Subscribe to Breaking NewsWithers: Homophobia is caused by homophobes not homosexuals
Anyone read Their Eyes Were Watching God ? My favorite character is Mrs. Turner! She’s a crazy one and if I had enough queer studies under my belt, I would say she is sort of sweet on Janie, the protagonist. Mrs. Turner hates blacks who are dark skinned and has convinced herself the race problem in America would be solved if there were only paper bag or lighter blacks like her and Janie.
All minority groups have their Mrs. Turners. People who think bigotry and oppression wouldn’t exist if the “darkies” of their tribe either were no more or at very least toned it down. If I had a dime for every time I heard some gay man drone how effeminate men, drag queens, circuit boys, bears, daddies, lesbians, muscle heads, and/or gay Republicans made it so hard for him to live his life as a regal proud queen, some young pretty thing in shorts would be serving me breakfast. In bed. In a home. On beach front property. That was mine. Did I mention he would be pretty?
Usually the “darky complaint” comes about every Pride, when people get all exercised about some 45 year old man of blubber parading in ass-less chaps (I look good in my chaps thank you very much and will not allow your body fascism to impact me*). Yesterday our site was chock full of this tiff, here and here. Getting upset that the cast of a Broadway play is going to join gays and lesbians in a freedom march is churlish. Is there anything more middle American than the Great White Way?
No need to trod over old ground, but I hope if we have this conversation we stay away from the hysterics of Mrs. Turner. You want to be put out by Dykes on Bikes? Go at it but it’s a leap to go from there to the assumption that gay marriage isn’t the law of the land because some lesbian loves a Harley. The young middle school kid being bullied right now is not being taunted due to some leather daddy and his apprentice walking in a pride parade. Homophobia exists because straights disdain gays and lesbians. And that hatred is for everyone from effeminate men, drag queens, circuit boys, bears, daddies, lesbians, muscle heads, gay Republicans, AND the regal queen clutching those pearls because he might be associated with “those freaks.” Yeah Mr. Mutchnick: I’m calling you out!
We are not required to like everyone in our tribe but our oppression is not because some in our club won’t act right. A straight black man said it best:
“The final insult to oppressed people, is always to make them responsible for the venal stupidity of their oppressors.”
*I have way too many body issues to be marching my fat self in ass-less chaps, in public or private. I apologize for all who had the image in their heads.
Ya, I’m sorry I suck so bad.
Good article. I’ve heard the “tone it down” crap a lot myself. If you don’t hear complaints about being too effeminate, then its “too political” if you dare to stand for your rights. Another one of their favorites is that we gay men, “only talk about gay stuff” as in talking about hot guys of laws that affect our lives. Nevermind that straight guys talk about hot chicks about every 3rd word and no one notices.
Thank you! I like to remember not everyone is going to like me. I am not the poster boy of the gay community, therefore it isn’t my position to approve or deny anyone else the right to express themselves. Our enemies will find something to dislike/hate something about everyone. We take away their oxygen in someway or another.
Withers…. Perhaps you could march in the Jounalists in Hoodies segment of the parade!
Thank you very much for writing this. I went over to those pages and read some of the comments and it makes my blood boil. “Freaks” are not unique to our little subculture. People who don’t fit the social norm exist everywhere, and it just so happens that to come out as gay you have to tackle the whole “being willing to accept yourself even though you aren’t normal” thing at least a little bit, so people in our community are more willing to let out the other deep dark hidden bits of themselves because they’ve already done it once. My experience has been that results in much healthier, happier, saner human beings.
To all those “normal” (I shudder to think) queers, oh I’m sorry queer is probably not normative enough for them. . . socially acceptable parts of the alphabet soup individuals. I respect your right to be a leave it to beaver clone. I respect your right to not go to Pride, to live behind a white picket fence, and adopt 2.4378612 children. I don’t want to know how exactly you saw that last one in half without killing them, and it’s honestly none of my concern if the police don’t care. Can you please please PLEASE respect my right to be an herb growing, granola eating hippie/reformed goth/leather man, and respect the right of the nelly queen to strut her stuff any way she sees fit as long as it isn’t forcibly in the face of others, and try DESPERATELY to understand that if people who don’t fit the mold are “keeping us from reaching our goals”, then all that means is our goals haven’t been met.
Our goals for freedom will not have been met until society allows us to live our lives however we see fit. If that involves things that make others uncomfortable then it is reasonable to ask us to create safe separate spaces to partake in certain activities. But you know what, Pride parades happen in cordoned off hunks of street, and leather events happen in closed reserved hotels, and drag pagents happen in bars, and sometimes ticketed auditoriums. All spaces that you have to CHOOSE to enter. This isn’t the argument about cruising in family parks, this is an argument about our right to live our lives as we see fit in spaces that are reasonable for us to live those lives in. No one is forcing you to wear the Tiara and chaps, so get over it.
On a lighter note. Journalists in hoodies would be awesome.
Great link to Mutchnick’s article. I can’t believe he’s totally missed the point of pride. It’s isn’t about one person speaking for the whole community, it’s about accepting everyone in our community for their differences and banding together to help everyone. I bet he could have found someone that reflects his ideas in that parade, but he was too quick to dismiss them all as leather daddies and twinks.
Very well stated Victor!
Thank you for this.
I’m frequently shocked and disappointed that more “mainstream” members of the GLBT community (I’m not even sure I should put the T, since clearly trans people are part of the embarrassing fringe that they’d rather not be associated with) seem so willing to throw those community members who can’t or won’t pass (for “normal,” if not straight) under the bus, in exchange for their place at a table of people “just like us.”
Our community says over and over that what we do in the privacy of our homes is “nobody’s business” and demands that America “stay out of our bedrooms.” Yet, every year we drag all our kinky sexual fetishes through every Main Street in the country for all to see. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see why many LGBT people have a huge problem with this hypocrisy.
Well said.
It is similar to the conservative straight perception of gay men and promiscuity. On the one hand, deride gay men for being promiscuous. On the other hand, tell gay men their committed relationships won’t be recognized anyway. Damned if you do; damned if you don’t.
Classic Catch 22.
Actually Victor, you summed up my views quite nicely. Here’s to another Fabulous & Outrageous Pride parade next year!!! Hopefully it will be as celebratory and provocative as it can be!
Our community has more often than not been the welcoming community – whether gay, straight, bi, trans, straight and wanting to wear a dog collar instead of a shirt and tie, gay and dreaming of wearing a rainbow speedo while parading on a main thoroughfare in a big city in front of thousands, a lesbian and not wearing too much of anything whilst riding on a motorbike, and everyone else within or outside of that spectrum…we’re kind of like the statue of liberty with the “bring us your downtrodden, your freaks, your disaffected” we will welcome and cherish them. To allow self-hating homophobes and homosexuals to change that acceptance would change the core of our community. There are people commenting elsewhere that, in essence, we should change the parade or displays to hide ourselves and especially those who act or dress differently than ourselves to blend. And that is change I will never again believe in.
I think there may be something else going on here. People tend to get more conservative as they get older, and now more and more gay men are living into midlife. Simply put, they are not automatically dying of AIDS anymore. And, they are getting tired of getting absolutely no respect from the “community” as it exists. It seemed as I read both articles that the biggest complaint seemed to be the existence of gay men over 40. Or, over 40 and fat. That seems to be the biggest crime committed in urban gay centers. I guess if MLK existed today and he wanted to lead the gay rights movement, he would be shunned because he didn’t look like Denzel Washington. I guess what I’m saying is that this may be more of a youth and looks issue rather than owning a Harley or how anyone lives their life. Just a thought.
Bravo! to the outrageous and provocative! Cheers to those who choose to lead their sex lives as they see fit! A high-five to non-conformists who leave the turning on of ovens to those obsessed with “fitting in” (a fools errand at best). I salute those who have the courage and conviction to be and express themselves as they truly are!