Subscribe to Breaking NewsDaigle: Looking for Trouble
Over the last few days, I’ve been telling my friends about my new blogging opportunity here, and when I talk about it, I always point out that the thing I’m most excited about is the chance to communicate to a larger audience the challenges of being openly gay in south Louisiana.
When I said that to one of my gay friends, he gave me a weird little look, raised an eyebrow and said, “Challenging? What’s challenging about it? You can be out, and no one will give you any trouble. What’s so bad about that?”
He’s right. While we are in the center of south Louisiana, Lafayette isn’t exactly a backwoods hillbilly hoedown. In many ways, we’re an artist’s community: Toss a rock anywhere in Lafayette, and you’ll hit a roots musician or a folk artist. Culture and tourism are major economic engines, and there’s a creative open-mindedness here that reminds me of much larger cities. Think Asheville with a Cajun accent.
You can be out here, and no one will give you any trouble.
My friend’s assessment, however, misses something important: While that’s nice, it’s not enough.
When you come out of the closet in a place like this, you essentially strike a deal with the community at large. The community agrees not to “give you any trouble,” and you agree to be mindful of how out you choose to be. It’s a deal that keeps everything looking peaceful and happy on the surface, but it perpetuates the institutional homophobia that the South is infamous for.
Homophobia in the South looks different now than it did, say, 30 years ago. What used to be marked by violence, very public hate language and the not-so-subtle insistence that gay people should stay in the closet if they knew what was best for them has transformed into a much quieter and more insidious kind of homophobia – the kind that even some gay people don’t recognize as homophobia.
In my hometown, you can be openly gay until you assume a position of influence. No one cares that the guy who works at Wal-Mart is gay. But if that guy ends up teaching sixth grade, it’s an issue. Educators, administrators, businesspeople – anyone with a modicum of influence over the direction and tenor of the community must be mindful of how public they choose to be as a gay person. If they aren’t, the agreement is null and void, and one can expect to see some trouble.
We essentially agree to be voiceless and powerless in exchange for keeping our jobs and being left alone.
Day to day, that agreement doesn’t seem so terrible. It gives us the sense that we’re a valid and fully integrated part of the community, and we begin to feel that our sexuality doesn’t affect how we’re treated by the people around us.
But there are still no policies at most locally-owned businesses preventing discrimination based on sexual orientation. There are no local or statewide laws recognizing gay relationships (in fact our state constitutional marriage amendment, which was passed by over 70 percent of Louisiana voters, forbids any kind of legal construct for gay couples that looks or behaves like marriage). Our lives are tolerated but not protected, and in a part of the country where the prevailing social notions about the gay community are about 30 years behind those everywhere else, being tolerated doesn’t offer much solace.
It’s easy to think that comfortable is right. But at some point, comfortable just doesn’t cut it. If we want our communities to change, we have to be willing to change a little ourselves. When risk is possible, we need to take the risk.
Sometimes, you have to go looking for a little trouble in order to make change happen.
Cody Daigle is an entertainment writer for The Times of Acadiana and a
blogger on gay issues in south Louisiana at theadvertiser.com.
Tony, you and I might work for the same parent company.
Obviously, I’m out at work, too. And I’m protected as well by an anti-discrimination policy here. But there’s been zero mention of my blogging here around our office — and while I don’t need a pat on the back, I do wonder if one of our sports writers were to land a blogging spot at, sat, espn.com, we might hear a little about it.
I think Cody is kinda close to the mark. I live in SC and work in media. It’s safe and okay for me to be out at work. I’m not the first gay guy they’ve seen or the last. And my employeer includes gays in it’s anti-discrimination language. People at work are polite enough to pretend it doesn’t bother them. But, they never ask me anything about my personal life. My job is a middle management job and I’m unlikely to rise any higher than where I am now. It’s better than it might be if I worked in another line of work, but it doesn’t feel like LGBT equality to me.
In a community who nurtures tolerance as much as y’all claim to do, I find it funny that most of you who criticize Louisiana have never spent 5 minutes in this state. why don’t you listen to a man who is 1–one of your own, and 2–a lifelong resident of the Deep South, and has actual experience of what it’s like down here, rather than your theoretical, esoterical viewpoint you observe/absorbed over your last cuppa latte @ Starbucks. You’ll dismiss this opinion as well…oh, well, so much for “tolerance.”
I like your style of blogging and reporting about south Louisiana. My brother lived there for 20+ years and I went to school in New Orleans for 2 years and visited Lafayette a few times. Gay clubs are right there with straight clubs and no one seemed to mind. But, should someone be more out or vocal and people will turn mean pretty quick. For the country to progress much further than it already has, we have to solve this problem. How to make progress in socially conservative parts of the country? Conservative states out numbered the progressive ones by quite a bit.
I agree with you Cody. For 35 years now my partner and I have played that very game you have talked about in your article. Seen, but not heard. I have lived in the south for most of my life, and while it has changed to some degree, there is still a lot of hate and “your rights can’t be equal to mine – because you’re not really nornal” bullshit. The only real change is the use of the word “gay.” To many I know we all [gays] have the “gay gene,” so we decorate, dress and talk well. And worse yet, the straights think we all have lots of money to spend. And too, I love that now everybody knows one [gay], or has one as a best friend. It’s time to elevate our position in this society. We need hate crime protection, job protection, housing protection, and finally marriage equality if we want to marry too! Get mad people, let your voices be heard. Our time has come!
We essentially agree to be voiceless and powerless in exchange for keeping our jobs and being left alone…..HMMMMM blacks do too still right? It’s a cultural caste system that rules in the South.
t’s easy to think that comfortable is right. But at some point, comfortable just doesn’t cut it. If we want our communities to change, we have to be willing to change a little ourselves. When risk is possible, we need to take the risk.
Hey, so support SOULFORCE next time they come through..or did you?
(Sorry to be late to catch column..NASA GEEK had to watch launch.)
A proper gross, ugly pimple on the face of progress. Welcome to the “new” South.
I love the general politeness of the South. While in other parts of the country it seemed like people were almost looking to put hurdles in other’s way, or even to get in arguments.
However, people do often mistake that politeness for something it’s not. Especially those who move here.
People here can smile at you and slap you on the back while they fire you for not being a Christian, much less queer. That same politeness that gets your neighbors to smile at you well also prevent them from publicly standing up for you if general opinion starts to turn against you. That same politeness will have all the talk conducted in hushed tones in private so that you never even get a chance to address people’s concerns.
I don’t think the actions are any different than anywhere else, but people are often surprised that it can be done while smiling and being friendly.
I didn’t understand this issue, since I am a generally accepted Jewish guy who is married to a woman.
It’s like segregation, instead of slavery.
Being OUT is the most important thing you can do. To be that nice, respectable person who people know, and be out, and then begin to lobby for change. Something about …liberty and justice for all.
Gonna take time. The [n-word] haters in the south just have a new target for their cracker religious poisoned mentality.
Old cultural values die a hard death. And often they just find another victim.
Didn’t someone else say that Sherman’s march to the sea, when he burned atlanta during the civil war, was a mistake. He should have burned every one of those racist – facist churches**, and sent their pastors off – to God’s own re-education camp.
**Hitler was a racist – pro the
“Aryan race”. And of course he had someone to hate, which he leveraged to power.
Cody,
This kind of moderate tolerance is in California as well. I am not suggesting the life a gay man in LA is comparable to that of the south, but I experienced a similar faux acceptance from my last employer and quickly told that I “announce” I’m gay in everything I do and basically too gay… I actually hold certain individuals responsible for this regarding my situation… This is a great topic for discussion and I am proud that you brought it up! Keep going Cody!
Much respect! Jody
Excellent Cody – you have managed to put into words the frustration I have living in Michigan. When it comes to homophobia the situation is exactly the same here down to the so-called “constitutional” amendment on marriage. You are right on target on the bargain we make – “We essentially agree to be voiceless and powerless in exchange for keeping our jobs and being left alone.” The threat of violence is palpable here and lies just below the surface of that agreement. I have lived here for 4 years and after living on the West Coast the situation is stark for me where many of my friends and neighbors cannot see it.
The simplest thing we can do is constantly remind our fellow citizens that we are gay and they have written hate into law. It may be annoying as hell to people but breaking silence is a necessary risk.
Thanks for you insight and giving us a way to speak to this insidious form of homophobia. Our civil rights movement is at a crossroads and demanding a seat at the table must be our new goal.
I look forward to reading more of your articles.
My comment should have read “In the North they don’t care how big they get so long as they don’t get to close. In the South they don’t care how close they get so long as they don’t get too big”.
Reminds me of the old joke about the difference between how Northern whites and Southern whites react to blacks. “In the North they don’t care how they get, so long as they don’t get too close. In the south they don’t care how close they get so long as they don’t get too big!”
Cody,
I challenge you to visit http://www.Beliefnet.com and go to the “Crunchy Con” blog. The ‘author’ (and I use the term loosely), Rod Dreher is also from small town Louisiana. He views things, well, let’s say ‘differently’ (rabid, right-wing conservative “Christian” only without the love).
‘Talk’ to him about what homophobia in “The South” (TM) looks like. He doesn’t have a clue.
K. Anyone can do http://www.google.com and search demographics for Louisiana and further do demographics for Lafayette (Lafayette Parish), one will find that Lafayette is one of the most “conservative” towns in the State and maybe the entire country!
“Conservative” and “Christian Taliban” don’t vote for LGBT Equality! Glad you are so proud of Lafayette, but when you tell me you can get married or have hate crime laws to protect me on the street in you LA town then I’ll believe it is so great!
Even the little piss ant domestic partnership ordinance for Orleans Parish (new Orleans) has been overturned and overpowered by the Louisiana Constitutional Ammendment which BANS Marriage Equality AND anything that ressembles or that looks like marriage (including civil unions, domestic partnerships AND petty crumb city ordinances that acknowledge the existance of GAY people in the State of LA)
Long Way to GO in LA before getting too excited. First thing that needs to go is Bobby Jindal and Religious Right Wing, Conservative Idiots that run the state!
We need more REAL stuff to happen in the south besides the fact that we have Bars, Parades and we don’t get beat up quite as often!
Furthermore, They can shove their FAKE politeness up where the sun don’t shine, but give me my damn Equal Rights and keep their Religion(s) out of my life!