AfterElton.com

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey!

Q: I watch Shear Genius. I think many of the resulting hairstyles are quite attractive. So why is it that the hair of the stylists themselves, with the possible exception of Nicole and the bald guy, looks absolutely ridiculous? What gives? – Marcy, Omaha, NE

A: It’s totally bizarre, isn’t it? I mean, clearly these folks know how to make hair look good — most of them anyway. So what the hell is going on atop their heads? You don’t see the cooks on Top Chef out in the back yard eating worms or whipping up Oliver Twist-like gruel for themselves, do you?

“Beautician heal thyself.”

Clockwise from top left: Shear Genius 2’s Daniel, Dee, Matthew, Paulo

Here’s the Flying Monkey’s explanation. You know how when you go to a movie with an actor-friend, and you’re talking afterward, and all they seem to have noticed about the movie is the acting — particularly the parts where a character has a big, emotional scene, screaming or crying? (Many of the Monkey’s actor-friends don’t always understand that “less is more” — which may explain why many of the Monkey’s actor-friends are unemployed!)

Anyway, something like that is going on with the hairstylists of Shear Genius. But just because you can make your hair a tower of frosted pink spikes doesn’t mean you should. As with acting, a great hairstyle flatters the person precisely because it doesn’t call attention to itself.

Another possible explanation is that they’ve banished all mirrors from the Shear Genius dormitories.

Q: What’s up with the movie version of Memoirs of Hadrian? I read somewhere that Charlie Hunnam had been cast as Antinous, but isn’t he a little old? Oh, and will they de-gay this story too? – Ray, Venice Beach, CA

A: Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci weren’t gay — they were just artists who happened to like drawing the male form. Meanwhile, Alexander the Great and Abraham Lincoln were married — so they couldn’t possibly have been gay either, right?

But it is literally impossible to “de-gay” the story of the life of the Ancient Roman Emperor Hadrian who openly acknowledged his homosexuality at the time and who carried on a passionate, decade-long romance with the love of his life, a handsome young man named Antinous.

So how do you make an expensive period movie based on the classic 1951 French novel Memoirs of Hadrian, which makes all these things very clear? For many years, people tried in vain. But it seems that Excalibur (1981) director John Boorman might finally be succeeding. Antonio Banderas has reportedly been signed to play Hadrian and filming is slated to begin any day.

Charlie Hunnam (left) & Antonio Banderas

But will Charlie Hunnam (Nathan in the U.K. version of Queer as Folk) be playing Antinous, as the online edition of British newspaper The Observer recently reported?

“That was just a rumor,” Hunnam tells AfterElton.com. “I never read that script.”

Next Page! Project Runway gums up the gaydar! Plus, McGinley defends Wild Hogs.