When I was a child I played with toy soldiers — little plastic green men with bazookas, machine guns and rifles with bayonets.

I also played “war” with neighborhood kids using air rifles that left no wounds and slingshots that caused minor pain.

I was still quite young when I gave up those games — there was a lot of talk in my house about Vietnam, Kent State, Cambodia and no encouragement to play childhood war games or grow up to pursue a career in the Armed Forces.

The first time I heard that Bill Clinton’s big presidential campaign promise to the gay community involved a pledge to lift the ban against gays in the military I thought, this is what we want?

Then I got wise by reading about Miriam Ben-Shalom and Leonard Matlovich, an Air Force veteran I had missed on the cover of Time in 1975 proclaiming “I am a homosexual.” I met the men and women of the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Veterans of America. I studied the reports, the polls, the congressional papers on the issue. Yes, this is what we want.

That was 15 years ago, and we didn’t get what we wanted. We got a compromise of policy and legislation that mandated the firing of gay people and resulted in the discharge of 12,500 servicemembers, including 800 “mission critical” troops.

A U.S. House Armed Services Subcommittee recently held the first hearing on “don’t ask, don’t tell” since the policy was offered up 15 years ago.

In testimony before the subcommittee, Elaine Donnelly of the Center for Military Readiness complained about homosexual activists living in a “Will & Grace” world and offering misguided ideas for military order.

“We keep hearing that in the brave new ‘Will & Grace’ world, none of this matters,” Donnelly said, referring to her argument that gays in the military threaten unit cohesion and troop morale. “And yet it was only a year ago when the nation reacted with universal disapproval of Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, and 39 others who were arrested for inappropriate behavior in a public but transient place at the Minneapolis airport over a period of three months.”

I think, going back to the Craig controversy, that the nation would have reacted with disapproval if a police crackdown on public heterosexual sex — which does happen and typically is illegal — had resulted in the arrest of a U.S. senator and 39 others. I’m familiar with a few hetero-scandals of the magnitude — or bigger — than Craig-gate.

Regardless, in a way we now do have, as Donnelly said, a “Will & Grace” world — and the boys and girls who grew up in it are the soldiers of today and tomorrow.

When “don’t ask, don’t tell” was offered, today’s new military recruits were 3 years old.

Think about what they have grown up with — or what they have not grown up with — and you will know that the generation for whom “don’t ask, don’t tell” appeased is basically no longer enlisted.

Perhaps this new generation of servicemembers played with toy soldiers — little plastic green men but also women. And perhaps they too played war games in the field by their childhood homes.

But they also grew up in a place pretty different than the America of the politicians who delivered “don’t ask, don’t tell” 15 years ago.

Sure, this generation is not free of homophobia, but this is a generation that grew up with openly gay and lesbian people serving in Congress, acting in films, hosting television shows and fronting rock bands. This generation grew up in schools where students unite in gay-straight alliances and march for tolerance. This generation grew up in a country that shared a common grief over the murder of a gay college student. This generation grew up watching gays and lesbians marry on cable news, bicker on reality TV and compete in pro sports. This generation grew up with gays in the Secret Service, gays in the FBI, gays in the CIA and yes, gays in the military, such as former Marine Corps Staff Sgt. Eric Alva, the first soldier injured in the ground war in Iraq and a recipient of the Purple Heart.

Alva, testifying before the House subcommittee, told this “Will & Grace” world: “As a former Marine, I can tell you what it takes to build unit cohesion: trust.… ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ does nothing but undercut that trust and with it our nation’s security.”

And to this “Will & Grace” world Alva, explained why some gay children who play with toy soldiers grow up to be heroes: “I inherited my middle name, Fidelis, from my father and grandfather. As you know, the Marine credo, Semper Fi, is short for Semper Fidelis — ‘always faithful.’ Loyalty is literally my middle name. So I guess you could say that serving my country was my calling.”

A message for this new generation.
Neff: