Brain Freeze
Republicans want to perk up our sluggish economy with a spending freeze.

Considerably less delightful was her latest Big Terrifying Graphic on unemployment. Hey, Rachel! Speaking of the Depression, remember that “nothing to fear but fear itself” thing?

Air America’s wonderful Ana Marie Cox dropped in to talk about the newly-minted fiscal conservatives’ refusal to look at what did and didn’t work with the last time this happened and wonder if it’s real conviction or if they’ve just chosen the worst possible moment to paint themselves into that particular rhetorical corner.

Rachel and Ms. Cox didn’t solve the economy or come up with a new workable platform for the opposing party, but they really seemed to have fun talking. More visits from Ms. Cox, please!

Scrub. Rinse. Repeat.
Science continues to creep back out of Bunsen burner speakeasies and into the light of day. President Obama is lifting the Bush-era restrictions on stem-cell research. Hope the 8-year slowdown on Alzheimer’s research didn’t inconvenience anybody.

Steele Waters Run Deep
No, her first name ain’t Baby, it’s Rachel. No word on whether or not that’s Miss Maddow if you’re nasty. Rachel reported on Chairman of the RNC and daily dose of surreal comedy magic Michael Steele.

In addition to his overuse of the word “baby,” Mr. Steele seems to have paid a mineral trading firm for “political consulting.”

If you’re thinking that a boring old financial scandal doesn’t sound like it has that special Michael Steele flair, you may just be right. Jayne Miller of WBAL-TV in Baltimore has been following the money trail, and believes that during the 2006 election, the cash may have been used in a way that is just as outrageous as you might expect, but way less funny.

I would like to add my own small voice to Rachel’s call for Mr. Steele to come on the show and present his side.

Please, Mr. Steele. We may not have much time left together. Give us just this one thing.

Ms. Information
Kim Jong-Il is scaring the uranium out of everyone again and you know what? I’m glad.

Sure, kids today have to worry about famine, melting ice caps, the Ebola virus, and crushing overpopulation, but I had to watch “The Day After” and whatever the other six nuclear winter miniseries were that had been designed to give us ulcers by the time we were 14.

It’s shared experiences like this that bring the generations together. In lead bunkers to fight over iodine supplies.

Talk Me Down
Greg Mitchell joined Rachel to talk about the nasty wet cough the print media seems to have had lately. While he pointed out some bright spots in the new media, I don’t think Rachel is quite sold on the rigorous investigative journalism standards of BeastMaster694U.

One More Thing:
The Senate Intelligence Committee will be investigating the CIA’s interrogation program. Among other things, they’ll be determining whether investigators got any useful information from their “enhanced interrogating”.

Based on similar interrogation programs from the past, I’m guessing that the CIA got a lot of good tips on who attended which Sabbat meetings, and whether they flew on broomsticks or simply rode on the backs of demons.

GOP in Exile
Speaking of which, it seems the new vision for the Republican party still seems to rely rather heavily on eye of Newt.

Rachel Re:
Did you go out for brunch this weekend? If not, STOP READING AND GO DO IT RIGHT NOW. After this segment, you are done with brunch.

In case you’re still wavering, I’ll mention that Rachel’s lead-in involves Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle”.

Now that you’re full of what I hope were very carefully prepared eggs and pancakes, you can watch this segment, during which Rachel will get you behind the concept of tough government regulations in a way you’ve never been before. Sure, global economic meltdown can get you thinking about regulation, but it’s the phrase “rat sausages” that really drives the point home.

Anyway, for some reason Rachel seems to think that letting food companies pay private auditors to say that their food is safe is maybe not the best idea in the world.

Well, sure, if you’re picky. I prefer to think of sweeping up and reusing salmonella-laden peanuts as “enhanced flavoring techniques.”

Besides, if we really want to build up immunity against the new drug-resistant superbugs that are developing from corporate agriculture’s overuse of antibiotics, we’re just going to have to start contracting them and fighting it out. Mettle up, America!