Beyond that, I’m in a similar situation. My partner makes 4 times as much as I do because of his higher education and profession. I pay for food, vet bills, cook, do the yard work, wait for the repair men, etc.

He’s terrible with money. I wind up paying utility bills when they come to shut the service off. He makes one bad decision after another. He gets resentful that I don’t pay rent but that’s since his credit cards were maxed out and his FICO score went to hell. He thinks more money is the solution to his problem. His sister told him to listen to me when it comes to money but he won’t. He owns the home and refuses to put my name on it even if I want to pay for half of it. He’s decided to put his assets into a trust but I won’t be named in the trust. If anything happens to him I and the cats will be homeless.

Marriage would solve my legal problem but not the trust issues in the relationship. “Uhauled in Cleveland” is only one side of the story. Her partner may see things very differently. Does her partner provide in other ways that she doesn’t value? Are they on equal financial footing or is there a big inequality?

And “so what?” if the relationship’s inequitable. If they love each other then so be it. How many straight women have I seen living off their husbands? For them it seems that marriage equals prostitution.

Living in Massachusetts brings me and my significant other new questions we never had to deal with before. “You live in Massachusetts – when are you getting married?” Marriage is expected – if not by us then certainly by others.

Oh sure, we’ve talked about it. Pizza and sushi seem to be on the menu we have compromised on. We’ve worked out the guest list and talked about whether we’re too old to be getting gifts. It’s fun to discuss but we never thought that this privilege would be extended to homosexuals.

Just because we can doesn’t mean that we should. It’s scary. It’s a different kind of commitment – one you can’t get out of by packing a bag and exiting upstage center. Being gay may have provided us with an excuse to be promiscuous but a recent report based on data compiled from 5 years of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts are showing positively that married same-sex couples are happier, more committed and feel secure enough to comfortably come out at work and to friends.

That’s a goal I’d be interested in for my life. How about you?

“She realized that in many ways, I am a crutch to her: I keep a job, pay all our bills, and do what I need to stay afloat.”

I am very surprised that a grown woman does not contribute equally to the financial aspects of living together. For what appears to be three years, no less. How does that work?

It’s possible that she wants to tie you to her through concrete LEGAL bindings, so that even if she does stray you won’t be able to just up and leave, but would be far more compelled to stay–and continue to be her crutch, and pay her rent.

I’m not saying that she’s doing this consciously or purposefully, if at all; but perhaps subconsciously, she doesn’t want to let a good thing go (i.e. you)? Couples therapy is a great idea, but this is also something to consider.
It’s a common enough situation among straights…