Motivation Accomplished

Rachel started us off with the oddest story of the night. Rachel reported last night that Get Motivated! Business Seminars had bagged George and Laura Bush as its newest speakers.

Wait til you see the promo. I was immediately and powerfully motivated to do anything that isn’t going to one of these seminars. Clean out the vegetable crisper, scrub the grout, drive the entire length of Route 66 with a cat in the car, anything.

I am not a mean person by nature, but watching Tamara Lowe’s smile get less sparkly as Rachel asks questions is awfully enjoyable.

You’re supposed to learn time management at these? Here’s a time management tip: Don’t go to a football stadium and sit there for several hours to learn about time management. That goes double if hugging strangers is involved.

$20, please. And just another $30 a month if you’d like to subscribe to my innovative e-mail series.

Hula Hope

Michelle Obama hula hooped it up at a healthy kids’ fair, and, like most things the First Lady does, she seemed to be really good at it.

But of course she has engagingly swiveled her way right into a trap: Hula hooping, given its name, is clearly Hawaiian, and we all know that Hawaii is actually Kenya, which in turn was secretly a part of the Soviet Union.

Somebody get Orly Taitz on the phone!

Bonus Round

Rachel reported that the government has decided to assert some ownership muscle over those companies our taxes bailed out. The treasury has ordered the top recipients of bailout money to cut the salaries of their highest-paid executives. By a lot.

The salary levels they’ll be howling about today are way, way more than I make, but I will work past that minor irritant to really enjoy the howling. (OK, maybe I am a mean person by nature. Who knew? Besides you, Mom.)

In the meantime, three Republicans on the House Financial Services Committee proposed a bill that would completely deregulate the banks, because that era worked out so well. Hell, why stop there? Let’s just deregulate everything. I heard the Triangle Shirtwaist fire was a hoot.

Representative Barney Frank (D – Massachusetts), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, battled past a sore throat to talk some sense.

Crunch Time

As Rachel noted, it is no longer playtime.

At some point during the health care reform brouhaha, someone noticed that insurance companies are exempt from antitrust laws, in case you were wondering where that cheerful “What the hell are you going to do about it?” customer service ethic comes from.

On Wednesday the House Judiciary Committee voted to end that protected status, since there was no earthly point to it unless you believe our national security somehow depends on insurance executives being able to afford zoot suits made out of spun gold and moonbeams.

Ms. Information

As Rachel reported earlier in the week, during the course of defending Senator Jim DeMint (R – South Carolina), South Carolina Republican county chairmen Edwin Merwin and James Ulmer wrote an op ed that made reference to a stereotype about Jews and then issued lame apologies.

Now Lake Havasu, Arizona City Councilman Lee Barnes, has issued a similar “compliment,” calling himself “just a little Jewish” about spending money.

After the ensuing uproar, Barnes clarified that he was just saying that “Jewish people are pretty good with their money,” and then he was wrestled to the ground and chloroformed by his aides, who apparently whacked him with rolled-up newspapers until he figured it out and issued a real apology, of which Rachel approved.

Lawmakers, if you know what is good for you, you will go ahead and give your aides a steady newspaper supply right now.

Rachel next reported that one can now buy an official FBI cologne called Integrity and Rachel and TRMS staff, I love you, but I am officially skeptical of this story.

Rachel’s source for this one was a website called Tickle the Wire. In fact, when I started looking for a link to the cologne, I noticed that everyone’s source for this one was Tickle the Wire.

Even The Washington Post linked back to Tickle the Wire, and nobody seemed to link back to the “website” where the cologne was supposed to be on sale. I couldn’t find it on the FBI website, and the FBI Recreation Association doesn’t seem to have a main site at all, let alone an online store.

FBIRA does sell official FBI merchandise at FBI Headquarters and at field offices, but I couldn’t fine a single reference to Integrity that didn’t link back to that sole, non-FBI source.

Either the FBI cologne is deep undercover or there’s still a little hoaxing in the air.

Now I’m interested and, no, I can’t just let it go. If someone has actually seen or purchased this cologne, could you drop me a line? @Ali_Davis on Twitter.

Indefensible

Remember how 30 Republican Senators voted against the Franken amendment? The one about how we shouldn’t do business with companies that stop employees who have been raped from taking legal recourse?

I think we should all remember which ones did that. Thanks to Rachel and staff for calling every last one of them to try to get one the show and for running their names in the Crawl of Shame again.

Rachel welcomed former KBR employee Jamie Leigh Jones to talk about this appalling story.