At Last!
Karl Rove and Harriet Myers are at last going to testify on the wee matter of trying to turn the Department of Justice into the Department of Jailing Opposing Politicians.

On the upside, this most likely means more TRMS Melodramatic Reenactments of trial transcripts, but on the downside, why in great jumping tarnation is anyone pretending that Rove’s “executive privilege” claims are anything but huge, steaming mounds of bullpuckey?

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff stopped by to explain that maybe these depositions will at least allow us to determine whether Rove was the squat, glistening ball of evil we always thought he was, or whether he was more of a cancerous evil with far-reaching prehensile tendrils.

Scrub. Rinse. Repeat.
We have a new nominee for the head of FEMA!

I’m very disappointed. Candidate Craig Fugate is scandalously low on horse-judging experience. He does, however, have years of emergency management experience in Florida, the Hurricane Magnet State.

I’m sure Fugate will get to the bottom of that silly, wasteful volcano monitoring nonsense.

Truth Commission
Senator Patrick Leahy returned to the show to talk about the possibility of a Truth Commission, which seems to be gathering momentum now that the White House has released those memos on how it was OK for the President to knock down small children and take their fluffernutters as long as he sincerely thought they looked sort of terroristy.

Former Bush 41 White House counsel and current moray eel David Rivkin testified that it was wrong to want to sully people’s reputations just because they committed a few war crimes, used the Bill of Rights to pick up after Barney the dog, and dug up Thomas Jefferson’s corpse to make it watch.

Others made what I hope to God is the disastrous tactical error of suggesting that if you’re going to have a mean old Truth Commission, you might as well have criminal prosecutions.

If nobody calls that terrible bluff, I am moving back to D.C. to start up some Senatorial poker tournaments pronto.

Ms. Information
Representative King wants us to declare victory in Iraq. Because we never want to forget the heady rush of pride and achievement we feel whenever we think about all we’ve done over there.

Rachel also reported on the silly fact that when Alcoa tried to build a smelting plant in Iceland, they had to have an official certify that the plant was elf-free. Ha, ha!

Ms. Maddow, I take issue with this report.

First, it is true that polls show that anywhere from 10% to 54% of adult Icelanders report a belief in fairies/elves/hidden folk… But is that really so much sillier than the 68% of Americans who believe in angels? And would you care to take bets on which country has a higher percentage of firm believers in the theory of evolution?

Second, these aren’t Keebler elves that we’re talking about.

My understanding is that the concept of “elves” in this case is more along the lines of unusually solid nature spirits – essentially the certification is a check that the proposed building isn’t screwing too badly with the local environs, though admittedly with an intangible (and potentially vengeful) aspect that seems a little odd to outsiders.

Ms. Maddow, your cultural and folkloric insensitivity in this matter is unexpected and shocking. When your apartment pixies hide your keys in retaliation – AND I HOPE THEY DO – don’t come crying to me.

Lost
First, a tip of the hat to whoever it was in the graphics department that put the religious Baldwin Brother in the illustration of current Republican leaders.

Michael Steele, other than offering “slum love” to Bobby Jindal and other manna-from-heaven quotes for the satiric press, doesn’t seem to have done much in his first month.

Legions of Anonymous Republican Sources are tripping all over themselves to tear him apart in the news, just like they did when they realized Sarah Palin was embarrassing.

Children of Republicans, do NOT blow your lines at that Easter Pageant.

Whither the GOP
Governor Tim Pawlenty returned to the show to talk about professional botulism strain Rush Limbaugh.

Pawlenty said that Republicans are not embarrassed by Rush but too cowardly to do anything about it, and that such a suggestion was completely ridiculous.

Then Pawlenty spent the next 45 seconds tongue-bathing Limbaugh’s skills as a broadcaster.

Much as I am sick to death of seeing or hearing about this liver fluke of the airwaves, the segment was worth it just for Rachel’s rising incredulity that there doesn’t seem to be one elected Republican official who does not quiver in terror at the feet of the political and philosophical giant who once made jokes about 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton’s looks.

Pawlenty, who is maybe not your best pick if you need someone to stand off tanks in Tiananmen Square, also tried some open flattery on Rachel, saying that she had the same influence on Democrats.

Rachel replied, “Nobody apologizes to me, though, Governor, with all due respect.”

If the arc of the universe bends towards justice, there is no reason Rush Limbaugh should be getting apologetic retractions and not Rachel Maddow.

Ms. Maddow, I am truly sorry for hoping that your apartment pixies would hide your keys. It was wrong of me. I hope they return them soon, and without too much glowing and jingling.

Until tomorrow, be brave and take good care of your elves.