Comments on: Ask the Expert: “I still crave sex – but not with my partner. Should we end it?”

By: bobweekend

bobweekend — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:07:48 +0000

I have been with my partner going on 16 years, we were totally monogamous for the first 10 years of our relationship. We have come to an understanding that we have different physical needs when it comes to sex. We still love each other very much and are open and honest about extramarital tryst. Everyone is built different. For us an open relationship works. Most of the time a discussion about a tryst gets us both excited enough to go after each other . Always use condom sense.

By: marcus99

marcus99 — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:45:40 +0000

Ha! Ballston, guess what? None of our friends know we do it cause we only do the dirty when we’re outta town!

Romance, sex, intrigue, and danger. Look out I’m getting excited just talking about it.

By: Joe Kort

Joe Kort — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:06:54 +0000

Ballston I totally agree with you! And congratulations on making your long term relationship work so well!! I know that is productive and can be hard work and you and your partner are doing it.

By: Ballston

Ballston — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:44:41 +0000

marcus99, whatever rocks your boat. BTW, to our knowledge none of the Gay couples we know and socialize with seek “outside gratification.” Now the hetro couples are a different story.

And again, if it works for you and both are in agreement, go for it!

By: marcus99

marcus99 — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:59:02 +0000

I think we all know of at least one long term very successful and secure gay relationship that occassionally brings a third into bed as a manner of turning up the sexual heat.

My long term partner and I have tried it on occassion, to very satisfactory outcomes I might add….

Anyone have any comments?

By: Ballston

Ballston — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:48:56 +0000

Joe, thanks for the clarification. Perhaps I subconsciously misread your meaning while thinking about my relationship. People should know that, as Gaylthacan confirmed, they should not confuse “limerence” with love, that long term loving devoted relationships are a reality.

By: Joe Kort

Joe Kort — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:58:57 +0000

Hi Ballston,

I just want to clarify that I meant that if you are in a long-term relationship and you are having an affair, the affair cannot compete with the relationship in that the affair (romantic love) will win.

I hope that clarifies this. Thanks for reading!

By: GayIthacan

GayIthacan — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:31:03 +0000

How odd – my partner and I remained in love both romantically and practically for the duration of our union. And while the frequency of sex declined (as it does in almost all relationships), its QUALITY improved with time – so that while it was not as frequent – it was more and ever more BINDING of us as a couple.

If the primary purpose of your relationship is sex or some silly childhood notion of an endless honeymoon, better to not formalize your union at all – until both parties become mature adults instead of adults with teenage mentalities.

By: Ballston

Ballston — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:33:40 +0000

Joe, although I agree with 99% of your answer, I disagree that “No ongoing long-term relationship can compete with romantic love.”

My 33+ year relationship has had its ups and downs but *never* lacked “romantic love” — it grew stronger as we matured, became more sensitive to and respectful of each other’s needs. All is ever took was/is a certain look or smile, a gentle touch, etc., to make hearts go pitter-patter. True, frequency of physical sex has declined over the years but it is still very much alive and more emotionally and physically satisfying than ever. The chemistry is still there, only intensified.

How can two guys be like this? I don’t know. We just are and that’s enough for both of us.