this campaign – as spokespeople, on YouTube, our Web site. For the television advertising, the best messengers were the messengers that were used,” he said.
But Michael Petrelis, a veteran AIDS activist in San Francisco, said the absence of gay couples in the media campaign was a fatal error.
“We were seen more as a liability,” Petrelis said. “When you have that kind of attitude, it’s no wonder there was little community buy-in.”
The criticisms extend to beyond how the campaign was run to how people are responding to the ban’s passage.
In the past few days, demonstrators have hit the streets in California, sometimes clashing with police and snarling traffic. They have rallied outside Mormon temples to protest the church’s major role in banning gay marriage.
Plans have been made for a demonstration outside a Mormon church in New York City on Wednesday, and outside city halls in every state on Saturday.
Some gay rights leaders have encouraged the heated gatherings, while others worry they could backfire and offend churchgoers and others.
Evan Wolfson, executive director of New York-based Freedom to Marry, raised no objection to the protests but said it is important that they be carried out peacefully.
“Peaceful protest is important, time-honored way of mobilizing people to action for justice,” he said. “It’s completely understandable that people would be expressing their sadness and determination.”
Gay marriage is now legal in Massachusetts and Connecticut only, with Connecticut holding its first same-sex weddings on Wednesday.
Exit polls in California showed that the gay marriage ban received a majority from black voters, which has prompted some gay leaders to complain that they were abandoned by a minority group that should understand discrimination.
Kathryn Kolbert, a black lesbian who is president of People for the American Way, a Washington-based group that monitors the religious right, was so worried about a backlash that she wrote a memo to colleagues, warning it is wrong and self-defeating to blame black voters for the outcome.
“It’s always easy to scapegoat when you are feeling bitter about a loss,” Kolbert said. “What we do in America when we are frustrated is blame the people we always blame.”
Addendum:
Oh yes, by the bye, Prop 8 HAS passed, it’s done, it’s over, it’s history and though blaming can be all fun and stuff, it’s important, nay imperative that we deal with the today, the now, the move forward.
Yes, yes, I’m aware of learning lessons, so, let’s get the analyzing done and forge ahead.
If the gay community ‘failed’ to counter a series of hard-hitting ads warning that the ban on gay marriage was needed to prevent children from learning about gay relationships in school, what exactly does this say about the people that voted for Prop 8 ?
Assuming that the 5 million people that voted to pass Prop 8 were somehow duped and/or ignorant enough to believe they were ’saving marriage’, how do these same people justify their stance when they have all but destroyed ‘marriage’ due to their own miserable failure at living up to the ’sanctimony of marriage’ themselves ?
As ludicrous and hypocritical as these people are, it’s one thing to believe they are protecting ‘religious’ marriage and/or their right to pass this ‘religious teaching’ on to their children. It is yet altogether another for them to think, let alone honestly believe, that the passage of Prop 8 was the wave of a magic wand, and … POOF… ‘the gay’s’ are gone !
One has to ask, … Did ‘the gay’s’ exist before Prop 8, with multi-faceted lives just like straight society ? Did we have relationships, jobs, homes, families, children, education, etc. ? … were we born into straight families, were we educated in public schools without regard to race, religion or sexuality ? … and what… NOW we are expected to believe that straight society that voted for Prop 8 was soooooooooo ignorant to believe that ALL of this will simply go ‘poof’ and disappear from any earthly presence, and therefore will never touch their straight childrens lives after passing Prop 8 ? Talk about illusions and dilusions !
What Prop 8 has accomplished, is exposing the follower’s of organized religion for the fool’s they are, and in doing so has clearly exposed the source that ALL the Prop 8 type legislation comes from. That would be organized religion, and the bible. With the exposure’s of the Ted Haggard’s, the Catholic Church pedophiles, and the resurrgence of yet another round of born agains that are determined to see the end of times, even if they have to push the red nuclear button themselves to create a self-fullfilled prophecy, it all just serves to hammer one more nail in the coffin of organized religion, and THAT is precisely what THEY are afraid of… losing control means they lose ALL that MONEY @ POWER !
What’s that old saw…?
Oh yes.
United we stand, divided we fall.
However, it’s easy to armchair coach.
And I can only hope that those of us most critical of how things were done, are LEAPING out of said armchairs and will be showing the rest of us how it’s done.
You know, putting your expertise where your mouths are. So c’mon, off ya go and lead us right and proper.
First, CA faced tougher odds than MA when we faced a possible vote on an anti-gay-marriage amendment. We had to convince a few hundred legislators (and fight back from an under 50% support rating), but you had to convince a whole state. We had years to lobby, and you had a little over 5 months.
Having said that….
It greatly disheartens me that really boring, average gay families with kids were not blanketing the airwaves and appearing in copious mailings. The key component to the MA strategy that worked was to show them how dull, boring, normal, and average most of our families were, so that they could (albeit, over time) let the conclusion sink in that we look, act, and live pretty much “just like them.” Parents, siblings, coworkers, and children of gay people featured a role, but it was adjunct to showing them our entire families and telling the family stories, including mundane details like child care, transfer of property, hospital visitation, and more. I can’t recall how many “take your spouse and kids to the state house” days our effort sponsored.
It also disheartens me that Obama made a statement against Prop 8…why didn’t that go out on a mailing *immediately*? (I know it was in the last week of the campaign, and timing was close.) I know it’s possible that the Obama campaign may not have given the permission; but, even if that’s the case, I’d want to know that.
Disheartening…
First, the main purpose for gay people is civil equal rights, the majority of gay people don’t have children nor are they married, it’s the choice that’s been denied.
What should have been shown is the Rev. Phelps, Rev. Falwell, and all others of that ilk, showing how they spew their hatred and bigotry.
I would have shown the holocaust, many gay people died there.
Then state that about only forty years ago, gay people could and were institutionalized just for that fact.
I would have flooded the airwaves with pictures of Mathew Sheppard, beaten and bloody, and as many others that were victims of violent crimes, with all these so called people of God spewing their hatred in the background, making sure of the of the connection.
And after showing all this gore, I would say this could be your son, daughter, mother, father, brother,sister, friend, or anyone else you love.
I would state that love doesn’t come in a color or a form, religion or nationality, and above all love has the right of equality.
First of all I would question the intelligence of putting a Republican in charge of the No on 8 campaign. This is kinda like giving David Duke money to fight racism. The people who donated should ask for an accounting of how their money was spent as it seems it was a very lackluster campaign.
“It’s always easy to scapegoat when you are feeling bitter about a loss,” Kolbert said. “What we do in America when we are frustrated is blame the people we always blame.”
In this instance, the blame is most appropriate. Those in the black community who voted against us should be held accountable and this attempt by some black leaders to excuse or justify their bigotry shows they don’t have a clue. Some seem to feel that any criticism of the black community is simply racism and they never bother to look further than that. Where are the black leaders speaking out AGAINST the racism and homophobia in their own community?
I agree our SCC Community leaders seem quite passive in demanding equality. We see what decades of being passive has gotten us…practiaclly nothing. For those still in their teens and early 20s, maybe waiting for our rights is fine, but those of us who are older we have to ask, “Is it ok to wait until we are dead to finally receive equal recognition?” Its time to stop bringing pretty speeches to a gunfight! Grow a set and stop being a bunch of pussies or go back to your knitting and stop your whining.
Let’s not forget the Catholic Church in all of this. They deserve their lumps as well!
“Cardinal Roger Mahony of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles thanked his parishioners in a statement released after last Tuesday’s election. “I am grateful to the Catholic Community of Los Angeles for your commitment to the institution of marriage as fashioned by God and to work with such energy to enshrine this divine plan into our state’s Constitution,” he said.”
I think we need to look into their IRS tax status as well!
I agree with much of what soid says…take the criticisms and learn from them. Nothing personal, but treat it like a business, not family spats. I don’t personally know even one person that was directly involved in the campaign in CA, so there is no way for it to be personal. Timidity gets us nowhere, and not having gay couples in the ads was cowardly. Are we ashamed or afraid of how we look to the straights?
After all this protesting and griping is done it will be the courts that give us our rights ultimately. Popular votes are hardly ever on the right side in history. It was the courts who gave women the right to vote and interracial couples the right to marry when the voting public were firmly against both.
Gay people and their allies should definitely boycott Utah and other states that are run by bigots. More importantly, though, we have to make greater efforts to reach out to racial minorities and help them understand the difference between religious marriage and civil marriage.
I’ve been mulling over my personal responses to my current status as a non-person here in my own state of florida.
Some of the things i’m considering.
No longer honoring an institution that I am excluded from. As in…how’s your significant other instead of hows the wife. And taking the opposite tack when referring to any gay couple…His husband is fine and just got a promotion.
I mean if it’s the word that your afraid of losing then consider it lost. That should get them comfortable with the future.
Not voting for issues they scream about like school bonds,homophobic candidates,stadium for their sports. We are only 5% of the population but most measures pass with much less….including presidents. And as for Pres. Obama. Being President means of us all not just of them but of us as well. Will you cancel DOMA and ENDA’s discrimination against us. Will you end DADT. You are not the president of the United Straights…
And lastly we all know people who go to church and then bash us or at best don’t support us openly because they are comfortable in the closet. They game the system while having all the gay sex that they can get. No more Mr. Nice guy. Outing them will increase the population while exposing them to be the hypocrits that they are. Hollywood and the House and Senate,I’m talking about you.
Add in your own steps if you wish. I think you can be more creative than I am,and I’ll be amused to see what I’ve forgotten or overlooked.
If you can’t join them,,,,,annoy them.
The campaign against prop 8 was virtually non-existent.
I had to hunt and search on the internet to find ads/info against prop 8. That is not getting the message out, and that is why it failed imo. The pro Prop 8 ads were everywhere: on cable television advertisements, internet web based advertisements (embedded all over, including through Google AdSense), radio (even heard it in the gym while working out).. The only time I ever saw or heard an ad against prop 8 was once, the night before the day of the actual vote.
Soid –
Great comment! We must seriously challenge our own leadership and ask “Are we better off than we were 4 years ago? And what did you do to make it better?” Frankly the track record isn’t there. What worries me also is all the talk about black/African-American and the 45+ vote attacks. Shouldn’t we be building coalitions with these groups and having more and more gay families come out and say “I’m here!” We are a unique minority group – we ARE of differnt colors, faiths, and ages. Does it really serve us to turn our forked tongues at these groups? Do Dan Savage’s comments on Colbert about the old people dying soon and Wayne Besen’s comments alluding to African-American intelligence really the message we want out there? Time and time again we marginalize ourselves with these wrong voices yet we sit in our homes and do nothing… and have no rights to show for it after all the rhetoric is spewed. When are we going to feel the shame and say “no more” to ourselves?
it’s pretty lame of organizers to not be open to constructive criticism. it’s not about blaming. it’s about learning where you went wrong so you can do better in the future. Particularly since the outcome in California has sweeping repercussions for the entire country.
our leaders begged and begged for more money, but spending that money responsibly and effectively is something they need to be held accountable for. you can’t just say, give us millions, then screw off, we can spend it how we like. fine and dandy if they led us to victory, but they didn’t. so their judgment validly comes into question
all too often, there’s people at the top who think they know better than everyone else and won’t listen to suggestions. well, look where that got us. bottom line, our gay leaders made some BIG mistakes, and that, along with other circumstances, added up to a crushing failure that may easily take _decades_ to recover from. That sort of incompetence should not be brushed under the rug. this was no small mistake. and scrutinizing those responsible is more than justified.
The majority of your TV ads sucked. And you did virtually _no_ significant mailers. I got dozens of YES on 8 mailers with Obama;s smiling face, and not one from the NO on 8. HUGE mistake. ineptitude cost us this victory as much as the Mormons, if not more so.
Whine all you want about the criticism, but there’s no point in bringing this to the ballot again, only to beg us for millions more so you can make the same mistakes. Take the criticism with maturity and swallow the responsibility of your failure.
The entire gay movement that got blasted with this failure, do you honestly think we should just pretend this never happened, or scrutinize why it happened? Hopefully you do better next time, that is, IF we’re lucky enough to even have a next time.
*sigh*
Instead of blaming, can’t we comfort each other and work to make progress? We need to come together in times of hardship, not fracture under the pressure.
This is the subject that distresses me most. The current organizational leadership will ask for calm and try and chalk it up to the Morman Church and black/Latino voters 1-2 punch surge as what defeated us. I think differently. We did not just lose in California, we lost in 3 other states. Did we put up a fight worthy of the claim of a pyrric victory? Did we give enough in terms of volunteering? Have we even strategized to truly look at what we need to do to protect gay and lesbian families? Do we focus either too small or too grand when it comes to safeguarding G/L rights? It seems to me that our national organziations fight to get grand ideas that involve all inclusive legislation that gets us not even through the gate while families suffer on the sideline. Yet another state has banned people from adopting. In other states we have marriage, but we lose it in one because we weren’t adequately prepared to back it up as a group. In Arizona, we won 2 years ago only to lose; how did that happen? In 1978, Harvey Milk headlined a campaign to defeat proposition 6 in a time less sympathetic to GLBT causes; yet he got it passed. Why can’t we in a time when GLBT sympathy has never been hire? We need to challenge our “leadership” and ask serious questions about not only their direction but where own donations are going to move us forward. Until we seriously asnwer that and regular gay and lesbian Americans commit to true feet on the ground activism, we will not get anywhere fast. Despite the margin of loss, we still lost because the other side is even more emboldened by victory. How are we going to win AND give respect to our families? They need protection now now 2 years or 4 years from now.