Subscribe to Breaking NewsDaigle: Can’t Fight Faith
About a two weeks ago, I attended a meeting of our local PFLAG chapter for a special presentation by their national executive director, Jody Huckaby (who’s from south Louisiana, incidentally. A small town north of here called Eunice).
The presentation focused on creating positive interactions with faith communities on LGBT issues. It’s an issue with traction here: faith communities are everywhere.
At the beginning of the meeting, Huckaby had everyone introduce themselves and offer two bits of information — which religion they were raised in and which religion (if any) they currently practice. The overwhelming majority of the people assembled – there were around 60 or so, mostly college age, about a fifth 30 and up, mostly from here in Lafayette, some from New Orleans — were raised Catholic. But the group represented the full spectrum of faiths from Catholic to Hindu.
And the overwhelming majority of those assembled said they no longer practice any faith.
I was also raised Catholic, but on the second question, I found myself in the minority. While I’m no longer a practicing Catholic, my partner and I are practicing Christians, attending a local non-denominational church. And as person after person around the room shared their trip from practicing faith to rejecting it, I was struck by a familiar feeling.
It’s the same feeling I get sometimes when I sit in Sunday services and the sermon winds its way to gay issues. It’s the feeling of being a stranger among the flock, an outsider.
Being one of “the gay faithful” isn’t easy. In many ways, you belong fully to no community. Either the church withholds its full acceptance because you’re gay, or the gay community gives you grief because you still go to church. But for us, faith still matters, and it matters enough for us to find a place for it in our lives. We’re nurtured by our faith. We take comfort in it.
And while the relationship is not perfect, it’s one worth working on.
Religion has wounded many of us in the gay community. With one hand sporting an accusing finger and the other holding the Bible, religion has positioned itself as our enemy. We’ve seen religion used as an excuse to deny our relationships and families recognition, to deny us an equal place at the table.
Many of us have fought back, with a similar accusing finger on one hand and our personal truth in the other. And while I understand the anger, it’s difficult for me to see much difference in the postures.
Somewhere between the accusing finger of religion and the accusing finger of the gay community are people like me — gay men and women who believe in God, who still go to church, who have forged friendships with open-minded people of faith (They’re out there, trust me. You just have to dig a little), who have brought the issue up with their pastors (sometimes it’s positive, sometimes not) and who are working to carve a neutral space where being gay and being faithful can peacefully coexist.
I look at it this way: There are six verses in the Bible that religion has used to condemn us. Six verses amid thousands of other verses. One teaching amid hundreds of other teachings. And we have spent our time focused on those six verses, directing our anger at them and forgetting everything else.
Much like religion has.
And in throwing our community’s anger so squarely at religion, we’re leaving some of own behind. And I like to think, as a community, we won’t settle for acceptable losses. I like to think we’re fighting for an equal place for all of us.
You can be angry at the things people do in the name of religion (Pat Buchanan, James Dobson: I’m talking to you). But we should lighten up a little on religion itself. Some of us don’t hate it. In fact, we value it and practice it.
And there are people of faith with open minds, people who don’t think the entire value of a person rests on whether or not they pass the test of those six verses. And those people shouldn’t be discounted. They’re more like us than them.
We’ve gotten to know those people. We see them every Sunday. And they know us, know our partners, know our lives, and it’s made a difference. It hasn’t overcome all the barriers, but it’s broken down some of them, and that’s a start.
The gay community needs to have a little faith in the faithful, both gay and straight.
Cody Daigle is an entertainment writer for the Times of Acadiana in Lafayette, Louisiana, and he is a blogger on gay issues at theadvertiser.com.
The reason I do not believe in the faith I was raised in (Methodist) has much less to do with the Church’s teachings on gay people, repugnant as they are, but more to do with the fact that I cannot rationally believe in talking snakes, worldwide floods a la Waterworld that left no evidence, people turing to salt, 900 year old men, every dead person in Jerusalem rising from the grave with Jesus, Jesus’ doubtful existence, a sea parting, a man who lived in a fish and many other ridiculous fairy tales that if any contemporary person espoused them would lead to institutionalization. That these fantasies are accepted by billions of people as fact is mind boggling to me. The reality and beauty of the facts we learn about our planet and universe every day are far more awe-inspiring than any ancient myths (though I am more of a fan of the Norse legends and Greek mythology than the monotheisms). Choose to believe it if you wish, but the world would be a better place if such beliefs did not enter public policy discussions.
I think people should give religion a chance. No, the majority of religions don’t accept the LGBT lifestyle…then that religion isn’t for you. EVERYONE has a spiritual need, it just depends on what avenue they choose to pursue it. If you can do it at home, then good for you. If you feel you need to go to chuch every Sunday, Wednesday, etc, then great for you. Speaking from experience, religion as a whole is evil. The ones who condemn you – kicking you out and not even allowing your family to talk to you (yes, that’s me) – then find somewhere else that will. I have and I’ve found a new life with people who like me for me. They are out there…even in “rural” America. I promise.
Cody – I recently happened to find your blog here at 365. I look forward to many as I am from Vermillion parish but have lived outside LA for about 15 years. I don’t visit much but will be thrilled to read your updates on the slow progress of GLBT advancement in Acadian. I can’t express to you the feeling I felt when I left LA 15 years ago to explore who my true self is since I didn’t have to pretend anymore even though I have acceptance in my own family with 2 uncles on each side of my family that are gay. So, I applaud you for your courage to stay and fight the good fight.
RE: Blog Topic – As a former Catholic, I find most of what ANY religion is based on today is FEAR and control. I chose to be a non believer and NOT live my life in fear; and you know what? Life still goes own without the book of fairy tales that has been used against the masses over the course of humanity.
The fundamental problem I have with religion is not related to my sexuality. It is related to the truth. Simply put, much of what religion has to say about our world is false. And not just false upon much reflection: it is patently and absurdly untrue. It is mythology that attempts to explain the (then) unexplainable. Yet, many believe it and believe literally. If it is not ‘truth’ written by ‘god’, then it is literature. And I must say, revealed religious texts in most cases, are not very good literature. If it’s insight into the human condition, please spare me the Matthew, Mark, Luke and Buddha, and give me Shakespeare, Tolkien and Aristotle. Much better reads.
CodyD – You’re implying that I NEED to listen to them or else they may vote against me. You’re wrong. I DON’T NEED to listen to them. Maybe YOU do – I don’t. Whether they vote for or against me is there business, not mine. I will not feel compelled to interact with someone under some veiled threat that if I don’t, they will attempt to harm me in some fashion, whether that be by taking away my rites or not.
They may be in the majority, because, hey, brainwashing is an extraordinarily effective tool – especially when its had thousands of years to be perfected. But mythology is nonetheless mythology. Magical nonsense is still magical nonsense and I am quite comofortable in my own belief that if a “God” does exist, that that God has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the sick man-made, creul, bastardization that has become “organized religion”.
I resent your not so subtle implication that I really should listen to people like that because they might directly or indirectly harm my life in some fashion. Whether you realize it or not, the mythology lovers are the ones who are decreasing in society and a more sane, rational, compassionate society may well prevail. I’ve no doubt that there will be overyones of spirituality involved and that is not a bad thing, but religion’s lack of growth is due to its adherence to dogma. They WILL grow or they will implode or become irrelevant. What path they choose to take is up to them – but don’t ever imply that I NEED to listen to people who believe in fairy tales. I don’t pain God in my image and likeness by projecting all of my petty human securities onto him/her – I sugegst you not do the same.
My partner graduated from BIOLA, The Bible Institute of Los Angeles. He said that you cannot argue with people like James Dobson or Dr Magee or any of the Bible bangers who believe that the Bible is the Word of God and was written under the guidance of God (that god, created by man in the image of man to be used as a tool by man) and during this period free will must have been suspended so The Evil One could not interfer with the process.
Talk to any Bible banger, regardless of religion, and this is the foundation of their belief system. Very few of these people have studied the Bible, let alone read the thing. (My partner did – in Greek.)
Anyone with an open mind that reads the first five books of the book has to come to the conclusion: “are they kidding me?????” And for those who cling to tradition, it is obvious that they pick and choose throughout the Bible what they want to believe and it is mostly verses that support their twisted and bigoted lives.
Do we still go to church (we were (are?) Benedictine Oblates associated with a Benedictine Abbey for several years)? NO! Do we still believe in God? Yes, but not the man made silly god of the Bible. We belive that the True God is the pure essense of Unconditional Love and The Source of All has only two things that we should follow: (1) Say nothing that will hurt or harm another soul, (2) Do NOTHING that will hurt or harm another soul. Do we expect to achieve this in one lifetime. Not! Do we need to sit in some church and listen to an hour or so of BS to do this? No.
The nice thing about our approach is that there are no stupid man created religious rules that we need to pay any attention to. And the Source of All doesn’t need anyone to bend and bow and scrape the floor in prayer and all the other silliness that most religions require to “worship” their non-existant god.
The soul doesn’t know gender. Only the physical body does. Souls fall in love, physical bodies don’t. Our problem as humans is that we allow the human mind to overpower the soul which when given to us is embodied with Uncondional Love – and look what we do to it.
Look at little kids playing in a playground. Skin color, physical differences are not a problem. Then the parents and the church begin to “educate” the children – here comes the bigotry and all the other negative issues associated with the adult human mind.
To those who have allowed themselves to be controlled by the Bible, I suggest reading it with an open and educated mind. THINK! It won’t make your hair hurt. Of course the immediate defense will be that the Evil One will take control of your mind if you do this. Give me a break. The only evilness one need worry about is that which has been planted in our minds from the time we reached the 1st grade. We don’t need to worry about some “Evil One.” As humans we can do quite well on our own without any outside interference.
Blessed Be
If it floats your boat, then fine, but don’t tell me whom to marry, or try to ruin my godson’s mind with creationist junk science in class.
The problem with many religious people is that like Miss California, they not only know god exists, but they also claim to be on intimate terms with his mind. They know his opinion on my sleeping arrangements. I won’t respect such people – I suspect them deeply. And until they can give me a coherent answer as to how they know such information, they must be left out of the discussion.
What point of reference do you have to determine, the good from the bad verses? If you can do such a thing, what do you need the bible for?
Cody is at pains to show how she has broken down barriers – it strengthens the argument that Christians are good in spite of, not because of, their faith.
There will always be good and evil people: but for good people to do evil, it takes religion.
It is pleasing to see people realize that the road to Damascus is a 2-way street, irrespective of the bigotry. We have better answers to the origins of life and the cosmos. Darwin, Einstein, Watson, Crick and others provided these years ago.
For some of us, our faith is as much a part of who we are as our sexual identity. It’s THAT important. Agree or disagree, that’s how we feel and how we choose to function.
I am an out gay man.
I am a Christian.
I’ve been an avid student of the Bible for 30+ years and a teacher of the Bible for more than 20 years. It meets a valid need in my life. Sorry if that offends, but that’s part of who I am. I’m don’t force you to accept it…or even understand.
I read some here who have me deny my faith because it makes them uncomfortable or reminds them of the bad actions of others. Sorry, not going to change who I am just to appease you. I refuse to deny that part of me because you don’t think it’s important, or relevant, or right or real. Just like I refuse to deny my sexuality because it makes some religious people uncomfortable or because they think it’s wrong.
We ask for tolerance of the outside world, but we seem very quick to shut out “our own” when they don’t fit into some kind of predetermined mold of expected behaviors or beliefs. Pardon the cliché, but it’s only a rainbow when there’s a diversity of colors. Can’t we give a little bit of what we want from others: respect, tolerance, compassion?
Faith is just an excuse. I don’t let people use it to push me around.
I was born Catholic. My family and I weren’t too religious and didn’t attend religious services “religiously”.
Then when I was about 9, my grandmother converted to Mormonism and forced me to go with her and made me get baptized as well. I fought her every step of the way, but she was a very strong willed woman.
The years passed and our family moved away from the Mormon religion, thankfully!
Then when I was around 15, I started to do my own independent research on religion, specifically Christian and moved myself closer to that creed.
Later when I was about 20 something, I decided to join a Christian church and had myself baptized. How many times can someone get baptized? I guess there’s no limit.
Anyway, finally by about age 25 I finally accepted myself for who I was, a gay man, and that God was not going to change me. Even though I had been praying for him to make me straight for over a dozen years.
Finally, after even more intense study and introspection, I came to the conclusion that there is no God. By using the scientific method to determine how our world really came to be, maintaining a belief in God seemed to be a self-limiting attitude.
The bottom line is that thousands of years ago, people lived in nomadic tribes. They did not have the science and the technology we have today and so they needed to come up with something to answer their questions of how and why things came to be. I.E. Why is the sky blue, because God made it blue. Why do we have rainbows? Because God made them as a reminder that he would never flood the Earth again. Really? So, before that time there were no rainbows? So, the laws of physics and light and water refraction did not exist? So, before the great “flood” there were no rainbows after it rained?
It’s time to leave behind these myths and superstitions that only serve to hold us back as a global society.
Amen. I’ve been trying to talk about this issue with conservative religious people for the last 5 years or so.
Faith is ALL about politics and always has been. To the victor goes the spoils as has been said, and those “victors” are responsible for most of what’s in the bible. There isn’t one thing in the bible that can be trusted as “truth”. One might as well decide to base one’s life on “Alice in Wonderland”. There is no proof that any kind of god exists and to adsolutely belleve absolutely is just silly. Faith is another thing altogether. Having faith in one’s self is the best faith.
While I definitely can tell that your article is heart-felt, the fact remains that gay families do not ostricize their children for being Christian. Neither have groups of outwardly gay people gathered up Christians and burned them at the stake. There are significant differences between the “finger pointing” of a group (Christians)that has the power to create community laws, morals, etc., and that of a group which has no true power internal to the greater society (gays.)
Jim, that’s just the point. I’m not crying to you, because they haven’t shunned us. They don’t all hate us.
But it’s alright for us to discount all of them because of a generalization on our part?
You can direct the bile at me, even though we’re faighting for the same things?
This is a topic that hits close to home for me. I too am gay and a person of faith. Like many of the people that were surveyed in this article, I was raised Catholic. Although I am no longer a practicing Catholic, I am a practicing Christian. I didn’t leave the Catholic Church because of it’s teachings on homosexuality, because honestly out of many of the Christian denominations the Catholic Church is one of the more progressive religious bodies. I left the Catholic Church because I didn’t agree with much of what they taught doctrinally.
I agree that many within the gay community have been ostracized by religion and the Church, but I don’t think that should be any indicator to completely leave the church and denounce religion. There are many individual churches and some denominations that are inclusive of LGBT people. MY partner and I attend a local United Church of Christ where I am included and believed to be a vital member of the community. Our church is “Open and Affirming” and about a quarter of church are “out” LGBT people.
If we as LGBT people want to see change within the church, than we cannot leave the church. We must stay and strive to create change within the church community. Our presence along with education about homosexuality and the Bible can only improve our standing and recognition within the Church.