Subscribe to Breaking NewsRuby-Sachs: Rosie and Kelli Split!
Celebrity gossip is not the first place I go for news, but sometimes the human experience is necessary to help us understand political reality. And what better group of people to watch than those circling the exciting world of Hollywood?
So when the news hit yesterday that Rosie O’Donnell and wife Kelli Carpenter have split, I couldn’t help but think about how the fight for gay marriage often ignores the very real rights we haven’t got when it comes to gay divorce.
It’s one thing to say that a loving committed relationship needs the institutional and social support marriage provides, but when two people split after years together, the law really becomes central to their survival.
If you are a same-sex couple resident in Montana and you take a vacation to Toronto to get married you have a legal piece of paper (though not recognized in your home state) and the affirmation (though not from your own country) of your love and commitment.
But what if you decide, years later, that – like half of the American population – you are no longer in love with each other?
As a resident of Montana, you cannot get a divorce in Toronto. Toronto, like most states with the exception of Nevada and a few others, has a year-long residency requirement for a divorce. In Montana, your relationship was never legally any different from two roommates. And so, you must complete a divorce, with all its entanglements and difficulties, without the assistance of the law.
Things are very different for straight couples.
Family law protects individuals in a lasting relationship from economic exploitation and destitution after a split. When one half of the relationship has not worked, but contributed to the lifestyle of the other half, the law orders spousal support. When one half of the couple has lived in a house owned by the other half for a long period of time, the property is considered a marital home and both individuals may lay claim to it. There are rules about how to deal with the financial burden of children, the shared financial liabilities of the relationship and the shared assets.
Rosie and Kelli are in the midst of a pretty normal problem. It is so normal, entire legal schemes exist to assist with the process of separation. But these legal protections, like so many others, leave LGBT people out.
So, here’s to the fight for gay marriage. But let us not also forget the fight for gay divorce. It is when we are at our most vulnerable that we require the protection of law.
if gay marriage isn’t recognized where you live, then there’s no need for a divorce since you’re _not legally married — even if the marriage was legal _where it was performed.
the real issue has to do with dividing up property and custody. which in the case of a rich person like Rosie, becomes important for her now ex-spouse. though i suspect Rosie will be generous, it might not be the same as it would if she had to stick to the letter of the (divorce) law. it’s up to Rosie’s generosity and conscience. but i’d like to believe she’ll do the right thing.
I do not know Emma, but I feel quite confident asserting that she knows where Toronto is. I also don’t believe that she was, or intended to be, engaging in gossip. Very few people realize what denying marriages denies people, and even fewer realize what denying divorces denies people. To me, this does seem like a good time to discuss these issues. For one, having never sought a divorce, I did not realize that even those who traveled to marry could not behave similarly to get divorced.
There was a horror story on CNN recently about a man who got arrested after he went to Japan to try to kidnap his own children because his ex-wife moved back there where local laws did not recognize any parental rights for him. Not many straight people realize this situation can be a legitimate fear for LGBT parents without any border crossings even being required. And I’m ignoring the people who simply wouldn’t care.
Are you people really arguiing with each other over a sentence? Get over yourselves!
The matter you should be discussing is the fact that this country doesn’t allow us to be protected by the law!!!!!
Put your adult hats on and realize that petty bickering about Toronto’s being a state or a province doesn’t freaking matter.
I’d love for you to research the email address and contact information of your local congressman/woman, and I’d also love for you to research the phone number to their office so that you can call them everyday and demand that they stand up for our community… ya know, something useful.
Oh! Ms Ruby-Sachs, why are so many Americans ignorant about other countries. As Drewski said, Toronto is not a state. It is a city, in a province (not a state) in a country called Canada. Why are so many Americans so cavalier about how they deal with other countries? Would it hurt you to do a little research before you publish an article?
Could it be that the pressure on this couple was too much for anyone to bear?
> Toronto, like many U.S. states,
> has this residency requirement.
Actually, “Toronto” has nothing to do with it. It’s the province of Ontario that deals with divorce law, not the municipality.
H5
Dont mean to be picky…but, I don’t think she ever suggested Toronto was a state. Yes, it may have been a poorly constructed sentence that made you think she was calling Toronto a state, but what I think she was saying was that Toronto, like many U.S. states, has this residency requirement. At first read, I thought the sentence seemed wonky, but a second glance helped me to figure it out.
Minor correction. Toronto isn’t a state. Ontario is a province. Far as I know, Canadian provinces and territories have 1-year residency requirement for divorce.
Michael: This is hardly “gossip,” as it has been publicly reported and verified. It’s one thing to talk about other people’s problems in order to glean some sort of better-than-they pleasure from the act of gossiping; what Emma is doing is using the (sad) news of a famous couple’s difficulties to highlight the difficulties we all face. That’s not schadenfreude by a long shot, and it’s certainly an eloquent and necessary illustration of the importance of gay divorce rights.
Emma;
I have a very different view on this whole matter. Whatever, if anything, may be going on is no one’s business if they aren’t in this relationship. I believe in HOPE. it’s not your position to put this gossip out into the world. I’m disappointed. your points are good and true. But you didn’t need to digress to gossip.