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Loading ...Gay bar says ‘I don’t’ to bachelorettes
06.16.2009 5:20pm EDT
(Chicago) Bar owner Geno Zaharakis sat one busy evening at the window of his gay nightclub, watching as groups of straight women celebrating bachelorette parties made their way along a strip of bars in Chicago’s gay-friendly “Boystown” neighborhood.
That’s when he made a decision now posted for all to see: “No Bachelorette Parties.”Though the small sign has been there for years, it’s suddenly making a big statement amid the national debate over gay marriage. While most gay bars continue to welcome the raucous brides to be, Zaharakis’s bar Cocktail is fighting for what he sees as a fundamental right, and his patrons — along with some peeved bachelorettes — are taking notice.
“I’m totally losing money because of it, but I don’t want the money,” Zaharakis said. “I would rather not have the money than host an event I didn’t believe in.”
Gay bars are popular with bachelorettes, both for the over-the-top drag shows that some offer and for the ability to let loose in a place where women are unlikely to be groped or ogled. Some bars welcome the women and their free spending, even advertising weekend shows.
Zaharakis, though, instructs his bouncers to turn away groups of women sporting beads, boas, tiaras and phallic plastic necklaces. His customers say they like knowing they’re not going to encounter such displays.
“It is throwing it in our face that they can get married and we can’t,” said Dion Contreras, a 29-year-old Chicago litigation manager, while having a drink at Cocktail with friends. “I just think they’re ignorant to our situation. I want women to think twice about this issue.”
When Zaharakis posted the sign in 2004, it got a little local attention, but it was mostly the surprised bachelorettes turned away at the door who took note. The November passage of California’s gay marriage ban Proposition 8, though, helped sparked chatter about the ban on Internet blogs, which in turn attracted more media attention and debate.
The California Supreme Court upheld the state ban last month. Six states have legalized gay marriage.
Some of the biggest proponents of gay marriage aren’t on board with Zaharakis’ approach.
Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry, said while he agrees with Zaharakis’ stand on marriage equality, he would express it differently.
“I’d rather invite people in,” Wolfson said. “Celebrate their happiness and ask them to take a stand for us by helping change the law.”
And Ed Yohnka of the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois — well-known for fighting for the legalization of gay marriage — says the ban may violate state anti-discrimination laws.
“The way is not to bar or discriminate against or harass other people,” Yohnka said.
In Washington D.C., when bachelorette partygoers enter the gay bar Town Danceboutique they’re asked to sign a petition in support of gay marriage. Owner Ed Bailey sends the petitions to the customer’s representative in Congress. Bailey says in the year he’s had his petition policy, no one has refused to sign.
“That’s the way to handle it instead of alienating all these people,” Bailey said. “You have to get the consensus built out there. Why not try to convince people, ‘Hey, why wouldn’t you support this?”‘
Down the street from Chicago’s Cocktail, another gay nightclub, Circuit, welcomes bachelorettes. Owner Jeff Binninger doesn’t think the women’s antics are meant to hurt anyone.
“The girls want to come and see the dancers,” Binninger said. “I don’t think it’s on their mind at all, ‘We can get married and, oh, you can’t.’ I don’t think the girls are malicious in their intent.”
Where Zaharakis took offense, Binninger saw a market niche and started producing the male revue “Sinzation” on Saturday nights, advertised specifically to bachelorette parties.
One recent Saturday night, 25-year-old Tiffany Casto of Canton, Mich., and eight girlfriends waited for the male dancers to start the show. Casto wore a hot pink feather boa, while her friends had matching white sunglasses, reflecting the dozen disco balls spinning from the ceiling as Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” played.
“I wouldn’t think I’m flaunting it at all,” Casto said.
But Zaharakis is standing firm. At Cocktail, where about once a month staff turn away bachelorettes, the sign will stay. And for those who ask about it, he’s ready with a written statement: “Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it’s fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail.”
“I’m not going to tell anybody about how to run their business,” Zaharakis said. “This is just how I run mine. The political climate has made it more charged. We’re standing up in our factions and groups and making statements about how this should stop.”
When I’m out at gay bars, I like to see guys. All other things being equal, I would definitely prefer a place where I know there would be fewer or no groups of females, especially the ones that tend to be a bit more effusive.
I would have to say that I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with bachelorette parties in gay bars. In a favorite haunt in Madison, WI, they first marched into the back bar that sports a large sign warning that adult material was shown and not to enter if offended by such. They entered and about fifteen women started screaming that the videos had to be shut down immediately. Thankfully it was the manager, not a bartender, behind the bar. He told them if they were offended to leave. The same group then took to the dance floor in the front, flailing around to the point the guys left the floor rather than continually getting hit. When a couple of the lesbians politely approached members of the party to join in the dancing, one of the bachelorettes was offended and started screaming obscenities at her and stormed out–to applause from the rest of the bar. In both Madison and Minneapolis I’ve experienced straight guys coming to the gay bars in hopes of picking up bachelorettes. This has lead to gay guys mistakenly hitting on straight guys, only to be verbally or physically abused. I believe one of the landmark Minneapolis gay bars even had a knifing related to this situation. Much of my problem isn’t so much with it being a bachelorette party but just rude behavior. So many of these parties, in both gay and non-gay bars, are drunk, obnoxious, and feel the entire place is theirs alone. It’s just drunken mob mentality. I discourage friends of mine from bringing such groups to gay bars for this very reason.
Kudos to Zaharakis! I was told from a boss that I should keep my personal life personal because I am gay, then, in a meeting, she congratulated a fellow employee on her engagement. How hypocritical!
Kudos! I say give this guy a standing ovation if you are in his bar. Finally, someone with balls is taking a much needed stand.
“I don’t think the girls are malicious in their intent.” I agree with the statement, but just because they aren’t malicious doesn’t mean they get a free pass. I’m proud of this bartender and am ashamed of Freedom to Marry & the ACLU who think it is okay to second guess someone else’s convictions. I am forced to wonder why we even pretend we have leadership in our community.
I personally think it is a good thing that this club owner is turning away heterosexual bachelorette parties. If straight women want a club where they aren’t harassed by straight men, then let those straight women open their own bar/club. Gay/Lesbian bars/clubs ought to remain for the GLBT crowd. It’s bad enough that alot of GLBTs can’t be themselves in most “heterosexual” settings, why should straight people be allowed to come in and be a nuisance in glbt bars and clubs? When I go to a gay bar I want to see and interact with other GLBT folks, not heterosexuals. That said, it’s one thing if a heterosexual tags along with a gay friend to a gay bar/club; but it’s entirely another thing when a group of straight people invade a gay bar/club for their own personal entertainment and then refuse to respect the glbt patrons of that club/bar.
Any business owner or manager will tell you that they do have a right to serve whomever they please. At least there is a sign posted at the front informing them of this rule.
I think that this Bar owner is a prime example of why we are not getting as much support for Gay Marriage as we would like. I can’t see how a group of women who would willingly walk into a gay bar would be homophobic. These women are probably in support of Gay Rights, or they may not be, but how would you know if you shut them out? And if they are in support of gay rights, how much support will they have left in them if you shut them out?
In my opinion, all these boycotts, bashing on the religious right, etc.. are only hurting the gay community.
Instead, we should be welcoming them in, and showing them that we are human and normal, productive members of society. Just my two cents
Okay, Lukas, so are you willing to be knifed by some straight guy who’s in a gay bar to pick up drunk women, in order to get support for marriage equality?
Good for Zaharakis! When I worked for the popular “Girl-bar” in Los Angeles, they had a strict door policy that men had to be accompanied by women at all times unless the owner knew them.
I don’t mind mixed company at gay clubs but when they get over run by straight people who start being rude, then that’s a no-no!
And I’ve seen it happen at various places and that’s not cool.
Finally! I think this is the right idea. Rather than just passing out a petition that nobody would give a sh*t about and just sign, something like this (if properly explained) would actually make someone think about the situation. People all the time tell us that they don’t mind gays so long as we don’t flaunt it. Well gee, maybe we don’t like straight people flaunting themselves in our spaces either?
I think gay people need to have a space where they feel safe.
I feel safe at a gay-supportive Greek owned restaurant. Sure there is a bar but most people are there to eat. Kids and straight and gay families, gay couples and their friends come there. Everyone behaves decently and has a good time there. Because it’s primarily a restaurant but one with a nice bar. Again, the people have a good time where I go and no one is being hurt or bothered. And one could still befriend a nice man at the bar and do so safely.
And this is the just kind of place that a bunch of drunken bachelorettes would be bored with so, I think people are safe and can expect a good time without bothered. The management at this place would have no troubling asking hordes of drunk and out of control people to leave.
I like the idea of having the women sign petitions in support of marriage equality.
This is something that I’ve never seen in a gay bar. I can’t imagine a gay bar wanting a bachelorette party to come through.
We had similar problems of bachelorette parties (or hens night as we call them)and straight men coming into a popular gay pub in Melbourne (australia)… and making scenes, harrassing gay guys etc. The owner went and got exemptions from our Equal Opportunity Board to not permit straight people when they feel the need too… The newspapers jumped on it as you would expect though it died down within two weeks….