It broke my heart and made me the most frightened of my life. My 32+ years with my partner is the only thing I have in this world that is worth anything at all. I am over 60, and on disability as well. I cried for days, fearing that we might be separated when we become too infirmed to keep house together. I would not know how to live with him gone.

His 80 year old mother (whom I consider to be my mother now) has lived with us for 10 years now, and she begs us not to put her in a nursing home. Because of a broken leg from a fall, she was in a rehab room all of 3 days before we took her out and moved her back home. It was so bad and the food and service was just disgusting. And this was supposed to be a good place, and she has extremely good insurance. The elderly are treated so badly in these institutions.

My father just died this past February from a broken hip where he fell in the snow (in Ohio too), and he was put in a nursing home by my sister. His doctor owned the place, and it was not a great either. He eventually had to go on Medicaid, and they took all of his assets. Due to their incompetence, and some oversights, their paperwork was invalid, and he died 2 weeks after approval for Medicaid. I was fortunate to get a small token from his insurance, which is just enough to pay for my funeral, hopefully one day in the distant future.

We three are not at all well-to-do, and many are worse off that we three, but there must be a better way than what I have recently experienced. When I was young, the elderly stayed with relatives who took care of them. Most of them were not incapacitated, but just a bit weak or frail, still able to do for themselves. Nearly all died a sudden death and did not linger for months to years on end. Now we have the ability to keep the elderly in a captive, stationary or vegetative state. It only helps the doctors and medical institutions get rich, for the quality of life of these old people is a shame, at best.

We have chosen to have DNR paperwork, and keep us off the machines. I certainly do not want people like the Bush’s and his cohorts interfering in my life like they did with Terry Shiavo.

We all need decent and fair health care, but we do not need the government and insurance companies from making health care decisions for us. While I do believe in the sanctity of life, I do not think big business needs to profit from the elderly in such a nasty and greedy fashion. Le the families make the decisions, and let my partner and I make our own decisions.

There truly are perils in growing old, no matter the person or how much money they have. I sure hope discrimination is one ill they can eliminate immediately. Oh how scary the end of life has become! It is not the religious issues of going to heaven, hell or whenever. It is the living near the end of one’s life that is the worst of the issues and is complicated by all the interfering hypocryphal religious rancor.

All our finances and assets are inextricably linked, and we have as much expensive paper work to protect our selves, our home, etc. as we possibly can. But it is just scary how we do not have the protections of (same-sex) marriage and how much it costs (hundreds of dollars yearly) to do the paper work and KEEP IT CURRENT. And if I one of us should die, there are no spousal benefits to be claimed by the other. We pay taxes on my “domestic partner” insurance from his work. While it is currently worth the cost, what will happen when he retires in a few years and I loose that coverage? It has kept us from catastrophic medical problems so far.

Sometimes I feel I am ready to explode from all the crap dished out to our community, and to denigrate us when we are old and feeble is nothing but pure evil. I feel so helpless and often do not know to where to turn. It is nothing but depressing and defeating to find one’s self in such situations. And of course, the hetero world could care less.

These issues, amongst others, above all else, could be somewhat mitigated with (1) same-sex marriage nationwide, (2) more and decent health care for all, and (3) with fine support from organizations who cater to minority interests in well-run supportive assistive group homes.

Doug, you have my sympathy and support. You said it well, as well!

“The perils of aging while gay” makes it sound as if being gay is a temporary or changeable state of being. It seems to imply that, if one is aging, he or she should stop being gay while growing old, because aging while gay is dangerous. It apparently communicates the idea that one can choose not to be gay.

Some might say I’m splitting hairs here, but given the way those who want to harm us have managed to twist even the most seemingly untwistable words around to use as weapons against us, we have to be extremely careful not to give them ammo like this that can easily be used in such a manner.