A open letter to Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House, and his half-sister Candace Gingrich, senior youth outreach manager for the Human Rights Campaign:

Morning. Hope you two are having a good start of your Thanksgiving week. Not much to report here. Not in the mood to go to work, but I guess in these crazy economic times I should be happy to have a job.

I’ll get right to the point: I have no Thanksgiving plans and was wondering if I could break bread with the Gingrich clan. Newt, we’ve never had the privilege but I’ve followed your political career from when you were just  a crazy guy from Georgia on C-SPAN to leading the GOP to the reigns of power (doesn’t that whole Contract with America seem like yesterday?).

Candace, we’ve only spoken via email and over the phone. You were very helpful a couple years back with an article I was working on for Genre.

Now I know it’s strange for a semi-complete stranger to ask for a seat at your dinner table, but after seeing you two publicly argue over Prop 8, where else would a political nerd want to be? And it’s not like I have any plans (except for Chinese food and a lot of rented films).

Newt, you went on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox show (why does the O’Reilly think yelling is a replacement for nuanced debating?) and threw out this line about gay folk protesting the Prop 8 vote.

“I think there is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, is prepared to use harassment.”

Newt?! Brother?! Gay secular fascism?! Why didn’t you add  that the gays want to take away people’s guns and sleep with their sons. This is rather sloppy thinking for a guy who is smart. That  fascism charge is tired. Everybody uses it! Jeez man it was thrown your way back in the day.

Ahhh, but sister girl Candace was not going to let this pass. Good for you. In a Huffington Post essay, you asked this delightful question to your older brother:

“You belittle the relationships of gay and lesbian couples, and yet somehow neglect to explain who anointed you the protector of ‘traditional’ marriage.”

Good question, Candace. And I want to be there when he tries to answer it. I’ll bring some dessert from Billy’s. Strawberry cheesecake okay?

Drop me a note and let me know when dinner will be served. Be well.

Sincerely,

James