Less than a month from now my tour will end and I will be leaving Iraq to head state-side, possibly for good.  It will be summer and I will be able to take some of my saved funds and possibly dip into unemployment while I take a much appreciated and anticipated break. I’ve been excited about it and a little sad.

Unfortunately, in the last two weeks I have received a lot of sad news from my family.  My grandmother just learned during treatment she was having for a broken hip that she has pancreatic cancer. My grandfather has been waiting to die since the death of his twin brother and a few strokes. Two of my grand aunts have cancer: one just found out and the other just decided to stop her chemo treatments.  My uncle learned he may have cancer when he brought my grand aunt to the hospital and the doctor advised him to check himself in – he was completely yellow! 

My sister said “A whole generation of our family might be gone before 2010.” 

I know I’m not the only one that is dealing with gravely ill family members but I know how lucky I am that I will be heading home soon.  In an effort to keep the conversation light, I told my sister “I’ll have to thank them for getting sick now that I only have a month to go – I’ll get to see them before they go.” 

Admittedly, that was a bit morbid. It’s depressing to think about, but I am not permitted to go on emergency leave for anyone outside an immediate family member. Even if my grandmother passed before I get home, since she didn’t raise me, I am not allowed to leave to attend the funeral. 

My sister has been the harbinger of bad news. My mother would rather keep these things from me since “I have enough to worry about.”  But I am glad my sister tells me, even though learning such sad news is distracting. I have been able to discuss my thoughts and feelings with a few of my buddies here. They have been pretty supportive, but when I think about it I get kind of numb. Too much too fast, maybe. 

Reading this over as I write it, I know I should discuss the situation of gays and lesbians and how gay and lesbian soldiers with a sick or dying partnerare stuck pulling at their hair. They might have one or more confidants, as I do with my roommate, since I felt safe enough with him to come out a while back. Or they may have to go at it alone.
 
Maybe they’re not even out to their families, or worse, their families shunned them after they came out. Maybe they don’t have someone like my sister to bring them the news of tragedy.

A husband or wife is considered immediate family and you can get emergency leave to tend to them. Grandparents and aunts do not fall under this umbrella. Obviously, my gay partner is left out also.

The way things stand now and the way I feel at this moment, I am actually angry at the idea I wouldn’t be able to see my partner if he were sick. I know I would start slow and pick up speed, from sane to reckless, doing everything in my power to land myself at my partner’s bedside – hopefully avoiding ending up in jail.

I have a very close family and I can’t get home to see them. My sister is going to see my aunts soon; my grandmother, recuperating from hip surgery, isn’t seeing anyone yet. I will have to continue to hear from a third-party news of what is happening. I plan on calling my mother tonight to let her fill me in on any holes left by my sister.

In the meantime, I wait. To go home. To hear news.