I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe it’s a good idea to lie, period. Guess I’ll never be a Republican candidate for anything. Sigh…

THESE ARE ALL ACTUAL BIBLE VERSES (well, the first part anyway):

______Greet one another with a holy kiss. (1 Corinthians 16:20)

Especially Catholic Priests when greeting Altar Boys.

______Women should remain silent in the churches. (1 Corinthians 14:34)

Yeah, because men are so much more rational when it comes to expounding on superstitious nonsense.

______Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. (Leviticus 18:22)

I don’t…I lie with a man as one lies with a man. Try it sometime. Oooo, baby!! That’s delectable.

______Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material. (Leviticus 19:19)

We are all Doomed!!!!

______If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

Wow! A hefty fine and a shotgun wedding for rape. What kind psychopaths wrote this holy crap? …Oh, I’m sorry, “uneducated straight men” — of course. The reason why those same poisonous fairytales persist today across the globe. Go figure!

______Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God has God made man. (Genesis 9:6)

Watch out war-mongers — it’s not good for the “image“. Last time I looked in the mirror, God looked like he was getting fat. I need to go on a diet.

______Sell your possessions and give to the poor. (Luke 12:33)

You hear that Republicans, and especially Pat Robertson; Dr. James C. Dobson (from Focus on the Phony), and all of you other sinfully rich bitches? Cough it up, Paris and Britney! Now!!!

______Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work (Exodus 20:9-10)

So close down all of those heathen hospitals; immoral police precincts and blasphemous fire departments on Sunday immediately you “disrespecting the Sabbath Day” sinners!

_____If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head (1 Corinthians 11:6-7)

Wow! That must be confusing to Orthodox Jewish people and cowboys — but understandable for nuns.

______If a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him (1 Corinthians 11:14)

Uh…I wonder if Jesus read this one? Maybe his hair just looks longer in those pictures.

______If you are married — do not seek a divorce. (1 Corinthians 7:27)

John McCain, shame on you! Well, actually fifty percent of you other formerly married heterosexuals out there too — shame on all of you! Yes, you’re a testament to the sanctity of marriage everywhere. Carry on!

______Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. (Matthew 5:42)

Hmmmm…the US Treasury‘s bailout of Wall Street?

______Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. (Proverbs 31:6-7)

Ok, let me get this right. That’s Budweiser to nursing homes and Chardonnay for the rest of us. Works for me!

______Do not put tattoo marks on yourselves. (Leviticus 19:28)

Ouch! Again, millions are doomed! :

______A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this. (Deuteronomy 22:4-5)

Well, considering how everybody wore dresses back in the day when this was written, I am confused. Are bathrobes ok?:

______I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes (1 Timothy 2:8-9)

All of the Fundies; the hair saloons, and Tivol’s won’t like this one.

______Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh (1 Peter 2:18)

This used to be the motto for KKK. But I think most people today believe that it should only apply to the GLBT community in the modern age — seeing how America is more civilized.

______Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:24)

This one is not too popular with N.O.W. (National Organization for Women). I wonder why?

Well, there you have. The Bible is the “literal” word of God. And the above are just a few examples of those asinine tidbits. It is amazing that the misogynistic, racist, homophobic, misanthropic, chauvinistic, tribalistic, fashion police who concocted that odious Bronze Age alternative to Miss Manners still have fans. Will wonders never cease? It’s a anachronistic testimony to the persistence of ignorance. Sure there a few good pearls of wisdom (although women can’t wear them), but, in reality, the unHoly Bible is truly in dire need of a “do over“.

~ Bud Evans, 2008

*click on my name at the top for my blog.

I swear the most freaky things go on in the name of religion and it’s all being covered up. I guess that’s why most religions don’t want people asking too many question…

Knowledge is power and if the flock knew their left from their right, they’d leave.

religulous = ridiculous, play on words

There’s also a misspelled word in the Subaru ad, but it went past too quickly to catch it.

Cheers,

Bud Clark
San Diego CA USA

P.S. – the paragraph identifying Buenos Aires as a province of Brazil hasn’t been corrected either.

Bud Clark
San Diego CA USA