Subscribe to Breaking NewsRuby-Sachs: “That’s so gay.”
When I was fourteen, my younger sister, who was and still is eminently cooler than me, taught me a new word: dyke. It basically means anyone who is lame, stupid, aggressive, ugly, the list goes on.
For months I used that word as an insult at least once a day until finally my parents heard me and set both my sister and I straight: a dyke is another word for a lesbian, and people are going to think you’re homophobic if they hear you say it.
The thing is, I still hear the kids I know say that things are “gay” all the time. Many young adults too.
When I point out that it’s homophobic and offensive, not only to me, but likely to other people who overhear it, they laugh or scoff or look at me like I’m an idiot. Those that respond, say, “It doesn’t mean gay gay, just stupid.”
So imagine my cheer at learning that schools are taking on this problem directly. The Ad Council in conjunction with the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network has created a series of ads that explain why using the word “gay” as an insult is, well, insulting. The best part is, they’re funny.
Getting kids to change their vocabulary, even when what they are saying could be classified as hate speech, is not easy. And they don’t respond well to authority figures telling them what to do, even in ads that a bunch of adults assume will be effective.
Still, if I’d seen these ads at 14, I would have started watching what I say a bit more.
Hopefully, it will have the same effect on at least some of the next generation.
Check out the videos (there are three of them): “That’s So Gay”
Ihave wrote before about these substitutions and because it was so offensive I got a personal email at my home. Jennifer Vanasco was the author of this particular topic and she also so I found out does a videoshow with a dude, who’s cute too… Iwas blocked from writing till I apologized to Jennifer and obviously forgiven At the time I wrote that trash I used just about every foul, disgusting words I knew. Personally I think the above phrases are offensive. Kidding is fun, but to do to humiliate is wrong gang. I wish all of you Peace….
This is such a serious matter. It is just another face of homophobia. But the commercials didnt work for me, they were too patronizing, they shouldnt ever have the line DONT DO THAT, especially for teens…
rjb, YOU sound like a self-hating fag. (”Only words,” right?)
This usage *is* offensive and I’m glad that people are speaking up about it. I’ve been crusading on this topic for years. Here’s where I out myself as a raging geek: 8 or 10 years ago, I was an operator on an IRC web-development-support chat room, and I had an canned /kick set up for anyone who used “gay” in a derogatory fashion, with an automated message explaining that they needed to find another word to be an all-purpose synonym for “pathetic” if they expected to hang out in that channel. Some of the (usually) teenage boys who found themselves booted from the channel would come back in raging about how I was oppressing them or whatever, but many of them actually spent two minutes thinking about the topic and changed their habits as a result.
Kids that age are such sheep, doing whatever everyone else does in a desperate effort to belong. It’s the nature of the species. I don’t think most of them mean much by it but that makes it no less hurtful to the kids around them who may be trying to convince themselves that having a crush on that same-sex cutie in homeroom doesn’t make them pathetic, or lame, or stupid. If these ads can break through the teenage sheepdom and get them to just think about their words, I think that’s great.
Words DO have meaning, or else we’d just call them noise. I call out “gay” when I hear it, just like I call out “pussy” when I hear it. They’re both gross, and so are people who fail to engage their brains before opening their mouths.
@rjb: Terms like “Aunt Jemima,” “Limey,” or “Slant-Eyes” might not have been “intended” to be offensive, but they are at the very least, insensitive. Changing the lexicon is a long, arduous process, but it needs to start somewhere. Michael’s point had to be made to get his family to take this seriously. You may think he’s a little dramatic, but his family need a reality check. (And wouldn’t you think a family that KNOWS he and his boyfriend are gay SHOULD already be sensitive to this issue?) I’m just sayin’…
I teach university students and hear “that’s so gay” all the time at the start of each semester, but I’m completely out and as soon as my kids realize they’re saying it in front of a lesbian, they stop themselves…by the end of the semester I don’t hear it nearly as much (I hope this extends to when they’re not around me).
Michael, you sound unbearable.
This whole thing strikes me as desperately petty and really misguided. The meaning of words change (as we queers should well know), and while no word is ever free from political overdetermination, I really don’t think that this is a serious issue. I don’t use the word ‘gay’ to mean ‘lame’ myself (chiefly because when I try to talk street I end up sounding, well, totally gay), but plenty of my friends do and of course I take no offence. Intentions are what matter – words, when it comes down to it, are just words. And if someone unwittingly offends your self-righteousness by their use of the word ‘gay’, the problem might just be yours.
I first heard this expression a few years back when I went home for Thanksgiving. That evening, i took my three nephews to see that really dumb movie about the foreign guy, I forgot the name. Anyway, half way through, I was so offended and embarassed by that crap I told the boys it was time to leave. They weren’t really getting it anyway. When we walked out the younger one says that the movie was sooo gay! I didn’t know what to say, but his older brother turned around and hit him in the arm. When he asked why he did that, his brother just said because you’re so stupid. I guess we live and learn.
For all of the teachers and other “adults” out there who think that Gays should be not be oversensitive and so bothered by the insulting expression, “That’s soooo Gay!” ….well, let’s see how long other group-specific expressions for “lame” would last in the halls of higher education and in society at large.
I imagine if we were to substitute “That’s so Gay!” with (name your own particular prejudice) it would result in bloody noses and/or compulsory sensitivity training for both teachers and students alike.
How long would the following be tolerated as being acceptable synonymous expressions for stupid?
“That’s so Negro!”….”That’s so Chinese!”….“That’s so Mexican!”….“That’s so Jewish!”….fill in the blank with your own unpopular minority.
I sincerely doubt that it would be tolerated for long. I know most church groups, politicians, the AFA, the NAACP, and many, many other organizations would denounce it. Opray, and other talking heads, would do entire programs about it.
Weeping and traumatized Black, Oriental, Hispanic, Semitic, etc, teenagers would be drug out as examples of innocent victims of bigotry into the public square as pitch-fork and torch-welding angry mobs of offended parents would demand an end to the “social acceptance” of group-specific denigration of their children.
The public would insist on a zero-tolerance approach to any hate-speech directed at their niche identified children.
So why are GLBT children and young adults less important? Obviously, in American society there is “unacceptable group-specific hate speech” and “acceptable group-specific hate speech”. In other words, morality and civility only apply if one’s own ox is being gored.
~ Bud Evans
I know this is going to sound really offensive but to really bring it home for people, the next time you hear someone say or write “That’s so gay!”, ask them to say/write “That’s so nigger!” instead.
If they thinks it’s rude or offensive, explain to them you aren’t referring to black people in general and they should not overreact and be so sensetive!
“It doesn’t mean gay gay, just stupid.”
So I guess its OK to say “thats so Jewish, Black, female, etc…” after all those are all acceptable terms to refer to someone. And I’ll only mean “stupid” when I say it. I promise that I won’t actually mean who the word refers to in every other instance….. really.
I ask people at my highschool not to say that all the time. Only a few of my friends actually understand why it offends me; most of them just don’t say it around me (if they remember) to humor me. Even one of my teachers said, “Oh, it’s just part of the lexicon now.”
So as much as I’d like to see that saying go away, I’m pretty sure it’s staying. It’s about as entrenched as calling something “cool”.
I actually do get offended when people use the phrase “that’s so gay.” I hate the fact that saying stuff like this has become socially acceptable. I get offended because people use the phrase like there is no other meaning to it. I do get made fun of a lot because I am gay and when I hear something that hurts me being used so casually it upsets me. I think these ads are a great idea and I wish more schools would take up this cause. You might be able to find a postable video on Afterellen.com. That is where I first seen these.
I have not spoken to my Uncle because I was taking my boyfriend for Thanksgining to his house and his kid always says, “That’s so gay.” I asked them to talk to him because I thought it was ignorant. The Mother said,
Oh everbody says that at school. You’re over reacting” So, needless to say, my 1st boyfriend and I didn’t go. Sadly for gay kids, I think they are ridiculed and teachers don’t care. I’m just glad I am out of school. Although, walking outside of my house in Baltimore, you have to be careful.
While this is an interesting campaign, i question whether the goal is realistic. Language habits are hard to change. As Emma herself notes, the young people she questioned do not claim to see a direct connection between “gay gay” and “stupid gay”. We’re also missing some basic facts here, such as the attitudes of gay high-school aged students towards this usage. I myself do not feel offended when the word “gay” is used like “lame”. I am offended when young people insult people because they’re “gay” in the sense of homosexual, as frequently happens. Wouldn’t it make more sense to try to address that problem?
I LOVE the second video! I’d like to put that on lifeout and gaywatch but didn’t see the embed code for it.