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Loading ...Gay bar says ‘I don’t’ to bachelorettes
06.16.2009 5:20pm EDT
(Chicago) Bar owner Geno Zaharakis sat one busy evening at the window of his gay nightclub, watching as groups of straight women celebrating bachelorette parties made their way along a strip of bars in Chicago’s gay-friendly “Boystown” neighborhood.
That’s when he made a decision now posted for all to see: “No Bachelorette Parties.”Though the small sign has been there for years, it’s suddenly making a big statement amid the national debate over gay marriage. While most gay bars continue to welcome the raucous brides to be, Zaharakis’s bar Cocktail is fighting for what he sees as a fundamental right, and his patrons — along with some peeved bachelorettes — are taking notice.
“I’m totally losing money because of it, but I don’t want the money,” Zaharakis said. “I would rather not have the money than host an event I didn’t believe in.”
Gay bars are popular with bachelorettes, both for the over-the-top drag shows that some offer and for the ability to let loose in a place where women are unlikely to be groped or ogled. Some bars welcome the women and their free spending, even advertising weekend shows.
Zaharakis, though, instructs his bouncers to turn away groups of women sporting beads, boas, tiaras and phallic plastic necklaces. His customers say they like knowing they’re not going to encounter such displays.
“It is throwing it in our face that they can get married and we can’t,” said Dion Contreras, a 29-year-old Chicago litigation manager, while having a drink at Cocktail with friends. “I just think they’re ignorant to our situation. I want women to think twice about this issue.”
When Zaharakis posted the sign in 2004, it got a little local attention, but it was mostly the surprised bachelorettes turned away at the door who took note. The November passage of California’s gay marriage ban Proposition 8, though, helped sparked chatter about the ban on Internet blogs, which in turn attracted more media attention and debate.
The California Supreme Court upheld the state ban last month. Six states have legalized gay marriage.
Some of the biggest proponents of gay marriage aren’t on board with Zaharakis’ approach.
Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, said while he agrees with Zaharakis’ stand on marriage equality, he would express it differently.
“I’d rather invite people in,” Wolfson said. “Celebrate their happiness and ask them to take a stand for us by helping change the law.”
And Ed Yohnka of the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois — well-known for fighting for the legalization of gay marriage — says the ban may violate state anti-discrimination laws.
“The way is not to bar or discriminate against or harass other people,” Yohnka said.
In Washington D.C., when bachelorette partygoers enter the gay bar Town Danceboutique they’re asked to sign a petition in support of gay marriage. Owner Ed Bailey sends the petitions to the customer’s representative in Congress. Bailey says in the year he’s had his petition policy, no one has refused to sign.
“That’s the way to handle it instead of alienating all these people,” Bailey said. “You have to get the consensus built out there. Why not try to convince people, ‘Hey, why wouldn’t you support this?”‘
Down the street from Chicago’s Cocktail, another gay nightclub, Circuit, welcomes bachelorettes. Owner Jeff Binninger doesn’t think the women’s antics are meant to hurt anyone.
“The girls want to come and see the dancers,” Binninger said. “I don’t think it’s on their mind at all, ‘We can get married and, oh, you can’t.’ I don’t think the girls are malicious in their intent.”
Where Zaharakis took offense, Binninger saw a market niche and started producing the male revue “Sinzation” on Saturday nights, advertised specifically to bachelorette parties.
One recent Saturday night, 25-year-old Tiffany Casto of Canton, Mich., and eight girlfriends waited for the male dancers to start the show. Casto wore a hot pink feather boa, while her friends had matching white sunglasses, reflecting the dozen disco balls spinning from the ceiling as Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” played.
“I wouldn’t think I’m flaunting it at all,” Casto said.
But Zaharakis is standing firm. At Cocktail, where about once a month staff turn away bachelorettes, the sign will stay. And for those who ask about it, he’s ready with a written statement: “Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it’s fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail.”
“I’m not going to tell anybody about how to run their business,” Zaharakis said. “This is just how I run mine. The political climate has made it more charged. We’re standing up in our factions and groups and making statements about how this should stop.”
I don’t see why Mr Zaharakis should be either applauded or condemned for his actions. He is, and should be, entitled to run his business in any way he chooses. He is not discriminating by doing this. He has not banned straight people or women from the bar. He has only banned bachelorette parties, which he has concluded are disruptive and detrimental to his business.
There are pubs in the UK that don’t allow groups of football supporters inside on match day. They refuse them entry and service because they know those groups will be noisy, will upset the regulars and are likely to cause problems. Though the motivation for this refusal is different, the principle is the same. It is not discriminatory, but rather is a policy designed to limit disruption and protect the sensibilities of the regulars.
Personally I prefer not to encounter bachelorette parties when I go out to a gay bar. I’ve been to bars that have hosted them and found the women rowdy and offensive. While they may go there because they know they’re safe from being ogled and groped, I can assure you it doesn’t stop them from ogling and groping men who would much prefer not to be manhandled by noisy drunken women.
I’ve been to gay bars and encountered straight women, even straight men, there, and for the most part they’ve been absolutely fine, but a bachelorette party is another matter entirely and personally I would leave any bar that hosted one. It’s nothing to do with gay marriage – I simply don’t like the atmosphere that develops when there are groups of rowdy squealing women in the bar.
The Menstruator Babbled:
“Why do we let these disgusting breeders into our establishments in the first place?”
You make me sick.
There are enough straight people out there who think it’s perfectly fine to discriminate against us because of our sexuality without members of the LGBT community getting in on the act. I say to you what I say to them – take your discrimination and shove it up your tightly wound backside you ignorant bigot.
Anything behavior highly disruptive and problematic is grounds for refusal. If bachelorette parties cause straight men to come in gay bars and cause a scene, then off they go. Besides that, I support celebrations of happiness. While we know we can’t get married 44 out 50 states, at least we can be supportive of other people’s marriages. Now if that bride-to-be donated money to Prop 8, then that’s a different story.
Dave W,
What Menstruator says in this case is true about the bachelorettes and their obnoxious drunken and disturbing invasion of gay space and gay bars when all of us gay folk really want is to have a drink with their friends and have a good time. However, she just like some other gay and lesbian folk just can’t pry herself loose from gratuitously insulting and ridiculing straight people with “breeder”. How does she think she got here on day one of her life, by some fairy magically waving a wand and throwing “fairy dust” and voila! she’s arrived on Planet Earth?
While the bachorette parties are a slap in the face to those of us who can’t marry in the state where we reside, Menstruator’s term of “disgusting breeder” is a slap in the face to those straights who want very much to see us able to marry those we love in all 50 states and who ally themselves wholeheartedly on our side. Brad Pitt for all of his “problems” took time out of his personal turmoil to give us $100,000 “out of his wallet” so to speak to fight Prop H8 saying “all deserve a chance to be happy”. You’re going to insult him too, Menstruator?
To this very day I honor the memory of my deceased parents who gave birth to me and who loved me. “Breeders” indeed, HAAAH! I intend to put flowers where they are buried. Being gay doesn’t automatically confer on me the right to be an ungrateful jerk to those performed “breeding” to give life to me.
How do you suppose the plants, the whales, the cows, the birds and the bees got here along with the occasional sweet, cute young guy or girl whose beauty brings sunshine on a cloudy day? Did they get here out of thin air by some magical fairy waving a wand?
Shame on him and the rest of you applauding discrimination because you’re upset about your own, it’s misogyny even if you like men.
Until we all can marry they should not be able to party at ANY GLBT bar ANYWHERE in the US. It’s only fair that they get a dose of their own medicine right back at them. Maybe then they will see what discrimination is like.
If we went into a straight bar and started making out we would be assaulted!
Larry, you should complain about your boss to HR or work for a company with a better policy. Thousands have policies that would repremand your boss for treating you like that.
Lucas…you would welcome people in that are going to hurt us?
Why would we allow straight men to harrass us in our bars? (why would straight men go if they aren’t going to be nice to us anyway????)
this shows why what menstruator says is true..we are props, they come to gawk.
Gawk nicely, come with friends, fine….but crazed/drunk/stupid nearly teenage girls making a scene…we should be able to avoid them at a bar!
Good for him! I agree, the women aren’t homophobic, but they’re just looking for safe beefcake to ogle. They’re probably oblivious to the slap in the face it is to the bar’s patrons. It’s a great wake-up call for an otherwise clueless part of the country. And as long as he’s not refusing to serve women in general, he should be on the right side of the law.
Menstruator, You’ve got 6 states to marry your sweetie in. How come you haven’t gone to one those, like Massachusetts, the only marriage equality state to stand the test of time and still marrying women to women 6 years later in 2009?
Why do we let these disgusting breeders into our establishments in the first place?
Why cater to these people who wouldn’t ordinarily go to a gay bar… we are not freakshows for some straight person’s party needs.
Are we? Is that really what it comes down to?
Meanwhile… Hitched or Ditched on NBC?
But I can’t marry my girlfriend.
I’m so sick and fucking tired of gay people being props to straight people… We’re just accessories… they come into our spaces because we have a use to them. Never mind that gay bars are there so gay people can socialize… we made a place they can use and we better get out of the way.
I don’t think its rude. It just raises attention. They can’t come in and drink at ONE bar. We can’t get married in FORTY-FOUR states… I think the ladies can handle it.
Let’s all applaud Mr. Zaharakis for putting principle over profit! He is an example for all of the rest of us. Money is the only thing which people listen to these days. Therefore, we as a financially strong community should make our voice heard. We should withhold contributions to the Democratic Party, and not spend our money at companies like Chick-fil-A which discriminate against gays in their employment practices.
Mr. Zaharakis is doing the right thing. We can’t count on Obama for the change we need–we’ve got to make it happen ourselves!!
I really hate the show “Whose Wedding is it Anyway” on the Style network. They always have gay wedding planners who make the hetro couple’s wedding day dream come true. Just another way to take advantage of us as a community. It’s like saying. “Sure, you can come over to the party at my house. Just remember to wear your maid’s uniform and not make eye contact with any of my guests”!
If a church has the right to say, “NO!, your marriage is not fit to be sanctified in our congregation…” then a gay bar certainly has the right to say that giggling gaggles of bridesmaid’s parties are not welcome to celebrate in their establishment.
There are plenty… PLENTY of straight bars and clubs clamoring to cater to them, so it’s not at all unreasonable for us LGBT folks to ask them to “keep in their place.”
We don’t have so many refuges of escape from the oppressive heterosexual majority, after all. Is it too damn much to ask that we can enjoy a drink and a dance in peace, without the “arriage elite” parading their preferential social and political status to and fro in our private rooms?
We have had to go out into the streets to proclaim our equality… if the streets aren’t good enough for the bachelorettes, then they can shut up and go home.
OK, so I have three Sisters (Real Sisters). They love coming to the bars with me. I know which bars are more welcoming to take them too, and which to avoid. We’ve been standing together having a good time when some tired queen tells them they aren’t welcome. That’s happened on more than one occassion. So that leaves me butching it up and hanging out with them at a straight bar. And if a straight bar kicked me out for being gay everyone would go balistic on this website. Are we saying all our straight family and friends are no longer welcome in our bars either? What about our hags? Aren’t we suppose to be better than that?
Yes. Nothing says “include me” by excluding others. That’s a straight-up double standard, and it won’t help us a bit. It can only hurt us.