Subscribe to Breaking NewsDuffy: Coming out to fellow soldiers – or not
We are doing a rip now. This is when a new batch of soldiers is shipped in to take over our positions and we have to go through the motions and teach them all that we know and have learned during our tour. It is an exciting time in that it heralds the final days here. There are a few downfalls, though.
I was kicked out of my room so that the new soldiers had a place to stay. The roommate I had as my confidant, the only person I have been open with, has already been sent away ahead of me. I no longer have someone to talk to personally about all things homosexual. What’s even more constricting is that one of my new roommates in the tiny room they squeezed me in is a conservative Christian. There are 3 Bibles staring me in the face and I can’t even mention something of a homosexual nature without the fear of getting lectured.
Don’t get me wrong. This soldier is awesome and I trust him with my life. I just don’t trust him with my career.
I don’t think he would accept having me as a roommate and would make it very difficult for me if I came out to him – me might even out me to the leadership. I don’t have a reading on how my other soldier-roommate here would react. He’s older and seems to be laid back.
I have actually come out to two soldiers in this unit during this deployment. Both of them are gone. One of them left on a medical issue a few months ago, and the other just left recently. Writing for you all has made me consider whether I over-exaggerate possible reactions of my fellow soldiers.
Would my conservative roommate really react as negatively as I believe? Maybe he would be worse – or not care at all.
In a time where the president of ‘change’ of ‘hope’ and of a belief that Washington won’t be ‘politics as usual’ one would think the repeal of DADT would help me answer these questions. Unfortunately, I have no hope for this president following through with his campaign words; I can’t trust my commander-in-chief chief to look out for me.
I can’t rely on the repeal of DADT to help me start a dialogue with my fellow soldiers unless Congress pushes through legislation that the President seems reluctant to get behind.
I have a short time left with this group of infantry soldiers before I return to my old unit – the unit that knows me best. I wonder if I should be a little more open with these soldiers and try to open a dialogue. Since there are only a few weeks, it might be possible to have them live with the knowledge without them feeling trapped. If the experience ends well for me, maybe it would be a good learning experience for us all. Then again if someone reacts badly – who knows what might happen.
I’ll let you know if I do tell anyone else and what their reaction is. It’s kind of a fun experiment, although a bit dangerous. Some might not consider it a loss if I lose my military job. That and physical retaliation are my only real fears in thinking about this. I may lose a few friends, but perhaps I shouldn’t be friends with them if they are that homophobic.
Hey Micheal Duffy – write your old Florida friend at firstnamelastname@yahoo.com !! Best, B
Homophobes are in a “cultural war” and Gay human beings are their enemy. Homophobes have openly said that Gay people are targeted for genocide and there’s no Geneva Convention rules that apply. In addition, the United States Constitution does not cover Gay human beings who are born in the U. S. Being born in the U. S. does not make Gay people “American” as far as homophobes are concerned. I say all of this to ask if any other Gay has ever thought that this “cultural war” creates post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among Gay people? I think that every Gay American is susceptible to PTSD because of this cultural war that’s been declared on us. Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell is merely one aspect of the cultural war that threatens our existence and, therefore, makes us at risk for PTSD. I just wish that I knew someone on the APA’s Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) Board who could have the diagnostic criteria for PTSD to include the cultural war against Gay human beings and the homophobes who are out to destroy us. Then, all Gay American soldiers could apply to the V. A. for service-connected, PTSD compensation and our country could pay for the cultural war that’s waged against us. It’ll NEVER happen but I’ve wondered if other Gay soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines, and veterans have ever thought along these lines. Surely, I’m not alone. . . .
I love having sex with marines THERE HOT!!! and I would love to marry one. I am a 26 year old bisexual male is sick and tired of bigots and cunts like Obama and Govonors of the south that cheat on people.
This is a temp assignment. Don’t be foolish. When you get back to your unit then that is one thing, but many of the guys you are with now you will never see again. (more than not). As a gay man, that served in the USMC I can tell you that I joined knowing what the reality was. Yeah, its not fair , and it is not right, but it is the reality. As the brave fags before us stood tall and shouted in the streets we too need to fight our own battles to carry their torch on. Do it bravely, but intellegently. Do not let a moment in time blow out your light in a puff of smoke. That is what will happen if your higher ups get wind of you. By DADT regs they are obligated to report any such disturbance. As you know this is completely subjective to their attitude about the subject in their unit. DO NOT take that chance with men you don’t know and are going to be leaving soon. Unless you are certian you don’t mind going out in a blaze of glory!! Peace.
MRR,
I came out to myself while in the Military. Not everyone admits it to themselves before they are 18 (17). I encountered a few closet cases and was some how blamed for a divorce (don’t ask me, even I don’t understand, I never touched the man).
I wouldn’t go Obligated, more like comfortable. It’s a communist society, you don’t have to worry about much of anything.
Not everyone is out to themselves before they are committed to years in the military. And, if you let the military educate you, you could easily find yourself obligated for a decade.
I really don’t understand you at all. You had to have known what you were signing up for at enlistment. You had to have known the exsisting rules. I agree, DADT should be done away with. You should not be discriminated against in any way. But when you enlisted, you put yourself in the position you are in. You knew you could not openly live a gay lifestyle. You knew you would not be able to confide in co-workers or roommates. It is noble to serve your country. And to do so has restrictions. Fair or not, did you think you would be exempt? I am sure there are many ways to serve our country, and live our lives freely. I think you should keep your lifestyle under wraps, finish your enlistment, and look forward to living “Out”.
Trust your gut, bro. And thank you for serving your country.
I can only guess on how it must feel to not be able to be open with your fellow soliders but if it’s just a few weeks,you should keep it to yourself.Thanks for your service and sharing your stories with us.Just know most of all and I know I’m not the first one to say you’er not alone.
Is the prize worth the price?
“There are 3 Bibles staring me in the face…”
I’m a Roman Catholic (Philadelphia has a large RC community) did the RC schooling thing… I was taught by very cool priest in HS – they were real people. Anyway; Father xyz told the class this: The Bible, in the wrong hands, is a very dangerous book …etc.
I find people fascinating: only because of their nature.
Here’s the scoop. If you won’t to get to know people, you have too know and understand their phobia’s. This is absolute and relative; and not always absolute or relative, at the same time. We should not assume to think others will understand us, before you, understand them.
Life is not what you make of it, but what it makes of you.
As I walk through The Valley of Death: cigars … cigarettes.
While in the service, I had the luxury being stationed at home first, but it taught me something.
Don’t come out to anyone unless you really want them to become a part of your personal life. Otherwise, they are just a work collegue. Why do I say this? Well they usually see the “difference” in your personal life and work life and can be less of a “slip of a tongue”.
First of all, thank you for your service, and please stay safe. I would personally not tell. If you feel the need to see where your roommate stands, just tell him about a “friend/relative” of yours that is gay and see his reaction. But, you must be prepared to hear negative things and still have to work/share a room with the guy(s). I would have a hard time dealing with knowing I was forced to share air w/ a h8ter, but only you how you would take it. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Seriously, man, you have done the community a great service by communicating with us here. That’s more than enough of a risk you’ve taken already. Unless there IS a mass coming-out day (great idea) please be careful and protect yourself. Your GLBT family is already proud of you. Take Care.
I thank you for your service. Don’t let them know until they know you better or you know them better. I have told people I thought I knew and they have caused me many problems.
I like what Mel said. An armed forces coming out day. They couldn’t kick all of us out!