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Loading ...Report from California: Dialing for gay marriage
When I went to meet Randi and Lisa on Saturday, I felt like a veteran. The West Hollywood office was smaller but still feisty, and I got to play with Callfire, the magical computer program that does your dialing for you.
Since you basically hang out and tally while he computer whips through the numbers trying to find someone who will pick up the phone for an unknown caller on, in this case, a beautiful Saturday afternoon, Callfire makes for a certain junior-high giggliness in the room. Someone would mention the amusing or worryingly unpronounceable name their dialer was working on, and then we’d get to chatting and joking and then someone would be in the middle of a fun anecdote and ohmigodsomeonepickedup “HI! Is this Ron?”It is because of Callfire that I owe an apology to the man with whom I held a full, gravely serious political discussion while trying to conceal the fact I had an entire animal cracker stuffed into my mouth. Sir, I am truly sorry. My computer had hit three answering machines in a row and I got cocky.
By the end of Saturday, I had racked up a running two-shift total of close to 300 dials for No on Prop 8. And I had changed the minds of a total of two Undecided voters. But I’d talked to a bunch of No voters and, hell, sometimes you just have to look at the glass as two voters full.
Everyone I worked with had had a couple of quietly great moments.
One woman told me about the teenager who talked about how watching Gray’s Anatomy had helped him learn that gays weren’t so scary after all. For me, it was a guy I talked to for just a few seconds. When I got to the “May I ask how you feel about same-sex marriage?” part of my script, he said:
“Well, I used to be against it, but… I dunno. Times change.”
It was such a great, simple moment of acceptance. And such a beautifully offhanded way of mentioning that he’d bothered to take another look and change a piece of his worldview. It made my whole shift.
By the end of Week One in the phone bank trenches, I had gained a healthy respect for people I mentally categorized as “Uncomfortable Nos.” These were the people I talked to – a surprising number of them – who were clearly not entirely cool with the whole idea of gay marriage and maybe not even with alternative sexual orientations in general, but were not willing to take away someone’s right to marry just because they were personally skeeved out by it.
Sure, given the choice I’d prefer a perfect world full of perfect, unlabeled acceptance, but standing up on principle for something that gives you the willies takes some serious moxie, and I’ve really learned to admire that.
NEXT PAGE: People are bad liars
A very enjoyable read. Thank you for being an awesome volunteer.
For my part, I’ve supported the local No on 8 campaign, and I and several friends have hung “Yes on 8 = Yes on Hate” banners on the rear windshields of our cars.
A genuinely fantastic article. Two points. One, thank you to ALL the volunteers who have given their time, which is often more valuable than money. And, two, scandalized by the outright lies of the opposition, I want to thank you for yor integrity, Ms Davis. ( It was particularly horrific to hear that they try to manipulate a ‘yes’ vote as a ‘no’! ) I’m proud to know their are people like you whom are unwilling to deceive anyone for political gain. That is the America I know and in which I belive!
Even if Prop. 8 passes with voter approval the courts can still weigh in after on it’s constitutionality. That was proposed to the supreme court earlier but they declined to take it up before the election which they don’t usually do.
Todd, it is also possible to nominate a person of your own choice to “solemnize” the marriage certificate. It could be anyone you want. It doesn’t have to be someone in any religion or that works for the govt.
This is the information straight from the San Diego County Assessor’s office:
The San Diego County Deputy Marriage Commissioner for a Day offers a unique opportunity to have a special friend or family member of your choice perform your ceremony. This person can be commissioned for the day of your wedding by completing a short form for a nominal fee of $50.00. Instructions for the completion of the license, sample vows and the commission will be sent upon receipt.
And here is the link to the “nomination” form:
http://arcc.co.san-diego.ca.us/docs/depform.pdf
What other argument could you possibly offer now?
how can people spend so much time to oppose gays. our lives does not take any thing off them . they should worry about other general matter of real public interest . if gays are declared by the vote unable to wed that would be the dictatorship of the majority on the minority , sad America !
Scott in SF,
Yeah you can get the license but that’s only part of the process, the marriage has to be officiated or solemnized by a person recognized by the state and right now part of the group of people the state recognizes for that are “A priest, minister, rabbi, or authorized person of any religious denomination.”.
That’s from California’s law Family Code Section 400. It also says others can too like judges or U.S. magistrates etc..
But do you see how religion is connected officially to the state in that regard? See the circumstance I posted before. See how that could create a problem? There doesn’t even HAVE to be that kind of problem. How can the state legally recognized a group for solemnizing CIVIL marriages that would willingly discriminate, for example, gay marriages?
Do you see the problem now? Yeah, you can say a judge or U.S. Magistrate or whatever could do it, but that is not the point or principle of the matter. What if there is not one available but there there are religious leaders available?
I think there really is legal precedent for churches to be fearful, but that’s only because they shouldn’t be involved AT ALL in civil marriages with the state or government. That’s the problem in the first place. The state should not be recognizing their solemnization of marriages.
From Ali’s article: “I don’t know how one can spread deliberate lies and not start to think that maybe you’re not really on the side of righteousness, but apparently you can. I really want to understand that mindset and how a person gets there.”
To get a handle on understanding that mindset, try the following online book. It’s online, and it’s a free download.
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/ – The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer, Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, University of Manitoba
The author’s research into the authoritarian mentality was used by John Dean, the former Nixon legal counsel, in his book called Conservatives Without Conscience, in which he points out that the GOP has been taken over by fundamentalists and other right-wing extremists, and that authoritarianism now dominates conservative thinking.
Todd, you’re missing the point. The Church officiating a wedding does not make it valid, the marriage license does. Since you must go get a marriage license, which churches don’t hand out, you can get married there. There would never be the situation where someone had a marriage license but could only have it officiated at a church.
Thomas,
I’m talking legally though. Why is the state recognizing ANYTHING from the church regarding marriage? It shouldn’t at all then. If it does, then that opens the door for a lawsuit. If a church is a recognized body by the state for officiating marriages.. – see the problem it presents?
You said a couple could go to a court house. What if there isn’t one within reasonable distance? What if the only state recognized officiating body near such a couple is a church and that church refuses? Should that couple have to travel farther, incur more expense, etc. because a particular body recognized by the state won’t officiate them for being a gay couple?
It doesn’t seem like a problem to me except for the connection to the state that is involved which looks like it opens the door for legal problems.
You have an incredible talent for writing, Ali! I enjoyed every word and page. It was very inspiring.
Thank you, thank you to all of the volunteers who have contributed to the NO on 8 campaign. You all totally rock! I was married in SF 4 years ago and married again the second week it was possible after the Supreme Court ruled the ban unconstitutional. Those experiences are profound realizations how much we have accepted less than equal status for a very long time. The time has come for true equality, nothing more, nothing less. Thanks again, volunteers!
No The church would not lose its tax exempt status because they are not the ones that issue the marriage license. You can go to a court house to get a license you don’t need a church to get married. Allowing gay marriage in no way forces a church to recognize it or have to sanction it. In fact if there were no churches marriage could go happily along without them.
Couldn’t it be possible for a church to lose it’s tax exempt status if the state recognizes marriages it officiates? That’s the state recognizing something a religious institution is doing – but not for everyone possibly?
That doesn’t sound legal. What if a gay couple wants to be married but the only place within reasonable distance for them to do so is a church that the state recognizes can officiate them but the church won’t do it because they don’t agree with gay marriage?
See what I mean? The state should then not recognize in any form marriages performed by a church, otherwise it’s like the church is performing a state function in a discriminatory fashion – possibly.
The state shouldn’t recognize it at all anyway otherwise it seems like a government/religion issue.
Also, are the people so upset about the gay marriage taught in school thing ok with domestic partnerships being taught in school then or civil unions?
“Mommy! Mommy! I can have a domestic partnership with a princess!”
Or are the religious conservatives too dull to catch that?
Ali,
Great artical. Makes me want to fly to Cali for the week to help you fight the yes vote. I can’t of course due to a new job but I did send you guys $50 so I see that its going to good use.
BTW what are you doing next Saturday night?
Very funny story! Thanks for sharing your experiences!