Northwest Arkansas Online (hilariously and startlingly abbreviated as “NWA Online” in its masthead) reports that Reverend Bradley Barber has been removed as the priest of St. Joseph Catholic Church after allegedly assaulting a parishioner.

The accuser is a young man “in his early 20’s,” (Barber is 53), and the alleged assault happened at Barber’s home, sometime between 3:00 and 5:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning.

Um…

Barber has not spent his entire career as a Catholic priest. He used to be an Episcopal priest, but left the church because he disagreed with the new policies of allowing LGBT priests and sanctioning same-sex relationships.

Um…

Obviously, I have no way of knowing what happened between the accuser and the accused.

And I’m sure this is a painful situation for Barber’s congregation. Please believe that compassion is in my thoughts when I say this:

Duh, you guys.

This is what happens when you try to force people to be something that they aren’t. Or worse, when you tell them that what they fundamentally are is a bad, bad thing.

Many people will run away from your flock (have you noticed?), but some will try their best to squeeze themselves into the rigid boxes that have been set up for them.

And while they tie themselves up in knots and pray to be better people and hate themselves for not being straight, some of the gay can’t help but leak out the seams.

And what you get is this: A situation that was either nonconsensual or consensual at the time but so wrapped up in guilt and loathing that it’s now being reported as an assault. Who is being brought closer to God by this?

We’ve been shown over and over that spirituality doesn’t have to be like that. There are two stories today on 365Gay alone that note the widespread, active involvement of members of the LGBT community in Christian churches, and other religions with open, inclusive attitudes see similar enthusiastic participation.

Spirituality, while hardly essential for a happy, moral, and fulfilling life, can be a wonderful thing, adding a heartening and invigorating depth to one’s experience.

I get sickened and saddened when I see it twisted into a vehicle for showing – or hammering home – what is “wrong” with people.

I just saw Jesus Camp for the first time this weekend. Many of my friends were most disturbed by the political indoctrination, and, yeah, that’s creepy as all get out.

But what struck me the most was the number of times the kids in the movie – kids of 8 or 9 – were shamed into crying. In between being told they were to be the new young warriors of God, they were taught, over and over, how unworthy they were.

I bring it up because, while it’s hard to feel sympathy for the adult Barber’s homophobia, I do feel some compassion for the young Barber and the process that turned him into what he is.

We all know, both from anecdotal evidence and the occasional psychology experiment, that the people who rail hardest against The Gay tend to be people who are fighting off their own same-sex desires. Which makes sense: You don’t have to worry about people or magazines or television turning you gay if you’ve never been interested.

And heaven knows Barber tried not to be gay. He got married and had kids. (The Catholic Church allows converted priests to maintain their marriages.) He fought against LGBT encroachment in his own church and finally ran to Catholicism to get as far away from it as he could.

And yet somehow there he was with a young man in his house sometime after 3:00 in the morning.

I don’t know Barber or the situation well enough to say anything about whether he, personally, is good, bad, or somewhere in between.

But I do know that the process that leads to these painful situations is awful. And it doesn’t have to be this way.

So how do we offer compassion and a lifeline to people who are caught in the middle of it? As tempting as it is to peacefully demonstrate at, say, a rally by a hostile Evangelical church with literature and helpline phone numbers, it seems like setting up an ongoing game of Rainbow Rover would be unproductive in the long run.

And would probably play into the accusations of trying to “turn people gay”.

But I still feel bad for the young people being hammered into those little boxes, or the people who are still trying to fit even when there is so much that squeezes out the edges in such a painful way.

I take heart in the fact that so many religions are offering a warm welcome to those in the LGBT community, and hope that word gets out that being who you are doesn’t have to mean giving up your favorite deity. In fact, it can help you meet a friendlier, more relaxed, and more positive version.

And I also take heart in the fact that information tends to seep out the seams on the Internet too.

If you’re here because of a Google search and some feelings you’re not comfortable with, hello and welcome. Take a look around and know that there are plenty of organizations – including churches – that don’t think there is a thing wrong with you.

Take care and good luck.