Comments on: Ask the Expert: “Am I too old to find love?”

By: John Newmark, LMHC

John Newmark, LMHC — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:20:44 +0000

Like usual, I agree 100% with you Joe. It is as if I had written this myself.

By: Alex B

Alex B — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:11:50 +0000

@Baltazar: The only time older partners become controlling in younger/older relationships is when the older partner is insecure with himself. If you find a partner who is secure with who they are you will not run into that problem.

I am 27 years old and have had two relationships with older men. I was 21 when I met my first partner and he was 41. He never had any problems with where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to, etc. In fact, he always encouraged me to go and hangout with my friends, and would always want to hear all about it when I got home.

I met my second partner a year later when me and my ex broke up, and he was 44. He is much the same way, but even more so.

As far as people making fun of you…why do you care what others think? They are only jealous because you have something that they want! It really bothers me when gay men get so hung up on what people think of them. If you are happy that is all that matters.

By: Morgan

Morgan — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:54:48 +0000

This one is for anyone to read as I have seen this haste to very strong anger and rage without time to reflect many times here on 365gay.com comments on articles. Can we just maybe slow down the caffeine-driven and impatient tendency to not take the time to really read and absorb what an author of an article is saying before rattling off unnecessary insults at him/her? On second glance, what some one is saying is sometimes not as bad as we thought it was the first time we saw it as we reflect on it and understand a word usage or turn of phrase better.
I have head one of your books, Joe Kort, and I found it helpful.

By: Mason

Mason — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:13:11 +0000

Joe, I just now read your response to my criticism. I can happily with live that. I think that ‘mentor’ is a more apt word to use. Thanks for responding. I really am not a crank…which is what I likely came off as. A problem with internet speed; you can type faster than you can carefully consider your response.

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:29:35 +0000

OK – Here’s the truth. LTRs are hard work and the body and mind change with age. Looks aren’t everything, and sex has a different feel as you get older. Being best friends first is the real key to a LTR. But an LTR isn’t for everyone. Sometimes just having good friends to age with is all one needs. When I was young I looked for maturity and chemistry. I found it and 35 years later I can honestly say it was an uphill battle at times, but I’m so glad we both hung in there. We both didn’t have front cover looks, or hung to the knees, but we both knew years ago we wanted to wake up in the morning with someone who loved you for what you are, human.

By: http://twistedpride.com

http://twistedpride.com — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:30:44 +0000

@Percolator: I am assuming you mean Spartanburg SC? I agree with you, it can be very difficult to find a community in a rural area, but they do exist. I am in California now and all my 50+ friends are still in Phoenix. Some of them are having a hard time finding people their own age, or close to it. Try not to limit yourself to Spartanburg, or even SC. Do a state or country-wide search on http://gay.matchmaker.com and see what pops up. You may just meet a few nice people that you can talk to, or at least relate to. Build a profile with a picture and a description of yourself(be honest). You may or may not find the man of your dreams on-line, who knows, but you will make some good friends. Matchmaker.com is just one example and their are several more.
If nothing else, you may find a solution while talking to similar people in your situation.
There is no substitute for good old fashioned face to face interaction. Look for gay support groups in your area. If there are none, then start one.
I am not an expert, obviously., I just beleive that there is someone for everyone…good luck

By: kujie

kujie — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:56:24 +0000

While it’s important to remember that no matter how old you are, you are never too old to find someone, it’s important to remember too though that age does count in certain situations.

The one thing that kills me is when i go out with my friends (and we are 20s and 30s people) and you get the older gentlemen that believe they are being suave or smooth hitting on someone that is clearly twice their age. Sorry guys, I will not date someone that is old enough to be my father. That would be one awkward conversation to have MY parents bringing home someone that is their peer.

By: JJ

JJ — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:20:25 +0000

I’m 48 and dating a guy who is 33. Sometimes he is the elder, sometimes it’s I. I came out only a couple years ago. He has been in several relationships since his step-dad threw him out at 17. The ebb and flow of our relationship is really funny.

Don’t prejudge someone because of age or income or other irrelevant factors. Prejudice hurts you more than the one you judge because it isolates you from people who could enrich your life in unimaginable ways.

As an aside, I once lost a bet in a game of naked billiards at a party and ended up blindfolded with two dicks in my mouth. I was trying to identify the virile young studs I was playing against to whom I thought they belonged. It turned out one belonged to a virile young stud in his late 20’s, the other to a virile young stud in his late 60’s. They were equally enjoyable.

Keep your options open. You have to grow old, but you don’t have to grow up.

By: Jestin

Jestin — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:17:01 +0000

I AM A HAIRDRESSER(SHOCK!). AND I WILL TELL YOU, THAT FOR EVERYONE, THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING IN ANY MAN, AT ANY AGE IS, SELF CONFIDENCE. I HAVE A MALE CLIENT WHO IS IN HIS LATE 60′S, AND ALL OF MY CO-WORKERS ( BOYS AND GIRLS), WOULD LOVE TO GET INTO HIS PANTS. HE HAS HUMOR, CONFIDENCE AND SMILES ALOT.
PS MY CO-WORKERS RANGE FROM 24-60 YRS OLD.

By: Percolator

Percolator — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:09:49 +0000

What an interesting question.

Here I sit in Spartanburg, 59y/o as of last week, and this question could have easily been written by me! Where is this magical site or place where I can meet all these men? Although some have chosen to live in larger cities where the large population may help, some of us remain in small town America and meeting others is so difficult. I’ve tried MMC (almost exclusively couples), local bars (not many 50+ guys there), and crusing is not the answer to anything more than sex.