Hate is everywhere, but the fundamental question of why one person can hate another has never been adequately studied, contends Jim Mohr of Gonzaga University, who is developing a new academic field of hate studies.

The goal is to explain a condition that has plagued humanity since one caveman looked askance at another.

“What makes hate tick?” Mohr, director of Gonzaga’s Institute for Action Against Hate, wondered. “How can we stop it?”

Gonzaga founded the institute a decade ago after some black law students received threatening letters. It has since started a Journal of Hate Studies, hosted a conference and offered its first class on hatred last spring.

The hope is that other universities will follow suit, said Ken Stern of the American Jewish Committee in New York, who has been involved in the effort. “We wanted to approach hate more intelligently,” he said.

Stern, who has spent 20 years battling anti-Semitism, said the need for hate studies became obvious when people started fighting groups like the Aryan Nations, which once flourished in this area. Opponents galvanized against the Aryans, but didn’t really know how best to fight them, Stern said.

“We were flying by the seat of our pants,” he said. “There was no testable theory.”

There is not even a good definition of hate, Stern contends.

Philosophers have offered numerous definitions: Rene Descartes said hate was the urge to withdraw from something that is thought bad. Aristotle saw hate as the incurable desire to annihilate an object.

In psychology, Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness.

Gonzaga, a Jesuit university best known for its basketball team, offered a class on the subject taught by five professors from different disciplines.

Student Kayla De Los Reyes was in that class, and said the information both horrified her and gave her hope.

“Hate is something that is part of the human emotional makeup,” she said. “Everyone feels it at one point or another. You have to learn to control it.”

The goal is to create an academic home where a variety of disciplines, including history, psychology, religious studies, anthropology and political science, can be brought together to focus on hate. It’s the same sort of effort that led to the creation of disciplines like black studies or women’s studies, Mohr said.

Such academic efforts are not without controversy. Some skeptics fear they are little more than attacks on the dominant power structure.

“This stuff tends to be one dimensional and presumes the guilt of an archetypal white male,” said Glenn Ricketts, spokesman for the National Association of Scholars.

Indeed, De Los Reyes said one of the more interesting topics in the class involved white privilege. The most recent Journal of Hate Studies contained articles about oppression of gays, Nazi experiments on Jews, the local battle against Aryan Nations, and Muslim support for suicide bombings.

Heather Veeder, a graduate assistant for the institute, said the organization has an important mission.

“Hate thrives in areas not illuminated by education,” she said.

But Stern said it is too easy to blame ignorance for hate. People can have plenty of knowledge about something and still hate it, he said. The problem is when one person or group can separate another person or group from their humanity, thinking of them as an “other,” Stern said.

“We dehumanize them and justify violence against them,” Stern said.

There is no simple answer to why people hate, Mohr said. Hate can be sparked by greed, or fear, or a tribe bonding together in opposition to another. People looking to belong will hate others to fit into a group, he said.

With all the political conflict in the United States, it can seem that hate is on the rise. Some people seem to hate President Obama. Some hate Muslims. Some hate homosexuals.

But Mohr said he wouldn’t pursue a field of hate studies if he didn’t think something positive could be achieved.

“We can change,” Mohr said. “There has to be hope.”

“Even though it’s difficult and society puts lots of obstacles in your way, your work really starts once you have the kids.”

IHI, which specializes in affirmative mental health services for the LGBTQ community and other stigmatized groups, has just begun its second year of “Family Q” workshops for LGBTQ parents and prospective parents. The organization received a five-year grant from the New York State Department of Health to offer the program at no charge, including free follow-up counseling if desired. They hope attendees will come away better able to handle the emotional part of being LGBTQ parents.

Dr. Ehrenberg says many LGBTQ parents and prospective parents “don’t have enough questions” about parenting. They ask about practical issues such as how to conceive, find a surrogate, or adopt, she explains, “but they don’t stop to consider the emotional ramifications.” Similarly, many seminars elsewhere for LGBTQ parents focus on the mechanics and legal issues rather than the psychological aspects of parenthood.

Dr. Ehrenberg feels IHI is in an ideal position to address the psychological side. The organization has trained hundreds of psychotherapists about LGBTQ issues. Its founder, Dr. Charles Silverstein, helped lead the charge in 1973 to have the American Psychiatric Association remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. He established IHI as a not-for-profit therapy center soon thereafter.

“We have tried to construct workshops based on our own experiences and those of our clients who come to us for therapy,” Dr. Ehrenberg explains, “and our knowledge of general issues of child and adolescent development.”

The workshops, which will run on the third Wednesday of every month from October 2009 through May 2010, will address topics such as answering children’s queries about sperm donors or birth parents, coming out of the closet after having children, and how to talk about sex when children begin to ask the inevitable questions.

Most straight parents, Dr. Ehrenberg observes, either don’t have to deal with these questions or can refer to any number of books that explain to children where they came from.

Family Q sessions will also cover some of the negative situations LGBTQ parents may encounter, including harassment at school, rejection by neighbors or relatives, and breaking up when parents don’t have equal legal or biological claims to the children.

The presenters are all mental health professionals with extensive clinical backgrounds. They are also, importantly, all LGBTQ parents who have lived through many of the above experiences themselves.

Developmental psychologist Dr. Elizabeth O’Connor says her March workshop, “What Will the Neighbors Think?” will explore what she feels is the most common concern gay and lesbian parents have when they’re thinking about raising children: are the kids going to get harassed or ostracized because of their parents?

She says there is no guarantee this won’t happen, but adds, “There’s no guarantee they won’t get teased about wearing glasses or losing the baseball game or anything else.”

Also, she says, research has shown that even though children of LGBTQ parents may hear some unkind remarks, “generally speaking, kids [of LGBTQ parents] report they don’t get teased any more than other kids do, that it’s not this huge problem for most of our kids. That’s kind of a relief for parents to hear.”

O’Connor and her partner, Dr. Suzanne M. Johnson, another developmental psychologist and Family Q presenter, are the authors of For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy and Proud and The Gay Baby Boom: The Psychology of Gay Parenthood. O’Connor says, however, that workshop attendees will get something they cannot get from reading books. “I think it’s very helpful just to sit in a room with other people who are going through the same thing that you are,” she explains. “Even if you don’t see these people again, just knowing that they’re out there, that you’re part of a community, I think is a real benefit to parents.”

Practicing psychologist Dr. Adam Benson, who will be conducting the December workshop, “Heather Has Two Daddies” with his partner Graham Parker, wants to reach out to the community of gay fathers. He says many gay dads still struggle with gender stereotypes about what it means to be a father.

“In one of the studies that I completed,” he says, “the gay fathers that had children [through an opposite-sex marriage] would often say that they allowed their spouse to have full custody simply because they thought that the best place for a child is with their mother.”

In his workshop, he hopes to challenge the idea that an involved male parent is simply playing “Mr. Mom,” which still implies that the female parenting role is the touchstone. “Very often, if we’re not aware how the gender stereotypes play a role in what we say or how we act with our children,” he explains, “we’re less likely to be as present as we can with them.”

Michael, a dad who attended several of last year’s workshops, says he plans to return. Last year, he was just coming out to his then-wife and two children. (He asked that his last name not be used so that his teens may control when to come out about their father to friends.) He says he appreciated not only the guidance from professionals, but also the help from other participants, many of whom were already out but not yet parents.

“It’s not the parenting part for me,” he told them, “it’s the gay stuff.” He gave others advice on parenting issues, and in turn learned from them about coming out and being gay. “It was a positive experience for me as a gay man and a parent,” he reflects. “I feel like going back and reporting on how it went.”

Dr. Ehrenberg says she would like even more parents and prospective parents to have the chance to benefit from Family Q. She hopes to continue the program even beyond the five-year grant, and perhaps expand it nationwide, starting with other cities such as Boston and San Francisco.

She expects it will evolve to include additional topics as well, and asserts, “We are ready, willing, and eager to add new workshops as the ideas come out, and as we’re stimulated to do so.”

For a complete list of Family Q workshops, or to make a reservation for any workshop, visit the IHI Web site or contact them at ihi-lgbt@juno.com or 212-243-2830.

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian, a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.

When I was a teenager, this annual occurrence unnerved me. The “male interest” calendars”—think “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model of the Month”—held no appeal for me. Instead, I would nervously reach for a Chippendales calendar, hiding it behind something innocuously themed (race cars, puppies, whatever) so that I could stare admiringly at half-naked men.

As soon as I noticed anyone approaching, I would throw both calendars back on the shelf and dart out of the store.

I laugh now at the thought that I could ever find the overly pumped and coiffed 1980’s Chippendales dancers appealing. But when I see these calendars on the shelves today, I still feel a residual emotional tug. Like the underwear models in the J.C. Penney catalog (and so many other ordinary features of American life), the calendars were a painful signal: you are not like other boys.

I noticed a calendar display in a bookstore the other day just shortly after receiving an e-mail from a reader complaining that I waste too much time trying to win over straight society’s approval. “When are you going to stop seeking other people’s acceptance?” he asks.

My answer? I’ll stop seeking it once we get it.

The calendars reminded me of why. It’s not because I’m still scared that other people will know my “secret.” Today, I can walk into a bookstore and look at whatever I want. Indeed, I sometimes make a point of picking up the “female interest” calendars just to remind myself—and anyone else watching—that I can. It’s my way of saying: No, I am not like (most) other boys, and I’m okay with that. Honestly, I really don’t give a flying fig whether you give me a dirty look when I do it.

But there are plenty of boys and girls growing up who are not there yet. They still get unnerved when they see the calendars, or the catalogs, or countless other possible triggers. They still feel that nauseous shame and isolation. They have yet to learn that the feelings they dread can eventually be a source of great joy, and beauty, and comfort.

Social approval can make a huge difference in the lives of these kids, not to mention those who come after them.

This is one significant way in which LGBT people differ from most other minority groups. Whereas black children generally have black parents, Jewish children generally have Jewish parents, and so on, LGBT people can have any sort of parents—and most often have straight ones. Far from being able to take for granted our parents’ understanding of the discrimination we face, we often have to struggle for their acceptance, too.

So while their parents’ opinion on homosexuality may not directly matter to me, you can be damn sure it matters to them.

I don’t mean that they can’t go on to have happy, fulfilling, successful lives even if their parents ultimately reject them. I just mean that doing so will be harder—needlessly, sometimes tragically so.

Moreover, it’s not as if I have no stake at all in their parents’ opinion. As we’ve seen over and over, their opinion affects how they vote. And their votes make a difference to our legal rights, whether we like it or not.

Of course it isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

So I’ll stop seeking their approval when we get it, and not a moment sooner. Because their approval helps make our political struggle easier. Because it’s crucial to the lives of their kids, some of whom are LGBT. And because it’s the right thing.

***********

John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.

For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.

Like many, I was dispirited but not surprised when we lost. The rights of minorities (gays especially) generally don’t do well when put to a popular vote. And the opposition’s central message—that gays want to influence schoolchildren—remains as effective as it is sinister.

The message conjures up the image of gays as child molesters—a myth debunked but never fully extinguished.

A slightly less sinister (but still false) version portrays us as anti-family and anti-morality. Still another falsehood is that we’re trying to “recruit.”

Then there’s the underlying truth that sustains the myth as plausible. Yes, of course marriage equality will affect what children are taught in schools, because if same-sex marriage is legal, they will naturally be taught that it’s legal. That it’s an option for consenting adults who want it. That women sometimes fall in love with women, and men with men, and live happily ever after.

We should not shrink from saying these things, but we do. No doubt, the ugliness of the sinister versions—not to mention our opponents’ penchant for quoting us out of context—makes us nervous about discussing the truthful version. And that’s surely one lesson of this loss: the closet is still powerful, and our opponents use it to their advantage.

But we will not go back in the closet again.

We will keep telling our stories. We will keep showing our faces. We will keep getting married, even if—for now—Maine doesn’t legally recognize our relationships. We will not go back in the closet again.

And though we’ve lost this particular battle, we will continue to win the war.

On the same day that Maine voters took away marriage equality, Detroit (where I live) elected an openly gay city council president. This, in a city that’s 84% African-American and where churches exert considerable political influence. The rest of the country hardly noticed, but Detroit defied several stereotypes on Tuesday.

His name is Charles Pugh. A popular newscaster before running for City Council, Pugh was actually endorsed by both the Council of Baptist Pastors and the AME Ministerial Alliance. They knew he was gay and they endorsed him anyway.

One could argue that Pugh was endorsed—and won—because of name recognition. Detroit elects all nine councilmembers-at-large, and the top vote getter automatically becomes council president. It’s a dumb system in several ways, and in the past it has resulted in famous but incompetent councilmembers—Martha Reeves, of Martha and the Vandellas, leaps to mind. (Incidentally, in this year’s primary Reeves was voted out, and in the general election voters overwhelming approved a referendum for council-by-district.)

But even if Pugh’s landslide can be attributed to sheer popularity, it sends an encouraging message about the way the world is changing. Being openly gay is no longer an absolute bar to getting public support. And even those who regularly oppose us will sometimes let other factors trump whatever makes us scary otherwise.

Meanwhile, the more they know us, the less scary we become.

It’s unfair and unfortunate that we need to work harder than our opponents to win. They win by exploiting fear, which is easy to do when you’re in the majority. We win by building relationships—by letting voters know who we really are. That takes time.

So our opponents have a soundbite edge, but we have a long-term advantage. The closet is crumbling.

In the wake of the Maine loss, we will catch our breath and press on. We will continue to live our lives; we will keep speaking our truth. We will stand up in the firm conviction that our love is real, and valuable, and worthy of equal treatment under the law.

Because whatever legal roadblocks they may put in our way, we will never go back in the closet again.

***********

John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays on 365gay.com.

For more about John Corvino, or to see clips from his “What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?” DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com.

His upcoming speaking appearances include:

November 10: Central Washington University (debate with Glenn Stanton)

November 11: Colorado State University, Pueblo (debate with Glenn Stanton)

November 12: Miami University of Ohio

November 16: Bergen Community College (NJ)

Check school websites for rooms and times.

Hurston, an African-American woman from Eatonville, Fla., moved to New York City during the era of “The New Negro.” Her 1928 essay, “How it Feels To Be Colored Me,” based on her life in Eatonville, inspired contemporary and conceptual artists such as Glenn Ligon, whose work is rooted in his  experiences as an African-American and gay man living in the United States.

Hurston’s most famous novel is Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937) and her literary successors include Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison and Alice Walker.

As a child, Laurent was incessantly taunted by his peers. As a result, he spent so much of his time alone and in his room, drawing, painting and designing dresses for his mother and sisters. He had it in his mind that it didn’t matter what others thought or said about him because he would be famous one day and prove them wrong.

At 17, Laurent presented his raw talent to the world in a dress design competition. He won first prize and caught the attention of Christian Dior, a leader of high fashion in France.

Dior gave Laurent a job on the spot as his assistant.

Laurent’s tasks at the House of Dior  included decorating the studio and designing accesories, but soon he began sketching for the Dior collection, season after season.

Following Dior’s death in 1957, Laurent, only 21 years old, became the head designer of the House of Dior.

In 1960, Laurent was called to serve time in the French Army  during the Algerian War. It was not long before fellow soldiers taunted Laurent and hazed him to the point where he found himself in a military hospital. It was there that he heard of the news that he had been fired by the House of Dior. Upon his discharge,  Laurent sued the House of Dior for breach of contract and then he opened his own house. This was a turning point in the history of fashion.

Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, Yves Saint-Laurent revolutionized haute couture.

His homosexuality lled him to play with lesbian culture in his designs. The trend of androgeny in fashion only heightened as he feminized male clothing. He has even been noted as the designer who made the pantsuit for wearable for women.

Laurent’s sexuality was no secret to the the fashion industry nor the general public, but he never officially came out until 1991.

Laurent died of a brain tumor in 2008, but YSL Fashion is still a leader in high culture and he is honored worlwide.

Today’s leading designers credit Yves Saint Laurent as their mentor and inspiration.

Vaid was born in New Delhi, India in 1956. She immigrated to the United States at age 8.

In the United States, Vaid excelled in her studies. She graduated high school in 3 years and attended Vassar College in New York. She graduated from Vassar in 1979 and received her J.D. from Northeastern University School of Law in 1983.

Vaid took over as Executive Director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force in 1989. After taking a hiatus to work on a book in the mid ’90s, she returned as Policy Institute Think-Tank Director of the NGLTF and served under the title for three years. She then worked for the New York City -based Ford Foundation from 2000 to 2005.

She currently serves as Executive Director of the Arcus Foundation since 2005.  She resides in Manhattan and Provincetown, Massachusetts with her partner, comedian Kate Clinton.

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church, of Topeka, Kan., arrived at the University at 8:10 a.m., to protest against Rutgers Hillel, an affiliate of Hillel: The Foundation for Jewish Campus Life, which is the largest Jewish campus organization in the world.

Westboro, an independent church headed by Fred Phelps and comprised mostly of his family members, is best known for picketing the funeral of Matthew Shepard in 1998, but it has also protested everything from the Marines to the Academy Awards. This week, Westboro is touring New Jersey.

Rutgers earned a visit because it has the fourth largest Jewish population of any campus in the nation. When Rutgers Hillel learned of Westboro’s intentions, they planned the counter-rally, called Rutgers Unite Against Hate, publicizing it through Facebook.

Jeff Rubin, a Washington, D.C. spokesman for Hillel, believes that visiting Rutgers was just part of Westboro’s national campaign to gain publicity.

“Westboro’s message that God hates a number of different groups is the exact opposite of what we believe,” he said.

He said that Hillel promotes a positive message of tolerance and community building. “We don’t like to be put in the position of being against anything.”

His advice for students was to remain calm and meet hatred with peace and tolerance.

Westboro’s members stood across the street and down the block from the 2nd Reformed Church, which had posted gay flags and welcome signs outside their door in solidarity with the gay and Jewish student population at Rutgers. They were so far from the Hillel building that protesting students could barely hear their chanting or read their signs, which included: “God hates you,” “Fag university,” ”Israel is doomed,” and “You’re going to hell.”

Eric Idelson held a sign that said, “God loves fags,” as he chanted “R-U, rah, rah!” Idelson is a member of Gamma Sigma, the only co-ed social fraternity on the campus. Approximately half of their members are gay and lesbian, he said. Other students carried signs that ranged from the serious – “Proud to be a Jew” – to the cheeky, like “God loves weed” and “God hates Pepsi.”

Other LGBT groups who showed support were BIGLARU, Bisexuals, Gays, Lesbians and Allies of Rutgers University, and LLEGO, an organization for queer students of color. Some dressed in drag and sloganed T-shirts, while others wore scarlet red, Rutgers’ school color, to show spirit.

LLEGO member Qualiyah Arrington said, “We just want to show them we’re proud of who we are.”

Before the counter-rally ended, the center handed out noisemakers so that students could drown out the protestors, but Westboro had already left.

According to a spokesman for the New Brunswick police department, Westboro had stated that they would stay for 30 minutes. At 8:45 a.m. they were on a bus to their next location.

Because they left so quickly, some students found the protest to be anti-climactic. “I was expecting a little more tension rather than a bunch of people just standing in the rain,” said one student, Pat McCatherine.

Minutes past 9 a.m. students dispersed, singing Rutgers chants and twirling noisemakers.

Rutgers Hillel’s annual three-day program Days without Hate is Nov. 2 to Nov. 4.

He was born in Texas in 1961. He discovered his love of fashion and design after designing his first dress at age 15.

After graduating high school, Oldham moved to Dallas and worked at Polo/Ralph Lauren in 1980.  He designed his first fashion collection and sold it to Neiman Marcus in 1981.

He moved to New York City in 1988 and became creative consultant to Escada, a prestigious luxury international fashion house.

In the mid ’90s, Oldham designed a line of furniture for Warner Brothers Pictures based off of the movie Batman Forever. The ’90s also saw him getting into the field of television as he hosted a number of fashion specials for MTV.

His furniture designs were commissioned by La-Z-Boy in the early and mid ’00s. Oldham also served as creative director for Old Navy during this time.

Oldham has published books regarding subjects of his interest and expertise. He is also an active philanthropist.

She is an avid supporter of civil rights, energy independence and renewable fuels, stem cell research and the woman’s right to choose.

Baldwin has been working vigorously in the fight for health care reform. She has voiced her opinion on how much the legislation affects the LGBT community, and advises everyone to pay much more attention to the universal health care debate.

Tammy Baldwin earned her law degree in 1989 from the University of Wisconsin Law School, but was first elected to political office in 1986.

She was one of 133 members of the House to vote against the invasion of Iraq and in 2008 she was a superdelegate to Hillary Clinton.

Today, Baldwin lives in Madison, Wisc., with her partner Lauren Azar. She is one of three openly gay members of Congress.